Member for

14 years 7 months
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Recent Comments

Date Title Body
Yeah, my bad. I’m not saying…

Yeah, my bad. I’m not saying this is all my faulty, but I’m not NOT saying that either.

I meant to comment at the time, but my professional-looking alter ego I took a new gig, and the transition just isn’t allowing me to give Opponent Watch the level of stupid sincerity (or sincere stupidity?) it deserves.

Love y’all.

This is how internet legends…

This is how internet legends are made, good sir/ma’am

Yep, lived in Midland for…

Yep, lived in Midland for most of my childhood, though that was...

/carries the one/

...472 years ago

Listen, the Peglegs were…

Listen, the Peglegs were actually a force in the NortheastCentral Conference in the late early aughts. Those were hard-fought wins. 

For the record, Bryan Mac …

For the record, Bryan Mac (aka BiSB) is not this seemingly decent but completely incorrect fella. 

I probably should have…

I probably should have included some methodology:

  • Teams were included in every applicable color category (MSU, for example, would be ised in calculating both Green and White)
  • Colors were categorized into vibe-based buckets. Minnesota's maroon is spiritually more brown than red.
  • I generally used the official colors, but had to make some judgment calls as to which colors were canon. I did not include, for example, Notre Dame in the green bucket.
***2023 Iowa has entered the…

***2023 Iowa has entered the chat***

Look, I was told there would…

Look, I was told there would be no math.

Oh man I wish I was that…

Oh man I wish I was that organized. I just occasionally have to Google "mgoblog opponent watch gibralter mayonnaise" if something sounds familiar. 

Fixed. Maybe. Who knows…

Fixed. Maybe. Who knows. Your technology is new and frightening to me.

But pronounced differently,…

But pronounced differently, like it rhymes with "thigh."

Dammit, how did you find my…

Dammit, how did you find my original draft?

You see, uh, I meant …

You see, uh, I meant 'increased in a downward direction,' like when a submarine captain orders the chief of the boat to increase depth to 200 meters.

Yep. That's definitely what I meant.

Oops. I... uh...
/waves hand…

Oops. I... uh...

/waves hand

you saw nothing

I really should put a test…

I really should put a test at the end of the year.

/someone yells from the back…

/someone yells from the back of the room



"Rutgers preview should get 10 pages"

/thinking emoji

/thinking emoji

Okay.
 
Strengths: Football…

Okay.

 

Strengths: Football

Weaknesses: Moral fiber, crossing out "M"s

Flow of their season: Constant and unyielding

Injury issues: Entire team broke its collective foot off in Indiana's ass (day-to-day)

‘Twas not intended as…

‘Twas not intended as slander. Was intended as “he’s a Roy Roundtree type of receiver, but not a dominant one,” rather than “he’s a Roy Roundtree type of receiver AND THEREFORE not a dominant one.”

I seek Roy’s forgiveness.

It isn’t the amount. It’s…

It isn’t the amount. It’s the concentration. They put it in the middle with, like, an ice cream scoop or a melon baller or something. I need a little sour cream on all the nachos, not a sphere of sour cream on one chip.

It reminds me of the…

It reminds me of the Coastline Paradox. If you get down to a small enough scale, the coastline of any land mass is nearly infinite, but bounds an obviously finite area.

HURRAY FOOTBALL!

/Googles "Kuru"
/Glances at…

/Googles "Kuru"

/Glances at remainder of the schedule

Oh yeah, I think we can find a home for this little guy.

I'm here so I don't get…

I'm here so I don't get fined.

So, y’all really think the…

So, y’all really think the detailed 2,500 word Hello posts with the background and the scouting and the analysis that go up right after a commitment are written in the six minutes between the announcement and the post?

I’m reminded of the episode of the Simpsons where they have to tell Homer that they don’t air Itchy & Scratchy live, as it “places a terrible strain on the animators’ wrists.”

Approximately 1,400 of them. 

Approximately 1,400 of them. 

FOLD

FOLD

That would mean I have to…

That would mean I have to write about Rutgers.



Please don't make me write about Rutgers. This year has been hard enough.

Just for the year, barring…

Just for the year, barring unforeseen circumstances.

/is immediately kicked into pit by angry Spartan

"But what if we need to…

"But what if we need to watch..."

/remembers what the ACC is

"...yeah never mind."

You saw nothing. 

You saw nothing. 

Did you watch that game?…

Did you watch that game? They had one 50-yard run (that was mostly on the linebackers) and the rest was absolutely nothing. Murderation. A full-on stomping. Two touchdown drives (one 46 yards after the Isaac fumble of doom) out of 14 drives. <2.8 yards per carry. Nothing.

Last year? 1.8 yards per play. Two FEET per carry. Nothing.

I still hear "Passchendaele"…

I still hear "Passchendaele" and just start saying "NOPE NOPE NOPE."

But, like, the absolute most…

But, like, the absolute most boring version of a "boom or bust"

The flexbone is the kind of…

The flexbone is the kind of thing where it just sometimes works better than other times. It's what happened to Oklahoma last year; they were easily a better team than Army, but when you reduce the game in terms of variables and possessions, stuff can get weird.

I do think Michigan wins, and wins by a decent amount. 

Noted above as well, but tip…

Noted above as well, but tip of the cap to markp for the logo. 'Tis glorious. 

I am withholding it, because…

I am withholding it, because NONE OF YOU came to see my band last night.

I looked, and I can’t find…

I looked, and I can’t find any record of Michigan ever playing Iowa.

 

Ever.

It's more like how people…

It's more like how people will say "your baby is very cute." It doesn't mean the baby ISN'T cute... just that you're gonna hear that no matter what the baby looks like.

5.4 Yards per pass attempt…

5.4 Yards per pass attempt in conference play. That's worse than John O'Korn's ill-fated season. 



So, to answer your question, #disrespekt.

I haven't gotten my book yet.

I haven't gotten my book yet.

nuh uh

nuh uh

We're not doomed. Everything…

We're not doomed. Everything is fine. 



Everything is fine.



I SAID EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Yeah, fast typing + Two…

Yeah, fast typing + Two-Hearted == yeah not English me so great.

I try to fix the inevitable errors quickly whe they go up, but my stoner neighbor's stoned friend tried to break into my house this morning, so I've been dealing with some shit.

I'm honestly hot 100% sure…

I'm honestly hot 100% sure when it started. It has been a SlackBot prompt for months, and I think it slowly just became part of the MGoStyle Guide

You are absolutely correct…

You are absolutely correct. I am shamed. The piece has been updated to reflect your correctness, and to alleviate my shame.

I mean, maybe they turn it…

I mean, maybe they turn it around?

I watched it probably 20…

I watched it probably 20 times trying to figure out what they were actually trying to do. 

"Iowa isn't even on the sch…

"Iowa isn't even on the sch..."

"I'M JUST WORRIED OKAY?"

All Warners look alike to me.

All Warners look alike to me.

He's trying to be bumped up…

He's trying to be bumped up to "First Andrew."