OT MGoQuestion: What's your go-to joke?
Here’s mine:
A Frenchman, an American, a nun, and a Swedish girl are all sitting in a train compartment. The train goes through a tunnel and everything goes pitch black. While in the tunnel, everyone hears a loud slapping noise. When they exit the tunnel, the Frenchman has a large red mark on his cheek.
The nun thinks to herself, “The Frenchman probably groped the Swedish girl, so the Swedish girl slapped him.”
The Swedish girl thinks to herself, “The Frenchman probably meant to grope me, but accidentally groped the nun, and the nun slapped him.”
The Frenchman thinks to himself, “The American probably groped the Swedish girl, and the Swedish girl slapped me by accident.”
The American is hoping the train will go through another tunnel so he can slap the Frenchman again.
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bar tender says "what is this some kind of joke?"
Edit: Dammit jtmc beat me
Why does Snoop Lion always carry an umbrella?
fo drizzle
nice and white?
Bleee - otch!
This post.
Indiana football.
Their new helmets
What's the difference b/n an etymologist and entomologist?
An etymologist knows.
A seafood lover fulfills a lifelong dream and flies to Boston. He jumps in a cab and says, "Take me somewhere where I can get scrod."
The cabbie turns around and says, "A lot of fellas have come in my cab and asked for the same thing. But you're the first to ask in the pluperfect subjunctive form."
Confucius says: "Crowded elevator smells different to a midget" ~ Redd Foxx
Confucius says: Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Confucius say: Man who walk through plane door sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who falls asleep with itchy butt wakes up with stinky finger
Confucius say: Man who go to bed with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
Man who walk around with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
anybody ever heard a "joke" that was actually funny as opposed to one that you were culturally obligated to laugh at? Like a real "I got a good one to tell you" joke and not a spur of the moment comment. I just don't think jokes are funny. Sure, like Eddie Murphy's are but the kind that some asshole just tells you because he needs attention. Those are never funny.
Sounds like you need to hang out with better people. There are plenty of great jokes that are laugh out loud funny if told properly.
Or you just need to lighten up.
I am perfectly light. That's what she said gets me every time. It does not even have to really be applicable. But the "there were three guys in the desert, one of the....." kind of jokes just are not funny to me. I find myself making a kind of "haeya" noise at the end of placate the teller. I don't know, you know the punchline is coming, and it is just anticlimatical. Maybe all my friends just tell shitty jokes.
Maybe it's just bad taste, seeing as "that's what she said" still gets you every time...?
That's what she said.
LOL. Oooh boy. Gets me every time.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
But, he ends it with "What? It could happen."
You son of a... that is offensive. If I wasn't too drunk to drive I'd leave this bar and find you
Q: What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boobies!
</5thgradeHumor>
Everyday, at 2:30, I look at the clock and exclaim that I'm late for my dentist appointment.
the best time to see me.
How could the dentist tell that his patient was a mathematician?
Not because he had calculus, but because he had square root roots! Badumbum!
Heyoooooo!
Just turrible, as far as having any sort of line goes...but I love the dirty jokes. NSFanybody warning:
Q: What's long, cold, slimy and smells like pork?
..
..
..
A: Kermit the Frog's fingers
I have a much worse one if anyone is interested but want to gauge the reaction to this level of dirty first.
with the next dirty joke please.
go for it.
Q: What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood?
..
..
..
A: You can't gargle sand.
/sad because I enjoy watching peoples' reactions
Thaaaat's disgusting. Just barfed in my mouth.
I suppose you can gargle that, too.
What''s the difference between a hockey player and an Indian girl
A hockey player showers after 3 periods
Integrity!!
We have a winner.
Because I was following her...
EHH?? EHH???
To prove to the armadillo it could be done.
"I love lawyer jokes"
"Well it's probably because you don't get em"
plenty of lawyer jokes.
I have to meet with one in like 15 minutes. Zing.
Three guys are driving in a car when suddenly, the driver swerves, hits a tree, and they all die.
The three of them go to Heaven and see God in a this huge room surrounded by billions of clocks. They ask God, "what are all these clocks for?" and God replies, "Everytime you jerk off, the clock moves forward a little".
Guy#1 looks around for his clock, finally finds it and sees it is at 1:30. "Not too bad", he thought
Guy#2 sees his at 7:30 and says, "yeah, I was single for a long time, whatever!".
Guy#3 can't find his so he asks God where his clock is. God replies, "Your clock is in my office, I use it as a fan".
All chemistry jokes are pristine examples of impeccable wit. This is because we take the bad jokes out back and barium.
I guess to dig them up, I'd have to get my boron...
ON THE SPOT, ladies and gents... I'd absolutely upvote this post if I could.
What did the doctor do to the chemist that came to his office? Curium!
WHat did the doctor do to the chemist he could save? Barium!
How many MSU students does it take to change a lightbulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1001 - 1 to change it and 1000 to burn a couch and riot over it.
Q: How many MSU freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - it's a sophomore course.