Bylaw Change (True) NCAA to allow institutions to provide bagel spreads to college athletes
Wish this were a joke. Just goes to show what a laughingstock the NCAA bylaws are.
Source: https://web1.ncaa.org/LSDBi/pdf/propRpt?propRptSubmit=Generate%20POPL&d…
August 18th, 2011 at 2:00 PM ^
I hear Terelle Pryor really likes his bagels with $1,000 bills as the spread. Very tasty that way.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:00 PM ^
Kiss amateurism goodbye. Enjoy your assorted jellies, sellouts.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:10 PM ^
There is a definitive lack of proper moderate categories for posts like this.
Might I suggest 'Splendid,' 'Badass,' or perhaps 'Humdinger?'
August 18th, 2011 at 3:08 PM ^
Might I suggest 'upvote?'
August 18th, 2011 at 5:10 PM ^
I also wish we could posbang posts that are really funny (or for that matter, just really great) again.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:01 PM ^
August 18th, 2011 at 2:06 PM ^
Zing!
August 18th, 2011 at 3:07 PM ^
What is in that minecraft pic? Is it a gigantic stone man doing the heisman pose?
August 18th, 2011 at 5:42 PM ^
Damn right! I always love when people recognize my pic. I made the statue myself by carving it out of a mountain (I went through 3 diamond shovels, iirc). You can't tell from the picture, but I even put a '16' in torches on the chest.
August 18th, 2011 at 6:02 PM ^
and yet terrifying at the same time.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:23 PM ^
You left out ammendment 2:
White or wheat toast will it result in a 2 year bowl ban and loss of 12 schollies.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:28 PM ^
I heard that salmon lox would get the death penalty unless you went to OSU..
August 18th, 2011 at 7:12 PM ^
i think you mean... "unless you went to Brandeis"
August 18th, 2011 at 8:02 PM ^
Alabama is already using chopped lox in lieu of slices in order to fall under the "traditional spread" definition. Saban is kind of a genius at these things.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:07 PM ^
Wait, now they get bagels?! I knew I shouldn't have given up my high school football career!
August 18th, 2011 at 2:07 PM ^
Why the fuck did rules forbidding cream cheese exist in the first place? Were they afraid that a booster was going to hide some jewelry in the cream cheese or something?
August 18th, 2011 at 2:10 PM ^
I sprinkle diamonds on everything I eat. Most ballinest shit EVER.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:48 PM ^
But does it make your dookie sparkle?
August 18th, 2011 at 3:08 PM ^
No but it does make my poopie twinkle.
August 18th, 2011 at 6:04 PM ^
I always put gold flakes on my ice cream. Makes the taste sharper.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:07 PM ^
The guy is a national treasure. I think he was the guy who originated this story a couple of days ago:
https://twitter.com/#%21/bylawblog/status/103238347228590080
August 18th, 2011 at 2:08 PM ^
Next from Charles Robinson: boosters at Texas caught funneling HUNDREDS of dollars in lox to the football team, and Mack Brown knew about it all along.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:08 PM ^
the ncaa.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:11 PM ^
A few years ago they were only allowed protein bars.....so I guess this is a step forward??
August 18th, 2011 at 2:15 PM ^
Herme's bureaucracy song seems relevant...
August 18th, 2011 at 2:18 PM ^
So how do training table meals get past the rules? Players are eating a lot more than bagels and cream cheese at training table.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:31 PM ^
These are things available at all times, not just at meals.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:23 PM ^
so if I'm reading this correctly, bagels and fruit was always fine. But for some reason jelly, butter and sour cream presented an issue? So players just had to eat their bagels dry? Isn't that some kind of torture.
August 18th, 2011 at 4:58 PM ^
you put sour cream on your bagel???
August 18th, 2011 at 2:27 PM ^
August 18th, 2011 at 3:05 PM ^
The spread will never work in the Big 10
August 18th, 2011 at 6:07 PM ^
Tell that to Northwestern and Nebraska, or M-OSU 2006...
August 18th, 2011 at 2:32 PM ^
No wonder the "I didn't know" excuse works with the NCAA - apparently even they don't read the bylaws. Then, you have a separate bylaw for every conceivable thing that could ever happen - whatever happened to principle based rules? Something like "institutions are allowed to provide players with food"?
August 18th, 2011 at 2:36 PM ^
You think cream cheese is a joke? I never dick around when it comes to cream cheese.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:37 PM ^
I was 100% certain that I was about to read a good Onion article making this joke. That makes this being real even more sad... what real credentials do the people running the NCAA actually have?!?!
August 18th, 2011 at 2:39 PM ^
players can just say they ordered the "everything" bagel.
You know: poppy seeds, garlic, prostitutes, etc...
August 18th, 2011 at 2:40 PM ^
Bagels without spead is like sex without... sex.
???
August 18th, 2011 at 7:26 PM ^
Spread are like sex without ...sex a female
August 18th, 2011 at 2:46 PM ^
This provides Michigan with a clear advantage over other programs. I seriously doubt anyone can compete with Zingerman's.
August 18th, 2011 at 10:29 PM ^
August 18th, 2011 at 2:46 PM ^
As long as they don't also supply an assortment of smears. That would be a bridge too far for me.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:46 PM ^
Serious question. What about the Jewish student athletes who like to have lox with their bagels? That's certainly more expensive than cream cheese or butter. With their access to NYC delicatessens, doesn't St. John's have an unfair advantage?
August 18th, 2011 at 2:49 PM ^
Does this just allow for plain cream cheese, or are you allowed to use the flavored kind like garlic, strawberry, etc? If you provide organic cream cheese, does that constitute an improper benefit since it costs more?
August 18th, 2011 at 3:01 PM ^
show the wisdom of the NCAA. Notice how this new rule doesn't take effect until next August? A subcommittee has been formed to address these critical outstanding issues. Stay tuned . . .
August 18th, 2011 at 2:52 PM ^
Nuts? Cashews, pistachios, macadamia nuts: That could get expensive.
August 18th, 2011 at 2:55 PM ^
Former 2012 Commit: "Sorry Brady, but I've decided to switch my commitment to Rutgers. They bring the best bagels in from some little joint in NYC every day during the season, and now they've added these new spreads that are off the charts."
August 18th, 2011 at 2:58 PM ^
Sometimes with my bagels, I'm in a spread, brown-eye kind of mood. Wonder if thats covered.