Unverified Voracity Was Bonkers Yesterday Comment Count

Brian May 19th, 2014 at 12:29 PM

HELLO LADIES (not like that). If you took in yesterday's softball double-header you got 14 innings of tension, home runs, and dugout gibbering capped by what has to be the nuttiest final inning I've seen in the sport: Michigan, down one, clubs back-to-back first-pitch homers off one of the best pitchers in the country to go up one, then puts someone on base for the final batter, who hits a rocket that



NOPE. Michigan had just blasted a ball over the centerfield fence that none of the outfielders bothered to move on, and this particular ball seemed harder-hit than that. It must have been on more of a line or really temporarily heavy or something. CF Lindsay Doyle was given an opportunity for the walk-off rob of a potential walk-off homer, which she took.

Even Carol Hutchins, an outpost of Red-like reserve in a sport that has a lot of jumping up and down, was momentarily baffled into GIF-worthiness.


You and me both. The catch was Sportcenter's #1 play, which is pretty remarkable on a day that had plenty of baseball and NBA action.

Michigan advances to their ninth super regional in ten years of the current format; they'll travel to Tallahassee to take on the #8 overall seed Florida State. FSU is hosting their first super ever at an impressive 53-6. The best two of three series kicks off Thursday at 7 on ESPN.

Victory. The Michigan money cannon remains undefeated:

EDSBS Bowl 2K14 closed at midnight last night, and the total for the week's fundraising is staggering and very much awesome: $33,250.85 raised for Refugee Resettlement and Immigration Services of Atlanta, all from your contributions. …

University of Michigan $10,183.68

University of Georgia $4,024.20

Notre Dame $2,249.32

University of Alabama $1,977.55

Georgia Institute of Technology $1,969.72

Auburn University $1,716.40

Well done, gentlemen. I have excellent news: in honor of the cannon, RRISA is naming their conference room something Michigan themed. Orson has asked us for suggestions, so I throw it open to the MGoPeanutGallery. Please keep in mind that we are trying to retain people's goodwill, so something like "Leaders and Best (unlike all non grads)" would not be good.


[11:27 AM] Spencer Hall: If there's a huge Michigan painting, they'll put it up there
[11:27 AM] Spencer Hall: seriously

Anyone that wants to provide a candidate shoot me an email.

Stauskas time. Nik Stauskas didn't shoot at the NBA combine but that's not to say he didn't shoot at all in the past week. A few gents put on a workout beforehand, and Stauskas proved that he is the unstoppable workout freak($) that you may have seen on youtube:

None of them disappointed Monday. During early shooting drills, Stauskas had the lead early, hitting 47 of his first 50 attempts. At the end of the workout, it was McDermott who couldn't miss, beating everyone with 13 3-pointers in 35 seconds. … Each player takes roughly 100 3-point attempts during a workout. On most days, Stauskas and McDermott are shooting about 85 percent. That's really remarkable.

That is nuts.

Chad Ford also notes that Stauskas looked "terrific" in the various ballhandling drills at this workout and is… wait for it… also grab a beer… "making a play to be more than just a shooter." While Stauskas isn't likely to be an NBA PG unless his team wants him to gently escort opposing points to the basket, his ability to get his own shot and excellent P&R skills will see him be more than just a shooter. Ford has Stauskas #12 now and thought he was upwardly mobile even before he put up impressive combine numbers:

Michigan's Nik Stauskas and Creighton's Doug McDermott really shined, as well. Stauskas was especially impressive. He measured with a 35.5-inch max vert, a 10.79 lane agility score, a 2.92 shuttle run and a 3.27 sprint. Those were all very good numbers and should boost his draft stock.

I know you are thinking about what I am thinking: what about the Pistons? Detroit needs shooting, and they need someone who can run a pick and roll with Andre Drummond without resorting to miserable off-balance jumpers. DX's latest mock has them taking McDermott. While that makes sense, as currently constituted Detroit could use a guy who can play 1-3 with bad defense a lot more than a guy who can play 3-4 with bad defense. Also, McDermott seems constitutionally incapable of being an okay defender because he's such a tweener; a hypothetical NBA Stauskas coached by Stan Van Gundy could be all right down the road, especially if Caldwell-Pope can be the 3-and-D guy.

If Detroit stays at eight I'd say there's a pretty good chance Stauskas ends up being the player who makes the most sense. Other than McDermott, guards/wings available at eight are likely to include Tyler Ennis, James Young, Rodney Hood, Gary Harris, and Zach LaVine. Only Hood and McDermott are in Stauskas's universe as a shooter, and Gary Harris being more 6'2" than 6'4" probably eliminates him.

Also in Michigan draftee news, DX's post-combine mock has Robinson and McGary as the last two picks of the first round.

All right, all right. Eighty-seven people have emailed or tweeted me about the latest indicator that things aren't going well on the season ticket front, so I am compelled to reproduce it:


The existence of such a thing isn't much of a surprise… except you'd think they'd translate "Added Value Opportunities" into English before releasing it to the world. The outstanding quality of the athletic department is how remarkably ham-handed they are at being marketers. This is supposedly Brandon's expertise and he's throwing powerpoint slides at the public.

The lord's work. Deadspin continues its excellent series demolishing bad arguments the NCAA tries to muster in its favor. The latest to meet the guillotine: competitive balance.

…my own research in 2011 showed that of the 1,000 top recruited athletes over a decade, 99.3 percent went to power conference schools. … the truth is that the current rules seem to lock in imbalance, and prevent would-be upstarts from building recruiting momentum.

That makes intuitive sense. A team can't put its money where its mouth is if it really really wants a guy that another school wants. When compensation is fixed* all choices are about things other than compensation.

And since it's currently impossible to make the system more unbalanced…

*[I guess it does technically move based on the value of a degree from school X. That is not going to be a huge consideration for many football players. See: every player ever citing academics as a reason he went to school Y, no matter what that school is. "I have chosen Wyoming School Of Finger Twiddling for its excellent academics," etc.]

Pyrrhic press conferences for 1000. When the press gets the temerity to ask a question that leads to this answer…

"No buyer's remorse at all," Delany said Wednesday after the Big Ten administrators' meetings. "When I go to Jersey, I go to New York, I go to support, not to judge."

…things are not going well in the PR realm. Jim Delany just described visiting his sister in rehab.

No surrender. O'Bannon plaintiffs have asked the court to ditch the individual damages in their lawsuit and, as a side effect, ditch the jury.

The plaintiffs' lead attorney, Michael Hausfeld, told ESPN that forgoing the effort to seek damages for the individuals who are named in the lawsuit streamlines the case, making it all about stopping the NCAA from continuing to prevent athletes from sharing in the media revenues they help generate. …

The filing by the plaintiffs aims to focus all of the attention on whether the NCAA's economic model should be changed. It's an attempt to avoid the messiness of sorting out who may have been harmed for past wrongs, and to what degree.

That would be the NCAA's worst nightmare, as judge Claudia Wilken is the person issuing statements like "I don't think amateurism is going to be a useful word here." It seems like the NCAA's best shot is to bamboozle a jury with the arguments Deadspin is currently blowing up.

As with any story about the O'Bannon lawsuit, we have a new opportunity to point and laugh at the NCAA's beleaguered lawyers.

The NCAA objected to the new move by Hausfeld to drop the damages claim. The association's lawyers wrote Wednesday night that they were "surprised and troubled by the Plaintiffs' last minute and abrupt decision to attempt to avoid having a jury decide" the case, calling it a "last ditch effort to change course in this litigation."

…Hausfeld dismissed the NCAA's argument.

"There's always been a damages claim and an injunctive claim," he said. "If they haven't been paying attention to the injunctive claim, it's inexplicable."

Well, they are very busy these days.

It'll be a while. Brian Kelly said something about playing Michigan, so everyone gets asked about it again. Dave Brandon has had "zero talks" with Notre Dame about resuming the series. It would take a lot of pride-swallowing for Brandon to do such a thing. The chances of that seem… low.

The earliest Michigan and ND will talk about playing again will be after both places have new athletic directors, and even then they'll be scheduling ten years out. This year's game is the last for probably 20 years. Well done, college football.

Old mascots are always the best. If you could guarantee me that Michigan's hypothetical mascot would look like it was put together at the local insane asylum's arts and crafts night, I would be on board. Hellmascot part 4,210 is MSU, 1966:


No, no money for athletes. Somehow all of this manages to get sucked up despite MSU not adding sports:

"I think it was about 2000, our budget was right around $25 million and today it's $94 million," Michigan State athletic director Mark Hollis said. "And it's real easy to take a quick look on where the allocation of those funds have gone, and so much of it — there is the coaching salary component that kind of stands out."

Wait, save that!

"But there's a much larger chunk that has gone to escalation of scholarships and services provided."

All right. What might these things be?

"It used to be a coach and a trainer kind of handled everything. Well now there's somebody to teach you how to cook, there's somebody on some campuses that do the cooking, that show you how to shop."

They have to invent ways to burn this money. That is the situation. They are so far up their own butts that they think they should be taught to cook and shop like they're in finishing school with Betty Draper. How about you give them the money and they decide whether they should spend it on a guy teaching them how to shop* or, like, anything else.

Meanwhile, Michigan made a profit of 90 million dollars from 2007-08 to 12-13, an average profit of $15 million per year. That's going to be great when I get my dividend check.

*["So this green stuff I have… I hand it to the man behind the counter. You don't get any green stuff. But if you had some green stuff, you could give it to the man behind the counter"]

Etc.: I still can't believe Gordon F. Gee was paid like 12 times what an average university president makes. GRIII did well at the combine. No beer at Michigan, because I would do anything for money but I won't do that. Good on Mark Schissel for making Michigan's compensation structure more transparent. Maryland previewed. TJ Leaf has a top four and is visiting soon.



May 19th, 2014 at 12:59 PM ^

"The outstanding quality of the athletic department is how remarkably ham-handed they are at being marketers. This is supposedly Brandon's expertise and he's throwing powerpoint slides at the public."

I've been saying this for a while now.  I've spent a lifetime in sales & marketing and the word that keeps coming to mind when I look at the material we send out is "cheesy".  It's anything but polished and I cant help but wonder what firm is handling the execution of these pieces cause for me anyways - they suck.

There is so much fail in the picture and text they selected I don't know even where to start.


May 19th, 2014 at 1:13 PM ^

"This is supposedly Brandon's expertise and he's throwing powerpoint slides at the public."

You forgot to mention how empty the stadium looks on said PPT slide.


May 19th, 2014 at 1:33 PM ^

1. Guy front and center has extremely wierd facial expression and his arms are positioned very strangely

2. What's that thing below his left elbow?  Is that his knee? thought it was somebody's knee but the guy to his left is sitting and has pants on so it must be his.  At least I hope it's his knee

3. The two guys in back look as pissed as me watching the PSU game last year

4. Diversity?  Not in our "group".  Unless you consider that all the white, middle aged males are wearing different types of shirts




Space Coyote

May 19th, 2014 at 2:08 PM ^

Let's be real with ourselves, only white people would hang out with a white person wearing a bright maize golf hat and a non-sanctioned Michigan jersey. That guy is more fashion faux pas than wearing socks with sandles, which I assume he is. I bet he wears white pants before Memorial Day too. He apparently wears Maize pants with maize and blue golf socks to the stadium. Bet he has a fanny pack on too.

Yeah, you don't get diversity when you got a white guy dressing like that. I bet there's some minorities that would feel more comfortable with people wearing [non-PC joke inserted here] around them. Yeesh.

On a sidenote, I'm a little surprised Brandon allowed non-sanctioned Michigan jerseys here. Bold move, Brandon, bold move. Also a bold move to have two Suns, but hey, that would be quite the impact moment.


May 19th, 2014 at 2:26 PM ^

Space - you are usually right, but here you are wrong.  Golf hat man is a friend of mine and he is a gentleman and a scholar.   He also starred in a number of local television commericals becoming the envy of all local actors and the object of affection for a large percentage of women in Washtenaw County.    

Space Coyote

May 19th, 2014 at 2:37 PM ^

Other than his choice in fashion. My weight in the fashion world holds about as much as a gnats. The majority of my non-Michigan related attire, and likely the majority of that as well, is picked by my future wife or future in-law. They both do well enough, in my opinion, to keep me up with the trends, without making me feel uncomfortable or like my clothes will be out of style within a week.

Perhaps I am just jealous of someone else being able to wear such an outfit. But by no means do I criticize golf hat man's character, which I'm sure does draw the affection of a large percentage of women in Washtenaw County. 


May 19th, 2014 at 4:43 PM ^


I personally find it a highlight in my life to be featured so prominently, even if the advertisement is a sign of a declining program.  :-(  The photograph was taken at last year's Notre Dame game.

However, the jersey may not be sanctioned, but it certainly is vintage.  My mother bought that for me the day I got accepted into UofM in the Fall of 1994.  Number #37, of course, was the dominating Jarrett Irons.  I have worn it proudly ever since.

All additional constructive criticism is encouraged!  I can take it.  Go Blue!


May 19th, 2014 at 11:40 PM ^

You're worse than my mother-in-law.

Once you get to your mid-thirties with an strong affinity for good beer, perhaps you'll look trimmer than I sitting at the fifty yard line with aplomb.  When you do, there will be a majority of fans that encourage your enthusiasm.  There may be a few who...well...

The FannMan

May 19th, 2014 at 6:07 PM ^

I didn't open the e-mail and I sorta assumed that Brian had made it up or someone from MSU was just trolling us.  That's not really what they sent out was it?

When I see that group of dudes and the phrase "exclusive experiences" I assume that we are talking about a trip to Vegas that ends with at least one arrest and a few trips to the doctor when they get back home.


May 19th, 2014 at 11:43 PM ^

I would also add...

5. The headline of "Experience Michigan Stadium" instead of "Experience Michigan Football" is a little disturbing:  do they believe that the stadium, and not the game, is the attraction?  As a matter of fact, I don't see the word "football" anywhere in the graphic.

Blue Durham

May 19th, 2014 at 1:20 PM ^

Please keep in mind that we are trying to retain people's goodwill, so something like "Leaders and Best (unlike all non grads)" would not be good.

So, does this rule out the name "Space, bitches" for the conference room, along with a picture of the Apollo capsule on the wall inside?


May 19th, 2014 at 1:27 PM ^

I'm guessing this means that all 10 and possibly more of you would be seated together.  If so, there be boatloads of tickets available in certain sections.


May 19th, 2014 at 1:30 PM ^

I love the Deadspin approach of basing all arguments on strawmen, and so am glad to see Brian encourage such amusing behavior by pretending to believe that what Deadspin writes on the topic makes sense.

"The NCAA", of course, wants to pay stipends to its athletes at the schools that can afford them.  The opponents of "the NCAA" want to avoid that cost.  Deadspin and Brian don't want to side with "the nCAA," so they pretend that "the NCAA" holds the position opposite to the one it does.

Love it.


May 19th, 2014 at 2:32 PM ^

Who are the opponents of the NCAA? The NAIA?  I am confused, I may be responding to sarcasm, if the "NCAA" wanted stipends then they'd pass the needed legislation in order to allow it, instead of voting it down.  There is a majority of BCS conference members that would pass the stipend in a Super D1 scenario.  Even that can be interpreted as appeasement to mounting criticism.


May 19th, 2014 at 1:47 PM ^

"As with any story about the O'Bannon lawsuit, we have a new opportunity to point and laugh at the NCAA's beleaguered lawyers."

Irony isn't just the opposite of wrinkly.

The "beleagered lawyers" here are, and continue to be, the plaintiff's lawyers.  I believe that, with this latest move, they have abandoned the last argument remaining from the case as initially filed.  All that remains are the weasels they have engaged in since then, and getting rid of the jury is a move of desperation for the plaintiff.

But at least we have a new opportunity to point and laugh at someone.

Zone Left

May 19th, 2014 at 1:54 PM ^

Michigan made $90MM counting the non-revenue sports. Probably need to multiply that by five if you strip out the non-revenue sports. The profits that football makes are staggering and hidden by men's crew.

For conference room: I suggest "Maize & Blue"--or "Zingermann's is way better than Maize N Blue Deli and it's not close"

On second thought, a lot of them are escaping sectarian conflicts...

matty blue

May 19th, 2014 at 2:14 PM ^

"Michigan made a profit of 90 million dollars from 2007-08 to 12-13, an average profit of 15 million per year."

i can't tell you how much this sentence pisses me off.  a university is not for profit.

Zone Left

May 19th, 2014 at 2:34 PM ^

Sorry, but they're all for profit. Some send profits to shareholders, some don't, but revenue and expenses are a big deal at public universities. The difference is the public schools either have to hoard profits or spend them on increasingly silly projects.

For example, Ross is spending over $400K to move the huge tree on the walkway between the new building and the School of Linguistics and replant it elsewhere. 

Space Coyote

May 19th, 2014 at 2:23 PM ^

"J. Ira and Nicki Harris Family RRISA Conference Room" (this is a joke, maybe...)

"The Diag" (where people from all walks of life walk together and with one another in a joint goal of making a better tomorrow, at least that's the idealistic view)

"Catholepistemiad" (original name for U of M)

"Samuel Codes Watson Room" (first African-American graduate from U of M)

"The Banner" or alternative to symbolize touching the banner.




May 19th, 2014 at 3:21 PM ^

keeping retired boxers on retainer to help teach the Fist Punch of Leadership to our athletes. Some might think this is a spurious expense for something that could be taught by the coaching staff, but we feel that teaching the proper technique for bludgeoning inanimate objects and/or university students by our athletes is a way to help them develop skills to help them during and after college."


May 19th, 2014 at 3:52 PM ^

I would suggest something classic/vanilla, like "Wolverine Conference Room".  Not flashy, but, IMHO, conference room naming at a charitable organization should not be flashy.  

BTW - congrats to all of the money cannoneers! 

Blue Balls Afire

May 19th, 2014 at 5:27 PM ^

I watched all 14 innings of UM-ASU softball yesterday, and loved it.  The mental toughness and tenacity displayed by the UM ladies was something to behold.  Well done.  Proud to be Blue.


May 19th, 2014 at 5:29 PM ^

I wouldn't get too pissed off at the Michgian Athletic Department's profits because it appears the Outside the Lines (OTL) story only looked at the Department of Education website that reports these numbers.

If you look at the individual UM AD fiscal year budgets that are submitted to the Regents every June, the reality is rather different (the FY 2015 report comes out next month).  The OTL report likely reflects the Net Operating Surplus each year, but doesn't deduct the Net Transfers and Capital Expenses.  Here's the numbers from FY 2009 to FY 2014:   

FY 2009 

Net Operating Surplus: $10.65M 
Net Transfers & Capital Expenses: ($6.62M) 
Current Fund Balance Increase: $4.03M 

FY 2010 

Net Operating Surplus: $17.74M 
Net Transfers & Capital Expenses: ($2.56M) 
Current Fund Balance Increase: $15.18M 

FY 2011 

Net Operating Surplus: $8.92M 
Net Transfers & Capital Expenses: ($31.77M) 
Current Fund Balance Decrease: ($22.85M) 

FY 2012 

Net Operating Surplus: $5.81M 
Net Transfers & Capital Expenses: ($10.80M) 
Current Fund Balance Decrease: ($4.99M) 

FY 2013 (Projected) 

Net Operating Surplus: $10.16M 
Net Transfers & Capital Expenses: ($10.8M) 
Current Fund Balance Decrease: ($0.64M) 

FY 2014 Budget 

Net Operating Surplus: $8.95M 
Net Transfers & Capital Expenses: ($12.4M) 
Current Fund Balance Decrease: ($3.45M) 

The net transfers and capital expenses include the money used to finance the athletic department's facilities improvement plans. 

The $12.4M transfer planned for FY 2014 includes partial funding for the men's and women's lacrosse facilities. 

The $10.8M transfer per year in FY 2012 and 2013 was largely for the new field hockey facility renovation project. 

Other money transferred out was for Crisler and Yost renovation projects ($29.9M out of the $31.8M). 

So is the Michigan Athletic Department profitable? Yes, but only if you don't include the net transfers and capital expenses that are used to fund the athletic department renovations (along with donations--such as the $100M Stephen Rosss gave the AD--and debt).