OT - Calling MgoDads!
My wife is scheduled to be induced on Tuesday at Genesys Hospital in Grand Blanc. It is our first child (a girl) and we are both super excited and super freaked out. Honestly, even being in the delivery room is freaking me out as I'm a bit of a wuss with the blood and guts..
To all of you fathers out there - give me your best advice / tips for a first time father.
Don't get a goddamn minivan! Get an SUV. There is no reason you need a minivan. PLEASE PUT AN END TO MINIVANS
March 30th, 2017 at 11:30 AM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:16 PM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:19 PM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:22 PM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:32 PM ^
The doctors had a cloth cover that blocked the show on our first daughter. The most important thing is to stay calm and comfort your wife because her anxiety will be much more than what you feel. I sat in a chair next to her head and held her hand the whole time because she was shaking uncontrollably, both from the procedure and just being cold. Nothing in the world will bother you when the nurse hands your daughter to you for the first time. Congratulations.
March 29th, 2017 at 11:34 PM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:41 PM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:45 PM ^
As my brother told me, you will want to think you are the funniest guy in the room, but the nurse does not really think you are funny. Knock it off.
Seriously, cogratulations, sir! It's a wild ride, but you will enjoy, no doubt about it.
March 29th, 2017 at 11:48 PM ^
Best advice. Bring extra socks for yourself. Extra warm ones. Your feet will for sure be cold as hell. Someone told me this beforehand. So helpful.
Make sure carseat is installed today. Also make sure it's done right. Where I live some police and fire stations will inspect for you. Look up to see if that's a thing.
Before you go to the hospital (so like today cause who knows if baby comes early) get a small basket the size of like two shoeboxes. Put everything you'd need for a baby diaper change in it: diapers, cream, extra set of clothes, towels, wipes, etc. You will always keep this full to immediatly be able to change diapers and not have to look for every thing on the list. When there is screaming and poop you don't want to have to look for 4 things scattered about the living room to fix the screaming and poop. You want 1 thing and you want to know where it is and be able to grab it with one hand.
If you're using disposable diapers, still buy dozen or so cloth. They're better than pretty much everything for wiping things up.
If using disposable: sample lots of different kinds of diapers: you'll find one or two tend to work best for your daughter. Some may cause rashes. Some may leak not cause they're bad, but cause of your kid's shape. Some may annoy you for whatever reason. Figure out what kind works best before stocking up.
March 29th, 2017 at 11:48 PM ^
"I hope you're smarter than me and it doesn't take you 4 more to figure out how this is happening."
(Being the 4th that stung a bit)
March 29th, 2017 at 11:50 PM ^
March 29th, 2017 at 11:54 PM ^
That's the biggest thing. You anticipate it will be scary, but in reality that goes away when you're in the moment. Plus, YOU'RE not the one putting in the hard work and sacrifice, so support your wife, get her whatever she needs and man up. This is a lot more scary for her, so you need to be a rock for her. Good luck and congrats!
March 29th, 2017 at 11:56 PM ^
parent even while you know you should savor it as a most important part of your life. Really like the way you describe already being excited. Kids grow up so fast. By high school, they have to be increasingly independent, and busy with school work and their extraciricular activities. You sound like you will be a very caring dad, and a terrific one. Good luck and warmest congratulations.
March 30th, 2017 at 12:20 AM ^
March 30th, 2017 at 12:24 AM ^
March 30th, 2017 at 12:34 AM ^
I have only one child, he's 19 now. He was born 7 weeks early, but by the grace of God he was healthy and all organs were developed. He was born 5 lbs, 1oz. and 21 inches long. He's 6'4" and 300 (too much sitting around playing video games).
The best advice I can give you - teach them right from wrong, good from bad and to always make good choices. If you say it enough it actually sticks.
I have always told my son, my dad's best advice - Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to remember anything. Teach your kids to look people in the eye when talking to others. This crap of younger people always looking away when they talk or are talked to is so annoying.
Most of all, tell them every day you love them and how proud you are of them. You can't say it enough.
March 30th, 2017 at 12:39 AM ^
This is advice for a little bit later:
There is a golden period from when your child sleeps through the night until she is mobile that you need to take advantege of.
At first your baby won't sleep through the night and will wake up and cry to be fed every couple of hours. You will be sleep deprived and hate the entire planet.
But once your baby sleeps mostly through the night and you catch up on sleep, you are in a golden period. Your baby is not mobile yet, so you can take her everywhere . . . and she'll stay where you put her.
We used to take my son everywhere in his car seat We would eat in a fancy restaurant and just put the car seat on the table. As long as he was fed, he would just look around or sleep.
One New Year's Eve we went out with a bunch of people and just put him on the table with us. He was like a brick . . . he just stayed there.
You need to take advantage of this time and go out and do things.
Because once your daughter can crawl and walk, it's all over. She'll want to get into everything until you physically stop her. Then she will wail and scream because you stopped her.
At this point it's a pain in the ass to go anywhere. You are constantly playing defense. Every time you go out it's a logistical Normandy Invasion.
This will last for a few years until your child is old enough to obey some simple rules and not hurt themselves if left unattended.
So take advantage of that golden period between infant and toddler when you can.
March 30th, 2017 at 10:46 AM ^
This is good advice. The Normandy Invasion period is compounded if/when you have more children, as well. You'll have a window of a few months where the impact will be lower, it's worth using.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:24 AM ^
March 30th, 2017 at 11:34 AM ^
we raise cattle, but we (all of us parents) train children. there should be very little screaming when you turn your little one around to head back to where you are all sitting/eating, etc. if it persists, then do some training at home and the problem is solved quickly and without any crying, wailing and gnashing of teeth.
March 30th, 2017 at 12:10 PM ^
I remember vividly the night where going to fancy restaurants became no longer possible, it wasn't pretty.
and may be a bit misshapen if the birth is a bit difficult, as our daughter's was. When she emerged, I swear to God her noggin was shaped like E.T.'s—long and narrow. I flipped out thinking that her brain must have been irreparably damaged, but the nurses said not to worry, her head will quickly "round up."
They were right—before too long, it was basically normal looking, and her brain was fine, too.
Also important rule:
When baby is sleeping.... you should be as well.
If you have a birth plan, that's great, try to stick to it. But if things go a little sideways, just remember you're not there to execute the perfect birth plan. You're there to get the baby out, and this is usually not particularly easy.
Make sure your wife eats at the latest possible time before you check in to get induced. They probably won't let her eat until after the baby is born, and that could be 18 hours.
If you can, bring family that you both love and trust (wife's mom, sister, etc). It can get somewhat alarming, and having calming influences outside just the two of you may help.
If you have a birth/breast feeding/child rearing book by some Dutch person with very strong opinions, take what you want or what you can, and ignore everything else. Books can help you scratch the surface of this new reality, but YOU are everything. Be loving, be present, be aware, and be practical.
You will at some point be so tired you'll want to die. Survive.
Everything that has already been said already BUT......
One shocking piece of news for you.
Remember all the single, married and pregancy stuff, THAT was the good (easy) times!
The rest of everything that is about to come will change your life, for the rest of your life, in so many ways it's impossible to list them.
You will long for the past, forget it and look to the future.
Because what you have done (bring a new life into this world) is FOREVER.
But keep up the hope, one day if your are lucky, you will have grandchildren. Then you will understand why you are alive.
stay north of the border...nothing will erase what you see south of the mason-dixon line...
If you do catch a glimpse, just know that she heals.
It may never be quite the same, but eventually it'll be ok again.
...to the rest of your life! It's going to be like nothing else you ever experienced. It's awesome. Congratulations!
Last night I posted a joke about getting the operating manual, a joke based on the shock of getting home that first night and realizing, despite being really good with kids generally, we didn't have a clue. It turns out we knew more than we thought, and so will you.
I'm posting again because I notice you asked for advice, and MGoDads offered advice, but I missed a crucial point and I don't see anyone else offering it either.
Ask your wife what she wants.
Your job as a parent will be limited for a while (most likely). Take care of your wife. She will be going through awesome and difficult things. Be patient and I can't say this enough, take great care of her and her needs.
Lots of good advice already that I'd echo. One other suggestion: Make a date for just you and Mom no more than six weeks after the birth (I recommend four weeks). If you have family close, or good friends who you trust to watch the baby for a couple of hours, ask them to do so, especially right after they've said "let us know if there's anything we can do to help." Getting just a little time is important, less so for a break from the baby, but more so to remind yourselves why you married each other in the first place.
My wife and I had no problem going out with our babies (we took our first-born to a minor league baseball game when he was a week old, wrapped up like an over-stuffed burrito), but getting time to ourselves, even just to get a quick bite to eat and stop at the grocery store, made a huge difference for us.
All I can say is, get ready for a fun, harrowing, and rewarding roller coaster ride in the coming years.
As an MGoDoc who has delivered hundreds of babies, I have to echo Blukon Cornelius above. If something pops into your head which seems funny, believe me, it's only funny to you. The nurses and docs have heard every lame version of that joke before, and your wife won't be in the mood. Keep it to yourself.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:19 AM ^
For dads, love is actually spelled T-I-M-E.
If you stay up near your wife's head and focus on her (look her in the eyes a lot), you won't really see anything. Only thing I saw was my daughter's head after she was half out. And whatever was on her didn't gross me out (didn't even see it; all I could see was her).
As for the delivery day itself - just be there for her and do whatever she wants. Buying a gift is a good idea (honestly this made no sense to me but for a few bucks it makes her happy). Don't check your phone or ask if you can turn the TV on or anything like that. Induced labor can still take a while - for us it took six hours! - so be ready for a long haul.
As for being a dad over the long haul, it's all about the hustle and the effort. It's kind of like defense in basketball. If you're willing to play as a team and put in the effort and the hustle, you'll usually be ok, even if you're not the #1 natural athlete on the floor. Hustle and effort count a lot for kids (and anyone, I suppose). Just show them that they're the most important thing in your life.
Be prepared for the absolute physical response you will have to the kid's needs. It's not just that you hear a baby crying and you want to make sure it's OK, you feel an overwhelming urgency to make sure the kid isn't being consumed by wolves.
Also, be prepared for some crazy stuff to pass through your head at 2 AM. I remember hearing a branch brush a window leading to my imagining how to kill multiple intruders to protect my son.
But the main thing I wish I would have been warned about: babies poop in the tub. It's not quite as much of a problem until they get bigger, but there is nothing more disgusting that giving a baby a bath and realizing you have your hands and your kid sitting in shit soup. It leads to a whole rigamarole where you have to take your son out, clean yourself, clean the tub, then re-bathe your son.