Tom Hammond, Move Over: It's Freekbass Time
Excited To See You Tom Hammond is no longer the most terrifying Notre Dame-related thing on the internet. I know this is hard to comprehend.
But never has a school been so ably summarized in four emasculating minutes:
You have to watch it. It will be the most conflicted four minutes of your life. It will be so horrible, but it will be awesome because it will be more horrible for the people this abortion ironically purports to represent. That guy redefining maximum levels of whiteness goes by "Freekbass," by the way, and has won an award. It is a sexy lamp sort of award, but it's an award. Soon he will have another award.
Explains the last 20 years, doesn't it? The people in charge of Notre Dame thought this was a good idea. They got poor Brian Kelly to show up in this thing. They deployed the school's cheerleaders as a hearty midwestern dance backdrop. They spent a lot of money and time to aim very carefully at their own testicles with a shotgun and pulled the trigger on their official youtube channel.
Of course they hired Bob Davie, George O'Leary, Ty Willingham, and Charlie Weis. Maybe they will end up in the Big Ten after all.
UPDATE: Reader Nick Gorski provides the perfect comparison: this is the exact opposite of Hockeybear blowing up Earth.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:21 AM ^
I watched on the MGoBoard and will not subject myself to that again. Awful.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:24 AM ^
They've disabled comments on the Youtube link. Probably to spare themselves of the public shaming that was sure to ensue.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:20 PM ^
That was their only good decision in any area related to that video. I wish I could un-see it, but it would be too much fun to see that on the video board before the game. "Fans, please direct your attention to the video board for an introduction of tonight's opponent, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish!" Now that would be absolutely CLASSIC. Has an NCAA football game ever been cancelled for something like this?
April 30th, 2010 at 11:32 AM ^
of quitting smoking and am considering stabbing every one.
This, however, made my day. Breathe easier, friends and collegaues.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:35 AM ^
Just chew. That's what I did. You can be an athlete, have just as much fun in bars and get hit on by just as many women as usual.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:51 AM ^
It makes me want to take up smoking...again after having quit many years ago, hideous.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:33 AM ^
May it echo off the Word of Life for eternity.
Like Ab Ripper X - I hate it, but I love it.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:36 AM ^
..."Hey! Hey! Hockeytown!"
April 30th, 2010 at 11:38 AM ^
What the hell was that? Freekbass? I was going into this ready to trash this video by spitting hot fire and flaming criticism. But now that I've watched it I think I will let it stand for itself.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:38 AM ^
WOW that is embarrassing. I'm sending to all of my ND friends immediately.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:41 PM ^
Someone should send it to all the incoming ND recruits. Should be good for at least a decommit or two...
For me, the most interesting thing was the lack of people of color in the video. Aside from athletes, I think I counted 4 african americans over the 4 minutes. ND isn't racist is it? Watch the video again. It's a sea of white folks.
I had no idea that Notre Dame was so pale. How the hell did someone with a name like Raghib Ismail ever end up there in the first place?...and why did he have to score so many touchdowns against us?
African Americans were smart enough to not be portrayed in this monstrosity
Maybe we should send it to Brian Kelly while we're at it... maybe he'll resign in shame when he sees his cameo.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:42 AM ^
Did Brian Kelly bring this guy with him from Cinncinnati? Check this out:
April 30th, 2010 at 12:38 PM ^
If Kelly's behind this video, it instantly justifies the hire for all eternity.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:41 AM ^
This is like the ND version of 2 girls, 1 cup. I have heard how bad it is, I can imagine how bad it is, I don't really think I want to know how bad it is.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:44 AM ^
Love the rap at 1:45. Anticon needs these guys
April 30th, 2010 at 12:40 PM ^
guy that poorly lip-synchs next to him? He looks like an oversized, over-stuffed leprechaun in a hideous green Sgt. Pepper-era coat. Don't get me wrong, those coats looked appropriate on the Beatles - not him.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:44 AM ^
and I've seen some nasty, foul, disgusting and perverse things on the internet.
Oh god, I can't get it out of my head!
April 30th, 2010 at 11:45 AM ^
This song sounds like something out of the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
That's what I was thinking!
April 30th, 2010 at 11:55 AM ^
I need a shower having watched that.... Can't wait for Irish's take....
Ugh....
In who's head is this a good idea? I'd love to have seen that meeting... who says "ya know what would be great? an ND music video!" then who says "Eureka! Let's do it!" Then who sees that final edit and goes "Notre Dame is this much better for this existing!"
April 30th, 2010 at 11:46 AM ^
It is the most exquisitely, perfectly bad video in the history of video.
Since the Chinese tv reenactment of Tiger Woods driving his Escalade into a tree has no musical soundtrack, "We Are Notre Dame" takes over as the world's Number One worst video.
You can't plan something this bad. Hard work alone doesn't produce this kind of feebleness. This is magic. Only the Notre Dame mystique could induce vomiting this way. Thank you Holy Mary, Mother of God.
I checked the timer, and for me the moment that I moved beyond "What the Fuck" and into a kind of alternative-reality acceptance of things as they are, was at 1:37. I don't know why. It is just another mystery of our universe. Quite possibly the greatest mystery of our universe.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:02 PM ^
I thought the Tiger Woods video was up there with the UAF video. But yeah, this is pretty bad...
This is the best response to this video. I wouldn't change a word.
That freekbass.com site sucks. He could make it much better if he checked out a good website like string-emil, (WARNING) http://www.string-emil.de/ (WARNING: you do not want to check out the string-emil website, I'm only posting it in case Freebass happens to read this thread.)
April 30th, 2010 at 11:49 AM ^
Done.
If Michigan ever makes a video like this I may kill myself.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:51 AM ^
First of all, for a guy calling himself "freakbass" he might want to try actually playing the bass for more than 20 seconds of a 4-minute video. (4 minutes of my life I want back)
Second of all, it is a stretch to call this rap or hip-hop or anything urban, but I found it funny that there are no black people in this video. I'm now completely convinced that the only minorities at Notre Dame play on their athletic teams after watching this video.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:52 AM ^
They've already lost in so many ways.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:53 AM ^
as in the fish or a Freakbass as in a bass guitar, damn I hope it is the former.
I love how he encourages ND Fans to "say it proud," there is nothing proud about that video.
When I saw it I thought of the fish, not the guitar.
His name fits with this song better if it rhymes with ass.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:56 AM ^
in the hell is...IRISH!
April 30th, 2010 at 12:19 PM ^
I think we'll have to organize a seance if we want to hear from him again.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:29 PM ^
running his ND fan club cards through the shredder.
April 30th, 2010 at 11:59 AM ^
Contact Dave Brandon. They need to play this video on the Michigan Stadium scoreboard immediately before the 2011 game.
September 10, 2011. 7:55 pm.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:02 PM ^
Tom Hammond is worse. Unlike the music video, I can't just not hit play on Tom Hammond. If that image is on the page, it's on the page, staring into my soul. If we can just have the music video instead of Hammond, I will be a happy person.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:06 PM ^
for my eyes, plz. Kthnx.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:06 PM ^
1) This is a bad cross between Big & Rich and the Village People.
2) They must not want any black students to come to Notre Dame.
I love my wife.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:27 PM ^
that video to convince her of #2?
April 30th, 2010 at 12:10 PM ^
I'm e-amiling Mike & Mike at ESPN right now.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:44 PM ^
And what sort of compelling video the average NutriSystem infomercial is, compared to Freekbass.
Should ask ESPN to write a cease and desist order to keep that video under wraps. If I were Greenie, I'd never - EVER - let him hear (or see) the end of it.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:13 PM ^
Is pure 100% genius.
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