Troll Sparty

I would like this be become a monthly feature/diary. Build the trolling, giving a first-person account of the planning and results.

It could be a new version of The Office, but low-rent, text only, and proably fairly boring.

But I would read every word.

I'm not joking.

Risking your brand new job, where you probably have no idea who's connected to who or who could easily make your life miserable before ultimately firing you or getting you fired, is bad. Just do nothing but kick ass at work and become the go to person for your boss and his/her boss.

The accidental result of that will be the most pure troll job a Michigan man/woman could lay on a MSU grad anyway.

I've always had a smashing time holding valuable items hostage for a while: cars, jewelry, pets, children. The key is sending them threatening notes made by cutting letters out of various magazines that you steal from your neighbor's waste collection unit. 

In my experience, it usually takes about 48 hours for these legendary pranks to make the news. 

Tell him you almost went to Suffolk University, too. Ask him how he liked it. Straight faced and curious.

Rooting for your cherished football team is fundamentally a expression of tribalism, and I'm OK with being a member of the Michigan/MgoBlog tribe. In the context of football, it's acceptable to say your tribe is inherently better than other tribes. That just isn't part of the workplace (outside of lunch/breaks), itself another expression of tribalism, except it's a tribe you get paid to be part of. Have some empathy for typical members of Sparty's tribe, at least in the workplace. They are just starting down the path we recently endured.

I have a spartan wife and buckeye aunts uncles and cousins.  we joke and have a good natured rivalry.  old fashioned i know but you may want to let your friend know it's more socially acceptable than being an asshole.

Since when does McDonald's allow employees to hang flags over the fry-cooker?

Just say "MSU sucks!". That'll usually get 'em going.

your probationary period is over then:

1.  Tell him as a Michigan fan you love his Slippery Rock University flag.

2. Ask him what his little brother's name is.

3. Have Sam Webb call him live and on the air at least once a week.

4. Ask him what his favorite part of Title IX is.

5. Leave business cards from Ufer Insurance Company on his desk on occasion.

6. Get promoted before him.

7. Explain to him why Jack Benny's favorite age was 3-9.

8. Set your cell phone to a Victor's ring tone.

9. Leave anonymous photos of Mike Valenti on his desk right after he was burned in the flaming steak incident.

10. Tell him condoms were named after Trojans because Spartans were not long enough...

 

which Canadian League football team that flag is for.

Hitching on to a common theme, the best "troll" this guy can do is to perform his job better than his MSU cubemate.  This is an expectation of every U of M alumnus.

You're going to go there and propose a snow tire day at Yankee Stadium, just as long as they don't throw them onto the field.  During the meeting make sure your friend eats enough shrimp to the point that this guys is forced to look at him and say:

"Hey MGoBoz's friend, the ocean called....they're running out of shrimp."

Now he's got him, have him look this guy right in the eye and drop the hammer:

"Oh yeah?  Well the Jerk Store called....they're running out of you!"

I would just change my ring tone to The Victors and tell people some of my closest friends to call me a few times a day at work. A subtle way to troll the guy.  

When he steps away from his desk, mess with the formulas on any spreadsheets he might be working on.  Also, if you can, send female co-workers dick pics from his email account.  He won't be around long!!

Troll him with kindness or you'll end up as a fake story on the RCMB.

It's even more blatant because the job is not located in Michigan.

Then he is already trolling himself.

Nobody outside the state of Michigan cares about Michigan State at all.

He might as well have an Eastern Michigan banner hanging in his workspace.  It would mean just as little.

 

...troll him by not being an asshole? It will make him conflicted when he wants to bash Michigan fans as being arrogant pricks. Also, not being an asshole is generally the right move.

Best way to troll sparty is to just act like they aren't even there.

Use your UM degree to become his boss

He's the one that has to live with that sparty flag on his desk.  And I'm sure most of your co-workers think it stands for "Super."

GO BLUE!!

Ask him if he's disappointed about losing the Land Grant Trophy to their big rival, Penn State.

Download it as a .docx. Add a current Spartan athlete from a regional team to the top of the list. Leave it in the coworkers mailbox or on the desk. Periodically go back to the list and add a new player and continue to do this until they flip. Once they have lost it, leave a slip of paper on the desk with Lou Anna Simon's contact information on it. With the title "Call her, whoever she talks to beleive they are innocent also!". 

... that pisses them off.  And make sure any football conversation gravitiates towards how much you hate OSU. Never mention MSU at any time unless directly questioned, and then make sure you act like you don't know anything about them - personnel, off the field issues, W-L record from last year., etc.  If you can possibly mention their coach "D'Antoni" with a straight face that is highly recommended as well.  And apologize profusely when he corrects you.

Before all that, though, you should make sure you have a small fan on your desk blowing in his direction or else the smell of Axe body spray will be really distracting.

In the break or lunch room, put up a sign-up sheet for Future Farmers of America, and another one with an envelope for resumes for an opening for night manager at Comfort Inn.

 There is nothing you can say to a Spartan right now than what is already going on in their head:

1.)  they always knew they were little brother

2.)  They just never knew they would implode like this.

 

 

 

First, you should tell your friend to make his own posts. Second, you should both grow testicles.

Make a bet on the game. Loser has to wear other teams clothes for a day to work. Take a pic of him decked out in maize and blue and hang it up with the flag at work. If he's scared ask him if a spread of 3 to 9 points will make him feel better.

every time a MSU player gets arrested or kicked off the team, he should buy a mini-couch and set it on fire under the guy's chair.

Office next to mine, OSU fan. There was no holding back. Game On. Loser this year wears winner's Jersey. All day. Come on Boys! Suggest you do the same.