Buckeye neighbor got a home theater
Alright, so, my neighbors are big time buckeyes. Like, fathead helmet in their garage. The works. They're actually really nice, and even usually know a thing or two about M football when we chat. They're also the extremely rare successful buckeye. They clearly make way more than my wife and I, and they really like stuff. Which is like, who can blame them? Stuff is awesome.
Anyhow, yesterday, they had a home theater delivered and installed from Best Buy (lol at needing Geek Squad, yeah, whatever). A beautiful piece of electronics, let me tell you. They requested it delivered yesterday so it would be working perfect for kickoff tonight.
Question.... is there any way to use this against them? They are nice and gracious, but they are Buckeyes, and therefore must be destroyed.
September 2nd, 2010 at 7:59 AM ^
Wow, how did he afford it on a McDonalds salary
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:17 AM ^
He said "successful", he's a manager at McDonalds.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:04 AM ^
Disguised as a Geek Squad member (you're really gonna have to sell that one if you guys are close), go "perform updates on the TV software" (if they need geek squad in the first place they should be ok with that), at which point you slide in a DVD collage of Big Will to the tune of the Victors (or if you REALLY wanna torture them, have Rick Astley's greatest hits playing) in the background, making sure to include his Thor and model poses too. Weld the DVD player shut, and tell them that if they touch the outlet to unplug it or change the video input, they'll get zapped by the might of Thor. Justice.
/Allzyourtvarebelongtous
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:05 AM ^
Drive-by EMP.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:09 AM ^
Do you, per chance, have access to the Goldeneye satellite? The destruction might be a bit more than intended, but hey. If you're committed here...
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:10 AM ^
Do I have to become a weird nerd with a pen fetish and a Russian accent, then?
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:13 AM ^
Or a psychopath who gets orgasms from mass-murder. But hey, whatever gets you going
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:28 AM ^
I don't think I have the legs for a bikini.
But my stomach/chest hair would really add a nice accent.
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:29 AM ^
(Where's the Shredder when you need him...?)
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:19 PM ^
[Basher's original plan for knocking out the casino's power has flopped]
Danny: What's a "pinch"?
Basher: A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb - now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you'd be getting the seventeenth century.
Buckeyes tend to live in the seventeenth century - right?
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:05 AM ^
I was 99% sure you were going to say they bought it from a dude in a white van at the gas station.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:13 AM ^
Ask if you can watch the UConn game with them.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:17 AM ^
you know nothing about being an evil and vindictive bastard.
Also, I'm sitting on 42" of HD myself, so NYEAH on them and their 65".
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:18 AM ^
That's barely a home theatre. Pathetic. Just like a buckeye to bring a knife to a gun fight.
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:30 AM ^
Unless you have the Mitsu 73", what are you carrying?
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:54 AM ^
...it's a) cheap and b) not very difficult to hook up a nice HD projection system and give yourself as much theatre as you can afford screen. Then again guy is going all Geek Squad Best Buy so what do you expect in terms of thinking outside the box.
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:32 AM ^
And they have 65" of GE or something, they might as well be watching it with a veil on.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:14 AM ^
Use a universal remote to randomly change the channel from a nearby window. If you can somehow sneak in and insert some kind of Michigan DVD into their Blu-Ray, even better. The remote thing would definitely work though - trust me. MMMWWWAAAA-HHHAAAA-HHAAAA!!!!
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:17 AM ^
Just go to his place in November for the upset special.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:19 AM ^
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:22 AM ^
does your Rotel pre come slathered in Velveeta?
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:53 AM ^
Are there quick meals in your house?
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 AM ^
You had me at "pre come slathered" ... no homo.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:20 AM ^
Tell them about Denard.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:23 AM ^
Inform his manager at Domino's that he's obviously stealing extra money from the register.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:25 AM ^
Enough already...
I hate Ohio State like all other Michigan fans must. I also live just a bit east of Columbus. Here is my take on Buckeye fans. There are two types, the ones who actually attended OSU and those that did not. I have come to find that most OSU grads, although they hate Michigan, are actually pretty decent people. Many of them have all their teeth, can spell "cat" and are very capable of having a semi-intelligent conversation about football most of the time. Most of these same OSU fans, the grads, are not enjoying the depravity of what was Michigan football in 08 an 09. Why? It decreases the value of the rivalry and "the game". Yeah, we have to bust each other's balls, because that is what we do and it is expected, but real fans do respect our program and I respect theirs. If you cannot see Jim Tressel as a great coach, you are not a football fan or you have let "the rivalry" take over your ability to think. To not respect your opponent on the football field is to denigrate a win. Even if you hate 'em. Hate and respect are not mutually exclusive.
Then there are the wannabes...the jerks that litter the streets of Columbus with no link to OSU but their love of OSU football, the very same people who would beat on Brian's crippled friend on the famous story about a trip to Columbus. They have nothing else. Columbus has little to offer in the world of sports, other than OSU.
So, tell your friend that it will be great watching OSU lose to Michigan this year and, thanks to your friend's new home theater, to be able to see the game in a level of clarity heretofore unseen.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:58 AM ^
take a shit on the hood of his car.
/sarcasm
September 2nd, 2010 at 10:29 AM ^
Your logic means that 99.999% of unfunny unoriginal Ohio State jokes don't work any more, and frankly, that goes against the grain of the interwebs.
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:25 PM ^
are probably the truck drivers that made OSU great!
"And here we are in Columbus in front of a sellout crowd of 10,000 alumni and 74,000 truck drivers." --Bob Ufer
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:27 AM ^
The best possible event would be for your neighbor to watch UM upset OSU in the Horseshoe on his big screen.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:44 AM ^
I'm pretty sure it's not even a crime if you damage the material goods of a Buckeye. It's more like... penance.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:54 AM ^
Watching the Buckeyes lose to Miami, random lowly Big Ten team and Michigan followed by being crushed in the bowl game while Pryor hangs his head in shame and tries to rub off his tatoo in stunning HD is the real punishment. And you don't have to do a thing!
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:57 AM ^
(Love that line from A Few Good Men)...
The Geek Squad guys were hired because Mr. OSU Neighbor said, "Hey, I've got me a pile o' money. I don't need to do the installation myself." Of course, he's foolish to believe that he could do it, if he wanted to.
Anyway, most home theaters have internet capability these days. Hack the damn thing, corrupt his DNS settings, and set every URL to automatically redirect to MGoBlog, WLA, etc. That's what I'd do.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:58 AM ^
Be aware that if you do anything to mess with their enjoyment of "that team" it will become a cycle of violence, and there's no way I would mess around with the potential of missing part of the Michigan game because I played a dumb prank on a Bucknut. It sounds like these folks are a rare form of Ohioan: tolerable. You play right into the hands of the enemy by paying them any attention, or at least more than you have to.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:00 AM ^
I'm not actually going to do anything to my neighbor's stuff, okay? That would be both asshole and criminal, and I am neither.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:15 AM ^
Blazefire: No, I don't want anything to happen to him.
Johnny O: Right.
(winks knowingly)
JohnnyO: I understand. Say it a little bit louder.
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:34 AM ^
It wasn't Blazefire. Really. He has an Alibi. He was on MGoBlog at the time.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:07 AM ^
No, but it is your clear duty to quietly one up them.
Example: one buckeye in the neighborhood has a wrangler unlimited sport. I have the rubicon. Another buckeye in the neighborhood has a chevy traverse. My wife has the GMC acadia. (I know, infested with buckeyes in this North Carolina neighborhood.)
This by the way did not happen with intent on my part: it just happened naturally.
But still, get on it man!
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:19 AM ^
Find out where he works and apply for a job. Work your way up the corporate ladder by kissing ass. When you are his boss, fire him and purchase the home theater at his garage sale.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:50 AM ^
Hopefully you've already signed him up for a truckload of anonymous mail order porn DVDs.
They will sell his name, & it will be on a dozen other lists within the week.
As an added bonus, you can accidentally "intercept" one of the DVDs, then hand deliver it to him (or his wife) saying "It obviously has your address, but the mailman must have put it in our box by mistake, and we opened it.
Recall this "incident" at every available cocktail party/PTA meeting.
September 2nd, 2010 at 10:11 AM ^
There's only one way to take these people down: win The Game as they watch on their brand new home theater.
September 2nd, 2010 at 2:16 PM ^
I don't worry about what Buckeyes do. I usually just wait for the next episode of 'To catch a predator' to find out.
September 2nd, 2010 at 2:37 PM ^
get a grip. Half of you clowns sound like aspiring felons. The OP clearly states they are very nice people. A groundbreaking idea here....buy some steaks and beer and propose a Saturday party. The Bucks won't be on and you could enjoy your game among others in glorious 65inch HD while everyone eats and drinks. HOLY SHIT FRATERNIZING WITH BUCKEYE FOLK. It's called real life. It never hurts to have successful people as friends, no matter their college affiliation.
September 2nd, 2010 at 4:02 PM ^
Go out and get yourself a better set-up. If you can't afford it, find a way. Never settle for less then a Buckeye.