(winces in preparation...)
he grew a beard
This one goes to 11 despite my intention to make it a top ten list because I wrote them up piecemeal and at some point after too much effort had been put into each to throw any away I realized I had an extra item. This is obviously fate, so here they are.
These are ranked by gut because you can't put a number on the special sort of misery football can inflict. How to rate high on thie list:
And now on with the hairshirts!
11. Unblocking That Field Goal
Dusty Magnum lines up for a 38 yard field goal on the last play of the 2005 Rose Bowl. Michigan charges hell-bent after the kick and gets two players in position to block the thing, but the ball manages to split Ernest Shazor's arms, taking a deflection off his elbow. The slightly redirected ball squeezes through Prescott Burgess's hands and through the uprights. Michigan loses 38-37.
A lot of these moments to come are going to be events that cost Michigan some opportunity in the future. This one was simple: if Shazor's dive takes him an inch to the left or right, Michigan wins one of the classic Rose Bowls of all time and I don't spend a couple hours making "The Five Stages of Vince Young" in a South Park character generator.
Despite that, the play is mostly notable for how close Michigan came to doing something that is hard to do, does not involve a Michigan player or coach making a terrible decision*, and did come at the end of a classic someone had to lose. I don't know… it just doesn't rate compared to the rest of the stuff enclosed herein. Losing a close Rose Bowl is hardly the worst thing that's happened to Michigan in the last ten years.
*(Michigan did not attempt to save itself any time in case the field goal was good but Mangum was somewhat shaky and Vince Young was unstoppable the whole night; if Texas was willing to take a 38-yarder I would have been happy enough to let them if I was coaching.)
Late in the 2005 Minnesota game, Jim Herrmann lines up LB Prescott Burgess as a DE opposite the Gopher right tackle. With face-crushing tight end Matt Spaeth also to that side of the field, a 230 pound linebacker who's never played DE is one-on-two versus the best run-blocking line in the conference. Herrmann's playcall is a blitz from the other side of the field that sucks the safety on Burgess's side back into a centerfield position, and a simple off-tackle run goes for 60 yards, allowing Minnesota to kick a game-winning field goal.
Unquestionably the dumbest single playcall any Michigan coach made during the last decade. Michigan was tied with Minnesota 20-20 when Lamarr Woodley decapitated Gopher quarterback Brian Cupito. Minnesota ran a couple times with the backup quarterback, punted, and got the ball back after Michigan's drive stalled out. Stuck around their own 20 with around three minutes on the clock, Minnesota runs twice more, petrified of letting backup and redshirt freshman Tony Mortenson do anything other than hand off.
Mortenson's career numbers: 14 of 39 for 179 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs. At the time his most extensive run had come in an 0 of 4 performance against Florida Atlantic. Since Cupito has gone out Minnesota has run six straight times. It's third and ten. Minnesota is clearly playing for overtime and will just run it off tackle and punt. An injury to Willis Barringer has forced true freshman Brandon Harrison into the free safety spot, where he pairs with true freshman Jamar Adams.
Jim Herrmann decides to put Burgess in as a down lineman in a nickel package, lines him up on the strong side of the formation, and blitzes away from Burgess. The rest is Gopher history:
Burgess ended up ten yards downfield and still couldn't get off his block, but that was not exactly his fault.
In the long run this did not matter since Michigan stumbled to 7-5 in and though they could have easily won three more games, this one included, they could easily have lost three more. Herrmann would be shipped off to the NFL after the season, clearing the way for Ron English to give everyone the wrong idea for ten games. Speaking of Jim Herrmann's failings during 2005…
9. Carr punts from the Ohio State 34
Leading 21-19 in the dying minutes of the 2005 Game, Michigan has a first down on the Ohio State side of the field. Two runs to bleed OSU's timeouts get nowhere. They're followed by a six-yard WR screen that uses the last OSU timeout. On fourth and four from the OSU 34, Carr brings out his kicker to do the fake-kick-actually-punt thing, which goes out of bounds at the OSU 12.
Of all the awful math-spurning things I ever saw Lloyd Carr do this was the worst. Ways in which it was a terrible idea:
Instead of taking a solid shot at ending the game, Carr chose 22 yards of field position that Michigan gave back in three plays by playing soft. I shorted out in the aftermath. Under pressure Carr reverted to the sort of call that hadn't been right since 1979 and it cost Michigan its best shot to put a dent in this agonizing OSU winning streak.
8. Pitch it to Breaston!
Michigan's attempt to replicate The Play is 15 yards from working when Tyler Ecker runs directly into a Nebraska defender on the sideline instead of pitching the ball to Steve Breaston, a man with a plan in the open field. Panama.
We end our Year of Infinite Pain trifecta with this:
I actually ended up at a tailgate that Tyler Ecker was at once, and all I could think was "why didn't you pitch it?"
Michigan was really, really good in 2003. John Navarre had molted from an inept flamingo into a laser-chucking flamingo. Chris Perry made one of those senior-year explosions you always hope will happen but almost never does. Braylon Edwards announced his presence. The defense featured Marlin Jackson, Ernest Shazor before he went up in smoke, Pierre Woods before he went up in smoke, and Lawrence Reid before his back imploded. (Unsurprisingly, the yardage defense would sag from 11th to 33rd the following year.) They were good.
But it all blew up on special teams. A grad assistant named Jim Boccher was placed in charge of it; by the end of the year he'd be in real estate and (probably) therapy. Things first went poorly against Oregon. Oregon blocked an Adam Finley punt for a touchdown. A fake punt attempt ended in a fumble. Oregon returned a punt for a touchdown. Despite getting a special teams touchdown of its own on a blocked chip-shot field goal, Michigan gave away ten points on special teams in a four-point loss.
That could have been random fortune, but what happened against Iowa was not. Boccher was an eager beaver who was actually ahead of the rugby punt curve that has spread through college football; stodgy Michigan was one of the first teams to try this high school thing out. The announcers openly wondered what the heck was going on. The intervening years have proven that it's a good idea if you can do it right.
Michigan could not, and was immediately reminded of why it liked being stodgy. Iowa almost blocked a punt, then almost blocked another one, then deflected a third; Michigan was fortunate that the deflection was partial. Along the way Michigan had given up a 43-yard punt return to Ramon Ochoa that set up a nine-yard Hawkeye touchdown drive. When Rivas wandered out with five minutes left in the third quarter, the whole stadium could feel it coming, and it did: Iowa finally returned one to sender, setting up a one-yard field goal drive. Michigan lost by three despite outgaining Iowa 463-295.
Boccher sought other opportunities before Michigan fans had the opportunity to seek him; the 2003 team would go undefeated outside of games in which their special teams cost them at least ten points until meeting USC in the Rose Bowl. That was the year in which USC got booted from the title game despite being #1 in both polls; if Michigan's special teams hadn't imploded so spectacularly an undefeated Michigan would have featured in the national title game against an Oklahoma team that had just blown the Big 12 title against Kansas State; Kansas State got blown out by an OSU team that Michigan had just handled. Competency on special teams could have resulted in a national title.
Tomorrow: The top six. Wear a cup.
(winces in preparation...)
I had to log in for that..hilarious +1 Sir
Thank you SIR, may I have another?
... that "first and goal at the 1 against the Zookers" is going to make the list?
Oh God...this is horrible.
Watching that Alamo Bowl finish, the first time since it was live in 2005 that I've seen it, makes me want to cry a little.
There will be a top 10 best, right? ....right?
This was a painful read.
My heart started racing and I got a knot in my stomach thinking that this time we might get that touchdown against nebraska, but once again it just ended in pain
These are such painful memories I have buried them for years. The gut wrenching agony now returns in one crushing blow with this post. Can't wait for part two. Ouch!
Oh wait, I'm at work for at least another 6 hours.
Fuck my life.
Oh good, I haven't had a reason to be filled with anguish for like 8 months now.
After all these years, I read this and still get heated. I don't think I can bring myself to read the next edition. Call it denial if you want, but I'm not ready to face the facts as they really happened....WHY DIDN'T HE PITCH THE DAMN BALL!!! SERIOUSLY....GAH!
I was at the 05 Rose Bowl, sitting near that dreaded endzone. Live, I didn't realize how close we were to blocking it. Seeing it in pictures (again) makes me want to vomit (again).
This thread is bullshit. Bury it, forget it, and never speak of it again.
Well, #1 is obviously selected from the end of the Appalachian St game.
Do #'s 2-5 involve Nick Sheridan?
The Crable helmet-to-helmet might be there. Also, the infamous "entire Buckeye defensive line in our backfield while our line blocks no one" picture play?
Good thing we have been taking preparatory dong punches for months now, huh!?
Off-season training sucks. And just when you think you're ready, another dong punch sneaks through, and you're back in the fetal position.
and I met at a bar in atlanta, in 2004 while watching Smith go wild during the Osu-Michigan game. He told me this story:
The day after the Iowa Punt in question, he went real early to the stadium, and the only person he found there was Jim the punt coach. He said jim was seated behind a desk starring at the wall like a transfixed zombie. Dave said "Jim....Jim...Jim are you alright". Dave said Jim was completely unware of Pearson's presence, and his face was a strange shade of green/yellow.....all of sudden, according to Pearson, there was this awful sound from Jim and BLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he throws up all over the desk, on to the floor, and I think he said it even caught part of the wall. And Pearson confirmed the obvious, he wasn't let go for "personnal reasons" as Carr stated in the paper...he was canned. Clearly though, based on the story, the pressure/guilt was Emence!
...and what does he/she have to do with it?
That might be the weirdest misspelling I have ever seen. Why is it capitalized? Is it French?
EDIT: It does show up in the Urban Dictionary, so that's something, I guess.
from evilempire. Thanks for sharing.
He was let go by letting him go. While no one was thrilled with the way things went, and the blame was accurately placed, I believe Lloyd had a bigger problem that Jim wouldn't man up and deal with it, and come to work hard and fix it, rather than fall to pieces. It wasn't making the mistake as much as it was not being able to stick around and deal with it. That's why they parted ways more than anything, I believe, from what I've heard.
In preparation for tomorrow:
Anthony Thomas fumble vs. NW
Shawn Crable on Troy Smith
Toledo INT to the house
Last one, not sure: maybe the failed 3-3-5 vs Purdue?
...First and goal from the Illinois one?
So, the play would have to be Roundtree failing to get in the end zone prior to the goal line series disaster.
to Marquise Walker's dropped TD against OSU in '01 myself for a top 6 spot.
I was there for that one, and as soon as the clock hit triple zero Marquise ran to the locker room. He was the first player off the field by 20 lengths. I felt so bad for him. He must have been absolutely devastated. Too bad that play marred an otherwise great career.
i saw marquise the next day at breakfast. he was sitting alone and every few minutes would get up and pace around restlessly. he looked miserable. it was obvious he was beating himself up pretty bad
And the shame of it is, Marquise had a great game aside from that. He caught two other TD passes. And it's not his fault we missed a very makeable FG right after that drop. But man, if he could have caught that ball...
That may have been the most painful set of downs to ever watch.
Why, exactly, does this get negged?
Why, exactly, do you even care?
Although that was painful to watch, it shouldn't have been the turning point of the game. There was still tons of time left, Michigan was still ahead, and Illinois had 1st & 99 to go. Most of the examples given so far are plays that came late, and that—practically without a doubt—decided the outcome, all by themselves.
I also think that, to make the list, the loss has to have broad implications beyond the game itself. Because of that loss (and others), Michigan was bowl-ineligible for the second straight year. But really, how much happier would you have been with 6–6? It’s not like Crable’s roughing the passer call, which just might have cost Michigan a shot at the national championship.
Making a bowl might have seemed like a good step in the right direction, and shown more progress.
Those four downs were the turning point of the season. No doubt about it.
I'd like to add Dexter Jackson and Armanti Edwards to that list at least once. Maybe twice. Dennis Dixon, too. Oh, and at least one Purdue player from '08/'09.
braylon's rose bowl drop is another possibility. sanctions or no sanctions, i really want to beat those bastards.
In addition to the ones you have (and add the missed FG at Toledo...):
2001 OSU, the below mentioned dropped TD pass.
2002 OSU, the also mentioned Braylon BS Offensive Interference call.
And I don't know how he couldn't do almost a top ten for the last two years...Utah 2 point conversion for the lead...Toledo mentioned...heck, a lot had to happen in Purdue 2008 we regret...and last year....Iowa mistakes...MSU comeback chances...Illinois, as just replied next...and Purdue again...heck, that's 7 there, and I'm sure 3 more from the last two years wouldn't be hard. If Brian can group punts together for the Iowa game, we could add 2008 ND for fumbles. Maybe they'll have their own separate category.
I mean, Brian could have done a top 20. I'm glad he's not.
lets hope this thread is the most gut-wrenching, self inflicted thread of the year. not sure we can stand more.
that said, a personal nominee for "worst play, indivudual moment" would have to be the time Henne tried to scramble against Penn State, and the tackler just took the ball away from him. technically a fumble, more like a molestation.........and my runner up in this category would be Shawn Crable, blocking the outside guy and letting the inside man run by, on the infamous App State last second field goal attempt.
Now I go vomit again.
I dub this (and the tomorrow post) as posts of infinite pain.
Time to go drink -5 O'Clock somewhere right?
I don't think it would be a shame if Part 2 of this series mysteriously vanished and Brian just moved on to the 10 best plays.
I remember people bitching that Carr didn't use TO's to save clock at the end of the 2005 Rose Bowl which made no sense to me. A 38 yarder was not a sure thing. Much more sure would have been the result of Carr calling TOs. Young would have dropped back but then realize he was the best player on the field and keep the ball (I was always so happy when he gave the ball to someone else.) He would have run either for a first down or a TD, with various defenders, including Pat Massey, being unable to bring him down. Then, if necessary, Texas would just kick an easier FG.
...we would have had time to respond, with either a FG of our own or a TD if necessary. Breaston took every KO to mid-field in that game. Braylon could not be covered. So yeah, give me 38 effing seconds from the 50 yard line, please.
Well, I doubt Texas would have made the same mistake that PSU made the following season and kicked to Breaston. However, the key was Texas kicked the FG on 3rd down. If Michigan had used their TOs, Texas would most certainly just have gone for the first down. If they make it then they kill the clock for real and kick an easier FG.
Personally, I thought the chances of missing that FG were greater than stopping Young on 3rd down.
I think we could all use a little cheering up...
Note: I say at the time.
That game is still like a twisting dagger in my back, and has caused me much to ache about, ache that not even the good Doctor Scholls can take away.
Also, note to Brian, I'm sure you've already written it all up so it would be hard to do, but I would have done 10-6 worst plays, next day 10-6 best plays, and staggered it like that. This week is starting to feel like it will bring a lot of pain. Like I said though, it would probably be extremely difficult to do that now though.
What a fine job this does of tearing open emotional scar tissue. Reading the first two was enough anguish for the day.
Now I know where to have the team start when I go thru the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind process.
I think I'd rather do UFR on the past three OSU games.
I was a senior in the MMB during the 2005 season. I got to lead a line out of the tunnel only once - homecoming that year, the Minnesota debacle. My final game as a student in the Big House included the OSU 4th and 4 punt. My final moments wearing the MMB uniform included Tyler Ecker running straight at me and getting tackled pathetically.
Oh, and let's not forget - let's NOT forget, dude:
I'll never have as much emotional investment in any year as I did in what turned out to be the worst year in the history of sports.
My soul-dong has no cup.
You're the link I've been searching for. I blame you for all of the misery you listed. You are the hub at the center of this dervish of diabolical despair.
You might be on to something. I'm also a combined 0-10 at Rose Bowls and road trips to OSU and ND (I was not in attendance for the 47-21 ND FBD in 2006).
In my five years in the MMB, I got to lead a line out of the tunnel one time -- the 1986 loss to Minnesota on Chip Lohmiller's last-second FG. I went 2-3 in bowl games (wins @ Fiesta vs. NEB and @ Hall of Fame vs. ALA). Did get to run out of Ohio Stadium the following week knowing we were going to the Rose Bowl (thanks to Harbaugh's guarantee).
Four NCAA hoop tournaments, never made it past the Sweet 16.