The Museday of the Depend Adult Undergarment
Right: One the fruits of this week's "Virginia Tech" googlestalking.
First there was the Rose. At this point let's not pretend like this wasn't a marketing ploy because the entire point of the Rose Bowl was to prove to skeptical Easterners that it really is sunny and 70 in January in Pasadena. But at some point the marketing went from "come see our lovely town" to how much can we annoy you. This is where I come in. I carry a keyboard.
When there were fewer bowls the funny names were okay, especially when they matched the local industry. The Citrus and Tangerine and Orange and Gator screamed Florida. The Peach was very Georgia. The Liberty Bowl at least began in Philly and had a logo of the Liberty Bell. The Refrigerator Bowl was in the Refrigerator Capital of the World—if you knew where that was you could place the bowl game.
With naming rights to bowls now going for less than Pryor made in extra benefits (oh snap!) it is time to revolt.
This should have been done before a company called Mine-hickey Care Bear or some such sullied one "hallowed" bowl with that name, let alone its second (map by Hinton):
Going with this week's theme of whining about things that will never happen, here's my plea to readers and bloggers alike for dealing with the billions of bad names and barnacle-like corporate monikers affixing themselves to your bowls.
Why care? Without getting into the mercenary finances of the bowls I don't care that companies buy naming rights. I care that they are very bad at it, and that this makes the bowlscape very unhelpful. It is not my intent to restrict or confine or dictate language. I'm just tired of having to Google where the Maaco Bowl is.
Just Add 'Bowl': Rose. Orange. Sugar. Fiesta. Cotton (no need to add "classic"). Liberty. Holiday. Alamo. Gator. Sun. Poinsettia. Oh they all have title sponsors who've tried to affix their names but you can pretty safely ignore them, especially since the sponsorships almost never last more than half a decade or so.
Fine with the Sponsor: Fight Hunger (leave out Kraft, it's an image wash anyway). Outback. Y'know what, "Hall of Fame" bowl in its day never really impressed me. On the other hand Outback Steakhouse did the sponsorship thing right by not adding the extra two syllables, allowing the bowl to evoke the Aussie desert instead of a restaurant that doesn't believe anything could be over-salted. I don't know what Tampa, FL, has to do with interior Australia but for some reason this doesn't bother me at all. Board? Hall of Fame or Outback for this one?
Never Change: Peach. Tangerine. Citrus. Copper. The chicken guys are insidious. Watch this logo progression (thanks Chris Creamer):
It ate the whole peach!
The Tangerine is now called the Champs Sports Bowl and was a zillion other things too but it's easy to remember as the Tangerine because it's still the other Orlando bowl after the Citrus. As for the Citrus itself, until such time as Capital One casts Michigan State in one of their marauding commercials, then has them sack a dorm while Kirk Cousins turns to the camera and says "what's in YOUR wallet?" this should always remain the Citrus. The Copper Bowl is the one that's now in Tempe and used to be in Tucson. It's been the "Insight" for a time but I can't stand .com names.*
What Was Wrong With the Old One? Pop quiz hot-shot: where was the Aloha Bowl (1982-'00)? Oh you guessed it. It was obvious. So why is it now the Hawai'i Bowl? By the way it was the Pineapple Bowl from '39 to '51, and the Poi Bowl from '35 to '38. Amazing that this bowl's predecessors go all the way back to when the BCS bowls were starting up.
Use the City: Virtually all of the rest of them. There is no way you should be responsible for remembering what bowl is currently the Franklin American Mortgage Company Bowl. Call it Music City or Nashville. The one in Mobile is Mobile. The one in Birmingham is Birmingham. Las Vegas. Detroit (or Motor City). Boise (you can call this one Potato if you like). New Orleans II. New Mexico. Tampa II (the one they're now calling Beef 'O' Babies or something, and is in St. Petersburg. So Tampa. Tampa II. Like the defense). Charlotte (the old Continental Ire, then Mein Kitty Carb Scare Bowl, now Belk). The "Armed Forces" and "Military" Bowls are currently battling it out to see which one can be the most Captain America:
…but until that is settled you are not going to remember which one is in Ft. Worth and which one is in D.C. So they're D.C. and Fort Worth ("Dallas III" gets confusing with the Cotton Bowl and Cotton II both in the tri-city area).
Special Cases: The "Pinstripe" Bowl can be that or the Bronx Bowl, or the one they're playing in Yankee Stadium. The bowl that's moved into the old Cotton Bowl is best referred to as Cotton II (not Ticketcity)
If you're in need of non-sullied bowl logos, the following is a collection of such created by bloggers (except the Rose: a Rose is a Rose).
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* Unless you guys want to take up a fund to start the MGoBlog.com Bowl. But then we'd just call it the MGoBowl. Man who do we invite? I mean after Slippery Rock.
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UPDATE: Handy Chart.
They Call It | You Call It | Started | Location | Payout |
---|---|---|---|---|
Alamo Bowl | Alamo | 1993 | San Antonio, TX | $2,250,000 |
Armed Forces Bowl | Fort Worth | 2003 | University Park, TX | $750,000 |
BBVA Compass Bowl | Birmingham | 2006 | Birmingham, AL | $1,000,000 |
Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl | Tampa II | 2008 | St. Petersburg, FL | $1,000,000 |
Belk Bowl | Charlotte | 2002 | Charlotte, NC | $1,000,000 |
Capital One Bowl | Citrus | 1946 | Orlando, FL | $4,250,000 |
Champs Sports Bowl | Tangerine | 1990 | Orlando, FL | $2,125,000 |
Chick-fil-A Bowl | Peach | 1968 | Atlanta, GA | $3,350,000 |
Cotton Bowl Classic | Cotton | 1936 | Dallas (Arlington), TX | $6,750,000 |
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl | Boise | 1997 | Boise, ID | $750,000 |
Fiesta Bowl | Fiesta | 1971 | Glendale, AZ | $18,000,000 |
Gator Bowl | Gator | 1945 | Jacksonville, FL | $2,500,000 |
GoDaddy.com Bowl | Mobile | 1999 | Mobile, AL | $750,000 |
Hawaiʻi Bowl | Hawai'i or Aloha | 2002 | Honolulu, HI | $750,000 |
Holiday Bowl | Holiday | 1978 | San Diego, CA | $1,000,000 |
Independence Bowl | Independence | 1976 | Shreveport, LA | $1,100,000 |
Insight Bowl | Copper | 1989 | Tempe, AZ | $1,200,000 |
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl | San Fran or Fight Hunger | 2002 | San Francisco, CA | $825,000 |
Liberty Bowl | Liberty | 1959 | Memphis, TN | $1,350,000 |
Little Caesars Pizza Bowl | Detroit or Motor City | 1997 | Detroit, MI | $750,000 |
Maaco Bowl Las Vegas | Las Vegas | 1992 | Las Vegas, NV | $1,000,000 |
Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas | Houston | 2006 | Houston, TX | $1,700,000 |
Military Bowl | D.C. | 2008 | Washington, DC | $1,000,000 |
Music City Bowl | Music City or Nashville | 1998 | Nashville, TN | $1,700,000 |
New Mexico Bowl | New Mexico | 2006 | Albuquerque, NM | $750,000 |
New Orleans Bowl | New Orleans | 2001 | New Orleans, LA | $325,000 |
Orange Bowl | Orange | 1934 | Miami Gardens, FL | $18,000,000 |
Outback Bowl | Outback | 1986 | Tampa, FL | $3,400,000 |
Pinstripe Bowl | Bronx | 2010 | Bronx, NY | $2,000,000 |
Poinsettia Bowl | Poinsettia | 2005 | San Diego, CA | $750,000 |
Rose Bowl Game | Rose | 1901 | Pasadena, CA | $18,000,000 |
Sugar Bowl | Sugar | 1934 | New Orleans, LA | $18,000,000 |
Sun Bowl | Sun | 1934 | El Paso, TX | $1,900,000 |
TicketCity Bowl | Cotton II | 2010 | Dallas, TX | $1,200,000 |
December 6th, 2011 at 9:46 AM ^
That it no longer sounds like an actual word.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:02 AM ^
Well, the Armed Forces Bowl, being the older one, is obviously going for the original shield look, while the newer Military Bowl is using the classic shield look. So both equally Captain America-y.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:19 AM ^
FedEx changed the logo a couple years ago. This one works better than the original, I think.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:45 AM ^
one of the subjects died of embarassment.
December 6th, 2011 at 1:25 PM ^
"What's big, and round, and goes to the Orange Bowl?"
December 6th, 2011 at 2:05 PM ^
Ooh ooh ooh, is it Frank Beamer?
December 6th, 2011 at 10:24 AM ^
They call it the: "These are not Profesional Atheletes" Bowl. Note: This must be said with barely contained laughter by everyone who utters it. That is part of the contractual naming rights.
You call it the: "I wish I had the courage to boycott so we could have a real playoff, but the thought of not watching my team play in the shitty bowl it made it to would make me cry, so I'll just bitch and wave my fist in futile protest." Bowl.
Started: The year after the NCAA realized how much money was lost by giving SMU the death penalty.
Location: The part of your brain that knows it's bad, but just can't seem to stop yourself from coming back for more.
Payout: $121 million to the schools, some large multiple of that to the organizers and NCAA mafia that we'll never know because we don't really care enough.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:38 AM ^
For a strange reason, I never hated the name "Continental Tire Bowl." There was a slight ring to it. I have been basically carrying on this mini-crusade on my own blogspace by using "ex-Copper," "ex-Peach" and so on. But I think "Tire Bowl," even though it conjures up images of Akron and not Charlotte, works very well for these purposes. Also, the bowl was going to be the "Queen City Bowl" before Continental Tire stepped in, and that is a delightful name.
I have a really hard time with "Tangerine Bowl," though. It's confusing because the bowl that we want to refer to as that (the current Champs Sports Bowl) really only called itself that for a year or two in the middle of its run. It began life as the Blockbuster Bowl and then the Carquest Bowl - obviously neither are acceptable. "Tangerine Bowl" was the original name for which main-line bowl game? Answer: the Citrus Bowl. It was called that for decades. Much longer than it was called the Citrus Bowl, actually. Still, I like "Citrus Bowl", so that uber alles.
Finally, I must beg, plead, and implore the board to assist in bringing back the Bluebonnet Bowl name. That was once played in Houston, meaning the MCC of T Bowl needs to have the Bluebonnet moniker applied to it. Michigan even played in it once, facing UCLA in the first Big Ten-Pac-10 bowl meeting outside the Rose.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:50 AM ^
Yeah I know the Citrus was the Tangerine but it's before my time. I was delighted when they brought back "Tangerine" to be the Citrus's little brother bowl, even if just for a time. Anyway if you can remember the Tangerine was in Orlando and isn't the Citrus you will remember that bowl.
I thought of trying to force one of these bowls to be the Bluebonnet--probably the Houston Bowl--but that bowl would be a huge disservice to the Bluebonnet. Too bad the BB didn't make it a few more years. Today it would probably be in the Gator's spot.
December 6th, 2011 at 11:33 AM ^
True, the Bluebonnet was an excellent bowl while the MCC of T is little more than a wannabe. Still, any disservice to the Bluebonnet is hopefully outweighed by the intentional disservice to the Car Care company.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:04 PM ^
Continental Tire is headquartered in Charlotte. And Charlotte is known as the "Queen City," being named after Queen Charlotte and all. Not sure if you already knew those or not, but there they are.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:57 PM ^
Did not know about Continental Tire, but did know about the Queen City. My grandparents used to live there and it's impossible to miss the crowns on all the street signs.
December 6th, 2011 at 1:24 PM ^
Is a double entendre' waiting to happen.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:38 AM ^
The Weed Eater Independence Bowl.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:46 AM ^
How long until we get to see the Chipotle Burrito Bowl?
December 6th, 2011 at 11:17 AM ^
This is the only true and just name for the New Mexico Bowl. Make it happen, Land of Enchantment!
December 7th, 2011 at 12:30 PM ^
Except there is no Chipotle in New Mexico
December 6th, 2011 at 11:24 AM ^
as it's not naked. Some things, you can't unsee.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:06 PM ^
Followed by the Chipolte-away bowl.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:09 PM ^
I think it should be the Chipotle Burriot Bol.
December 6th, 2011 at 10:48 AM ^
The Holiday Bowl, The Citrus Bowl, and Independence Bowl for some reason. But let's be honest, The Rose Bowl is the mecca. Definitely on my bucket list!
December 6th, 2011 at 10:50 AM ^
To me, the bowl game in Boise will always be the Humanitarian Bowl.
December 6th, 2011 at 1:09 PM ^
Sure, but I do find the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl to be a pretty great name for a bowl, and the football/potato with sour cream and chives on it is also a very entertaining logo. When you are playing on a blue field, clearly you are not too worried about keeping things very traditional.
Here in Boise they are playing a ton of radio ads featuring Sam Elliott as the voiceover, which is fitting.
Here in Boise people are also pretty pissed at the Sugar Bowl and at Va Tech, but not as much at Michigan, just FYI.
December 6th, 2011 at 11:13 AM ^
So, in reality, Michigan State should be happy w/ our BCS bowl as we just made them an extra $1,500,000?
You're welcome, Sparty.
December 6th, 2011 at 11:28 AM ^
"The Liberty Bowl at least began in Philly and had a logo of the Liberty Bell."
I know it's (a little) cold here, but wouldn't a bowl in Philly, be much better than about half of these? I mean, there' s at least a lot of things to do here, and the Linc is a few subway stops from downtown.
December 6th, 2011 at 11:35 AM ^
I'll say it: even if it's a worthy cause, "Fight Hunger Bowl" sounds awful.
Incidentally, the Citrus Bowl always was a sponsored bowl - it was sponsored for many years by the Florida Citrus Growers (and that's actually their logo in the old bowl logo). But it was such a subtle sponsorship that most people never noticed.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:12 PM ^
As I think was mentioned, there is an aspect of sponsorship in all the bowls from the beginning, mostly encouraging tourism or economic growth. The Rose Bowl was part of the Tournament of Roses (started in the 1880s, I think) to encourage the growth of Southern California and Pasadena, back went that was a perceived necessity.
I get your point, though, that the Citrus Bowl was trying to encourage the sale of a product.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:29 PM ^
Yeah but there's a large difference in annoyance level between a bowl that is basically organized and run by a city and its dominating local industry, and some company that just buys a lot of 30-second ads on local networks.
It's the difference between going to see Detroit's pro team at "Ford Field" versus The "Call Sam Center." And yes, that will be the name of the new Red Wings Arena, mark my words.
December 6th, 2011 at 1:01 PM ^
True, there's nothing grating or obnoxious about "Florida Citrus Bowl." It just makes sense. Hell, it continued to be the "Florida Citrus Bowl" even after the Florida Citrus Growers Assn. or whatever it is stopped being the primary title sponsor.
December 6th, 2011 at 3:12 PM ^
I agree; just noting that it was, in fact, sponsored.
December 6th, 2011 at 1:28 PM ^
..is the bowl empty or full?
December 6th, 2011 at 11:55 AM ^
And, needless to say, at the MGoBowl, piped in RAWK music will be banned. Only music by the schools' marching bands, preferably things written before WWII.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:06 PM ^
Occupy your mind, your anti-corporate a** will follow!
December 6th, 2011 at 12:41 PM ^
I just want Capital One to make that advertisment.
December 6th, 2011 at 12:57 PM ^
Ryan Parker sings what we all think.
December 6th, 2011 at 1:07 PM ^
I actually think the Pinstripe Bowl name is clever enough given that it's in Yankee Stadium. HOWEVA-- If you want to call it the Bronx Bowl and/or hate the Yankees, should we call it the Bronx Cheer Bowl?
December 6th, 2011 at 1:27 PM ^
It was all the references on MGoBlog that finally convinced me to read Infinite Jest.
By the way, David Foster Wallace wasn't far off (back in 1994) with his Ken-L-Ration-Magnavox-Kemper-Insurance Forsythia Bowl.
December 6th, 2011 at 2:02 PM ^
Rose is a rose is an onion. Oh damn, Hemingway-ed.
December 6th, 2011 at 2:23 PM ^
Small correction to note here. The Tangerine Bowl survives today as the Capital One Bowl, foremerlyknownas The Citrus Bowl, and well before the Champs Sports Bowl was conceived.
As my name indicates, I am old enough remember Toledo winning this game three years in a row in the late '60s and early '70s while riding the nations longest winning streak. Look at the history and you'll see a time when the Georgias and Floridas of the world were getting it handed to them by MAC schools.
Ah, the days when midwest football was on top of the world...
December 6th, 2011 at 3:44 PM ^
Yeah I knew that, though my earliest memories are still the Citrus. I figured call the Citrus the Citrus, and then if you call the second Orlando game the Tangerine it's easy to remember that it's the Citrus's little brother.
December 7th, 2011 at 11:58 AM ^
Many thanks.
December 7th, 2011 at 1:09 PM ^
I know I read this late but I just had to tell you that the miscreant U reference to a capital one commercial made me laugh so hard that I swallowed my gum. Very funny!
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