OT - How/When Did You Know Your Spouse was 'The One'?
Mates,
Lets try a more positive thread, hopefully something interesting too. I note that the MgoSpouses take some fairly regular heat on the blog. But at some point in the past you made the decision that he/she was 'The One', the wife or husband that you decided to plan the rest of your life with. So do tell, what character traits, common interests, anecdotal stories, adventures (G rated), moments in time, whatever it was that caused you to pop the question or say 'yes' to the question?
This could be answered by those with significant others and the engaged Mgobloggers too, if they care to share.
Hope you are enjoying your Saturday. I will note it is snowing here.
XM
We said goodbye at the airport. She was heading back to the States. I was heading to the UK to finish a work trip the next night. So I was "stuck" in Bangkok by myself. And it struck me later that night that I missed her.
Until then, we had been co-workers and good friends (with excellent benefits!). Both had been married before and one of us (me) had gone through a period hell bent on (quite successfully) making up for getting married at 19.
Sitting alone in the Big Mango with no interest in having "one for the road" was my moment of truth. The fact that I could share this with her tells you how well she knew/knows me!
PS - We still go to Thailand every year. But we rarely spend any time in Bangkok - just in case there's a tall Thai kid(s) running around with blue eyes! (I kid!I kid!)
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She also stayed out all night for football season tickets and had her own hockey tickets! Met as juniors in 1971. Now married 40 years this fall. But, she does not go to any games with me now. Bait and switch??
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I kid.
Obviously my wife does not read this blog.
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I thought this place was one of those "intelligent" blogs for discussion of sports?
It turns out it's just another place for lonely boring fuckers to post there EMO feelings.
For fucks sake--Americans are co-dependent as hell. THAT'S WHY WE MARRY.
For instance, we USUALLY get divorced, and not just once. Our kids are usually fuck ups we brag about to make ourselves feel better.
Guys never want to marry--they just think they're getting sex for the rest of their lives.
You'll both get fat and bored with each other, then fuck around.
It's been that way forever, and will continue to be that way forever.
Now stop posting your dumbass OT threads and calling people "mates" what the fuck?
yes?
We'd already been engaged for a year, but this was the first football game I'd taken her to.
She wasn't really a sports fan, and had the habit of asking how many touchdowns the Tigers scored against the Yankees, but still—this was Michigan and Ohio State.
The 9-1 and #4 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes invade Michigan Stadium to play the 9-1 and #5 ranked Michigan Wolverines in another titanic clash between Bo Schembechler and Woody. The winner captures the Big Ten championship and a trip to the Rose Bowl. Michigan was ranked #1 in the country for four weeks during the season, with the only blemish a shocking upset loss at Minnesota in October.
Ann Arbor was in a veritable frenzy in the days leading up to the game, and the atmosphere was crackling with tension and drama as we entered the stadium on game day. The game was a tight, low-scoring affair dominated by defense, and the outcome was not settled until the waning minutes.
That didn't matter to her—she was so thoroughly bored by the whole affair that late in the second quarter she pulled a book out of her coat pocket and started reading, and only occasionally looked at the heroic events taking place on the field. She didn't bug me to leave or stop cheering, either—she just did what she wanted to do.
If she's bored, she isn't going to sit and whine—she's smart, independent, self-sufficient, and takes care of things herself. It'll be 37 years this August.
From the minute I saw her walk in the door to a party. I dropped the beer in my hand and told the guy next to me: "See that girl, I'm going to marry her someday." He laughed in my face and said I had no chance.....took a while to convince her I had the right idea but we've been married close to 15 years now.
'The One' ... or rather how many of you have been divorced at least once?!
When I farted and she didn't flinch.
Met Mrs. Circle K in a class at Michigan. She says she knew right away. I believe her but I still sometimes think uh....really? I did not know right away. I was careless and immature, she was too much under Momma and Daddy's thumb. We broke up when I moved to Alaska for a job. Six years later and much water under the bridge we reconnected....under some really horrible circumstances actually. But I was no longer careless and immature (well maybe still a little immature), and she had grown into being her own person. I still didn't know she was "the one". My beliefs say God helped us get it right....what that means is when the little blue "+" sign popped up we made it official. I know that sounds kinda "oh shit" horrible... I did say "oh shit" and I did feel horrible.... but really I was just a special kind of idiot when it came to marriage type commitments....needed the boot in the ass I guess. We've been married 9 years now and there are no words that can adequately express how thankful I am for her. I would not change or trade one second of it. In 50 years when I'm getting ready to move off this mortal coil I know I'll still feel the same.
Just broke up with my longtime girlfriend. I hate this thread.
Having done this also semi-recently, I learned to avoid stuff like this thread.
You're only torturing yourself by reading it. Go read something else that will expand your knowledge base (some stuff on this site would qualify).
Give it time, that's the only thing that will help you heal and move on, IMO
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When I looked down her shirt?
When she gave me the shock sign.
...when she first put on a maize and blue sweatshirt, and looked good in it!
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Hello? Check Check 1 2
I never knew, but after 20+ years of marriage, I still don't know. Not a big help I know but, I do know I will never marry again. Not divorced yet but I think I see it coming. And that is us at the golf course tail gateing. (photo)
but it wasn't a case of oneitis that prevented me from never marrying again. It's been 20 years and no one has even made me want to commit to them for a month like I did to her for 20. Like you, chances are it won't happen for me again, but I know that for 20 years I had something most people won't find for a year. Almost completely opposite as to interests, our differences seemed to complement each other perfectly. Both of us were extremely interested in the things that make a family great but only 50%. What was so great the 50% I didn't enjoy were the 1/2 she did and vice versa so our son was exposed to and shown all the things that are important for families to flourish, and in an unplanned fashion, the need not to smother one another to ensure that happiness would continue. Today, at 36 he's the perfect composite of her and I, and unless he's a great actior he shows only the best of both of us.
It's not a good thing.
Disney movies and American culture are rife with it, so it is not surprising, but I think it should be avoided.
First, there are lots of women (or men) out there that are compatible with you for long-term relationships. Never forget that. And it's actually a good thing that your future spouse understands that truth too.
Second, my experience is that spouses who know you have Oneitis about them quickly lose respect for you, feel smothered and start to resent you.
Third, people change over time. Some marriages succeed, others fail. We don't always grow together. Lots of people (men and women) take that failure very hard and personally. While it is sad that some marriages must end, and the collateral damage can be even worse, most people come out the other side OK and maybe even happier.
Fourth, lacking "The One" ideology plus committing to an LTR is actually a profound move, and demonstrates the real value of your love, committment and adoration for your future spouse because you really are "foresaking all others". And so is she.
I don't know. Get married, commit to responsibility, raise a family, and have a great life. Love her like crazy. But lose the Oneitis. It will only serve you well if you do.
This could be one of the most well thought out and well written pieces of bullshit I have ever read on this site.
You misconstrue the OP's defiinition of "The One." They didn't advance a Pollyana-esque, whimsical version of "The One," that you objected to, but rather asked essentially when does a person have enough evidence from which to make the choice to label their current relationship as "The One" deserving of their committment. I agree that "The One" kind of thinking, as you use the term can be a negative--but only to the extent that it acts as an obstacle to a person committing to a long term, monogamous relationship out of fear that the one you're considering committing yourself to isn't The One or if they think it somehow exempts them from the effort necessary to sustain a healthy relationship.
Your points in order:
1. Agreed with the idea that there are a lot of fish in the sea. So what? The OP isn't dabbling in the fantasy here, but making a choice.
2. Since when did we make our relationship choices based on what other people think? I understand that there can be external pressure to a choice of mate we might make. Sometimes that comes from a concerned and caring place. Sometimes it doesn't. The feedback may be relevant, it may not. It is all something to consider. Ultimately however, you allow it or not. If I lost respect because of the choice I'm making, so be it. I'm the one who lives with this person.
3. This is the worst excuse I hear about why people divorce. I don't know their stories, but I call bullshit generally--and absolutely call bullshit as a reason why NOT to marry. There may be very valid reasons for peoples' decision to divorce, but generally, this is the polite version told to people who aren't close enough to them to get the messy details about what is really happening. Used as a reason not to marry is just an expression of fear. If you genuinely work together on your marriage, and on yourself, there is no reason it can't succeed.
I will agree that relying on The One labels to assume that a marriage will be easy is a common idea to quickly get out of your head. That said, I could get in a car wreck on my way home and die an excrutiating, miserable, horrific death. And yet I still drive with the windows open, air blowing through my hair, and speeding at least 10 over all the way.
4. Committing to a LTR is a profound move regardless of "The One" status. Let me also say this, my concept of "real love" entering into my marriage 15 years ago was the only thing it could have been - immature, yet genuine. Maturity comes with time, effort, testing, and shared failures and triumphs.
For the record, telling my wife that she is the perfect person for me usually makes her pretty damn happy.
I am not married as we are both in school, however I have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. I am going to marry this girl and I don't have a doubt in my mind. She is simply amazing. She cares about me more than I care about myself. It is hard to explain, but the ah-ha moment was when she said that when I get done with school she will help pay off my students loans, since she won't have any.
Good luck to you sir, I mean that. Some couples click, some die out. I'm on the other end. But I do have two amazing daughters. In the name of Harbaugh, Go Blue!!
7 years, a house, a dog, and a son later, I don't remember what it is like to be with someone who isn't the best friend you can imagine.
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My a-ha moment was in 2006. She bought 2 tickets for us to go to the UM/MSU game that year at the big house. We had great seats and it was an absolute perfect day with the good guys blowing out Sparty 31-13. That sealed the deal for me. Three weeks later I proposed.
Met my wife at a beach house in a party town. She said I seemed "responsible" amongst all the drunken dedauchery.
That was not the look I was going for, but whatever works . . .
On the second date. The first date I thought ''this could really work'' as I had had little success in the dating scene before and neither did she but we seemed to have a lot of similar interests and views. We actually met on tinder looking for a real relationship. We saw a movie for the second date and I was nervous as hell about kissing her. She didn't mind though and did everything she could to calm me down. We went to a park afterward to go for a walk and I was still nervous. It had rained the day before and the path had a bunch of puddles on it and her feet were soaked but she wanted to keep going to keep calming me down. She is very good at reading people and she could tell I was being sincere. I took her home and introduced her to my parents after that. She is the most caring person on Earth and she just wanted someone who could give some of that caring nature back for her. We just got back from our first vacation to Tresure Island, FL today and tomorrow starts the saving for our first place in the next year or so. We are only 1 year and 2 months in but we both know how it's gonna end. We've already talked about our plans for the wedding.
After a couple of dates. Met my sweetie September of 1986. Asked her to marry 5/1/1987. Married in October of 1987. She's the best. What a girl.
Almost never got that far - when I first met her, she had an autographed Ohio State football on her credenza. After I threw up in my mouth a little, I found out she wasn't half bad (for a Buckeye). That was 28 years ago.
When I realized her core valuie system was a duplicate of mine.
Nothing will work unless you both share core values.
Otherwise you'll fight all the time.
I met legalwife welcome week of college. We kept randomly meeting for a year. Eventually we became good friends. We didn't end up getting together until 9/11. It was the only time I recall classes being cancelled at U of M. I didn't know what else to do, so I went to her place. It was just sort of a natural reaction to stress (had a parent flying out of NYC that day). We sat on the couch and didn't really talk just sort of were there together, and it felt like something had clicked into place. It was then I realized yep this one is the one. From that point on we've been pretty inseparable.
We were golfing, it was maybe the second time we had ever golfed together. She was annoyed with her game and her performance and it had her in an awful mood. I wasn’t having a much better round but I decided to vocalize the little Irish Catholic demons in my head were saying about me, as a means of showing her she wasn’t alone in her frustration. These are the hateful destructive inner monologues that are the low level basic of all Irish. Once she had a concept of what was going on in my skull she perked up and forgot her own frustrations and tried to tend to what she believed was my tormented psyche (she now knows this to be the low level hateful radiation of my brain). It felt supremely manipulative the way it came off and I said as much. But she was cheered and I was cheered and I knew we were going to be OK.
Well, my marriage "proposal" was telling her that the money I had been saving for a ring now had to go to car repairs. She just said, "OK" and took me to a store to pick out her own.
The time I knew it would happen would be when I realized how much we liked doing car trips together. We went to visit my parents and we just liked being in my 1996 Ford Contour together. It hit me that i knew many couples that couldn't survive the "car trip" test, and I accepted it.
I dated a crazy girl for 3-4 years and then three months after finally ending that the perfect girl showed up (who also had a bad 3-4 year relationship end at the same time) and we both knew within a couple weeks and were ring shopping after a couple months and married in less than a year.