Michigan Announces New "BliMfold" Initiative
![michigan-stadium_660[1]](https://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/images/ae18c9ca6716_1D50/michigan-stadium_6601.jpg "michigan-stadium_660[1]")
ANN ARBOR—Citing the ominpresent threat of terrorism, the Michigan athletic department has announced that all spectators entering Michigan Stadium will be issued blindfolds.
"In our modern age, it is just too risky to allow terrorists the privilege of sight," said athletic director Dave Brandon, "unless they pay a twenty-five dollar fee that drops five dollars per quarter. Twenty-five dollars is our most patriotic fee, until next year when thirty dollars will be our most patriotic fee."
Research shows that terrorists quail at the idea of playing patriotic fees, while Americans do not. This will allow Michigan to easily identify anyone who is a terrorist and shoot them. Anyone removing a blindfold without paying a fee is probably also a terrorist and will be shot. Other people will be shot randomly because the athletic department feels like it can get away with it.
"I don't see what the big deal is," said some guy on a message board who hasn't been to a game since 1982 but enjoys being a prick to people.
In a clever twist, the department has replaced the "n" and "d" in blindfold with a block M on the luxury silk, custom made "bliMfolds," because they have the power of marketing. "Just look at all this concentrated marketing," said marketing whatsit Hunter Lochmann, who marketed himself as "Lochdogg" on the internet for a rather long time, "it is marketing concentrated."
Brandon apologized for the patriotic fees, but stated that someone had to pay for the blindfolds, which are really quite nice. He also conceded that discounts will be offered for games where Adidas issues special uniforms.
In a separate move, the department banned seat cushions because terrorism America love it or leave it.
My thoiughts exactly. It's only going take one bad season for this house of cards comes tumbling down. It's going to work this year because we've got a blockbuster home schedule. Maybe.
Blankets are still allowed, so next year it will be blankets. Then they will set up blanket rental booths so you can rent a blanket for a game if it gets cold.
I'm really not being a dick, but could someone explain this? If it's a joke, I don't get it.
you're no longer allowed to bring seat cushions into the stadium. you can rent them from the athletic department if you want. the sarcasm in the article is: what will they ban next, seeing the game?
The slimiest part was this ad, right next to the notice banning seat cushions:
Dave Brandon puts the "Ad" in AD.
BRAND ON, Dave.
No talk of politics! BAN-HAMMER HIM TO BOLIVIAN!!!
'MURICA
LOVEITORLEAVEIT
Won't anyone think of the children?
Children will just spill ketchup on the seat cushions, and THEN where will we be?
Also, have you SEEN a 6 year-old go try to pin the tail on the donkey? DB has.
I realize this is probably a joke, but seriously ... when I went to games as a young kid, sitting on a seat cushion was the only way I could see the field without standing on the seat and blocking the view of the person behind me.
But my family got priced out of our season tickets a decade ago, so I guess this is either totally irrelevant or very, very relevant.
to see Dave Brandon's inbox this afternoon
Seriously, I want to know how Dave Brandon and the marketing masterminds at 1000SSS see this
and go straight to "public safety threat."
Can we take a moment to reflect on the fact that things have gotten to the point where we have to discuss the easiest ways to sneak a seat cushion into Michigan Stadium?
Yeah. Strangely, that realization didn't hit me until right after I hit "save."
This is truly a sad day.
and each time, I brought a discreet flask of Jack Daniels with me in my back pocket. No one has squealed yet.
that's just the excuse. The vendor who sells the permanent seat cushions probably complained and the AD went along with it, thus the ban. It has zero to do with public safety. Zero. I have the exact same seat cushion you posted there.
I'm so excited that this pisses off everyone (especially those in favor of the GA student section). You wanted change; you got it folks. How's it feel being told what to do? Do you enjoy the big man making decisions without your consent?
they say misery loves company... and they are right
I am so excited to taste again the tears of whiny stuents. Much more refreshing than the tears of old farts.
Hey...when I was in school we were allowed to bring ANYTHING into the stadium that wasnt glass. And that included pony kegs and other assorted delicious contraband. As far I'm concerned the stadium experience went straight to hell once they stopped allowing us to bring our own kegs into the stadium for some refreshing adult beverages.
And we had ZERO terrorist activities take place on our watch I might add. From 1978 - 1981 the Big House was terrorist-free AND we kick-off started promptly at 1:00pm for every game. Them were the days.......
people bringing coolers, entire freakin' coolers of beer
What a luxury in life,beer and michigan football, And i thought i was old
Man, all we had were penny-filled marshmallows...
the students were there, because the could party there, I think you have hit a solid point.
Hey DB: if you want all the students in their seats on time, offer as much free beer as you can drink the five minutes before the band takes the field.
Wow. I'm glad those bowl game UFRs are done so we can get on with the comedy.
I always thought the best use of my seat cushion was to clearly identify where MY seat was. It was a good deterrent to the butt creep that occurs in an overly packed row of fans.
This sucks.
I think a lot of people would be happy with this change. It would reward people who show up early to games. Seems like no one was opposed to the idea with the change to the student section.
well played yet again... I like where your head is at.
Me I would never get season tickets and have to sit though the shitty games against shitty teams. I would rather only attend gaems we could win, or might lose a close one.
Funny, there was no hint of this when the AD sold me a seat cushion at the spring game.
To my suprise, while reading the updated list of prohibited items, I glance down at the ad right below, and low and behold, the seat cushion rentals.
Of course, by the same token, if you look at the upper-right corner of the page, right next to Brian's rant, there's an ad asking us to plunk $15 for Brian's Hail to the Victors magazine. (Sorry, it's a "deposit" and comes with a "free" magazine.) This comes a few months after Brian asked us to donate money to launch the magazine, which would be "free" if we donated enough.
We're all money-grubbers these days.
how that is remotely the same thing? Even remotely. Please.
You can't be serious.
HTTV is a labor of love and Brian and co. could easily charge double. They do it at or near cost so you can have an awesome pre-season run down.
I can't believe I got through that without personally attacking you because if anyone deserves it, it's you with that comment.
Unreal.
Wait. You wanted the rest of us to pay for you to get a free copy of HTTV? We made the donation so that it could be published. Our reward was that we got a copy and possibly some other things. I, for one, got another shirt. If you want a copy, you spend the same amount of money that I did, and they'll send you one. This really shouldn't be that hard to understand.
So will the officially licensed seat cushions bearing the M logo come with a warning that said cushion should not be purchased with the intent of using it at M sporting events? Or is this just a caveat emptor kind of thing?
I noticed that too... Real clever they are!
This is really starting to get out of hand!
should be standing anyway
I wonder if Tennesee is doing this?
No? Something something about reality finally setting in?
WHAT, IT IS TOO UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU TO SIT ON A METAL BLEACHER FOR 4 HOURS? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF TERRORIST OR SOMETHING?
Under the guise of protecting the Michigan brand, DB is most certainly ruining the Michigan brand. Sadly, I think he's too busy counting money to worry about things like that.
I didn't realize the Michigan brand included seat cushions. Sit on a hoodie or something. And stop the nonsense about Dave Brandon ruining Michigan. I really doubt he's the one who made this call.
Doesn't the buck stop at the AD's desk? It's not just the seat cushions, it's every last nickel they are trying to squeeze out of people. These are no longer university sponsored athletic teams, they are now quasi-professional organizations. I live in Cleveland and its basically the same things the Browns are doing to their fans. In all seriousness, maybe the non-profit status of the NCAA and athletic departments should be reconsidered.
Fun and relevant quote from Bayern Munich President Uli Hoeness:
'We could charge more than £104 [Price of Season Tickets!]. Let's say we charged £300. We'd get £2m more in income but what's £2m to us?
'In a transfer discussion you argue about that sum for five minutes. But the difference between £104 and £300 is huge for the fan.
'We do not think the fans are like cows, who you milk. Football has got to be for everybody.
Funny how someone running a professional, for profit team has a better understanding of how to treat fans than the guy running the ameteur, public school based team.
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