angry michigan BLANK hating god

Previously: Last year’s profiles. P Tommy Doman Jr. S Rod Moore. CB Ja’Den McBurrows. LB Jaydon Hood. LB Junior Colson. LB Tyler McLaurin. DE Kechaun Bennett. DE TJ Guy. DE/DT Dominick Giudice. DT George Rooks. DT Rayshaun Benny. NG Ikechukwu Iwunnah. C Greg Crippen. C/G Raheem Anderson. T Giovanni El-Hadi. T Tristan Bounds. TE Louis Hansen. WR Cristian Dixon. WR Xavier Worthy. WR Andrel Anthony Jr. RB Tavierre Dunlap.

We did it! Somehow, despite producing the most perfect running back for college football in 2021 at the most perfect school for Michigan recruiting, we managed to get Donovan Edwards to come in just under five stars in the composite, thus rescuing him from the fate of every 5-star Michigan RB since Tyrone Wheatley. It was a near run thing:

Five-stars start at 0.9831. If one tiny site realizes Ohio State’s own scouts liked Edwards more than the TreVeyon Henderson they got, does a comparison of NFL production to recruiting rankings and notices there’s a flaw in underrating Midwest players, or watches a football game that took place after 2007, there’s your .0025 points, and the jig is up.

Keeping Michigan’s #1 target in the 4-star zone was almost as challenging as keeping him home. Edwards was no help, popping to the top of his class as a freshman, and finishing his career as Mr. Football in Michigan while leading West Bloomfield—WEST BLOOMFIELD(!)—to its first-ever state championship in the state’s highest division. He left no flaws in his game: speed, strength, vision, body type, acceleration, agility, academics, PERSONALITY. He lined up at quarterback, running back, slot receiver, and WIDE receiver, where he ran real post, zig, slant, and corner routes, and connected. Oklahoma, Georgia, and Ohio State all had Edwards the #1 back on their boards, and were telling this to their recruiting people. Thank Denard for deaf ears.

We could not have done this without the help of ESPN, who ranked SEC-bound Damon Payne and Garrett Dellinger, as well as ND signee Rocco Spindler, ahead of the guy all of those guys’ coaches voted the best player in the state. ESPN also had to shoehorn 27 players committed to SEC schools, and 30 from the Southeast ahead of their 7th-best player in the Midwest. Rivals wasn’t so blatantly propping up a business venture, but they too ignored the pleas of people who bothered to watch the best football team in the best of states, and we are forever grateful.

It could have been a consensus, but Steve Lorenz betrayed us again, allowing the 247 people he has no control over—the same people who look most closely at their re-ranks and commissioned a study a few years back to uncover their own blind spots—to push Edwards all the way up to a “98” in their final re-rank. That’s higher even than they put Zach Charbonnet, as if that wasn’t what ultimately doomed every Fargas, Baraka, Grady, Green, Walker, and Isaac to get a fifth star. Midwest analyst Allen Trieu, speaking directly to us I am sure, tried to spin this while explaining they moved Edwards up because they could find no reason not to:

“I am sure the nay-sayers will point to the recent history of five-star backs who have signed with Michigan. The results have not been favorable. We cannot punish Edwards, a prospect with no real glaring weaknesses at this point, for the results of other recruits who he has no connection with though.”

That’s not how curses work. The Angry Michigan Five-Star Running Back-Hating God is wroth; if the recruiting services were to find a way to visit the future and report back exactly which RBs are going to be crazy sick awesome, AMFSRBHG will just have to find a more creative way to make us wish we never dreamed. In this case, all they have to do is banish the forward pass, or at least vanquish the idea of throwing to a running back from our coaches’ minds. See? There’s always a way.

[After THE JUMP: Immutable god meets adaptable force.]

The big news since our last bits was Harbaugh went through pretty much all 120 guys on the team (and some trying to make it), including some major injury updates. Let's catch up on the offense.

Quarterback

"'Backup QB looks great' is a free space in Spring Hype Bingo." –Alex Cook [Patrick Barron]

What we want to hear: Shea is loving this new offense, McCaffrey had made it a competition because that's what they say about backups in spring when the backup is not bad.

What we're hearing: Take it for what it's worth in the first week of April, but I've got multiple practice observers who say McCaffrey's push for the starting job is not just a "Shea can't put his heels up" competition. They're saying things like "McCaffrey has been outplaying Shea," and "McCaffrey truly is one snap away from beating out Shea this spring," and "They're getting equal snaps in practice," and most helpfully (paraphrasing) "Shea's been slower to adapt to the new system." I can actually publish the real quote for the last one because it came directly from Jim Harbaugh's presser:

“Yeah, Shea in particular, when the new system came in it takes some time. Thought there was some indecisiveness—natural indecisiveness. The last two practices he’s been very decisive going through his reads and knowing where all 11 are on the field and making good decisions and being quick with his decisions and accurate. He’s really doing well. Last two practices are showing that.

“Dylan’s also picked it up extremely fast and doing well. Little mistakes here and there but they have to get a feel for the reads and decisions that they make. I would say really all are progressing well in that area.”

What it means: I've got two possibly relevant historical examples of talk like this in early spring. The first was 2009, when people watching practice starting going all "Denarrrrrd!!!" and we were like "Lol right, like anyone's going to beat out MOXIE after a year of starting!" The second is the "McCaffrey be coming!" talk from last year.

As much as we like to comp Shea to Good Tate (and that QB competition turned out to have as much to do with Tate's work ethic, i.e. lack thereof, as a rising transcendent talent), Shea Patterson-Dylan McCaffrey 2018 is the most relevant precedent for Shea Patterson-Dylan McCaffrey 2019. That was a competition in that Harbaugh gives the top two guys equal reps, but wasn't one because Shea has a mountain of experience on McCaffrey; a 15 seed and a 2 seed get equal time on the floor; one remains a massive favorite.

Since we're hearing it the first week of April after an offense switch, the explanation Harbaugh gave makes the most sense: Shea has probably been slow to pick up the Gattis stuff, and McCaffrey, as you should know by now, is smart, diligent, brave, ambitious, and a lot of other traits you appreciate in a good heir. The real question is where are we after Practice 30, not Practice 7, when Shea's got his feet under him, and the consensus is Patterson will reassert himself over the feisty challenger.

So I'm pumping the brakes: if McCaffrey has the kind of spring game that forces Ace to make a highlight video, then we can talk about that time MTSU upset Michigan State for a few months.* If on the odd chance we come back in August and start hearing we have to put away the Weapon of Choice video for Flash Dilithium, well, I can live with that.

* [Or now, if you like.]

Depth chart: Shea, McCaffrey, Milton, [big gap], the other guys.

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Running Back

Who's hurt/out:

• Chris Evans: academic suspension, back in fall or next year or not at all.
• Zach Charbonnet: light surgery, back for fall camp
• Christian Turner: hamstring since Day 2, back in a week or two
• Lucas Andrighetto: torn ACL, out for the year
• Hassan Haskins: meniscus, limited this spring
• Jared Char: hamstring, back maybe end of spring

Geezus! Who's available?

This lamb right here.

Luiel Qorban is 3'2/85, has not fumbled once in practice, and RB coach Jay Harbaugh has been raving about his peripheral vision. Insiders confirm Qorban, though an even-toed ungulate, is getting the majority of the snaps, had one crazy catch out of the backfield where he tip-hoofed down the sideline for a touchdown, and is absolutely freaking adorable.

Num Num, a goat, and Schechita the Bull have also been getting carries. Num Num came in as a slot receiver/corner prospect but Rivals confirmed she's exclusively a running back. Schechita was at fullback last year. These are the only other running backs on the roster. Nope, no other running backs at all.

[After THE JUMP: A mountain goat, and Martin references]

Ty Law's in the Hall of Fame. Tom Brady's the GOAT. And a bunch of former Michigan players just had their first go in the new AAFL. So I'm making a 53-man pro team out of Michigan alumni.

Previously:

• Ancient History: 1879 to 1968
• All-Pro Team: Offense
• The 5-stars
• The 3-stars
• The Extracurriculars
• Position-Switchers
• Highlights
• All-Numbers Team Part I: The Offense
• All-Numbers Team Part II: The Defense
• The Best of Michigan (the state)
• All-Name Team
• All-Small Team

Rules are the guy's Michigan career is irrelevant except he has to have at least been on the field for Michigan—this is all based on how good he was as a pro. Pro Bowls, starts, and longevity are more important than team success. It's also not simply a list of the greatest pros—I'm building a team. I already did the offense. Here's Part II.

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Defensive Tackle: Tom Keating (1964-'75)

Start about 5:28 and watch #74

Tom Keating played nose tackle for some of the greatest teams of the '60s and '70s, and was the fulcrum for one of the nastiest (and most successful) defenses in the history of the game. Keating's claim to fame at Michigan is he was the first Michigan player to touch the banner while captaining the defensive line for Bump's worst two teams.

Keating's pro career started slowly. Drafted by the Vikings (NFL) and the Bills (AFL), Keating chose the latter as they were one of the premier teams in the game. That proved a mistake, as Keating relegated to a rotation spot on a stacked Bills roster (they were AFL Champions his first, second, and fourth years in the league).

Keating walked in 1966, and joined the Raiders. He was an immediate AFL All-Star, and by his second season in Oakland Keating was celebrated as the Aaron Donald of his time, anchoring a legendary Raiders defense that dominated the end of the 1960s. Except for the one season (1968) Keating missed with a leg injury, he was the premier DT in the league, and when the AFL merged with the NFL, he was the best in either. Their best defense was probably in 1970, the first year after the merger. But that was the year all of the Raiders' quarterbacks got injured and they had to re-sign kicker George Blanda to play quarterback. The injuries finally caught up in 1973 in one year mentoring what would become the front of the Steel Curtain. Keating's last great year was 1974 with the Chiefs, and he retired after 1975.

[After THE JUMP: One that got away]