Unverified Voracity Says Let's Win Football
SPORTS. TALK. RADIO. A somewhat agitated man called into WTKA after the game Saturday night. That guy can get bent with his engineering cracks. If the football team was as good as solar car we'd all have burned out dopamine receptors.
It could be worse! It could be equally as bad. Let's check in with our friends at Texas.
The eloquent Scipio Tex on a hamblasting at the hands of BYU:
Anyone coming into this game expecting a solid or even reasonably functional offense was delusional, but cold reality stings even when you know there's a blizzard outside and you're dressed only in a garter belt and a ball gag leaping from a 3rd story window into a snow bank...
Don't ask.
Metaphorically been there, bro. And literally, but let's focus on the metaphorically please.
Meanwhile in MS paint penises. We made Shamepaint, a couple times. This is the one I can put on the blog:
So we're still better than my friend Kit.
That's over I guess. Penn State's sanctions are over as arbitrarily and suddenly as they were imposed. Suddenly free to go to the Pinstripe Bowl, Penn State fans reacted like college students do when given the slightest pretext:
Here is today’s PDF of the paper, featuring coverage after Penn State’s bowl ban is lifted: http://t.co/QgvonVr5SH pic.twitter.com/aFuB66vy5b
— The Daily Collegian (@DailyCollegian) September 9, 2014
The previous day's Collegian was exactly the same except the headline read ONE DOLLAR TACOS.
So that may explain that. Derrick Green got a lot more carries than De'Veon Smith despite not being at all effective with them. Here is a potential reason why:
@AceAnbender DeVeon Smith is limping pretty bad around campus. No boot or brace, but he's walking like a baby deer.
— Nick McLaren (@xDQ44) September 8, 2014
#BabyDeer4RB
Here is a list of potential SMU hires I am linking for no particular reason. Michigan's going to have more access than SMU if they need to make a coaching change at the end of the season, but Harbaugh Hail Marys aside the landscape isn't going to look too different than this list of eight candidates to replace June Jones after his sudden resignation. It's heavy on offensive coordinators, with those of Ohio State, Clemson, Baylor, and Oklahoma on the list along with some washed up dudes. (Butch Davis! Rick Neuheisel!) Michigan has a bunch of midlevel head coaches they can grab… it's just that there aren't any.
If you think that's excessively grim, look around the college football landscape for an established, pluckable head coach with a track record that makes you warm and fuzzy. I don't see one. Texas grabbed the best idea out there when they hired Charlie Strong to repair the damage letting Mack Brown hang on way too long caused. Washington picked off Chris Petersen. Penn State got James Franklin. There's nobody at a midlevel BCS program who's an obvious next big thing a la Meyer or Sumlin.
Unless you think Michigan can swoop in on a Texas A&M or Oklahoma State—extremely doubtful—there are virtually no available coaches who finished in the top 25 last year except George O'Leary (hooray!) and Todd Graham (because Todd Graham is always available). David Cutcliffe is 59; Art Briles is 58 (and not leaving).
The best bet outside the HHM may be Craig Bohl, who led NDSU to three consecutive national titles and various upsets of nearby I-A teams. Dual problems: he just got hired by Wyoming and he's 56.
Maybe someone will cut a hot swath of death through some conference or another, but legit A-level hires have track records of performing over expectations over a number of years. With Petersen, Strong, and Franklin off the board the pickings are slim. They get even slimmer if you insist on a coach who runs a program that looks like 1990s Michigan, because fewer and fewer programs do that.
Hail Harbaugh full of grace and all that, then. Or ripping off ten straight wins and going to the Rose Bowl. Either one. Preferably the latter. It could happen!
AT LEAST WE COULD PROBABLY UNFOLD SOME FRIGGIN SHEETS OF CLOTH.
Notre Dame student section fails to unfold the banners of the Ireland flag @deadspin pic.twitter.com/YX8LYJEeT5
— Tyler Koppes (@TBooty_88) September 7, 2014
Actually, I wonder about that after the Great Card Stunt of 2012, which was not exactly North Korea quality. We are a goatish people, we Michigan fans: hard to lead, prone to irritating bleating, capable of grudgingly eating anything put in front of our face.
This week in People In Charge Of Things Are Just In Charge Of Them. Nothing about what Ray Rice did changed in the last couple days, but once people actually saw him knocking out his wife all of a sudden Rice is gone from the league. NFL officials are either 1) worse than TMZ at getting video, 2) lied to everyone about having saw it, or 3) saw it and thought two games was okay.
This is a comprehensive failure by an idiot. He's an idiot who makes 45 million dollars a year, and he's an idiot because he thinks this makes him untouchable. See Donald Sterling, Dan Snyder, etc. People in charge of things are not necessarily deserving of such a position and their judgments should be questioned, because no one inside these organizations is successfully doing so.
Meanwhile, elite sportswriters are hand-picked PR organs.
Par for the course. Obligatory hot take on the Hoke quote du jour:
'If they're truly fans, they'll believe in these kids ... If they're not, they won't'
See MGoBlog article "Fickle" on this.
It is not the fans' fault that this program is awful to be a fan of. It's not Rich Rodriguez's fault. Anyone who sells their ticket for whatever they can get—currently 60 bucks and dropping from 80 yesterday—is only making a logical decision to not get punched in the soul dong on Saturday.
You are a true fan if you want the team to win a lot. Believing is optional, and right now kind of dumb.
Etc.: Shut up, Jim Delany, it is most definitely not premature to judge the Big Ten. Michigan Monday, hooray. Miami (Not That Miami) is not good. M is a 31.5 point favorite and YOU JUST HAD TO PICK THAT LINE, VEGAS, SERIOUSLY?
The new Stanford Tree is something. The Chad Lindsay sweepstakes was kind of overrated. Dude just retired. Students! Here is this link to some anagrams for no reason.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:40 PM ^
The number of injured players and walking wounded after just 2 games is too damn high!
EDIT: Also, at a pro style replacement is more of a necessity than a stubborn preference at this point. I don't think this program can survive another 3 year rebuilding project. The one bright spot, recruiting, makes that even more of a bad strategy. It is what it is at this point. Unless Harbaugh or other HC version of Nussmeier suddenly shows interest it's probably ride or die with Hoke, even if the team doesn't improve much this season.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:57 PM ^
A Coaching Carosel is, at this point, more frightening to me than riding with Hoke. Unless 2014 turns into 2013-but-worse, I'm firmly in the don't-fire-Hoke-(yet?) camp.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:20 PM ^
If this team ends up similarly to 2013, there is another factor that will come into play and it's a big one that we all know about, and that is ticket sales. Brandon can make all the nose he wants to, but if this program stops making money, all bets are off. At this point, the way it seems is that Hoke has already lost much of the fan base, and the only hope of winning it back is through beating MSU and OSU and winning a bunch of games. I don't see that happening. I'd love to be proven wrong, but I have my doubts. There is a systemic coaching issue that may be turned around. Maybe.
I have to agree....timing for a coaching change seems to never go in our favor. Even if there were someone available, I'm not so sure that Michigan is going to be an easy sell. Coaching carousel and a fanbase that is not easy to please.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:37 PM ^
Ugh, ticket sales. Forgot about that.
And of course, at issue is not only the football team performance, but also the schedule. I have no doubt Brandon will blame ticket sales exclusively on the former and completely ignore the AD's role in the latter. Sigh.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:45 PM ^
September 9th, 2014 at 2:05 PM ^
I am not sure that is possible. have you watched these games? How can anything be more frightening than Brady Hoke's in-game adjustments..
September 9th, 2014 at 12:58 PM ^
I'd hope that a lot of coaches could make do with the players/recruits we have on both sides of the ball. Probably just need to avoid coaches that are extremely scheme-dependent.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:36 PM ^
Well...oddly enough, that call made my morning.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:43 PM ^
Darn Obi Fern!!!!!!!!
September 9th, 2014 at 1:32 PM ^
Arbor End Fin!!!!!!
September 9th, 2014 at 2:23 PM ^
Fad Bro Inner!
September 9th, 2014 at 12:43 PM ^
September 9th, 2014 at 12:49 PM ^
September 9th, 2014 at 12:48 PM ^
past this weekend's game. I'm not sure if it was the MS Paint, Texas' issues, recognition that Goodell is an idiot or recognition that Delaney is an idiot, but it helped. Thank you.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:42 PM ^
He made an idiotic move with the Rice thing, which puts him in the category of every human being that ever had a job. But the success of the NFL since he's had the job is unquestioned--yes, not due to him, but we are not talking Delaney or even Brandon here, and not nearly in the same league as the true idiot, Emmert.
September 9th, 2014 at 2:05 PM ^
The best thing you can say for Goodell is that he hasn't crashed a plane with a perfect autopilot system into a goddamned mountain. That ain't saying much.
September 9th, 2014 at 8:48 PM ^
But there's still time, right?
September 9th, 2014 at 2:38 PM ^
Yes, Goodell is an idiot.
He's willfully tied his legacy to increasing the character of the league with his "discipline czar" (or whatever he's calling himself) role.
In arguably the highest profile case he completely blew it and the subsequent PR reaction. The public refrain to the "we didn't see it until today"-defense is that he/his office is either derelict or lying -- equally bad.
When you position yourself to be not only the primary but sole actor in any area and fail at the most inopportune time you're an idiot.
It's not like the guy accidently hit reply all on email.
I wouldn't be surprised if this isn't over. Some journalist seem to feel slighted and there's nothing more dangerous than a journalist that's pissed off and curious.
September 9th, 2014 at 3:19 PM ^
Your example is the example that I've already sited, the Rice incident. You have to do better than that to back up his idiocy. Again, every single one of us has made beneheaded decisions at work.
September 9th, 2014 at 5:42 PM ^
At our LAST job.
September 10th, 2014 at 1:27 PM ^
this errror isn't nearly, not even in the same ballpark, worthy of being fired for, not even close. this is a bad error that gos on your evalaution and gets addressed, nothing more. He did the right thing--just two months late.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:48 PM ^
This site continues to produce the best reporting in the history of news happening.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:48 PM ^
September 9th, 2014 at 12:59 PM ^
I thought he was a hot candidate, but he's way too far in love with the bubble screen. It works if you have a talent like Sammy Watkins to get the ball to, but this year against Georgia it was an endless parade of 2-yard gains and a complete unwillingness to throw downfield.
September 9th, 2014 at 2:48 PM ^
Ahhh, Sammy Watkins, he would have been wearing Maize and Blue if would have kept RR...
September 9th, 2014 at 3:07 PM ^
September 9th, 2014 at 12:48 PM ^
Brad Inferno!!!
September 9th, 2014 at 12:48 PM ^
Hudspeth? Son of former Lions HC Tommy Hudspeth? If so, run for cover SMU, run for cover.
September 9th, 2014 at 12:51 PM ^
Why would a non "Michigan Man" ever want to coach here after what happened to RIchRod? Predatory media, alumni who can't stand change and irrationally high expectations don't make for a good work environment.
So how about Cam Cameron?
EDIT-not trying to start a RichRod coaching debate, just how he was treated by the likes of MIke Rosenberg and Braylon Edwards and the like
September 9th, 2014 at 1:03 PM ^
Why do people like Cameron so much? The coaching situation should go as follows:
Hail Mary Harbaugh, if that doesn't work hit up Les Miles and see if he's still interested. If both of those options fail, you ride it out another year with Hoke, rinse and repeat.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:05 PM ^
Because he has coached at MIchigan which is the most important qualification for coaching at Michigan
September 9th, 2014 at 1:15 PM ^
Scot Loeffler has a better offense going at VT than Cameron has at LSU. Les Miles is the only "Michgan Man" left that wouldn't be an underwhelming hire.
Edit: Honestly, I don't think Michigan's situation is as radioactive as people around here think. Most coaches are overconfident in their capabilities and would be drooling over the last three recruiting classes Michigan has brought it.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:25 PM ^
Definitly agree with you regarding the recruiting classes. That would be a good selling point, that there is a lot to work with here.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:28 PM ^
if you go by what the recruiting services have said the last few years, the cupboard wouldn't be bare with regards to the potential talent on the roster.
September 9th, 2014 at 6:12 PM ^
Ummm, last two coaching searches we've ended up with our 4th or 5th option. How many people got offered the job and turned us down before getting Rich Rod and Hoke? If Hoke doesn't work out we're pretty much screwed.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:05 PM ^
like, gobs and gobs of money
September 9th, 2014 at 1:07 PM ^
Shit... why would anyone want to take the Michigan job at this point. We have a completely toxic fanbase with expectations that are nowhere near matching the current reality. There is zero patience left for a rebuilding process. Let's face it, Michigan doesn't have prestige (or paycheck) to appeal to top tier coaches at established power schools, and it's a super risky career move for an up and coming coach or a OC to HC transition candidate.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:16 PM ^
You just described Alabama 8 years ago.
re: Paycheck. Are you kidding us? Hoke is top 10 in salary with 2 assistants making $1M range. Paychecks are the last thing holding this program back. You could make that argument for the RR era but not the Hoke era. He has been given resources galore.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:34 PM ^
Yeah, I was wrong about the paycheck thing, for some reason I thought Hoke took a low salary.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:49 PM ^
If they really wanted Harbaugh, they should and could offer him a 5-year $40M contact and it would barely effect the bottom line.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:37 PM ^
You're asking why any coach would want to take the biggest stadium in football, years of top ranked recruiting talent beginning to mature, massive top-10 money and resources, and a passionate fanbase? Coaches would be fighting tooth and nail to land in such an attractive position. All the dirty work and the rebuilding has been done.
September 9th, 2014 at 1:37 PM ^
Passionate like running the last guy out in 3 years and lighting the torches in game 2 of year 4 for the next guy?
September 9th, 2014 at 1:52 PM ^
Again see Alabama 8 years ago. You think our fanbase is bad? You think our expectations are crazy? At this point most fans here want to just return to the Carr years and beat OSU 1 out of 3 years and beat MSU 50% of the time. In a bad conference. That's not asking the moon. You dont think the same thing is said at OSU and ND? OSU after 2 games is asking if "we are Michigan" - 4 games removed from a 24-0 streak.
And it doesnt take a litany of men to want to coach at UM. It takes 1. The right 1. I could care less if there are not 80 candidates.
September 9th, 2014 at 2:08 PM ^
I don't want to get into an RR debate here but he certainly wasn't run out. He lost his last three games by 20, 30 and 38 points. With those results, he pretty much forfeited his opportunity to come back.
People are upset about the ND game? RR did it back-to-back-to-back.
September 9th, 2014 at 2:19 PM ^
Coaches are characters with big egos - it's a testosterone-driven culture. They don't look at the position and think "Wow looks tough". They think "Yeah, gimme three years and I'll have it running."
September 9th, 2014 at 2:23 PM ^
Elite coaches generally don't care about why the previous guy got fired - they figure it'll never happen to them.
The attractiveness of this job is not the concern here.
September 9th, 2014 at 3:27 PM ^
What rock did you crawl out from under? I haven't seen you post in like...forever? I hope you're back to stay.
September 9th, 2014 at 5:41 PM ^
I don't have quite the time to post now that I used to. I still visit the site when I get a chance.
September 9th, 2014 at 2:51 PM ^
You are exactly right... No one wanted to coach here after RR was fired. Brady Hoke was the only one, I don't know why anyone thinks there are better coaches out there to be had.
The same people complaining about "manball" now are probably the same ones that hated RR offense and said it wouldn't work in the B1G.
The spread looked pretty damn good against the MSU defense Saturday, especially considering we would have been in year 7 of RR and wouldn't have had a mass departure and lost recruiting class after a BCS Bowl win.
September 9th, 2014 at 3:35 PM ^
That's not exactly a fair statement. Thanks to the timing of firing Rodriguez, we had self-limited the pool. The two big names from in the coaching search world that year had already been hired (Al Golden and Will Muschamp) and everyone else that may have considered moving to Michigan had to weight the additional consideration that he was going to walk into a serious disadvantage for the very first recruiting cycle. Who knows who would have been interested had we proceeded in early December like a normal program. All we really know about that coaching search was that Harbaugh and Miles were not interested and I'm not sure that's any fault of Michigan's. Nobody else even rose above whispers.
If we're coach less in early December, we'll see some reasonable names with real interest in the Michigan job.
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