Michigan Announces New "BliMfold" Initiative
![michigan-stadium_660[1]](https://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/images/ae18c9ca6716_1D50/michigan-stadium_6601.jpg "michigan-stadium_660[1]")
ANN ARBOR—Citing the ominpresent threat of terrorism, the Michigan athletic department has announced that all spectators entering Michigan Stadium will be issued blindfolds.
"In our modern age, it is just too risky to allow terrorists the privilege of sight," said athletic director Dave Brandon, "unless they pay a twenty-five dollar fee that drops five dollars per quarter. Twenty-five dollars is our most patriotic fee, until next year when thirty dollars will be our most patriotic fee."
Research shows that terrorists quail at the idea of playing patriotic fees, while Americans do not. This will allow Michigan to easily identify anyone who is a terrorist and shoot them. Anyone removing a blindfold without paying a fee is probably also a terrorist and will be shot. Other people will be shot randomly because the athletic department feels like it can get away with it.
"I don't see what the big deal is," said some guy on a message board who hasn't been to a game since 1982 but enjoys being a prick to people.
In a clever twist, the department has replaced the "n" and "d" in blindfold with a block M on the luxury silk, custom made "bliMfolds," because they have the power of marketing. "Just look at all this concentrated marketing," said marketing whatsit Hunter Lochmann, who marketed himself as "Lochdogg" on the internet for a rather long time, "it is marketing concentrated."
Brandon apologized for the patriotic fees, but stated that someone had to pay for the blindfolds, which are really quite nice. He also conceded that discounts will be offered for games where Adidas issues special uniforms.
In a separate move, the department banned seat cushions because terrorism America love it or leave it.
LOL. It's all fun and games when the students get inconvenienced, but the sarcasm drips out now. Doesn't feel so good does it? You guys should be standing anyways.
Trolling? Truth hurts.
Because they put this policy in place because seat cushions couldn't show up to games before midway through the second quarter.
That's not my point. I don't give a crap about cushions or GA for that matter. I find it funny that these are the same people who were so happy when GA was announced even though the students hated it. It's now incredibly amusing to watch this complaning, lamenting the 'downfall of michigan football', and clamoring for Brandon's head when a change was made for you guys against your wishes.
The GA change is being made to address something that hopefully we all agree is a problem: massive empty chunks of the student section for the first half of the game. I respect your right to have an opinion on whether the change to GA is a good idea or not, but at least it's an attempt to solve a problem.
This seat cushion thing is simply the latest attempt to squeeze a few more bucks out of the fanbase. There's no upside. That's the difference.
Too bad trying to herd every student through the same gate is going to cause the people who used to show up 15 minutes early and walk right into the stadium through a different gate to have to wait in a line and be late. Then we'll get more bitching about the students not being in their seats at kickoff.
My grandma almost couldn't attend graduation this past May because she has a back issue and she needed one of those "seat back cushion" cushion things. We had to call her doctor in New York so he could send a doctor's note email expressing her problem. This was the only way we could bring the dangerous device inside Michigan Stadium:
I'm trying to locate DB's email now...
I encourage everyone to do the same. It probably won't help, but the masses need to be heard.
Don't waste your time. Students created multitudes of petitions and complained forever about GA seating. We're learning to live with it now, so everyone else might as well.
That's a very poor attitiude to have, my friend.
Well, it is kind of disheartening when a UNIVERSITY's department won't take account of it's own students. More power to you guys if any kind of protest to this new idea is successful in reversing it. I really doubt it though.
Sometimes I think the Athletic department forgets that it is the University of Michigan Wolverines, not Michigan Wolverines.
You seem to be assuming that all students are unhappy with GA seating.
Also, I don't know if you understand just how upset almost everyone else (including the players and coaches on the team) was with the students' tardiness last season. GA seating didn't come out of the blue.
the Students are in the "Low Priority" section of this argument because we're talking money ... which generally students don't really have disposable money.
I totally agree that Brian should release the Kracken (in this case - Brandon's email) and we should provide throngs of cushioned emails for his reading pleasure!
Go Blue!
Students don't have disposable money, yet Brandon and Co. just keep on jacking up the prices. I think both students and alumni can agree about prices getting way out of hand.
opps ... it slipped.
Go Blue!
Your voice is directly proportional to your donations. Ask not what your athletic department can do for you, but why the athletic department should care about you in the first place.
Could you post it?
So damn hot and they had just prohibited bottled water. It was like 110 degrees on the field and there wasn't any wind. I had an elderly lady pass out in front of me in line (one of many victims of the heat). All for, what Brian called, "a pittance." That said, I can still kinda see some sort of reason (however misplaced) for not allowing people to bring this kind of stuff in (possible alcohol?). I do not have any idea why they wouldn't allow something as innocuous as seat cushions in a public stadium. (WHERE'S THE THREAT?) Please go back to the corporation that spawned you, Brandon (and whoever else voted this shit in).
Even though it'll suck, I hope our steak of sellouts ends and our attendance drops. I don't think it'll make a difference though.
Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. I'm sorry, but it is terrible to say that you "hope our st[r]eak of sellouts and and our attendance drops." That is insane
I don't see any other way for the rapidly spiking pricing policies (and prohibited items "available" inside) to stand. It's not like they're going to choose less profit, right? Obviously, Michigan fans should be proud of their sellout streak but it definitely seems like they're trying to see how much they can (to borrow from a poster below) milk from the fans.
I disagree. Setting aside that it's never going to happen, the only way these policies stop or are reduced is when it affects the bottom line. Michigan's still going to play football if a game doesn't sell out, so I don't see why it's such a terrible thing to say.
they are onto my flask hidden in the seat cushion ploy ...
New product idea. Pants with a build-in seat cusion, Or a couple pair of depends - dual use!
Do these pants technically count as seat cushions? If security catches you wearing them, will they confiscate your pants?
. . . Or a couple pair of depends - dual use!
You are on to something here. Especially when they start charging "dynamic pricing" to use the bathrooms.
I've heard the first 8 ounces will be free!
Its called the pinklington pant and was invented during Carl Pinklington’s hike up mount Fuji. I would embed a picture, but I don’t post much and don’t know how. Sorry.
I love much of what Dave has brought to Michigan, but this is disgusting. Isn't this, by definition, fleecing?
At least he could have called it something different...ban seat cushions and offer reservations for "official team posterior support pads"
Well, you can still bring pagers(!) in, so there's that.
If only I were selling cocaine in 1996.
Wear an extra sweatshirt, sit on extra sweatshirt? Or will those soon be banned, too?
blankets are not banned, so from a practical standpoint if you want to have something to sit on this doesn't appear to do much. Of course that fact means this makes even less sense...
Maybe it's time to boycott the first half of something like the Akron game to get their attention. As long as people are willing to keep paying their money and showing up, nothing is going to change.
The next item to be banned should be clothing. All fans entering the Big House should be required to be completely naked. One benefit of this is it makes streaking across the football field much easier, since your job is already half-way done.
Plus, the football stadium could also qualify for special "tax breaks" since it is also a part-time nudest colony...
You're onto something here. The AD just put this into a synergy brainstorm meeting agenda. They'll "rent" you officially licensed U of M apparel for just $100 a season.
Sent this morning through the website:
Banning seat cushions at Michigan Stadium under the guise of "safety" while offering to rent them for $35 (really $42 after the generous discount expires at midnight) is a new low for the Athletic Department. What is unsafe about me bringing an officially licensed collegiate product Michigan seat cushion to my seat in Michigan Stadium? I can choose to sit on an aluminum seat for 3-4 hours or pay another $5-$6 per game, in advance. So the difference between unsafe and safe is a few more nibbles at season ticketholders' well-chewed wallets.
I vividly remember the first game when purses and water bottles were banned. The long lines outside the gates on that hot day were tremendous. Those who trot back to their cars with their wives' purses will be champions. Come to your senses before the season opener.
I can't wait to see what you think of next; I'd make an absurd suggestion but the line between today's absurdity and next season's reality is getting very blurry for the Michigan Athletic Department.
At this rate, I'll keep my season tickets just so I can sell them at a handsome profit.
been able to sell any ticket ever above face value. People look at me like I'm stupid when I say 50-100 dollars for a football ticket.
This is some bullshit. At first I thought the satire of the post was over the top. But after checking the mgoblue.com page with the seat cushions prohibition bolded and the cushy banner ad for paying for the privilege of a cushion just to the right, I think it’s spot on. The money grab is so transparent that it’s beyond insulting that they do this under the guise of “safety.”
No purses burned my wife and I for the ND under the lights game. We had to stuff all of the contents in our pockets because unlike every other stadium in the country, security can’t be bothered to inspect it. My fault in the end because I did not verify this beforehand, but that was a new one for me.
As a non-season ticket holder, I’m sure I’ll still go to games whenever I have the chance. I'll deal with these shitty policies because I only have so many opportunities to see Michigan Football. But, I hope that those most affected by these policies - season and frequent ticket holders - let the AD know that these slights do not go unnoticed. Sad.
The NFL banned cushions but for stadiums with bleacher seating like Michigan Stadium (Green Bay and Buffalo) they are allowing cushions - http://www.fox11online.com/dpp/sports/packers_and_nfl/green-bay-packers-say-seat-backs-and-cushions-will-be-allowed-at-lambeau-field-for-2013-season
So if this policy stay in place we will have the only cushion banned stadium with bleacher seating.
I am done paying for sports, be it professional, college, or other...
I went to michigan-MSU last year and watched the game on the golfcourse with friends...
They aren't getting a penny out of me.
jdon
The thing that bothers me is that I had the "rented" cushions a few years ago for free when they unceremoneously moved my season tickets from one end zone to the other to make more room for the students (who didn't show up until the second quarter anyway... but I digress). The rental cushions are terrible. It had rained the morning before the game and the cushions were soaked through at game time, but because we couldn't remove them we had no choice but to sit there and get our asses soaked for the entire game. Our friends brought their foam seat cushions to the game out of habit and ended up using those to buffer themselves from the saturated rental cushions.
Obviously, this made us decidedly uninterested in the permanent cushions as they were inferior to simply bringing your own DRY cushion to each game.
Just another excuse to schedule that butt implant. Man I am going to look so good in jeans.
I will now NEVER buy another program, $4 cold pop, or any other concession ever again from this Athletic Department, at the Big House or elsewhere.
I am absolutely cringing at the thought of the poor ticket takers this year. They will be faced, each of them,with about 1000 "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SEAT CUSHIONS ARE BANNED?!" questions, each game. Followed by "I've been taking this cushion in for X years" and "You can search it if you want."
I guarantee they're be a pile of seat cushions filling the garbage bins outside the stadium the first few games.
I had some regrets about giving up my job at the stadium but now I'm thinking it'll be a lot less stressful chilling at home in front of the TV.
Not saying I'm going to do it but here's an inflatable seat cushion that can fit in your pocket. link
Sounds like somebody better call the waaaaaaambulance...
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