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Who Sent Pryor The Email?

By Brian — May 7th, 2009 at 2:10 PM — 44 comments
Filed under:
  • coner
  • steven threet
  • terrelle pryor has emotional problems
  • zoltan
  • attempted comedy

note: all email addresses below are intended to be fake, but I didn't test them or anything. suggest you don't use them.

Extremely sane and not at all prone to crying on the bench after tragic loss Buckeye quarterback Terrelle Pryor told extremely impartial and totally tough-as-nails interviewer Kirk Herbstreit something obviously true yesterday:

Pryor: "I really want to be like a great quarterback. People tell me I can't throw and this and that, and I'm not that good and I'm overrated and all that."

Herbstreit: "Who?"

Pryor: "A bunch of people. Michigan players e-mail me and stuff."

Herbstreit: "Come on, are you serious?"

Pryor: "Yeah man."

Video if you want it. This is obviously true. But who is the culprit? MGoBlog's three primary suspects:

Zoltan Mesko

Motive: Michigan's lone player in the business school is marketing a TOTALLY LEGITIMATE scheme which isn't even a scheme at all, really, but just a sure 100% foolproof ways to make the moneys.

Example email

From: definitelynotmesko@umich.edu

To: tpryor@osu.edu, cityofcrompton@utenn.edu, sthreet@gt.edu,  nsheridan@umich.edu

Subject: "l@@k! 1mpr0ve yr threwing motion no foolsies"

Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Boltan Tesko, Accounts Manager, of Abbey National PLC Bromley Rd Branch. I have an important business proposition for you.

On December 12th, 2008, a contractor with the National Fotoball Legue, United States, Bill Parcells, made a limited time (Fixed) offer for twelve calendar months, valued at US$ 17,350,000.00 (Seventeen Million Three Hundred Hundred and fifty Thousand Dollars only) in contracts for any quarteback to throw

Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, that there is no throw. TO throw we teach you throw for sum of US$ 3,500,000.00 which is leave you profit of US$14,000,000.00.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the Manager with my bank will guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.

Awaiting your urgent reply.

Thanks and regards.

Boltan Tesko

Odds: 50/1

 

Steven Threet

Motive: Exploring a transfer.

Example Email

From: sthreet@gt.edu

To: tpryor@osu.edu

Subject: So I hear you can't throw.

Body: Here's the deal: as soon as I completed my paperwork to transfer to Arizona State, Dennis Erickson drove into a volcano.

erickson-volcano

They've replaced him with Tom Osborne and moved me to fullback. I hear you can't throw and have emotional problems. Is this true? If so, do you want to be roommates?

PS: Please don't say yes and then throw Tressel into the sun.

Odds: 10/1.

 

David Cone

david-cone Motive: Is from alien planet and must drop mad science on fools every 30 minutes or he loses his super powers.

Example Email

From: febreze@umich.edu

To: tpryor@osu.edu

Subject: prepare to get dropped

yo yo yo yo, check it:

pryor you ain't nothing

you at a place where there's no one to compete
i shake steve brown like he was concrete
bauserman, boeckman, guiton who dat
you get hurt they put in the wildcat

me? stuck behind sheridan, yeah, you lucky
otherwise mich gets rid of the monkey

white like mcguffie but with mad skillz
one more concussion i give him frog pills
my head's fine, clear like cristal
five yard ropes when i get the ball

THAT'S FEBREZE PEOPLE

Odds: 1/1.

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:15 PM | Gold. (Score:1)
WolvinLA
WolvinLA's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 869

Gold.

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:20 PM | Hilarious (Score:1)
jamiemac
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 7894

Put me down for a Benny on Mesko. After the Derby, I'm sure another 50/1 shot will come in.

I feel like you're speaking to me with the gambling theme.

I have a good feeling Zoltan will win.

Let it Ride!

Help My Friend Allison Fight ALS 

MSU/IU at the JCB

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:24 PM | awe....wait for it (Score:1)
UM2k1
UM2k1's picture
Joined: 01/29/2009
MGoPoints: 1552

...some

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:27 PM | Skillz (Score:1)
S.G. Rice
S.G. Rice's picture
Joined: 07/18/2008
MGoPoints: 512

If only Cone could throw
the way he got the flow
In december he'd meet Theisman
when they hand Coner the Heisman

FEBREZE 4 LYFE.

redefining epic fail, one comment at a time

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:45 PM | why yes (Score:1)
MGoObes
MGoObes's picture
Joined: 07/05/2008
MGoPoints: 1123

that is febreze. thank you for noticing

http://cnbsports.com

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:46 PM | DAVID CONE RULEZ (Score:1)
turbo cool
turbo cool's picture
Joined: 07/10/2008
MGoPoints: 962

DAVID CONE RULEZ

i only respect other superfans

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:47 PM | very nice (Score:1)
bluetell
bluetell's picture
Joined: 07/03/2008
MGoPoints: 4770

very nice

Rudy watches inspirational movies about Shawn Hunwick

 

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:48 PM | It's a little scary how well (Score:1)
Larry Harrison ...
Larry Harrison Fan Club's picture
Joined: 08/19/2008
MGoPoints: 180

It's a little scary how well you can write a Nigerian scam email. Is this how you pay for MGoBlog?

This place smells like despair.

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:55 PM | right? (Score:1)
MGoObes
MGoObes's picture
Joined: 07/05/2008
MGoPoints: 1123

i'm nigerian and can't even write those that well. brian's got scam writing skills

http://cnbsports.com

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:52 PM | Obviously fake e-mail addresses (Score:1)
Wazoo
Joined: 07/10/2008
MGoPoints: 47

Of course some of the e-mail addresses are fake, OSU students don't use the .edu domain name. It's for educational institutions only.

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:15 PM | http://www.instantrimshot.com (Score:1)
GCS
GCS's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 777

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

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May 7th, 2009 at 2:59 PM | The Coner rap (Score:1)
Evil Empire
Evil Empire's picture
Joined: 07/29/2008
MGoPoints: 64

Halol. I haven't watched the video of him rapping, because I love the concept so much that the reality can't live up to it. Your rhyme sheet rox.

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:13 PM | Coincidence? (Score:1)
WestCoastWolverine
Joined: 10/09/2008
MGoPoints: 768

TO and TP are only one letter apart.

Hoke bitches...Hoke.

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:20 PM | Pryor (Score:1)
mgovictors23
mgovictors23's picture
Joined: 05/03/2009
MGoPoints: 91

This guy is a baby if things don't go his way he is incredibly annoying. Everything always has to be about him all the time.

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:35 PM | Pryor (Score:1)
S FL Wolverine
Joined: 01/06/2009
MGoPoints: 103

I'm so tired of the "me against the world" shtick that athletes use. Even when they are defending champions, and EVERYONE expects them to do it, you get the boilerplate "a lot of people didn't think we could do this". I'm sure if the Wings win the cup again or James wins an NBA title we'll be served up another dose of this tripe. Is it really that hard to motivate yourself without anger, without "proving all the doubters wrong"? I mean, seriously, Terrelle Pryor is playing the "people say I am overrated" stuff? Sure there are U-M fans who think so (many on this blog), but U-M players? Isn't that instant BB material? C'mon. Why can't he just be good because he wants to make his parents proud or because he's just driven to be the best. Why is it always based on stickin' it to someone else?

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:41 PM | does anyone have a non youtube link to (Score:1)
J. Lichty
J. Lichty's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1134

the Coner's rap. Youtube access is blocked at work, and I always forget to look for it when I am at home.

our package is our package, and it’s pretty big. - Greg Mattison, Bowl Practice Presser Tr. 12-13-11.

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:43 PM | This is going up on my wall (Score:1)
bronxblue
Joined: 11/22/2008
MGoPoints: 12587

This is going up on my wall at work.

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May 7th, 2009 at 3:56 PM | GLORIOUS (Score:1)
Chrisgocomment
Chrisgocomment's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1126

GLORIOUS

No question, Jim.

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May 7th, 2009 at 4:19 PM | That Coner pic is awesome. (Score:1)
West Texas Blue
West Texas Blue's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1661

That Coner pic is awesome. Can we get a Photoshop on that picture? I'm thinking lots of bling and associated rapper gear.

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May 7th, 2009 at 4:31 PM | We take (Score:1)
Jeffy Fresh
Jeffy Fresh's picture
Joined: 03/21/2009
MGoPoints: 775

the moneys Pryor

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May 7th, 2009 at 4:39 PM | lol (Score:1)
the_white_tiger
the_white_tiger's picture
Joined: 02/07/2009
MGoPoints: 5227

http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/06Xm9nZ11EdOn/340x.jpg

Maize n Brew

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May 7th, 2009 at 5:11 PM | Coincidence???? (Score:1)
The FannMan
The FannMan's picture
Joined: 11/25/2008
MGoPoints: 1617

Didn't Brian put someone's e-mail on this cite just yesterday? And now, today, Pryor is whinning about getting negative e-mails?

Could it be????

Pryor is McFarlin!!! That explains everything.

"Nobody cares what you think!"

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May 7th, 2009 at 5:14 PM | Wow, Michigan fans are (Score:1)
MechE
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 12

Wow, Michigan fans are actually e-mailing Pryor? That's really embarassing.

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May 8th, 2009 at 4:37 PM | Not fans... (Score:1)
Rush N Attack
Rush N Attack's picture
Joined: 07/07/2008
MGoPoints: 526

players.

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May 7th, 2009 at 5:26 PM | pryor (Score:1)
dundee
dundee's picture
Joined: 03/29/2009
MGoPoints: 29

not really sure why it's even an issue. of course he's not that great of a passer and he's definetely overrated. as for the UM players e-mailing him c'mon he's just playin just like he was when he was actually thinking of coming to the Uofm. he got tossed out of spring practice for trash talking and 15yd penalty in the jersey game for trash talking nothing that comes out of this punks mouth is worth responding to.

dundee

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May 7th, 2009 at 5:58 PM | When will you people get that (Score:1)
scottbaez
Joined: 03/30/2009
MGoPoints: 38

When will you people get that he was not thrown out the the spring game. Tressel was joking.

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May 7th, 2009 at 6:12 PM | Brian, Is it time to retire (Score:1)
Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture
Joined: 08/01/2008
MGoPoints: 5

Brian,

Is it time to retire the Zoltan t-shirt and go with "That's Febreze people!" shirt? Could be a big seller.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

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May 7th, 2009 at 8:12 PM | This spot made my day (Score:1)
bluesouth
bluesouth's picture
Joined: 11/02/2008
MGoPoints: 2345

It's been a tough day at work today. I get home wolf down dinner and settle into a few minutes of MGoblog and in a few minutes I'm LOL so frickin hard I got tears. Thanks Brian this sh@t made my day. I'm hooked I really don't care what you do to the site, just don't stop writing.

 "Runnnn!!! get to da choppa"

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May 7th, 2009 at 9:27 PM | I think it is actually OSU (Score:1)
Jomafalo
Jomafalo's picture
Joined: 04/12/2009
MGoPoints: 92

I think it is actually OSU fans posing as UM players just to get Pryor fired up or maybe Justin Boren, who likely has inside knowledge of UM players e-mail accounts, looking for motivational fuel for his new teammates. Maybe it was Herbie himself, trying to give himself an interesting story line and then playing dumb; "What are you serious?", "who is sending you e-mails?" "Really, UM players... wow the nerve of those people up north, can't wait till WE kick their a**es again!"

Jomafalo

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May 7th, 2009 at 9:30 PM | You're insane.......... (Score:1)
Chrisgocomment
Chrisgocomment's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1126

it was obviously Woody Hayes.

No question, Jim.

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May 7th, 2009 at 9:55 PM | Classic (Score:1)
might and main
might and main's picture
Joined: 11/18/2008
MGoPoints: 950

That's one of the funniest things I've read in ages. Busted a gut. Excellent, instant classic.


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May 7th, 2009 at 10:03 PM | That Is (Score:1)
Fat Bastard
Fat Bastard's picture
Joined: 08/19/2008
MGoPoints: 14

Awesomely Hilarious.

Coner Out.

Meat's meat and Man's gotta eat -- Farmer Vincent

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May 7th, 2009 at 10:33 PM | I wish I could figure out (Score:1)
KTChicago
KTChicago's picture
Joined: 04/17/2009
MGoPoints: 36

how to post this frickin' hilarious entry on my Facebook page. Absolute genius...thanks for the gut bust.

Crab cakes and football! That is what Maryland DOES!

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May 7th, 2009 at 10:34 PM | This rival EDSBS. (Score:1)
ColoradoBlue
ColoradoBlue's picture
Joined: 09/14/2008
MGoPoints: 34

This rivals EDSBS.

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May 7th, 2009 at 11:05 PM | unreal (Score:1)
bfat
bfat's picture
Joined: 08/21/2008
MGoPoints: 70

that made me urinate in my jean shorts

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May 8th, 2009 at 10:31 AM | Attempted comedy? (Score:1)
ty@thelionsinwinter
ty@thelionsinwinter's picture
Joined: 03/17/2009
MGoPoints: 117

The comedy is up . . . AND IT'S GOOD!

Fantastic stuff, Brian.

Peace
Ty @ The Lions in Winter

http://www.thelionsinwinter.com - a Detroit Lions blog

http://www.abeautifuldayforfootball.com - a Spartan football blog

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May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 AM | Excellent! (Score:1)
EzehDoesIt
EzehDoesIt's picture
Joined: 03/19/2009
MGoPoints: 8

Made my morning.

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May 8th, 2009 at 4:42 PM | That made my ROFLcopter.... (Score:1)
Rush N Attack
Rush N Attack's picture
Joined: 07/07/2008
MGoPoints: 526

go SOI SOI SOI.

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May 11th, 2009 at 10:05 PM | 1,997 Days (Score:1)
Texas Buckeye
Texas Buckeye's picture
Joined: 05/11/2009
MGoPoints: 0

A person going by the moniker "Fat Bastard" noted that this post is "Awesomely Hilarious."

I'll grant you I chuckled... but then I shifted back in my chair, kicked my feet back a bit, reached for my mouse and visited the Columbus Dispatch. I then navigated to OSU Sports > Football and saw something that is truly "Awesomely Hilarious."

1,997 days.

That's how long the sweater vest has owned the once mighty Wolverines. And, dear friends, I don't see this trend stopping anytime soon.

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May 11th, 2009 at 10:19 PM | I'm surprised you can see at (Score:1)
wlvrine
wlvrine's picture
Joined: 09/25/2008
MGoPoints: 1462

I'm surprised you can see at all.

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May 11th, 2009 at 10:27 PM | Good one! (Score:1)
Texas Buckeye
Texas Buckeye's picture
Joined: 05/11/2009
MGoPoints: 0

Come on... is that the best you can do?

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May 11th, 2009 at 11:12 PM | Ooh kaaI'm surprised you can (Score:1)
wlvrine
wlvrine's picture
Joined: 09/25/2008
MGoPoints: 1462

Ooh kaa

I'm surprised you can see at all due to:

A. Bathtub gin

B. Auto erotication

C. Running with scissors

D. If you cover your eyes with buckeye stickers you get a free can of Copenhaghen from 7-11

E. You lack foresight

F. Your eyes are crossed

G. Your chemical toilet exploded

H. The first time you fired your Red Ryder B.B. gun you thought it was a fluke

I. You kept reaching for the Corona during an eclipse

j. Inbreeding (sorry, I know it's and old joke)

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May 11th, 2009 at 11:21 PM | Don't feed the trolls. (Score:1)
GCS
GCS's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 777

Don't feed the trolls.

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May 11th, 2009 at 10:22 PM | I'll be it was Tate. He (Score:1)
UMxWolverines
UMxWolverines's picture
Joined: 03/01/2009
MGoPoints: 5238

I'll be it was Tate. He already knows he's gonna show TP's ass up come November 21st.

"Ohio is like a giant turd that Michigan just can't pinch off"

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