Class of 2012: The New Numbers

The 2012 Football Media Guide was released last night. Like all media guides it has lots of information reporters will Google/Bentley anyway if they ever need it. This one also comes with an extensive section on 100-yard rushers and 100-yard rushing duos in case, you know, anyone needs to write an article this year about two guys rushing for over 100 yards in a game or something. It also has a roster. A ROSTER!!! OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD, OBSESSIVE ATTENTION TO ROSTER NUMBERS, GO!

Notable non-bullets:

NO position switches: Everybody who was a thing in spring is still that thing.

Baquer Sayed not on it again. This same thing happened last year and then he turned up back on the team so this could be nothing. (UPDATE: Confirmed he has left the team.) Baquer was in the Spring Game and caught one of those passes listed as "unknown" in the box score. He was a 2010 preferred walk-on, one of those tall, loping-type receivers who look like they're hunched over until they extend to unworldly lengths. He turned down MAC offers to walk on here. Tim Sullivan interviewed him on MGo a few years ago. Yes, that Fordson.

Devin Gardner a junior, not RS soph. You shouldn't expect him to be since they won't say until he applies following the 2013 season, but I always look anyway.

WDEs the Biggest Gainers. Brennan Beyer is now 252 lbs., up 27 from the Spring roster, meaning he has gained the mass of the world's biggest lobster. Space fact: it now takes as much extra energy for Beyer to jump as it takes an astronaut in his space suit to jump from the surface of the moon. Frank Clark is up 32 lbs. for a listed 260. In other guys moving down the line, Jibreel Black is up to 276 (+16) and Roh is listed at 278 (+9).

Holy Ondre! Ondre Pipkins, at 337 pounds, is the biggest dude on the entire roster. For reference, Will Campbell arrived at 309, Richard Ash was 320, and freshman Gabe Watson was 358.* Other freshmen arriving much larger than advertised are Willie Henry (6'3-302, from 6'2-270), Ben Braden (6'6-319, from 285), Erik Magnuson (6'6-290 from 275), Amara Darboh (6'2-218 from 190), A.J. Williams (6'6-282 from 270), The Funchess (6'4-225 from 6'5-205), and James Ross (6'1-225 from 6'0-209). Only RJS arrived smaller than sites said (6'2-206 from 215).

* "That's all?" —everyone my age who ever played against Southfield

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On to the fully digit-ed freshmen!

You are welcome to see how wrong I was at guessing. Or you can burn that. You know what, burn that.

Number Changes:

Not as many as in years previous.

Meet the Walk-Ons:

The new guys. Those listed were not on the spring roster.

# = preferred walk-on. Interesting note: Glasgow is listed at DL, though the little chatter about him on the interwebs expected him to be an interior offensive lineman.

Counting Things on Scholarship

(note: Brink, Heininger and Kovacs counted as scholarship players)

31! Thirty-one scholarship players with junior (19) or senior (12) eligibility, ah ah ah! Last year was 18 juniors and 15 seniors; 2010 was 14 and 11. This year there are only 11 sophomores (since few redshirted in '10 and many did last season.

38! Thirty-eight players left from the '08-'10 classes, ah ah ah! This roster is already mostly Hoke's. Show? Show.

7! Seven receivers on last year's August roster who are now gone. Odoms, Grady and Hemingway by graduation, Stonum by action, Stokes and Williamson by volition, Terrence Robinson by unrenewsion. AHHHH!

14! Fourteen scholarship players at defensive back, ah ah ah! As opposed to nine on the roster in 2009.

44! Forty-four of the guys pictured in the Media Guide with facial hair, ah ah ah! This has to be a new record since the '70s.

Team 133 Photo Day

THE THREE STAGES OF BEARDLINESS:

They are Demens, Allspach, and Mealer.

TEAM DREAD-FLOW 133!:

(EDIT: Almost forgot:

.)

They are Wolverines with lions' manes sticking out of their helmets, soaring through the air in much the same way Odre Pipkins doesn't. They are: J.T. Floyd, Chris Eddins, Gibbons U PUT IT THRU THE UPRITES, Denard with something on his upper lip that shouldn't be there, Roh's left eyebrow, Roh's right eyebrow, Hopkins, the Jake (love the Jake), and Bolden. Here's some dudes trying to get into the club:

T-Gordon, Gallon, Jarrod Wilson, Dennis Norfleet, Justice Hayes, Seth Broekhuizen.

NO LONGER PART OF TEAM DREAD-FLOW:

Josh Furman.

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I CHOSE HIM AS MY TOTALLY UNREASONABLE NAME ON NOBODY'S LIPS TO GET ALL EXCITED ABOUT

Delonte Hollowell. Somebody get this man a bow-tie.