The Woolfolk Hangover, or: Bohemian Crapsody
SO DID EVERYONE HAVE FUN LAST NIGHT CAN I GET A HELL YEA
YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH GIVE ME A FUCKIN' OTTER
GET PUMPED IT'S AUGUST AND HENRI'S ALREADY OUT IT'S GOING TO BE A HELL OF A FALLLLLLLLLL
THE DEPTH CHART AT CORNER
1. DONOVAN WARREN
2. TROY WOOLFOLK
3. TLOY WOORFORK
4. JUSTIN TURNER
5. DEMAR DORSEY
6. BOUBACAR CISSOKO
7. THIS GUY FRUITLESSLY CHASING A 235 POUND INDIANA FRESHMAN (NOT THE WHITE ONE)
8. THIS GUY WHO TILTS HIS HEAD IN A NON-CONFIDENCE INSPIRING WAY
9. RICHARD NIXON
10. SOME OTHER FRESHMEN, THIS ONE A QUARTERBACK
11. AND THIS ONE SPORTING A NAME CONFUSINGLY SIMILAR TO THAT OF HIS BROTHER, WHO IS 249 POUNDS AND WILL PROBABLY BE PLAYING THE SAME POSITION THIS FALL
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHICH HATS ARE UGLY YET
12. NIXON AGAIN
13. JAMES ROGERS
…WAIT, SERIOUSLY, SAMMY DAVIS JUNIOR?
August 18th, 2010 at 12:02 PM ^
Hey, maybe James Rogers will be good. I mean, he did catch a pass or two last year, right? At least if a QB screws up and throws directly to him, he'll conceivably be able to intercept, right?
This is what you would call irrational denial. The glass isn't half full or half empty. The fucking glass has exploded and no longer holds anything.
August 18th, 2010 at 2:21 PM ^
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
If those were five years ago we would at least be able to go Ricks and drown our sorrows in the sweat soaked breasts of the celibately challenged undergraduate population of UofM
February 24th, 2011 at 12:02 AM ^
Six months later, and I'm just now seeing this reply to my comment. Yes, we'd go to Rick's, but we'd probably have a sharkbowl race, you'd vomit, and proceed to build a chair fort over the vomit, explaining that it was okay. . . and it would be okay; the chair fort was seen as an acceptable Type I barricade. Yes, it would be a Type I barricade. I know this from my profession. Which means it's knowledge acquired since said chair fort building. And replaced some older, cooler knowledge in my limited brain. Fuck my life.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:03 PM ^
Good to see you're up. I thought maybe you'd be sipping black coffee in a dark, quiet room 'til about 3pm.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:04 PM ^
Our fearless leader's tweets last night were quite entertaining. Nothing like the booze to ease the pain of another Michigan heartbreak. Oh Michigan secondary, what could've been...
August 18th, 2010 at 12:35 PM ^
Don't forget the power tools. Nothing really says, "Fuck it, I have nothing to live for anymore" like combining booze and power tools.
August 18th, 2010 at 3:48 PM ^
It was just a drill (THIS IS ONLY A DRILL). It would take a lot of work to accidentally kill yourself with a drill. Now, if he had a circular saw . . .
"Is this like that time you tried to drill a hole in your head?"
"That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me."
August 18th, 2010 at 12:04 PM ^
look on the bright side... our qb's will have a high degree of confidence from throwing into that 404 backfield in practice
August 18th, 2010 at 12:05 PM ^
Brian dropped an F bomb. It's worse than I thought.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:05 PM ^
raise your fucking hand.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:09 PM ^
Look, I'm sorry. That Pandora girl said the box was empty. What could it hurt to take a look?
August 18th, 2010 at 12:05 PM ^
the brain cook's head totally asplodes?
We need a over/under stat
August 18th, 2010 at 12:06 PM ^
Wouldn't it be an interesting twist if Devin Gardner or Forcier stepped up enough that it would free Robinson to go and play DB? Possibly play him two ways? At least then we can have someone catch an overweight under-talented Freshman RB from Indiana.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:15 PM ^
denard hasn't practiced at CB in 2 years. even if forcier beat him out, i don't think this would help for several weeks, if at all.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:06 PM ^
What's the over/under now on 3rd-and-long passes given up this season?
August 18th, 2010 at 12:23 PM ^
hahahaha
3rd and long?
August 18th, 2010 at 12:34 PM ^
lots of teams run on first down and then take a knee second down...
August 18th, 2010 at 4:30 PM ^
Well played.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:06 PM ^
August 18th, 2010 at 12:21 PM ^
I plug my disappointment with those sweet little pills that when placed in water turn into a sponge slightly resembling a dinosaur and, of course, youtube clips of the Andy Milonakis Show theme song. Pancakes on my face and shit.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:07 PM ^
although I hear this Nixon Again guy (#72) looks to lack ideal hip swivel, so maybe move him down a slot
August 18th, 2010 at 12:11 PM ^
With a nickname like "The Crook", Nixon should be an interception machine.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:27 PM ^
He's tanned, he's rested, he's ready
also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sammy_Davis,_Jr.#Political_Beliefs
August 18th, 2010 at 12:07 PM ^
I'm going to rinse my head in the toilet.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:07 PM ^
stop yelling at me!!!!!!!
August 18th, 2010 at 12:12 PM ^
I DONT SPEEK LOWER KASE
August 18th, 2010 at 12:08 PM ^
Anybody else still have eligibility? I'm sure they could use a 36 year old fat guy with limited flexibility, mobility, or strength. 7.53 40 time! Walk-on, baby, walk-on!
August 18th, 2010 at 12:09 PM ^
I humbly submit Jozy Altidore as a viable candidate at CB. That is all.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:27 PM ^
actually make a pretty damn good CB if he played football. 6-1, 175, strong upper body, solid speed. Landon Donovan would be pretty good too - he's only 5-8 or so, but he is fast and never gets tired.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:10 PM ^
Nixon can't be THAT bad. Maybe he can wiretap some of our opponents' locker rooms for us.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:10 PM ^
After watching the Jets-Giants game, is anyone else relieved that Victor Cruz graduated from UMass?
August 18th, 2010 at 1:02 PM ^
I honestly thought of "man I hope they don't have another Victor Cruz" and then this resulted in the whole "thank God they graduated Victor Cruz"
August 18th, 2010 at 12:10 PM ^
August 18th, 2010 at 12:11 PM ^
Are we getting a new head coach next year because of last night?
August 18th, 2010 at 12:28 PM ^
I think you may be on to something here. Not saying the RR is to blame for this (injury) in any conceivable way, but I do believe this will be a big enough hit to the weakest part of our team, that it could sway a couple of games, and ultimately decide the fate of our coach. I am now looking back fondly at late winter when we were discussing the possibility of Woolfolk returning to safety with Turner and Dorsey playing CB. I was worried about having two young, very talented guys playing CB with a good safety, and now I long for that "problem".
February 24th, 2011 at 1:46 AM ^
Unfortunately he was onto something there.
August 18th, 2010 at 2:33 PM ^
worries me more than anything. The DBs were the weak link and they are now a lot weaker. If this leads to another 5 or (please no) less win season I don't know if RR survives. Don't get me wrong - I am not talking about what "should" or what I want to happen, just was is likley. If we have another '08, I just don't see Brandon keeping him around. RR is not Brandon's hire and Brandon has been in place long enough now to take control. This makes total implosion (a la '08) so much more likely. I am terrified that about what happens if RR is fired at the end of the year. All of the returning talent on the team was recruited by him to play in his system. I don't want to be here in February talking about how all three QBs have transfered b/c they don't want to play in Coach X's system. Even if we get Harbough to come here in '11, he would have to rebuild and then it would be another three years before that is done. That is six years of sucking. At that point, we're a team that used to be good a long time ago. (The way people talk about Pitt in the 70s.)
So, like Cullen and TJ, step-the-hell-up and prevent the above.
BTW - Brian, I want good news. At this point, just make some shit up!
August 18th, 2010 at 12:12 PM ^
You forgot Adrian Witty, starting CB at Cincinatti.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:12 PM ^
Everyone that took the under on the first post of the day won. I was guessing silence after these gems last night:
you know you are an M fan when you eat leftover summer squash pakoras with american cheese and drink cointreau with diet seven up.
ATTENTION TWITTER: I am drinking tea *and* an alcoholic substance I can no longer identify. If JT Floyd can multitask like this we're set.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:13 PM ^
I know Kovacs didn't have a chance at that kid, but I love how he's trying to stop him with that murderous glare.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:13 PM ^
Any posibility RR could recruit some track team sprinters to try football?
August 18th, 2010 at 12:15 PM ^
Are you still drunk, or was this, as the title alludes, the effects of the morning after? (I hear that Al Backey had a great spring... and all-state in track all four years of high school.)
August 18th, 2010 at 12:16 PM ^
Was going to attend the New York function next Tuesday with Brian and try to ask a question or two about RRod and the D, now I'll just go shot for shot with him.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:22 PM ^
mods delete this rant please.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:17 PM ^
Courage mes gars: La guerre est proche.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:17 PM ^
If there were ever a gathering of the MGoTribe, it would have to be punctuated by a Morrissey concert - or maybe a Smiths reunion.
Dig in and hold that rope y'all - it's getting heavy!
August 18th, 2010 at 12:18 PM ^
My grandma died last night. If bad things truly come in threes, I'm waiting for the third worst thing ever. Hopefully it's just that like, my lip gloss melted or something.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:20 PM ^
Some things (many things?) are much more important than football. Grandmas are one.
August 18th, 2010 at 12:29 PM ^
I say we go with Turner transferring as the first to complete the set, because things HAVE gotten progressive worse, and really, I don't want to imagine anything happening worse than what happened to you last night.
My condolences.
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