This Week in the Twitterverse
Obligatory pig
Dr. Hamlet III is eating a carrot out of Kyle Kalis’ belly button. Your argument is invalid.
Returned to Sender
We all remember the last couple of years when Devin Gardner and Logan Tuley-Tillman burned their letter from Ohio State. A good guffaw was had in Ann Arbor, and "scUM-has-a-discipline-problem" faux outrage in Columbus. On Tuesday, Notre Dame commit Elijah Hood tried to show Alabama that compared to his school of choice, anyone else was number two... by flushing his recruiting letters from Alabama down the toilet. He has since deleted the Vine video, but the internet never forgets.
His original tweet included the hashtag #RollToilet. The correct hashtag would probably have been #ToiletPaperRollTide, but we'll give him credit for the effort.
As a lifelong user of toilets, though, I question the wisdom of this move. Either those things won't actually flush, and he'll have to fish them out by hand, and if they DO manage to flush them, that heavy card stock will clog that thing in a damn hurry.
This also represents a troubling escalation in the "get rid of other teams' recruiting materials" war. A few other recent examples:
- A hipster Cal commit created a performance art piece in which he sucked helium and performed a dramatic reading of a letter from Lane Kiffin while a bootlegged copy of Maid in Manhattan played in the background. No one really 'got it,' but from what people could tell this was bad for Lane Kiffin, so LULZ NICE JOB KID WAY TO GO.
- A recruit lit a letter from Texas A&M on fire, not knowing that the letter actually contained four GA's that Kevin Sumlin sent as a barbershop quartet. All were lost.
- A recruit hacked into Joker Phillips' instagram account and drew genitalia on all of his crazy-ass recruiting pictures. Joker took one look, shrugged, and asked himself, "why didn't I think of that?"
- The younger brother of a successful college player, stuck living in the shadow of said older brother and upset about his own lack of respect, attempted to dramatically throw a letter into the ocean. This proved to be a slightly more difficult gesture than he had anticipated.
Returning a letter from whence you came
[After the jump, Jim Tressel may need a little more Quiet Time]
Happy Easter !!
Jim Tressel is still around, and had some words of inspiration yesterday for his 12,000 followers:
It has all the hallmarks of a boring ol’ motivational affirmation: solid message (work hard and don’t give up and whatnot), authoritative source (Muhammad Ali), etc. But this one sounds familiar, and not in a good way. Where have I heard this before?
Oh, right. Some guy tweeted it to “129 current, former, and prospective student athletes with ties to The Ohio State University” last year. That guy’s name: Charles Eric Waugh.
Yep. THAT guy.
Odds are that it’s just an unlucky and unfortnate coincidence. But there’s always a flicker of hope that Tressel is really trying to provoke a new in-state battle between Akron (Tressel’s current employer) and Ohio State. It’s that kind of leadership that led to the latest movement…
#JimTressel4President
Gordon Gee’s tenure as Ohio State’s tenure came to an end this week because he suffered from a rare but serious condition known as saying dumbass things:
So, in the wake of this where will Ohio State turn to turn for new, fresh leadership to help move the Buckeyes past some of the mistakes of their recent past?
Not a bad plan. After all, returning to the previous page is still technically “turning the page,” right?
I don't want to draw any deeped conclusions about the Buckeye psyche based on this, but... actually, that's wrong. I do want to draw conclusions. Shame does not exist inside the borders of Ohio, and to Ohio State things outside of Ohio do not exist. You Worst State Everers are like the guy from Memento, but you just have "Jim Tressel" tattooed on your collective body in like two dozen places. You have no recollection of anything that happened more than 10 minutes ago, and you don't know exactly what the problem is, but you're pretty damn sure that Jim Tressel is the solution.
If you want to understand Ohio State, listen to this song:
And replace the word "monorail" with "Tresselball." Happy "retirement" Mr. Gee.
Zoinks
MSU Sophomore Denzel Valentine was digging through the iPhone or digital camera or something this week, and decided to share a picture of Gary Harris searchin' for Scooby Snacks and solving mysteries.
(H/T @TheOnlyColors)
Knowingly or not, though, Harris may have set himself up for a Zoolander-style walkoff with Johnny Football himself, who was likewise a Friend of Shaggy last Halloween:
Pictured: Not Daphne
It’s really not fair to Harris to have a pure “who wore it better” competition, if for no other reason than context. Harris is wearing his in a costume store. Manziel is wearing his in the real world, as can be seen in the many pictures that exist from that night. I’m not gonna document his exploits here, but you can ask Google Image search what Johnny’s night was like. Or you can take my word for it; dude had a real good time.
As for Harris, this picture does answer the question, “what does the outline of Gary Harris’s junk look like?” I guess Johnny’s 6’1” frame fits into costumes than Harris’ 6’4” frame.
[Side note, Keith Appling wanted the gang to solve the Mystery of the Missing Basketball. Turns out, it was the creepy old lighthouse keeper Trey Burke. And he would have gotten away with it, too... oh. wait. He did get away with it].
American Badass
Mike Martin is on a first name basis with Kid Rock. This is a strange world.
It’s somewhat hard to believe that these two specimens are part of the same species. Kid Rock has always been a skinny dude, but he looks even moreso standing next to Mike Martin and Mike Martin’s equally Mikemartinish friend.
[ED: It's been pointed out in the comments that the other Mikemartinish dude is Dominic Raiola]
I like the idea of Mike Martin standing next to one of these rather than the real thing.
So disappointed by Elijah Hood's hashtag skillz. The correct answer was #rollturd
But Better and Faster (Fred Jackson)
Better at least. Woof indeed. You go dawg.
It looks like Dominic Raiola from the Lions...
It's probably the camera angle, but Raiola makes Martin look a little small in comparison. Doesn't seem possible.
Scary that human beings in the NFL can do that to each other.
I think you have a boatload of reincarnation competition. Holy ... cow!
I love that Kid Rock is worth $30-40 million, but still drinks Bud Light. That takes some dedication to your shitty beer.
He needs to preserve his "straight out the trailer park" rep. Fortunately, he probably has a contract with some Belgian monestary to sell him the best beer ever in Bud Light bottles.
There is one that you have to travel to the monistary to buy. But this year they want to do some repairs so they are making a batch and selling aroun dthe us. I am pretty sure it sold out immediatly. (Kid Rock refills his bud lights with it)
American Badass Beer.
But the brewery where he was having it contract brewed was foreclosed on/bankrupt. So he's looking for another brewery in Michigan to brew it for him now. Problem is, it's hard to find someone with enough excess capacity to do that. I know he wants to keep it in Michigan but he may have to settle for the general Midwest -- there are a few breweries in Wisconsin that contract brew as well as one on the south side of Chicago (that one might not be big enough though).
As someone who has tried this concoction . . . um, not so good. Maybe Bud Light is the gold standard for him after all.
Bud Light, for when you care less about your taste buds than your liver.
If his head was cocked to the side, I would swear that dude who is photobombing the Kid Rock/Mike Martin picture is actually that creepy Waugh dude.
Also: Johnny Manziel has it made.
Looks like it to me at least.
Jinkies! Johnny Football knows how to celebrate Halloween.
I'm about two millimeters away from wondering which waxing salon his friend patronizes.
This post has stuff about junk outlines of a recruit, and now we're talking waxing.
This blog is getting stranger.
That sure as hell ain't Thelma either with Johnny Football.
[Side note, Keith Appling wanted the gang to solve the Mystery of the Missing Basketball. Turns out, it was the creepy old lighthouse keeper Trey Burke. And he would have gotten away with it, too... oh. wait. He did get away with it].
I will now have a perma-smile all day.
So much win!
A vine of a vine? I think we've entered the nexus of the universe.
Why can't I see these vine videos? Couldn't see the ones by Gardner either?
Has anyone heard that some football player got a pig?
until I read ten more confirming stories about it (with pictures!) on MGoBlog.
I went to Google Images to check out Johhny Manziel's Halloween exploits but their server had just crashed. Wonder what happened?
Johnny Manziel was fun to watch last year, but there is a part of me that kind of hopes he crashes and burns this year.
He won't do as well with Joekel gone and now that he is a known threat... not to mention the Heisman target on his backside. I would expect a sophmore slump - but that will be better than average given his freshman debut.
even with Joekel gone. The RT, now LT, Matthews was a top 15-ish pick himself, and Ifedi at RT is a more natural fit for him. The center, another Matthews, gained some game experience last year and will pick it up quickly. Manziel was still learning the offense last year, and the team incorporated more into it as the year progressed. It was fun watching his progression, and he does have a heck of an arm.
Also, Manziel's girlfriend isn't hard on the eyes either.
1. Kalis should probably keep his beastiality to himself. Kinda weird. Not in a good way.
2. BISB: Stop looking at Oscar's wang
That is all.
Caught again by "Vineception."
The Vine within a Vine...
I think it's official:
Every MGoBlog author has now posted a picture of Dr. Hamlet III.
Hopefully that means it has been flushed out of the system...
I've posted two. Doctor H ain't going nowhere.
Out of the system?!??! I was hoping for tshirts...
<blockquote>Not a bad plan. After all, returning to the previous page is still technically “turning the page,” right?</blockquote>
Keep doin' what you do, BiSB.
The truth can now be told. The reason I look so shocked in this picture is that Tressel had just confided in me that he had been asked to take over the OSU President's job should Gee have to leave. He asked me to keep that news on the DL though so I couldnt post it until now.
mGrowOld, you inspired me. As in, I had zero desire to have any photographs of my person taken with Hoke, Beilein, or anyone else at last night's Coach's Midwest Tour. And as bad as your photo was, it pales in comparison to some of the pictures of Ohio fans. Not for me.
That's a big pig. I thought it was one of those "toy pigs," or whatever the hell they're called. But if that's Kalis' belly, and Kalis is a big dude, then that's a big damn pig.
years from now when we look back and try to figure out when Mgoblog jumped the proverbial shark, or at least got a little bit more creepy than the normal following of recruiting and college sports can be (OMG shirtless anyone?), I will point to the picture of a pig eating a carrot out of a lineman's belly button as the apex of the decline...
idk,
jdon
I'm going to go with "B" as the fake one.
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