Perspective
Like the rest of you I was devastated after the Penn State game. I was grumpy and grouchy and I grumbled and moped around a lot. When I went to bed Saturday night my wife mentioned to me that something didn't feel right. The baby hadn't moved much and she felt some weird pains, but she figured it was early labor signs. After all, she was full term and similar things had happened with her other pregnancies as well. If things didn't improve by morning we would have to go in.
She woke me up at 6 am Sunday and told me she hadn't felt the baby moving and she was in a lot of pain. We went as fast as we could into the hospital and the moment the nurse put the probe on, we knew. There was no sound of the baby squirming away from the probe, no faint thumping of a tiny heart. Doctors rushed in and put an ultrasound probe on her belly, and the whole medical team was silent. My wife finally yelled out, "Is there a heartbeat?" Nobody wanted to answer.
Our daughter was gone.
The doctors assured us that what happened was not preventable. There were no signs and she wasn't even considered at risk. Even if it had happened at the hospital they could not have saved her.
I know that it's depressing to see what is happening to our football team. I used to think that Michigan football was as important to me as anything, but I was wrong. We could lose the rest of our games this year and I won't care. At the end of the day, while we all love this sport and this team, it is still just a game. I'll be signing off for a while. I don't know what the future brings, or if I will ever be back. I only wanted to tell all of you because folks around here tend to notice when an active user goes MIA.
Go blue, and God bless you all.
EYB
October 25th, 2017 at 2:34 PM ^
I am so sorry to hear of your loss! That is devastating.
May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you and use these circumstances to set your sights on things that are above, as MGoUser XtraMelanin suggested.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:37 PM ^
We have several friends who have had miscarriages. They suck! Me and my wife were never able to have Children and I know the kind of empty feeling we have experienced. The adoption process was too $$$$.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:37 PM ^
I just can't imagine going through what you and your wife are. Take care of each other and hope to see you back when you are ready. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:40 PM ^
So sorry for your loss. We lost our first just shy of the second trimester. It sucks. It makes zero sense and isn't fair. But, we were lucky enough to have 2 very healthy and wonderful kids. I know my wife was angry and upset and blamed herself for the loss and just wasn't herself for a very long time. Be sure to be patient with her and support and comfort her as much as you can. I hope all goes well with you and your family and know that this community is here for you and hope to see you here again soon.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:40 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 12:41 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 12:44 PM ^
I read your post and at that moment I knew I had to create an account after years of only reading what your posters here at mgoblog had to say about football things.
Just wanted to convey my deepest sympathies. I can't begin to imagine the pain you and your wife are currently going through. Some things, lots of things actually, are much bigger than football. This is definitely one of them.
I pray you find the peace you are looking for. People will probably tell you your heart will heal but I don't think you'll ever truly be the same. Not for nothing though as you will carry your childs memory with you always and learn to live life around your loss. It's not about pretending these things never happened as much as it is learning to cope with them and use them to rethink perspective as you've already mentioned. In effect you'll be a stronger person through their memory or in this case what could have been.
I wish your family all the best and hope you find your way sooner rather than later.
God bless, and God speed.
October 25th, 2017 at 5:00 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 12:44 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 12:44 PM ^
My deepest condolences to you and your wife. I can't imagine going through that.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:47 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 12:48 PM ^
I come here for the laughs and the analysis. The camaraderie and the occasional flame out. Mostly I’m here because I feel a sense of belonging, because most of you are as passionate and ridiculous about a group of 18-22 year olds playing a game, as I am, if not more. That being said, at the end of the day, nobody here, save for a few trolls, wants anything different than the rest, to see those boys singing Hail to the Victors, after every game. Take care of yourselves guys, and gals. We are all on the same team.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:57 PM ^
...I've been there. My wife almost bled out in our bathroom. Long story short, we became pregnant again a couple months later. Out of that came the coolest little boy ever. He is now seven years old and is one heckuva baseball player. Had we not gone thru that ordeal, he would obviously not be here. While we lost one and had to endure the pain of that, a great thing came out of it. My best to you, your wife and your family.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:57 PM ^
So sad and sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you and your family must be feeling. Thank you for sharing your perspective for the rest of our benefit.
October 25th, 2017 at 1:03 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:10 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:15 PM ^
My wife and I lost our middle daughter at about 5 months in a miscarriage. It was and still is the worst day in our lives. However, we eventually got over it (mostly) and had another wonderful and beautiful daughter. She is now 27 and graduated from U-M. We look at it like that terrible tragedy closed one door but opened another. We had planned to have 2 children and our current younger daughter might have never entered this world if not for the loss of the earlier one. In the end, God took care of us and we think he will take care of you both too.
You're one of the best posters on this site and I hope you wll return here when things get better eventually. God Bless you both.
October 25th, 2017 at 1:26 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:29 PM ^
I was expecting a lecture. I wish now I had gotten one. I am so sorry for your loss. Tragic story - best thoughts to you and your wife.
October 25th, 2017 at 1:36 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:35 PM ^
Here's a song we stumbled across when we experienced our loss. Maybe it will speak to you as well. (Just a note -- it has a Christian theme: I'm not trying to ambush you, just sharing something that was meaningful to us.)
If you don't mind some free advice, we found the following bits helpful:
1.) Time can heal wounds -- but you have to give time that opportunity (see below)
2.) Take care of each other -- sometimes one or the other of you will be hurting "more" -- comfort each other.
3.) Go into "survivor" mode, where you live day-to-day, and accept any and all help offerred. People *want* to help you -- let them know how they can (meals, cleaning, errands,...)
4.) The greatest healing lies in going *through* the grief -- your daughter's life is worth mourning -- go ahead and mourn. Someday, you'll realize that you didn't spend the whole day under the cloud, or that you spent less time sobbing. And days will follow where you realize that you actually noticed the sun, or other small things. You don't forget, but it begins to sting less, and then, who knows, maybe you write your own song.
October 25th, 2017 at 1:36 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:43 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:53 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 1:54 PM ^
Heartbreaking. Sorry, EYB.
October 25th, 2017 at 4:06 PM ^
I'm a football season lurker, never registered before, but I was moved to comment today. So sorry to read this devastating post; I can't even imagine the anguish you and your wife are enduring right now.
It may seem hollow or trite for me to suggest it, but I have to maintain faith that time will eventually heal even this deepest conceivable wound. I'm sending you and your family all the love I can muster, via the intertubes.
Makes everything else seem entirely trivial, doesn't it? I only hope some of the words of support you see here, from this community are at least a partial boon. Hang in there brother.
//reactivates cloaking device
October 25th, 2017 at 2:13 PM ^
...I will add my voice to all the others saying you are in my thoughts. Deepest condolences to you, your wife, and your other kids. Your daughter will forever be your baby. You are in my prayers.
October 25th, 2017 at 2:43 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 2:52 PM ^
Please come back when you're ready.
You have a lot of repect and friends around here.
I for one enjoy reading your posts.
Words aren't going to heal you but friends and family can help.
I wish you well.
October 25th, 2017 at 2:57 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 3:00 PM ^
Words cant express how sorry i am for you and your family.
October 25th, 2017 at 3:01 PM ^
First, my sincere condolences, EYB.
I take no pride in telling you that I know, all too well, how you must be feeling having lost my son over 20 years ago. Not a single day goes by when I do not think about him. Times like this bring me right back to the moment we said goodbye. I hurt for you, man, more than you can know.
Just know that you have a ton of people supporting you and your family, even if it is just by sharing a few words on a silly blog.
May all the hearts in your family heal in time.
God Bless.
October 25th, 2017 at 3:18 PM ^
God bless you and your family.
October 25th, 2017 at 3:47 PM ^
My heart aches for you. God bless.
October 25th, 2017 at 3:58 PM ^
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what that must be like. It really does put the truth that college football is just a meaningless game in sharp focus.
October 25th, 2017 at 4:01 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 4:16 PM ^
Deepest condolences.
October 25th, 2017 at 5:02 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 5:42 PM ^
I am so incredibly sorry about your loss. God Bless
October 25th, 2017 at 6:18 PM ^
My wife is expecting in a few weeks -- your story resonates with me.
October 25th, 2017 at 6:55 PM ^
As the rest of us are praying for you and your family. You have MGOBLOG support through the roof. And I'm so sorry, take as much time as you want away from the blog, if you come back, we're here for you.
October 25th, 2017 at 8:13 PM ^
Thanks for the personal story. We lost a baby in a similar situation years ago and still refer to her. We named her and think of her often (my wife was 8 1/2 months).
You have your perspectives in order. We love M Football but it is a game being played by 18 and 19 year olds. Many here take it too seriously. I want M to win badly but I am trying to enjoy the ride and not just worrying about the destination. These life lessons teach us this.
May God Bless you and hopefully you will meet your child in heaven.
Go Blue!
October 25th, 2017 at 8:30 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 8:34 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 8:47 PM ^
October 25th, 2017 at 8:58 PM ^
So sorry. My heart goes out to you and your wife.
October 25th, 2017 at 9:27 PM ^
I hope you and your wife can find peace again. Thank you for sharing.
October 25th, 2017 at 9:27 PM ^
I hope you and your wife can find peace again. Thank you for sharing.
October 25th, 2017 at 9:27 PM ^
I hope you and your wife can find peace again. Thank you for sharing.
October 25th, 2017 at 9:51 PM ^
.......
(Positive thoughts and healing vibes.)