OT - Calling MgoDads!
My wife is scheduled to be induced on Tuesday at Genesys Hospital in Grand Blanc. It is our first child (a girl) and we are both super excited and super freaked out. Honestly, even being in the delivery room is freaking me out as I'm a bit of a wuss with the blood and guts..
To all of you fathers out there - give me your best advice / tips for a first time father.
I have one boy so far (turned 1 in Jan.). Can't give you much helpful info on the birth because my son was born 14 min after we got to the hospital.
We weren't too freaked out when labor came on suddenly because my mother-in-law gave birth to 7 at home. People have done this for a long time, mostly without good healthcare. The modern care drops the risks quite a bit.
1 - during delivery, especially since you know when your going in; make sure you are well fed and hydrated. You don't know when your going to get to eat next.
2 - not sure of your hospital, but ours had teeeeeny tinnnny water cups so I did like 8,000 trips to the water cooler to get water for my wife; bring a nalgene
3- once you get home its ok. no matter what happens they're fine. they cry for 4 reasons: tired, hungry, sleepy and lastly because they want to. If its the 4th reason there is nothing you can do about it but keep your sanity. Sometimes they just want to cry. Having just had #2 a few weeks ago I forog this. The first couple of months have some rough nerve enducing moments but they go quick and it only gets more fun
Along the lines of the last point, as loud as you think theyre crying is its not. baby cries are so super quiet. it just feels loud to you.
Lastly as my wife and I remind ourselves all the time. There are a lot of people in the world and throuhgout history who are WAY less functional than we are and they did this just fine. You will too.
Good luck! Congrats! Enjoy it all!
STAY AT THE KNEE!!!!!
Feed her ice chips and tell her how amazing that she is doing just DO NOT ever ever ever look down until you hear a screaming MGoKid. Then start singing her "The Victors"
Good Luck and Congrats!!
I watched my son enter the world it was amazing
March 30th, 2017 at 10:49 AM ^
This. I was enlisted to help with the birth by lifting one of my wife's legs. Greattest experience I have ever had.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:13 AM ^
Comfort your wife, stay out of the way & enjoy the ride
Mine is 17 months. It starts off sleepless but not too bad. When they are newborns they really just eat, sleep, and poop. When you are in the delivery room, if you dont want to see whats going on down there, just stay near your wife's head. Encourage her, coach her, just dont look down.
After that, it starts off with sleepless nights but since they cant really move its not too bad. As they get older, they sleep longer, but you get more to do.
That being said, I wouldnt change it for the world. Being a dad is the best.
This thread is a fantastic example of this community. I appreciate all of the suggestions, advice, and kind words. I'm still super nervous, but a bit more reassured heading into next week!
Go Blue!
My sister delivered her second child at Genesis and it was a good experience for her.
My wife was induced and I advise 3 things:
1) Be prepared it could take a while, like 24-36 hours. Not of pushing, but the whole process. And, unfortunately for you wife, the contractions can be a significant chunk of that.
2) If the staff wants to try something or give your wife something simply ask "Why?" and "What are the alternatives?" Let your wife make the decisions and provide your input when asked. Look up the possible drugs and procedures ahead of time and it is less to think about while going through it.
3) You are there for emotional and physical support for her. If something makes her comfortable outside of being pregnant it may help during induction too, like a hot shower or music or whatever.
My sister delivered her second child at Genesis and it was a good experience for her.
My wife was induced and I advise 3 things:
1) Be prepared it could take a while, like 24-36 hours. Not of pushing, but the whole process. And, unfortunately for you wife, the contractions can be a significant chunk of that.
2) If the staff wants to try something or give your wife something simply ask "Why?" and "What are the alternatives?" Let your wife make the decisions and provide your input when asked. Look up the possible drugs and procedures ahead of time and it is less to think about while going through it.
3) You are there for emotional and physical support for her. If something makes her comfortable outside of being pregnant it may help during induction too, like a hot shower or music or whatever.
Sure as an adult you know how to plan for the day, for the week, for the month or even for the year (5Yr plan? 10 Yr? College? ). Enjoy each minute, hour and day that you are in each other's presence. Dont think too much about what she will be able to do next or when this or that might happen. It will be inevitable to have some thoughts towards this. I have found that staying in the moment allows me to look back on pics and videos and cards and such and not be sad because I lived it!
Whatever your daily or weekly routine is you will have to sacrifice some. Hopefully not all because Daddy's & Mommy's need alone time or buddy time. However, you will want to be a part of almost everything as you build your eventual unseperable bond! Enjoy each smile, each coo, each diaper change, each breathe, each arm wiggle, etc. If you are like me you will have routines set up for feedings (we adopted so Caleb was on formula from jump), burp rags, towels around the house, baby wipes in each room, etc. For me this helped create less stress when there was a spill, or spit up, or nasty diaper change.
Last thing DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR WIFE! Help with dishes, laundry, the bathrooms, etc. You will take on more responsibilities, take care of her and let her see you love your daughter! Be patient for lovin both sexual and even cuddle times! Like putting money in savings, CDs, stocks, etc. you do not see the dividens right away. Sure you can withdraw some early on. We know the payoffs are bigger the longer our money acrues. Your marriage will be great, your fatherhood and your wife's motherhood will be great because you will recieve in return what you put in!
Blessings of Peace, Joy and wisdom!
Go Blue!
March 30th, 2017 at 10:03 AM ^
One of the things that surprised me is that you go through a lot of education on the birthing process . . . but there is very little emphasis on what to do after that.
My wife and I went through weeks of pre-birth classes. Most of it was interesting information, but not that much of it was actionable. For the mose part, the baby is going to do what babies have done over a billion years of evolution.
But once the baby was born, there was almost nothing. Just a 45 minute session in the hospital with a hurried nurse and a bunch a very tired parents. It was all a blur.
Once we got home, we realized . . . we don't know what to do.
If you can have somebody around for a short while that has been through it recently, it would be tremendously helpful.
God bless her, but Grandma does not count. It has been many years for her and she won't remember actual details that you need like which part of the diaper is the front.
March 30th, 2017 at 10:00 AM ^
I joke with my son who is the oldest of two children all the time: "You were our practice child. Sorry, dude."
Not much more to add that hasn't already been said. I do have a mildly entertaining story, though.
My wife was also induced with our first daughter. We showed up to the hospital at like 8:00 am, and didn't get a room until around 1:00. They then start hooking her up with the drugs, but it still takes a long time until the actual labor starts. So later that evening, after she has been sitting in that bed for several hours (mind you it is on a slight incline, which was making her more uncomfortable) she decides she needs to get up.
I had been hanging out on the little "couch" that was in the room. I just wanted her to be as comfortable as possible, so I had no issue switching spots with her for a few. I will never forget the look on the two nurse's face when they walked in to see me laid back on the hospital bed watching tv, while my pregnant wife is sitting on the little "couch." Priceless.
Take lots of photos and keep a journal or blog. I love every minute of my kids, but it flies by so fast you want to remember it. It is also cool for your kids later on. (I do not keep a journal or blog beyond Facebook and regret it.)
March 30th, 2017 at 10:07 AM ^
All a kid needs is love, shelter, clothes, and food. everything else is trial and error. With that said,
I was shown this list (I have a girl too) and it seems like some good things to follow:
1. Know that from day one, she'll always be your little girl. But you have to put in the effort to keep it that way.
2. Don't assume or influence what her interests will be because she's a girl. Don't just point out flowers and dolls. Show her cars and LEGOs, too.
3. Let her help you around the house or with your work. She'll grow up to be a woman who feels confident stepping up in the workplace, no matter the job.
4. Talk to her mama like an equal, not an inferior, and she'll someday expect the same.
5. Show her your sensitive side. She'll see that if she's sensitive, too, it doesn't make her weak.
6. Have inside jokes or games, just between the two of you. Trust me, she'll remember them forever.
7. Encourage her to do the things that scare her, because you'll always have her back.
8. Make her promises, and then keep them. The only heartbreak in her life should come from others who don't know how special she is.
9. Show her the skills that you know well.
10. Ask her to show you the skills that she knows well and you don't.
11. Attempt to understand her interests even when you don't. You'll teach her that no matter what her talents are — ballet, art or wrestling with the boys— they matter.
12. This is especially true if her interests are more "girly." Teach her that her interests are just as important no matter what they are.
13. If you wouldn't say it to a son, don't say it to your daughter.
14. When she comes to you with a problem, don't brush her off or tell her to go to her mother. Listen. She'll come back.
15. Don't talk about her changing body, or interest in sexuality, with disgust. You'll only teach her that she should be ashamed of it.
16. Don't talk about other's women's bodies in an objectifying or demeaning way. She's listening, and then examining her own.
17. Talk about strong women in front of her, not just strong men, and she'll aspire to be them someday, and will know she has a chance.
18. Work stuff out with her mother in front of her. She'll see that women deserve a voice in relationships and will look for someone who will appreciate hers.
19. Don't joke about having a shotgun when boys come over. You'll only teach her that you don't trust her judgement.
20. Stand up for injustice and the oppressed. Believe the oppressed when they say they're oppressed. You'll show her compassion and that there's nothing unmanly or inferior about doing what is right.
21. If you lead by example, you won't need to scare the bad boys away. She'll want better.
22. If there is a bad boy in the bunch, make sure you're there if her heart should break. Chances are, it will. Make yourself available for her to turn to, and not back to him.
23. Tell her that the only person in charge of what happens to her body is her.
24. Compliment her, and her mother, often.
25. Tell her you love her. Text her about the game. Let her know that no matter what, you'll always be there.
March 30th, 2017 at 10:20 AM ^
Try not to look until the baby is cleaned up, chord cut...otherwise be prepared to throw up
March 30th, 2017 at 10:33 AM ^
One, when making up the baby's bed layer the fitted sheets mattress protector. That way if the baby makes a mess, pull of the first layer of sheet mattress protector and there is the next one. Makes the process fly at 130 am. My wife gave me so many kudos for that one.
The other one was that if the baby is asleep in the car seat bring the whole thing in and let sleeping babies lie.
March 30th, 2017 at 10:37 AM ^
My wife wanted to go the homebirth route with a midwife for our 4 (we also adopted 1) and those all went mostly fine but the blood and guts is real.
Get sleep when and where you can.
You don't need half of the crap that the industry tells you to buy.
Sometimes being a good father means you have to feel like a bit of an ass so that your kid can grow up for themselves. Not all cries are created equal and sometimes the kid is just being a punk.
Congrats! Fatherhood is great.
March 30th, 2017 at 10:52 AM ^
My wife and I had our first about 10 months ago to the day. If you really think you're going to faint from the visuals then I would just avert your eyes when the time comes. for me, I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it but then, in the moment, nothing else mattered and I actually wanted to watch the whole thing. everything worked out just fine. the big takeaway for me was that the doctors were in control the whole time. they knew exactly what they were doing and made me feel comfortable the whole time. my advice would be to relax, stay calm and go with the flow. it'll help both you and the mom to be. Also, sleep as much as you possibly can now since you won't really be sleeping well for a long time to come.
if they ask if you want to be involved I would strongly advise you to say yes. when the time came it was just one doctor, my wife and I in the room and I couldn't have asked for a better setting to have a kid than that. it was an amazing experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
good luck!
March 30th, 2017 at 10:57 AM ^
First of all, congrats. My wife was also induced at Genesys. In fact, I did the interview for this job from the lobby. Small world.
The rest of the dads here handled all the advice-y advice. I'd say bring enough stuff to cover the two of you in case you're there for a few days. Stock up on snacks (protein bars and peanuts, etc.), bring clothes, and get ready for the rigidity of day and night to turn into something more fluid. The first couple weeks will all sort of feel like one continuous day what with the lack of sleep and all; when you feel like you're about to lose it, know that you'll look back on it with fondness. That will sound insane when you're in the moment.
The piece of advice I'll leave you with is the one Seth gave me: take anything in the room that's not bolted down. You will need it.
Even smaller world . . . my wife was induced at Genesys with our first child. Also, Adam, I live two houses north of your parents and used to occasionally bring your mis-delivered Sports Illustrated to you.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:10 AM ^
Nobody has spoken of C-Sections yet, so I'll leave this at the end of the thread. People don't generally plan on C-Sections but they comprise 30% of births and occasionally happen without much warning. Our second child went that way, and our last two were both scheduled C-Sections as a result.
One: A C-section is not a failure of the mother. However, it can be dispiriting after a long process of labor.
Two: Dad, especially if its at the end of a long labor process, it's going to be kind of harsh. I worked at L&D at the hospital we had out second child/first C-section in and I was personal friends with every person in the OR including the two physicians, but that still didn't prepare me for the initial shock: When I walked in (my wife was already there getting prepped) there were a bunch of people in masks standing around my wife holding sharp objects. It took me aback.
Three: If you have clinical interest in surgical procedures, you can watch, but if you are a "north of the equator" type for a standard delivery you aren't going to want to watch and you won't have to. It is good to be close to your wife's head anyway, since she is typically awake but tired and she cannot move.
Four: Trust the doctors and nurses. They've done this hundreds of times and they are really good at it. Things take time and it can be disturbing, but trust that they know what they were doing. At that C-Section my daughter wasn't crying robustly because she had fluid in her lungs, and the NICU nurse (who attended all C-Section deliveries) was clearing fluid out. I was a bit worried, but all of the nurses, whom I knew, were calm, and so I was able to relax and realize that everything was fine.
Five: The baby is born relatively early. The surgical procedure will continue for quite a bit longer after the birth, don't sweat it. You will leave with the baby before your wife is finished.
Six: After all that, you can still have a good and joyous time together with your wife and baby in a couple of hours. It will get better. And while the recovery is rougher, it doesn't last forever.
Hope nobody on this thread needs this advice, but there it is. It's not the end of the world.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:12 AM ^
all the possible things that can go wrong. Relax and enjoy the moment. Everything will be fine. Congratulations!!
March 30th, 2017 at 11:17 AM ^
Congratulations on the new arrival. A daughter will give your life a new perspective. Completely different than dealing with a son.
During our first born (didn't know boy or girl), my wife and I both watched TV in the labor room. He was born right around the nurses change their shifts, after waiting for 12 hours. Just like that. I saw him delivered, but stayed away from the mum afterwards. Sage advice, as many more folks have pointed out.
During the second one (we knew this is a girl), I kept texting my boss and my wife kept her mind on TV. Again a similar schedule, born a little after the nurses changed their shift. Same routine.
Eat, drink, stay calm. All the work for you would start after she comes into the world. Good luck.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:17 AM ^
Just enjoy your kids. And honestly, the birth isn't that bad. I'm not remotely good around blood or junk, but for whatever reason when it was my kids and my wife, it didn't gross me out.
Kids and families aren't for everyone, but if you take that leap then just be ready for it to be rewarding, infuriating, exciting, and exhausting all the time. Also, and maybe this is my field and the type of people in NYC, but there will be people who act like your life is over with kids. Don't buy into that one bit. Your life will change, but it'll be just as good or even better, most likely.
Congrats!
March 30th, 2017 at 11:39 AM ^
March 30th, 2017 at 11:41 AM ^
Tell the nurses that you're squeamish. Just stay right with your wife, count for her, hold her hand, it's the last time in your life it will be just you and her.
You can also ask for smelling salts (do this ahead of time). The last thing the staff wants is a third patient in the room. I passed out on the tour 3 weeks before my wife went into labor. Try to avoid that.
March 30th, 2017 at 11:50 AM ^
It is the best thing you will ever do.
Delivery room:
- stay above the waist and you will be all good, if you're not comfy with the more "natural" parts, everything you need to do can be accomplished from there
- cut the cord though... that is a cool experience
- video the good parts and the first few moments outside..that's all you are ever going to want to look back on, most people don't need the "close-up"
Parenting:
- read and get to know everything you can, the more information you have the better
- don't believe everything you read, some of it is pure bullshit, but more importantly, kids are all different and respond differently to whatever theory or routine someone is suggesting works miracles....it takes trial and error to see what works, no other way
- TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS - no one will know your kid like you do, whatever is going on, nobody will know your little one like you do and your gut can sometime be the best bet when you have no idea WTF you are doing... you will feel that way a lot, get used to it
- Participate as much as possible, don't fall into the Dad trap of not changing diapers, feeding, cleaning, prepping, waking up, holding, etc., it all matters and should be 50/50 all around
- Anyone around you feeding you the "your whole life is going to change and it is going to suck" should get the stiff arm..they are only half right, block those people out, parents who feel sorry for themselves other than some light, good humored banter, don't get it
- Behind loving your monkey with all your heart, which I take as a given, PATIENCE will be your best friend, most useful tool and finest attribute as you go through the various stages of growing up.. the more of it you have, the better off everything and everyone will be... toward that end, always remind yourself parenthood is a privilege, not a responsibility
- Love your kid, put them first in every decision you make
- Savor each and every moment, even the bad ones, because it will go by so so fast
- Start saving for college
One book recommendation, read "The Baby Whisperer" No guarantee it will work for your little one, but it was the one approach that almost completely worked for most of the various stages and issues for mine, "Toddler Whisperer" was great later on also.
March 30th, 2017 at 12:18 PM ^
Also get more spitcloths.
March 30th, 2017 at 12:51 PM ^
Life is laden in blessings but this is the greatest.
Try to stay in the moment, don't be afraid of the procedure; these doctors know what they are doing...
You will hear countless pieces of advice for the rest of your life but I think it all comes down to one thing: be present. If you are there, spending time with your children, everything else will work its way out...
jdon
1. Congratulations!! It will change how you look at life in a way you cannot imagine. And it will humble you. It is truly a blessing.
2. The process by which a baby soils a diaper is a multi-step/multi-event process. This means that the first sign of the process initiating (grunting, red face, bad smell, vague feel of force in the diaper worn by the baby in your arms) is only that; the first step. This can be followed by 2 to 3 such events with 2-3 minute long gaps inbetween. Usually the whole process can take 10 minutes. So - don't be over eager when changing a baby; wait a few minutes after the first blast. Over eagerness can sometime lead to the 2nd and 3rd steps in the process unfolding WHILE you are changing the baby. This can ruin both your day and your clothing.
3. Get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He has a lot of very practical points around sleep and a baby at various ages.
Hope these help and again congratulations!
Some friends of our had Weissbluth as their pediatrician. They followed his program and had great sleepers. 12 hours a night.
Congratulations! Both of my kids were born at Genesys. The best to you, your wife, and pending addition.
Lots of photos, lots of videos. You won't regret it.
Your life is sure to speed up. Blink twice and she'll be walking. Blink twice more and she'll be taking drivers' ed. Two more blinks and she'll be in college (UM class of 2038?)
The birth is the easy part. You and your wife will laugh about the delivery later.
1. All newborns are hideous to pretty much everyone except the newborns’ parents.
2. There are a million ways to raise a child correctly; step one for all of them is to love the child.
3. Teach the child “no” ASAP, in part so that you can…
4. Be measured and deliberate when you “get mad” at the child, and they take you seriously.
5. The only people that get mad about a crying baby on an airplane are those who have not been in your shoes. Do the best you can, and ignore what anyone else on the plane thinks (unless they’re being nice or helpful). Shower your wife and child with love during these times.
6. For most things the child does there will be a “last time.” For most of these “last times” you will be completely unaware that it is in fact the last time. Cherish everything about the child.
Teach the kid to sleep with the Ferber method at 5-6 months old. Don't wait, don't wuss out, everyone including the kid will be much, much happier afterwards.
We didn't do this and my kids slept ok, but nowhere near as well as kids who did this. I was amazed at the babies who went to sleep at 6 PM and slept until 6 AM. That would have made a huge difference in our lives.
Thought our first kid had colic, turns out he was just tired. Over the course of one night he went from crying all day and waking up every 2 hours to sleeping 12 hours a night and being the happiest kid you could imagine...made us parents loads happier too. Second kid was much easier, took a couple days longer to train, and 'only' slept 10-11 hours a night. And it's easy too, just have to suck it up and deal with the soul-withering crying for a couple hours spread over a couple nights. I don't know how parents survive with kids who still dont sleep through the night after 12+ months.