i am so livejournal right now
3/23/2013 – Michigan 6, Miami 2 – 18-18-3, reach CCHA final
3/24/2013 – Michigan 1, Notre Dame 3 – 18-19-3, season over, tourney streak over
In the end they were nowhere near good enough.
If you've followed Michigan hockey for a long period of time, you can point to a tourney game here or there Sunday's CCHA final against the Irish reminded you of. Smash together:
- that Maine game where a moment of brilliance from Mike Comrie couldn't cover up his short-handed defense's failing legs with…
- that Boston College game Michigan inexplicably led for most of that was over the moment the Eagles tied it after a nine-minute stretch without stoppages and…
- that North Dakota game when Michigan couldn't get out of its own zone but scratched out a shorthanded goal and made it stand up and…
…you get that Notre Dame game.
You know the general outline even if you have no idea what I'm talking about above. If it was soccer the announcers would instantly announce your goal as "against the run of play." Overwhelmed in the corners, fortunate to be in the game, goalie's arm hanging out over the abyss as he screams "DON'T. LET. GO." Fingers sweating, grip slipping, eyes widening, waiting for the buzzer or death.
I don't know about you but as soon as Notre Dame tied it, I was waiting for the end. Michigan had hardly put together a scoring chance. Notre Dame did them a favor by scoring early in the third and dialing back the throttle. At that point shots were 31-10, scoring chances at least that lopsided. By sitting back Notre Dame allowed Michigan to get a better handle on the game, but with 19:30 left I thought "Michigan will have two chances to tie it" and that was all they got.
Notre Dame ate Michigan's lunch. They took one penalty and gave up no odd-man rushes save the shorthanded goal. They won battles in the corner at a 3 to 1 rate. Michigan couldn't put together a rush for ten-minute blocks of time. Over the previous month they'd put something together and run roughshod over all comers, but finally they met a horse they couldn't catch up to. All that stuff Michigan did over their last ten games Notre Dame had been doing all year.
That's how a 21-year tourney streak ends: with Notre Dame showing men of will what will really is.
In the aftermath the word of the day is "redeem."
By the bitter end, Michigan hockey redeemed itself
NCAA streak ends, but Wolverines made Michigan proud
Michigan put themselves in this position with 2/3rds of a season of miserable, unwatchable hockey, and did not dig themselves out. Without the vagaries of single-game playoff hockey they would not have even come close in the end. They were 0-5 against the Irish this year, bombed in every game. Michigan was about as far away from winning that Notre Dame game as they were from getting an at large bid. They had a chance, and found out that running to catch up with someone who had been trying hard from day one isn't easy.
They got what they deserved. A team with as many NHL draft picks as anyone in the country was reduced to a "Cinderella run" in the CCHA playoffs. Divided, they lost game after game to sheer apathy. It got so bad Red tried the put-in-the-third-string-walk-on trick again. Hunwick's first team responded by flying through the slot to clear pucks like demons. This edition lost 4-0 to Michigan Tech and 5-1 to Bowling Green, the nadir. That listless debacle against Bowling Green is this season. What they did at the end was a preview of next year.
It's great that Andrew Copp emerged to take the team by the scruff of its neck and jam it towards an NCAA bid whether it wanted one or not, great that Steve Racine emerged into a viable starter once his defense ceased selling him out a dozen times a game, great that Guptill went from a wake-up scratch to pounding, skating power forward. The fact that this could happen is a ringing condemnation of the upperclassmen. By midseason the guys flanking Treais on the top line were Copp and Sinelli; by the end of the season Copp, a freshman no one had heard of before the year, was the undisputed leader of the forward corps. Because he tried real hard, full stop. This made him unique.
His leadership and the rest of the locker room pulling together is reason for hope. Lessons have clearly been learned, and if this year doesn't show the players the route to success goes through Jeff Jackson's relentless discipline, I'll be surprised.
But it doesn't redeem a damn thing. The preseason #2 team in the country finished under .500 and missed the tournament for the first time in 22 years. There is only one word for that: failure. The scarlet F is branded in this team. The only way up is to own that. Some of them have time to redeem themselves yet; that process starts now.
Michigan loses Moffie, Treais, Sparks, Rohrkemper, and Lynch the Elder to graduation. The early word on departures from Mike Spath at the Wolverine is as such:
- OUT: Kevin Clare, revealed to be indefinitely suspended as much as he was injured and implicated as a Problem, and—sigh—star-crossed Jon Merrill.
- FENCE: Trouba is declared 60-40 to return—an opinion more or less shared by Dave Starman. At least we will know quickly—he's expected to make a decision in a couple days.
- BACK (EXCEPT ONE OF THESE GUYS WILL NOT BE BACK BECAUSE THIS IS MICHIGAN HOCKEY): The three forwards likely to have NHL options are Guptill, Di Giuseppe, and Nieves. Spath projects all to be back, though Guptill "clashed" with the coaches earlier in the year—he was left at home for one series, IIRC. Mac Bennett is projected to return and wear the C.
Just looking at playing time, a couple other guys may also head for greener pastures. There's Rutledge, of course, who turned in an .856 and watched Racine establish a death grip on the job over the last ten games of the season. If he wants to play, a return to the USHL and transfer to a smaller school is probably the only way. Then there's Mike Chiasson, who was an apparently-healthy scratch for the ten-game run. Mike Szuma played in his stead; against Notre Dame Michigan refused to ice a sixth defenseman entirely. I don't think any of the recruits are threats to not show but never say never, mmm, Connor Carrick?
If Michigan does get Trouba back and somehow evades the inevitable unexpected departure, here's a hypothetical line chart:
- Di Giuseppe-Nieves-DeBlois
(Also: Kile, Sinelli, Cianfrone, Random New Walk-on who might be Max Shuart.)
- Bennett-De Jong
(Also: Szuma and probably Kevin Lohan, possibly Spencer Hyman.)
Michigan can sustain a forward departure without much dropoff. The guys I've projected as scratches are all capable of emerging into quality players. Sinelli gave Michigan good minutes late this year. Kile is a year older than the NTDP guys and has better than PPG with one of the USHL's best teams. While Cianfrone has struggled in the USHL, before that he was a midget minor demon and projected first-round OHL draft pick who still went in the third round despite telling teams he was headed to Michigan. Drawing one of those guys into the lineup will be fine. Only Shuart (who left his USHL club for the NAHL) looks particularly unlikely to be a contributor next year.
On defense, they need Trouba back badly. That third pairing is pretty sketch as it is, featuring one of two guys Michigan simply refused to ice against ND plus Serville, who still gives me hives quite a bit. The top two pairings feature two freshmen. There's not nearly as much confidence that any of the backup plans will come through. Lohan is a 6'5" late bloomer; Hyman is a guy who's piled up a lot of time in junior and seems like a third pairing type. If Trouba's gone Michigan is down to one solid pair and hope.
Copp will get an A, for sure, and then DeBlois seems like the most likely other captain. That lineup has no seniors save projected C Bennett and Luke Moffatt, who has never seemed like captain material. Juniors include Lynch, Hyman, Chiasson, and Serville. I could see Hyman getting a call, but DeBlois was on the top line while he toiled on the fourth.
From the Z to the O to the double-R O, he's the dude in the mask from Chem-Orgo. I love the mariachi band, and that the professor turned the "Z" slashes into a carbon chain, and that people are having a heated discussion regarding the professor's added hydroxyl group between the typical amoebic Youtube commenters.
It was a light week, by which I mean the board was mostly obsessed with Burke and the diaries, well, there's only one real "diary." It's about the Director's Cup and where Michigan stands right now, c/o WolverineBlue. Etc. The Blockhams, and Not Michigan Replay video—if you haven't before, now's your chance to learn the words (there's words!) to the Michigan Replay/MGoPodcast song. Let's move on to…
Best of the Board
…YOU'VE ACTUALLY GOTTEN EXCITED ABOUT BEING MENTIONED IN 'DEAR DIARY'
Boom: Jeff Foxworthy'd! The "You might be a _______" meme finally found its way to the board. A collection of some of the more pos-banged follows. You might be an MGoBlogger if…
- …your loved ones will only let you watch Michigan sporting events in public if you promise not to correct all the stupid people this time. (funandgun, paraphrased)
- …you've both wanted to punch Magnus, and greatly appreciated the insight he's provided... at the same time (Nick Sparks)
- …you are as star struck when you see Lloyd Brady or Mitch McGary Picture Guy as if you were to see someone like Charlie Sheen etc. (Raback Obama)
- …you yell "Tacopants!" when a pass sails over a receiver's head (Nick Sparks)
- …you respond to this post so that someday you can get to 100 points and be able to start your own thread. (Michigan Moonman)
- …you scream out "MUPPETS!" in real life when minor things go your way, like finding bacon half price (maizedandconfused)
- …you know who Ohio is, and who OHIO is, and what (NTM) means (ST3)
- …you can find the F5 key in the dark in under 5 seconds (Lionsfan). Replies:
"lol, you guys measure it in seconds. That's cute." –BlockM
"You still have an F5 key? That's cute." –Michigan_Mike
- …a cute girl at a bar says "Hello" and you wonder who's going to commit at the Spring scrimmage.
- …if you have MGOBLOG set as a bookmark, click it, scan the page for updates, then decide to continue surfing the web and without even realizing it, click the MGOBLOG bookmark again instead of going to another site, and then scan the page for a second time in under 30 seconds (Chobee215)
- …you could care less that you're a pre-madonna, a moran, or a looser for all intensive purposes. (OMG Shirtless, who is going to die for putting me through that again just now).
- ...before posting, you ask yourself, is this safe for Mrs StephenRKass? (ST3)
…YOU'RE AN ALABAMA FAN WHO CAN'T RELATE TO OTHER TIDE FANS BECAUSE YOU DON'T SPEAK YOUTUBE COMMENTS
Fact: 90% of Youtube comments are written by people from Alabama. Fact: the longer RollDamnTide hangs out around here the worse you feel about all of those great Alabama jokes. RDT wins Diarist of the Week without writing a diary because his work on the board did more for how people perceive people from Alabama than anything since Lynyrd Skynyrd (I'm including Forrest Gump.) Post the first is a rundown of how Bama boards view Michigan. That they think Pipkins is going to be a factor 4 weeks after arriving on campus shows they're probably even more 5-starry eyed as a fanbase than we are.* Post the second is about academics in the SEC after Morris Claiborne apparently scored between single-celled organism and Youtube commenter. Question: does the Wonderlic ask questions about organic chemistry and/or 18th century Alta California, or, like, other stuff you would learn in regular college courses?
*I realize this is the second time I've knocked Pipkins recently. Please understand that this is not some personal vendetta but an agreement with my doctors to reduce expectations for 5-star recruits and be pleasantly surprised if they succeed, which even in cases of Charles Woodsons is hyper-rare before the Big Ten season begins.
…YOU KNOW WHERE MOST FORMER M PLAYERS ARE COACHING
James Burrill Angell started a thread to track guys formerly in winged helmets who now wear headsets. I went on to post about Kastl but someone beat me to it. I don't know who "Admin" is who posted the Michigan High School Football Coaches Association position paper on recruiting (an interesting read that provides unintentional insight into things like private recruiting services, combines, and AAU events), but his profile image is this:
…so maybe one of our guys? Among FBS schools in the state Central and MSU have signed on. Also if you think your kid might be an NCAA athlete you should know by the time they graduate middle school:
"Understand the NCAA and NAIA Academic Eligibility rules before the student athletes ninth grade year begins. The NCAA continues to add more restrictions to their eligibility process. The Class of 2013 will now need 16 core classes to qualify as a D2 athlete. The Class of 2015 will need a 2.3 GPA to qualify as a D1 athlete. Academic eligibility begins with the first semester report card in the 9th grade. All students and parents need to calculate the students NCAA CORE GPA every semester beginning with the 9th grade.
I'm drifting from the topic. Also: two spaces after a sentence means you probably learned to type before 1995, amirite?
ETC. To the people at UM Hospital: thanks for, you know, what you did to make sure I can keep having a dad for awhile, after three other hospitals on two continents couldn't/wouldn't. From "leaders" to "best," whatever superlative you use to describe yourselves it is probably 100% applicable.
Your Moment of Zen:
By now you've read the Burke tweet, which needed three full-sized threads before everyone could get their Ha-Ha's out: One to point out its irony, one for when big brother slapped him in the face for it, and of course the wicked hangover. The oddity I saw was "People u seek out is better than those that seek u" and "EVERYONE got something to say... smh I thought this was my life!" are in a dialect totally incongruent with every tweet I found in 20 minutes of scrolling through Hollis tweets. Dude wasn't just giving Trey Burke sage advice, he was delivering it in a language that young people understand. Allow me to translate:
This will all blow over soon enough but should serve as warning to young people everywhere: NEVER under any circumstances give your handle out to old people; they think you speak Jive!
Please tell me you got that. It's somebody's general rule that people won't watch movies more than 15 years older than they are.*† ‡ By this rule you'd have to have been born in 1995 (a high school senior) to be excused from Airplane! I'm looking at you, people who didn't get dragonchild's cockpit full of Michigan defenders.
Funny thing about Airplane!: I respect that flick as a classic to the point where I'll be condescending toward someone who hasn't
seen memorized it, but until recently I didn't even know it was an almost perfect spoof of Zero Hour! (1957). It's a testament to how good Airplane! is that it stands up even if you don't get the main joke; to be fair, the diary kind of doesn't. It's also ironic that I would make fun of people for a movie reference going over their heads when what that movie referenced totally went over my head.
Everything You Need to Know About Airmen. So I checked out Zero Hour! and now one of the Airplane! jokes I never really got totally makes sense. You know how Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's character is obviously Kareem Abdul-Jabbar but the narrative keeps trying force this "he's Roger the co-pilot!" thing, to the point that when they pull him away he's got his Lakers shorts on? In Zero Hour! the co-pilot was played by Elroy Hirsch.
ie Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsh…
…and when Kareem appears we're supposed to get how crazy it was that a kid could see Crazylegs in a pilot's uniform and not be like "OMIGOD YOU'RE ELROY HIRSCH!"
Crazylegs was a Badger who got moved to Michigan when a lot of WWII servicemen were transferred as part of a program to give in-training Navy and Marine officers a college education. Hirsch on the transfer:
"But I was to learn a far more important thing about Michigan. It's not something you can hold or see ... but you sure can feel it. I'm speaking about the great Michigan tradition. Corny you say? Not on your life. It's there ... it engulfs you."
Today the service academies don't get first dibs on any draft-age citizen they want, but they do have virtually unlimited scholarships, bringing in 40+ recruits a year (that makes two oversigners on the 2012 schedule). This and many more interesting facts about Air Force can be found in the very early preview by Rabbit21. The whole thing is fascinating. Diary of the Week!
Lines! The bats, oh the bats. They are home and hot, as softball swept their five-game homestand by 10-2, 11-2, 12-4, 6-0, and 12-2 scores. Outfielder Nicole Sappingfield had five RBI last night, including a walk-off grand slam. Shortstop Amy Knapp owes a girl in my section an apology for her put-away homer on Sunday vs. Penn State, which hurt the girl's wrist when she tried to catch it.
Etc. CenterIce's writeup on the incoming hockey recruits. AC1997 updated the basketball offseason outlook for departures; now with 100% more ohgodBurkestay! Helle had a board-bumped travel diary for this year's road games. If you're going to Minnesota, try the Jucy Lucy [sic]. Pro-tip: let it cool first.
* There's a corollary rule that states you will think anything made in the 15-year span around when you were born is pure genius, but this rule is really just an observation by people my age that most of the best movies (Godfather, Star Wars, Back to the Future, etc.) all came out around then.§
† Trekkies are of course excluded.
‡ It's at least 17, since my wife agrees with me that The Lion in Winter with Peter O'Toole and Katharine Hepburn is way better than the remake with Patrick Stewart and Glenn Close. Reminder: Angevin discussion is not OT in comments. Someone's going to take me up on this eventually.
§ Which is to say if some kid thinks Harry Potter and something with Russell Crowe in it constitutes the golden age of film, they should be beaten.‖
‖ Yes I'm doing the Alt85 thing again.
Best of the Board
YEA HE STRIKES AND HIS WRATH IS EVER VENGEFUL
Guys, we're friends. We like each others' blogs. We snark at each others' Neanderthalness. We trade ADs and sit in press boxes together and provide shoulders to cry on when clever un-hateable people in purple get pretentious in our homes. So, as a friend, you gotta get this shit under control, man. Do whatever it takes; run a passing spread, raze a heathen temple, sacrifice the virgins—use Nebraska's if you don't have any—hire a total outsider who hates defense and lose for three years; you must placate this thing before it escapes and wrecks every ballcarrier within 800 miles of a cornfield.
Also you may want to check the bottom of your RB depth chart to see if some weird voodoo is trying to find carries for the most surprising Heisman candidate ever. You're looking for something about 5'6", and looks at you funny if you touch his water bottle.
THIS IS NOT THE GREATEST GOALIE IN THE WORLD (THIS IS JUST A TRIBUTE)
Wolverine Devotee put this together. I'm not a fan of great big dramatic music but I'm a huge fan of little goalies getting lifted by Vaughn then getting hardware from a guy a foot taller than him even without the skates on. I've never been so happy for a guy going to Columbus. He's definitely on the first ballot for the…
PANTHEON OF GRIT
Ezeh-E wants a two-miracle limit for guys to get in. Then he includes Woodson and RVB. On the one hand it's one of sports' ironies that often the guys who work hardest and put the most time and effort into playing their sports well are the biggest superstars. I'm all for this miracle thing if you remove the sandpaper and just call it the Pantheon of Wolverines with Paranormal Abilities. The obvious guys will get in but need to have moments that defy the laws of nature to do so. For example, running 85 yards after Patrick Omameh used an NFL-bound linebacker as a safety-hunting projectile just takes speed. Doing this on your first play ever…
Now that is a complete, out-of-the-sky miracle. Speaking of things falling out of the sky…
OHIO SUPERFAN BUCK I GUY HOSPITALIZED AFTER FREAK TURKEY VULTURE ACCIDENT
I just…that's the title. I'm still reading the title. He's going to be okay. Weird thing about Buck I Guy is Bolgen Gobcat fans think he's a dick but the Michigan fans seem to think he's a good guy. We now know where Turkey vultures stand. Stand…segue from stand.
LOOK, THEY STAND
Those figures: MSHOT92 made those!
And now for your moment of zen:
NONDESCRIPT SOLAR SYSTEM IN MILKY WAY
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF EARTH
Citizens of the planet, I come before you today to make an announcement. That announcement is: I do not give a microdamn about the things 1) Rich Rodriguez or 2) Michigan alumni such as Desmond Howard have to say about Michigan and Rich Rodriguez, respectively.
My interest levels are declining into femtodamn levels. On message boards I now flip past entire threads in which the same tired debates are brought forth with the speed and determination I ignore threads about politics on the internet. Let that sink in. Yeah. That's right. I have as much interest in this topic as I do Herman Cain.
So I don't want to dedicate yet more time to a guy who was fired a year ago except to talk about the things that made his offense very effective and his defense very ineffective. Those things affect Michigan's fortunes on the field and are interesting examples of the ever-evolving college football metagame. Also interesting, if slightly depressing, is the pickle Rodriguez's last couple recruiting classes have left Michigan in, especially on both lines.
Talking about other aspects of Rich Rodriguez's tenure makes me want to claw at my face. But I will do this for you, like I will eat a lemon if Yuri Wright picks Colorado over Michigan. So here is a handy chart for you to follow.
1. Is it about Michigan? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2. Is it really about Michigan or is it a paranoid delusion? If paranoid delusion, go to 3. If still about Michigan, go to 4.
3. Don't care.
4. Still don't care. However, this incident is further evidence that Rodriguez is deservedly bitter about his three year tenure at Michigan and impolitic about discussing it.
Yes, it is further evidence that Rodriguez's maturity level and ability to play "the game" are low. Yes, it reminds me how nice it is to have a guy like Brady Hoke, who says all the correct things in all the generic ways possible. Yes—
What? Where am I? Why am I upside down in some sort of river valley? Why is there a bridge above/below me?
I was probably bungee jumping at the time in an effort to prevent the inevitable—this is the level of my dedication to you, reader—but this topic was still massively boring enough to result in nappy times. I apologize. I'm so, so happy to be talking about this, no, serious—
1. Is it about Rich Rodriguez? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2. Is it really about Rich Rodriguez or is it more of a rapturous thing about Brady Hoke that sets the lack of support given during the Rodriguez tenure in stark relief? If rapturous thing, go to 3. If actually about Rodriguez, go to 4.
3. Yes, that is annoying but let's just suck it up because it's in the best interests of the program.
4. Yes, it is extremely disappointing that certain program alumni appear to be jerks. What can you do, though?
To take one example, when you're so dim and callous as to deride Rodriguez as "Cherry Coke"—probably meant "New Coke"—in front of 60-70 players who were recruited by Rodriguez, are the living embodiment of that change, and went 10-2 and reached the Sugar Bowl, well… that's hopeless. Anyone who would trash-talk Denard, even indirectly, is never going to Get It.
It's further evidence that several recent program alums' maturity levels are low. It reminds me of how nice it was to have Bo around. There's nothing to do about it but wait. Eventually the Rodriguez recruits will be out of the program and the Rodriguez years far enough in the—
Right, this again. Upside down in a river valley.
If I can remain conscious long enough to respond to these things in the future, all future events will be filed "3" or "4". This, people of Earth, is my sacrifice for your well-being. Let it not be in vain. File these things 3 or 4 and live your lives without Rodriguez-Michigan-induced narcolepsy. You, too, can live—
An upside-down Brian Cook who would greatly appreciate being reeled in now
PS. Many of you have passed out in front of your computers and are in danger of entering an infinite loop wherein you wake up, forget what you were reading, begin reading again, and fall asleep. In an effort to prevent the thousands of deaths that may result, here is an animated GIF of some levitating cats.
Hopefully this will catch the newly-awakened reader's eye sufficiently to prevent them from entering a fatal boredom loop.
NOTE: Front page is cached for all viewers and will not allow you to log in. Individual post pages are still using cookies and should allow you to post insofar as the site can remain up. Front page should be good no matter what, fingers crossed.
There's nothing productive to do so here's this. Louder Than Bombs included.
"You've Got Everything Now"
"This Charming Man"
"Hand In Glove"
"I Don't Owe You Anything"
You left / Your girlfriend on the platform
With this really ragged notion that you'll return
But she knows / That when he goes /
He really goes
"What She Said"
How come someone hasn't noticed / That I'm dead
And decided to bury me? / God knows I'm ready
"Pretty Girls Make Graves"
"The Queen Is Dead"
"The Boy with the Thorn in His Side"
"Is It Really So Strange?"
I left the South
I travelled North
I got confused - I killed a horse
I can't help the way that I feel
"I Started Something I Couldn't Finish"
"Death at One's Elbow"
Young bones groan
And the rocks below say :
"Throw your skinny body down, son !"
"Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me"
"William, It Was Really Nothing"
"Sweet and Tender Hooligan"
"Sheila Take A Bow"
Throw your homework onto the fire /
Come out and find the one you love
"Barbarism Begins At Home"
"Bigmouth Strikes Again"
"Frankly, Mr. Shankly"
But still I'd rather be famous / than righteous or holy
Any day, any day, any day
"Paint a Vulgar Picture"
"Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before"
"How Soon Is Now?"
"The Headmaster Ritual"
"I Want The One I Can't Have"
"These Things Take Time"
"Stretch Out And Wait"
"Reel Around The Fountain"
"Well I Wonder"
"Vicar In A Tutu"
"There Is a Light That Never Goes Out"
"Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others"
So, if there's something you'd like to try /
If there's something you'd like to try /
ASK ME - I WON'T SAY "NO" - HOW COULD I ?
"Back to the Old House"
"You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby"
"A Rush and a Push and the Land Is Ours"
"I Won't Share You"
"Shoplifters of the World Unite"
"Death of a Disco Dancer"
"Girlfriend in a Coma"
YOU (IN BACK)
"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore"
I've seen this happen in other people's lives / and now it's happening in mine
"What Difference Does It Make?"
It makes none.
"Suffer Little Children"
The passing of time / leaves empty lives
waiting to be filled
"This Night Has Opened My Eyes"
"I Know It's Over"
Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ
"Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want"
I just might walk home alone / But my faith in love is still devout
SO DID EVERYONE HAVE FUN LAST NIGHT CAN I GET A HELL YEA
YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH GIVE ME A FUCKIN' OTTER
THE DEPTH CHART AT CORNER
1. DONOVAN WARREN
2. TROY WOOLFOLK
3. TLOY WOORFORK
4. JUSTIN TURNER
5. DEMAR DORSEY
6. BOUBACAR CISSOKO
8. THIS GUY WHO TILTS HIS HEAD IN A NON-CONFIDENCE INSPIRING WAY
9. RICHARD NIXON
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHICH HATS ARE UGLY YET
12. NIXON AGAIN
13. JAMES ROGERS
…WAIT, SERIOUSLY, SAMMY DAVIS JUNIOR?