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As long as the Bears pay…

As long as the Bears pay Caleb enough to buy lots of nail paint to write words on his fingernails, he’ll be just fine. 

Let me know when you lose…

Let me know when you lose someone close to you because some fucker couldn’t call Uber and I’m almost certain you’ll feel differently.

I don’t think Nick Offerman,…

I don’t think Nick Offerman, Justin Bieber or Morgan Freeman are all that interested in coaching Michigan basketball.

I am truly amazed no one has…

I am truly amazed no one has started a Justin Feagin thread after the last 10 threads.

There is no room to…

There is no room to celebrate; only massive work to be done.

Take Warde and Juwan both…

Take Warde and Juwan both into a room at Schembechler hall where the floor is actually a catapult. Hit the button that fires them both into the sun. Announce that mistakes were made. Move on. Profit.

Rumor has it that if Dug…

Rumor has it that if Dug fouls out tonight that all 16 people watching this on Peacock get a free cheese roll up from Taco Bell.

If Juwan sees the Michigan…

If Juwan sees the Michigan basketball sideline again after this game, then the definition of NIL to me will be the amount I plan to donate to fund this clown show.

“Yeah it’s over now.”

-…

“Yeah it’s over now.”

- Alice in Chains

Here’s a positive spin: with…

Here’s a positive spin: with each passing minute, the nightmare draws closer to it’s end. 

WWE seems to be returning a…

WWE seems to be returning a bit to the old days. L.A. Knight is part Rock and part Stone Cold on the microphone.

I’ll still take George “The Animal” Steele eating turnbuckles any day of the week though.

I caught you a delicious…

I caught you a delicious bass.

He’s ass, my dude.

He’s ass, my dude.

Not a great showing, but…

Not a great showing, but also another total ref shit show. Please tell me again the benefits of belonging to this conference….

I believe the word for this…

I believe the word for this team is “shart”.

You go into it expecting something possibly gross, but it winds up far worse than you could have imagined.

This is our last hope….for…

This is our last hope….for the 13 seed.

Barner on the Lions would be…

Barner on the Lions would be a terrific fit.

Ted Kaczynski. Had such…

Ted Kaczynski. Had such potential while a student at U of M, but completely bombed after he graduated.

Drew Sharp is alive?

Drew Sharp is alive?

Pretty sure Petitti has sent…

Pretty sure Petitti has sent Home Depot gift cards to Nigerian Princes several times in his life.

There’s a bunch of guys…

There’s a bunch of guys warming up for a game standing around on a court and playing H-O-R-S-E right now on TV if you’re interested.

Wait, that’s the All-Star game?? Ugh….

…opinions and wit.

And a…

…opinions and wit.

And a whole lot of situations where people call in!!

My high school basketball…

My high school basketball team played Dearborn Heights Robichaud in 1990 with Tyrone Wheatley on their team. I remember being down like 40 points at the half. We’re all sitting in the locker room silent. The coach speaks up after about 2 minutes of silence, and all he said was “whatever you do, don’t let them score 100”, and then promptly left the locker room. They got to around 90 and we started playing four corners.

They didn’t hit 100. That was our victory. I’m thinking that was Michigan’s only victory tonight. The saddest victory of them all.

“This is stupid.”

- Butthead

“This is stupid.”

- Butthead

As a Chargers fan, 5. As a…

As a Chargers fan, 5. As a conflicted Michigan fan, also 5. Go Blue. Go Bolts.

Blitz the Swifties.

Blitz the Swifties.

Well done, Jake.

Well done, Jake.

This is going to come down…

This is going to come down to Moody for all the tea in China.

The power of Ferentz.

The power of Ferentz.

I want a refund because all…

I want a refund because all of the betting sites posted the wrong game to bet on.

They never mentioned the Panthers and Chargers were playing tonight.

First half - ass

Halftime…

First half - ass

Halftime show - meh

Commercials - boring

Second half - trending toward ass

So far the most exciting thing that happened today was the PGA playoff. Not the day I was expecting.

To be fair, her name is…

To be fair, her name is Ashley and she only works here on the weekends, apparently. Sounds like she’s got a good weekday job. She’s cool- we’re just giving each other shit.

Aubree’s- right now…

Aubree’s- right now. Upstairs. Stop by the bar and say hi. I’m in full Michigan gear.

I am currently at a bar in…

I am currently at a bar in Depot Town in Ypsi, and I asked the lady behind the bar to change the channel off of this game. She told me that she was a Spartan grad and was quite enjoying this.

I responded by saying that since she was a Spartan grad, I will now tell you how I like my burger cooked. There is a 100% chance this burger is going to have poo in it.

I can truthfully say:

Stop,…

I can truthfully say:

Stop, stop…we’re already dead.

Dodgeball? Competitive…

Dodgeball? Competitive Skydiving? Rochambeau?

 

The hell was that?

The hell was that?

…and there’s no one out else…

…and there’s no one else out there with NFL experience to fill that void, apparently.

This is starting to remind…

This is starting to remind me of when Steve Spurrier went to the Redskins and brought his college staff and a lot of old players along for the ride. I wish Harbaugh and the guys he’s bringing aboard well, but Spurrier’s results were poo.

Rearrange the letters in his…

Rearrange the letters in his name and you get Baiting Lair. Gross.

My daughter scored 8 points…

My daughter scored 8 points in the first half of her middle school game yesterday. And that was in 12 minutes of game time. I’m driving her down to Crisler now so she can instruct the coaches on what making a basket looks like.

I would rather pack my…

I would rather pack my rectum full of M-80’s and squat over a flaming hibachi than watch tonight’s game. (Credit to The Man Show)

Reynolds dropped passes…

Reynolds dropped passes. Gibbs fumbled. Both of those are true and shifted momentum. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why Campbell sat down at the blackjack table and decided to hit on 20 every freaking time in the second half. Your Lions should be in the Super Bowl. Period.

Tonight is an example of why…

Tonight is an example of why I have lived my entire life in Michigan and I am a longtime Chargers fan. 

Do not pass Go. Do not…

Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Because he couldn’t go for…

Because he couldn’t go for three, I guess.

Great touchdown, but timeout…

Great touchdown, but timeout wasted. How many stupid things can be done in one game?

Welp. Back to staring at my…

Welp. Back to staring at my micropenis.

Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why?

It’s so irritating.

It’s so irritating.