"Northwestern fans can be both heartened and disheartened by the loss to Minnesota just like how nineteenth-century resurrectionists were heartened when they pried a heart from a freshly-buried corpse and then disheartened it when they sold it to a disreputable anatomist."
Dr. Hamlet III is eating a carrot out of Kyle Kalis’ belly button. Your argument is invalid.
Returned to Sender
We all remember the last couple of years when Devin Gardner and Logan Tuley-Tillman burned their letter from Ohio State. A good guffaw was had in Ann Arbor, and "scUM-has-a-discipline-problem" faux outrage in Columbus. On Tuesday, Notre Dame commit Elijah Hood tried to show Alabama that compared to his school of choice, anyone else was number two... by flushing his recruiting letters from Alabama down the toilet. He has since deleted the Vine video, but the internet never forgets.
His original tweet included the hashtag #RollToilet. The correct hashtag would probably have been #ToiletPaperRollTide, but we'll give him credit for the effort.
As a lifelong user of toilets, though, I question the wisdom of this move. Either those things won't actually flush, and he'll have to fish them out by hand, and if they DO manage to flush them, that heavy card stock will clog that thing in a damn hurry.
This also represents a troubling escalation in the "get rid of other teams' recruiting materials" war. A few other recent examples:
- A hipster Cal commit created a performance art piece in which he sucked helium and performed a dramatic reading of a letter from Lane Kiffin while a bootlegged copy of Maid in Manhattan played in the background. No one really 'got it,' but from what people could tell this was bad for Lane Kiffin, so LULZ NICE JOB KID WAY TO GO.
- A recruit lit a letter from Texas A&M on fire, not knowing that the letter actually contained four GA's that Kevin Sumlin sent as a barbershop quartet. All were lost.
- A recruit hacked into Joker Phillips' instagram account and drew genitalia on all of his crazy-ass recruiting pictures. Joker took one look, shrugged, and asked himself, "why didn't I think of that?"
- The younger brother of a successful college player, stuck living in the shadow of said older brother and upset about his own lack of respect, attempted to dramatically throw a letter into the ocean. This proved to be a slightly more difficult gesture than he had anticipated.
Returning a letter from whence you came