On Being Steve Buscemi
So, about that game against that school: does anyone else feel a little bit like Marge Gunderson right now?
As the rest of the world laughs at Dave Brandon's decision to dredge up a not very nice thing that happened a while back I keep thinking of the scene at the end of Fargo where Grimsrud is in the back of the squad car, mute, as Marge tries to figure out what's in his head:
MARGE ... So that was Mrs. Lundegaard in there? She glances up in the rear-view mirror. Grimsrud, cheeks sunk, eyes hollow, looks sourly out at the road. Marge shakes her head. At length: MARGE ... I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. Grimsrud's head bobs with bumps on the road; otherwise he is motionless, reactionless, scowling and gazing out. MARGE ... And those three people in Brainerd. No response. Marge, gazing forward, seems to be talking to herself. MARGE ... And for what? For a little bit of money. We hear distant sirens. MARGE ... There's more to life than money, you know. She glances up in the rear-view mirror. MARGE ... Don't you know that?... And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day...
Marge is trying to comprehend an alien intelligence's decisions. That's where I find myself today. I can't begin to fathom the kind of thinking that would go into scheduling Appalachian State again. I get there are reasons, just like Grimsrud had reasons, but for the reasons to win out over the costs the kind of value judgments that are going on in the decision-maker's head must be frightening.
Meanwhile, instead of being mute Brandon is reminding us not to shoot anyone. Thanks, Dave Brandon. I'll try to remember not to shoot anyone this fall. Then there's this:
Oh, each team wanted to win. Players mentioned how their nerves came into play. There were sweaty palms, and probably a few "yips" on the green. And when the match was over, there was some fun "trash talk," but there were more laughs and hugs -- and respect for each other.
Not being mute is only exacerbating this divide.
We've had hints of this for a while now, but this is the last straw: Dave Brandon is not a Michigan fan. He may want Michigan to win but he has no concept of what the fanbase thinks is important. In the last year he's suggested or executed the following:
- moving the Ohio State game to midseason
- putting Michigan in a different division than Ohio State
- curly fries in Michigan Stadium
- a sponsored spring game
- a mascot
- scheduling The Horror: The Squeakuel
He has failed to:
- summarily execute Special K on the diag
In the aftermath of people blowing up about these things, he wrote jerky emails and said he "can't see how it would be a negative" to dig up the most infamous upset in NCAA history. These are not good signs. Dave Brandon is going to create the future whether you like being put in a wood chipper or not.
ALIEN VERSUS HORROR NEUTRAL BLOGGER REACT ROUNDUP
this is the single dumbest scheduling decision we can remember, and the most craven once since Indiana sold out one of their own Big Ten home games to play at a "neutral site" full of Penn State fans.
No matter what happens, greater glory is paid the lowest point in the history of the Michigan football program in exchange for national television exposure. This is Michigan football becoming a celebrity rehab patient. This is Michigan's amateur sex tape that no one wants to buy. We're beginning to think Dave Brandon is not a very smart person. We're beginning to also think this will all end with this Michigan team losing this game in 2014, and then beating Florida in the 2015 Outback Bowl.
the athletic department has scheduled what it’s going to have to call a revenge match with Appalachian State, a concept too hysterical to even contemplate.
Aug. 30, 2014, is two days shy of the seventh anniversary of the most stunning upset in college football history, long enough for everyone involved in Appalachian State's 34-32 miracle in the Big House to have graduated, retired or otherwise moved on from the respective programs, but not nearly long enough for Michigan fans to get over the festering humiliation that sent the program into a four-year spiral from which it's only beginning to emerge.
August 26th, 2011 at 5:23 PM ^
There really is more to the hiring decision than one year of recruiting
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<br>1. Building support
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<br>2. Not having Harbaugh hanging over Hoke's head - before hiring someone otjer than Hoke, I think Harbaugh needed to be given a real chance
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<br>3. Disassociating Hoke from whatever happened in the bowl game. Imagine if Hoke had been hired post Ohio State and Rich Rod had not wanted to coach the bowl game - having Hoke associated with that fiasco would not have been helpful
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<br>It was a complicated proccess, but one that I think Brandon handled better than most give him credit for
August 26th, 2011 at 5:00 PM ^
I thought sending the Michigan and dominoes planes to baton rouge as a decoy was a nice tactic for us flight trackers.
August 26th, 2011 at 4:32 PM ^
Me thinks Brian needs a prescription for Paxil
August 26th, 2011 at 4:36 PM ^
August 26th, 2011 at 5:00 PM ^
More like Brian is an em0 whiner.
August 26th, 2011 at 4:41 PM ^
Brandon's got a nice head of hair, an overrated resume, and is good at spouting the superficial cliches of his job.
He's kind of the GERG of ADs.
August 26th, 2011 at 4:59 PM ^
You will have to check in with Brian Cook.
He oversees what is and what is not politically correct among the Wolverine faithful.
Please be advised: Dave Brandon is NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT.
Our last football coach was very PC. Our current football coach MIGHT BE PC.
Stay tuned. Stay in line!
August 26th, 2011 at 5:00 PM ^
Very well, check with Walt Whitman.
I AM NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT.
Life is too short for that crap.
August 26th, 2011 at 5:00 PM ^
Brian must've been really hard to be around when Tom Goss was our AD.
August 26th, 2011 at 5:06 PM ^
Talk about overreacting. I love Brian as a writer. I do it for a living and his skill makes me jealous as hell. But when he is fishing for something, finds things that are arguably positive, and then is still overreacting negatively to it, it is his skill at it's weakest. Still a top shelf read, but beneath him.
The only thing David Brandon threatens is red ink in the athletic department and his weapons of choice are totally benign.
August 26th, 2011 at 5:09 PM ^
I usually agree with Brian (why else would I read the site so often?), but here he has missed the boat. When I saw we had rescheduled them I was pumped, excited. It was time to start erasing that defeat, time for a rematch. If you're a competitor and someone beats you, you want a rematch to crush them, then you want another one to crush them again, and ten more to prove that it was a fluke that first time. It never truely erases the first defeat, but it sure feels good.
I hope we schedule them every year for the next 50 and make them regret that they even won that first one. If you're a program with pride, that's what you want to do, wipe out everyone who's ever beaten you, especially when they had no business doing so.
August 26th, 2011 at 5:20 PM ^
or fifty times because it either makes us feel good or it asserts our dominance over them is exactly right on.
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<br>Right. On.
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August 26th, 2011 at 5:19 PM ^
were all "we shouldn't play michigan since they beat us in the orange bowl by a missed extra point that one year!"
August 26th, 2011 at 5:34 PM ^
That's because a win over the all-time winningest program means something. But if you're the all-time winningest program, a win over a I-AA team means nothing. Unless it's a reminder that you didn't beat them the first time.
I can't believe I'm still reading/replying to this thread. I don't anyone is going to change there mind after all the previous posts.
August 26th, 2011 at 8:44 PM ^
Is the number at which all minds change, so every still disagrees, but now they also disagree with their pre 300 post self.
August 26th, 2011 at 5:39 PM ^
season can't start fast enough
August 26th, 2011 at 6:15 PM ^
August 26th, 2011 at 6:12 PM ^
No Jeannie, No Money!!!!
Ho jeeeeezze!
August 26th, 2011 at 6:55 PM ^
I can honestly say that I am not a fan of DB. I understand wanting to run a profitable athletic department but at least it is covered by the aura of college athletics. With DB there is just no covering the fact that he is all about the money and doesn't even try to cover it up.
And while this may be incorrect, all i know is that when DB was CEO of Dominos the product sucked. Maybe the company was turning a profit and thats all that matters, but their image was terrible. And then as soon as he departs from the company Dominos goes on this huge campaign to change public opinion for the better and make the pizza taste a whole lot better.
It could just be me, but I can not help but to view Michigan Football similar to Dominos pizza under the guidance of DB. Michigan might make some dough from his work, but that dough is making some pretty poor tasting pizza.
August 26th, 2011 at 6:59 PM ^
my bad for double post
August 26th, 2011 at 7:11 PM ^
Michigan might make some dough from his work, but that dough is making some pretty poor tasting pizza.We really need a "Groan" moderating option.
August 26th, 2011 at 8:02 PM ^
Forgive the cheesy nature of that line.
August 26th, 2011 at 8:43 PM ^
Delivery
August 26th, 2011 at 7:27 PM ^
Edit: embed fail. Link here.
August 26th, 2011 at 6:55 PM ^
I can honestly say that I am not a fan of DB. I understand wanting to run a profitable athletic department but at least it is covered by the aura of college athletics. With DB there is just no covering the fact that he is all about the money and doesn't even try to cover it up.
And while this may be incorrect, all i know is that when DB was CEO of Dominos the product sucked. Maybe the company was turning a profit and thats all that matters, but their image was terrible. And then as soon as he departs from the company Dominos goes on this huge campaign to change public opinion for the better and make the pizza taste a whole lot better.
It could just be me, but I can not help but to view Michigan Football similar to Dominos pizza under the guidance of DB. Michigan might make some dough from his work, but that dough is making some pretty poor tasting pizza.
August 26th, 2011 at 8:42 PM ^
The gilded age of branding.
August 26th, 2011 at 8:33 PM ^
watching this game. Records aside (which means something to me at least) that is what it comes down to...people have strong feelings about this game. Hopefully it's a statement of the difference between Michigan 2007 and 2014 (and all the the teams in between.) It's likely to be the most watched first quarter of any game in 2014. That is all I would like it be... as anything else is bad news.
August 26th, 2011 at 9:00 PM ^
Sadly, knowingly, nodding.
August 26th, 2011 at 9:12 PM ^
...and put Dave Brandon in a woodchipper.
August 26th, 2011 at 9:27 PM ^
I call the position of Fargo Police Dept. Sargent Marge. I 100% every decision of DB's except for the recent fan day, which was a fiasco. We don't live the age of brandy sipping, pipe smokers that many blue hairs so strongly wish we were in. I didn't mind the arby's ad's in the big chill or the PNC sponsoring of the spring game.
You people are just overreacting. Bring on App State. I am not afraid. I want to exercise the demons from the horrow, with a nice 50 pt drubbing for their first game as a FBS team.
August 26th, 2011 at 10:08 PM ^
Agh, nobody is afraid! There is no exercising (or exorcising) the demons of 2007! MSU fans and App State fans will still wear their mocking t-shirts if we win. We won't wear T-shirts mocking App State even if we beat them by 50 points 10 straight times. That is because this is The Natural Order of Things. As Milhouse once observed, "nobody talks about all the days I didn't wear a tutu!" Beating the crap out of an FCS team doesn't prove anything or linger.
August 27th, 2011 at 12:12 AM ^
Sounds like a bunch of em0 whining to me. Sack up and be a wolverine. The only people who give a shit what sparties have to say are pussies.
August 27th, 2011 at 12:46 AM ^
What? You're the one who wants a game to rectify these insults.
August 26th, 2011 at 11:51 PM ^
August 26th, 2011 at 10:30 PM ^
Horror II will generate a lot of national interest and decent TV ratings (relative to other tomato can games). I suspect this is Brandon's thinking, which is OK by me.
August 26th, 2011 at 11:05 PM ^
Yeah, Brian is good at it.
Catch you all September 3rd!
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