Mattison says he will watch film on our defense. This will cause him to do what?
In a recent interview, Mattison mentioned he was going to watch a bunch of film to see how our guys play defense. When I thought about that comment, I realized that they should probably hide the sharp objects when this activity occurs. I sort of imagine some Raiders of the Lost Ark face melting happening as he observes the missed tackles, crazy alignments for down and distance, blown assignments, etc.
Since I am going with some old school face melting, what does the board think will happen?
January 21st, 2011 at 1:57 PM ^
Pull the rest of his hair out.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
Using an indutrial strength winch, like the kind they use in the jungles to pull out wayward jeeps
January 21st, 2011 at 2:17 PM ^
A week ago this guy was breaking down film of Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Suggs, etc.
Now he's breaking down DOOM.
I could not possibly be more excited about the future of Michigan football.
January 22nd, 2011 at 9:03 AM ^
I could not possibly be more excited about the future of Michigan football.
I could. We could have RR's offense returning some upperclassmen for a change, returning defensive starters, and a new defensive staff... What's that? RR was fired? Oh... fuck.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:44 PM ^
Our defense last year was so bad that Mattison will immediately sprout a new, full head of hair only for the purpose of tearing it out.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:36 PM ^
Then he will be completely bald.
January 21st, 2011 at 9:05 PM ^
all he has to do is watch the bowl game fiasco, cry for an hour and then light the rest on fire.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:27 PM ^
It brings on many changes.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:14 PM ^
And I can take or leave it as I please.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:58 PM ^
Hug a stuffed animal
January 21st, 2011 at 3:18 PM ^
a stuffed beaver
January 21st, 2011 at 1:58 PM ^
January 21st, 2011 at 1:58 PM ^
orbitz.com to see what the soonest flight out of town is.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:45 PM ^
Flight tracker? eh?
January 21st, 2011 at 1:58 PM ^
Opposite of suicide. He'll realize he has the opportunity to be Jesus.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:07 PM ^
Wait, I thought Jesus did commit suicide.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:58 PM ^
touch himself because our helmets have wings
January 21st, 2011 at 1:58 PM ^
Wish he never told Hoke he would come.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
We signed him right? He can't go back to the Ravens.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
Track down GERG. Bitchslap the hair right off his head. Take the hair and have a build-a-bear turn it in to a stuffed beaver. Behead the newly stuffed beaver. Leave the head in GERG's bed.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:17 PM ^
This is exactly what he would do. Or at least what I'd want him to do.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:25 PM ^
I had to log on just to thank you for that comment....too funny.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:35 PM ^
That is frightenly specific.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:09 PM ^
Yeah, obviously. I think the OP meant, what would he do after that.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
Poop his pants (he is Old Man Mattison, after all)
January 21st, 2011 at 2:02 PM ^
We have a winnah!
January 21st, 2011 at 2:08 PM ^
I don't tawk like dat.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:05 PM ^
I'm very impressed with that guy's skills, but I get so happy watching his friend!
January 21st, 2011 at 2:31 PM ^
His friend is freaking me out a little bit.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:23 PM ^
"I remember my first beer"
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
I think he might call GERG up and offer him a position coach job just so Michigan can fire him again.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:01 PM ^
That is really cruel. Appropriate, but really cruel.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:31 PM ^
At some point, with the obvious ineptitude and the stuffed animals, you almost have to feel sorry for Gerg.
Granted, I'm not at that point yet and would gladly hire him so he could get fired again.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:05 PM ^
you've already started taking classes at Ross. humiliation of your subordinates is the first key step we learned in MO 501.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:35 PM ^
I'm a Marine, it's real-life experience. You haven't experienced humilitation until a 45 year-old man "orders" 1000 people to shut their "cock holsters" on...family day.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
By watching what the players did last year, Mattison will have a better idea what he needs to change from what the guys were taught these past couple of years.
When you can see what they have been taught, it is easier to make the changes needed.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:33 PM ^
I didn't realize they were taught anything...which is probably a good thing, at least he won't have to unteach bad habits.
/s
January 21st, 2011 at 1:59 PM ^
He will go talk to Demens and hug him, while saying "It's not your fault" a la Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, until Demens cries out all memories of GERG's teddy-bear-assault, thus, washing away all memories of 2010 and making him even better for 2011 and beyond.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:03 PM ^
You just painted an amazing image in my brain.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:59 PM ^
GERG used to put 3 terrible defensive schemes on the table and make Demens choose
January 21st, 2011 at 3:22 PM ^
Demens would choose the 3-3-5. Because fuck Gerg, that's why.
January 21st, 2011 at 2:00 PM ^
.. evaluate the type of players we have, so he can understand where each player will fit best in the new defense
January 21st, 2011 at 2:03 PM ^
What fun is having a serious answer?
January 21st, 2011 at 2:07 PM ^
And then we will find out who will start at Spur and Spinner in the 3-3-5!
January 21st, 2011 at 2:12 PM ^
If you're from the rural South and have a strong accent... you might be a redneck!
January 21st, 2011 at 5:20 PM ^
THEY TOOK OUR JERBSSS!
January 21st, 2011 at 2:01 PM ^
When I said start with basic fundamentals ... I wasn't kidding.
January 22nd, 2011 at 3:33 AM ^
Maybe three or four ... tops!
EDIT - my image wouldn't show up, sorry!