To Lose a Boy

Submitted by Seth on

Chad Carr died too young to be a firefighter, or a father, or anything but a boy with the potential to be anything.

Photo via the ChadTough Foundation.

To support pediatric brain tumor research and studies nationwide, visit ChadTough.org

A boy is born with the potential to be everything. He comes out a squealing, reddened, water-logged thing for whom virtually every plot on the vast human distribution chart is plausibly attainable. Whom he's handed to and where will narrow that down some, and within a few years of that handoff a personality will start to emerge that might suggest a direction.

But it takes a lifetime, sometimes many lifetimes, to know what a boy will turn into. There's one boy who two thousand years hence has his name uttered by a third of the world when they want to represent the astounding extent of the human capacity for goodness.

Another boy, 70 years after his initial squall, would in the far smaller world of college football, come to represent the traits of intelligence, integrity, and loyalty. The boy, Lloyd Carr, was born exactly a week before a bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped on Hiroshima. He played a sport where boys flung their bodies at other boys for a kind of fleeting, mostly useless greatness. He began coaching said sport when/because boys of his age and nation were being thrown indiscriminately at a barely understood war.

Through that sport Lloyd got to have a hand in shaping the distribution of hundreds of boys. I know boys born in places that would in most likelihoods see them either destroyed or shaped into destroyers of other boys, to people who didn't care which. Among Lloyd's accomplishments—and this boy's accomplishments an extreme outlier among men—the greatest are these boys he saved, and who now spend their lives affecting more boys than Lloyd or any man could alone.

It is for the things Lloyd did with his 70 years that all Michigan fans, and many non-Michigan fans, today are joining in mourning the loss of one. Chad Carr was born to Lloyd's boy Jason and Jason's wife Tammi, the third of such boys. It was the kind of start and they were the kind of people who open up the best parts of human capacity in a boy.

Chad died today, after more than the year he was expected to have after doctors learned he had brain cancer, less than a few weeks after he began hospice care, a day after he was no longer able to talk to his parents, and just a few short years after he learned to.

His brothers, his parents, and everyone who loved Lloyd and loved Chad because of it, had to just sit there the whole time, powerlessly, and watch this happen.

The angels have too many of our boys. I don't know how much more potential the human race will lose, or how much money to research DIPG will be wasted on blind pursuits before a stab in this dark finds a way to stop losing boys this way. It is a certainty that all the money and all the being good and all that you can possibly do and pray for won't prevent this from being the last time a man will have to hold the lifeless body of a boy who'll never become a fireman or a football coach or a father.

But here's the link to ChadTough again if you want to take a shot anyway.

Comments

McSomething

November 23rd, 2015 at 3:41 PM ^

I currently have no children of my own. I do however have a nephew (10) and a niece (5). I can only imagine the hurt I would feel losing one of them. I can't even fathom how it would feel as a parent to lose one so young.

UM Fan from Sydney

November 24th, 2015 at 12:02 PM ^

I'm in the same boat. No kids (and I don't want any), but three nephews and a niece. All of them are under the age of ten. Kids just should not have to go through this shit. It does pisses me off that murderers, rapists, and other bad people in this world get to live while innocent and helpless children suffer and sometimes die from terrible diseases.

ItsGreatToBe

November 23rd, 2015 at 4:04 PM ^

I can't imagine being a parent and having to work through this with your children.

MLive has a picture of Tommy and Chad gazing into each other's eyes, and it stirs me every time.

As much as we never want to see an adult go through this, I'd never wish this on any child.

I think this year we'll spend a little less on holiday gifts and help the Chad Tough Foundation lead the way in ensuring that soon, neither parent nor child experiences this.

DetroitBlue

November 23rd, 2015 at 4:15 PM ^

That picture has made me sob on 4 or 5 occasions today. I can't imagine looking down at one of my boys in that moment. I'm not very religious, but may God be with that boy and that family today. And fuck cancer




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BLUEyouout

November 23rd, 2015 at 5:31 PM ^

I hear you bro'. I've cried several times today. As the parent of a 2 1/2 year old boy I can't even imagine going through something like this. I honestly don't think I would be emotionaly capable. I've shed many of tear today. May YHVY and his son Yeshua provide peace and comfort to the Carr family.

LB

November 23rd, 2015 at 5:17 PM ^

I hope the family can find peace knowing they went above and beyond and take solace in the works Chad's foundation can accomplish in his name.

That picture is nothing short of gut-wrenching. 

Njia

November 23rd, 2015 at 5:19 PM ^

Can well imagine the thoughts in Jason's mind as he held his son in that photo. My heart breaks for him, his wife, his dead son and his two living sons.

Boys are different than girls - I know; I have one of each. Boys are not better, just different.

When he was three years old, my son would leap from the back of our couch onto the floor because - naturally - there he was at the top and there was open space between himself and the floor. Then, when he was six, he asked if I would help him duct tape a wing to an old stroller so he could "fly" it off the roof of our house ("Tape, yes; fly, no").

For every silly, stupid, insane thing my son does (and those things are legion) he has done a thousand more that stun me with their boldness, creativity and insight. And they all make me proud beyond words.

The boy in that photo could be my son in his pajamas; and so Jason's grief is mine, too.

Farewell, Chad Carr. God bless you.

Feat of Clay

November 23rd, 2015 at 5:53 PM ^

Mother of son checking in, what a gut punch.  Well written.  And as for the comments, I'm right there with many of you.

Naturally, any thoughtful person would be sad at this news.  I think it hits parents at an entirely different level of sadness and empathy  Parent of boys, even more so.  Parents of boys that age, almost unfathomable.  That's been my experience as my child has grown, anyway.

 

 

SoDak Blues

November 23rd, 2015 at 5:54 PM ^

Thanks for putting this into words Seth (although you did get the tears flowing again). What a horrible day for the entire Carr family. With two little ones at home, I CANNOT fathom how they are handling this. God bless that little guy and his whole family. 

Ghost of Fritz…

November 23rd, 2015 at 7:01 PM ^

Celebrate Chad Carr.  Celebrate every day he lived, that you live, and that your loved ones live.

Win. Lose. Draw.  Celebrate.  

Today I am sad.  Thinking of the Carr family, my own son, the way that life sometimes makes no sense. 

But I will never forget the inspiration that the Carr family has given all with their public demeanor in the face of the worst tragedy that can strike a parent. 

 

 

webbertucky

November 23rd, 2015 at 7:15 PM ^

That picture is just brutal to look at. I have a 3 year old and from that picture he looks exactly like my son. Can't even imagine the situation the tragedy they are dealing with. Prayers up for that family.

triangle_M

November 23rd, 2015 at 7:39 PM ^

I have two boys.  A 3 year old who watches the games with me and shouts, "Harbaugh" instead of "Touchdown" and a 14 year old I've taken to several games although we live a few states away.  This is beyond heartbreaking, as it should be.  

Mr. Yost

November 23rd, 2015 at 8:04 PM ^

My heart, love, prayers, thoughts, they all go to Chad and his family. I'm sick hearing of this terrible news. May God bless that family - I pray I can have half the positive impact on the lives of others as Chad had. #CHADTOUGH

boshisama

November 23rd, 2015 at 9:16 PM ^

This was the most moving and well-written essay I've read in some time. Beautifully, wonderfully written, yet covering such a horrible topic.  I have read things on this site that have been hilarious, anger-inducing, cringe-worthy, joyous, you name it. I have never had a co-worker have to ask me "what the heck are you reading" because of my reaction.  

I think I speak for all of us that, while we knew the odds, while we knew the medical realities, we didn't stop hoping and praying for a miracle.   I am the father of an eight-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy, and when I think of what Jason and Tammi Car went through, what Chad's brothers went through...I wouldn't wish that on my bitterest enemy.

You Only Live Twice

November 23rd, 2015 at 9:25 PM ^

but thank you for writing it.

my baby is 18 and a freshman at UM.  He's still the baby I carried.  They never stop being your baby.

Other baby is 13 and in 8th grade.  She's still that baby too.  

Can't fathom the injustice.  Can only hope that baby had comfort and peace.  We know he was surrounded with love.

M-Dog

November 23rd, 2015 at 9:40 PM ^

That's the hardest part . . . the graduations and proms and weddings that will never be for a little boy who does not get the chance to grow up.  We pray he is in a better place that transcends our limited understanding of what is important.  

BlueInClearwater

November 23rd, 2015 at 11:48 PM ^

and like previous posters can't imagine what the Carr family is going through. Seeing the picture of Jason holding Chad is heart-breaking and gut-wrenching. Literally the hardest thing anyone or any family could ever have to go through, losing a young child. They are in my prayers.

Roc Blue in the Lou

November 24th, 2015 at 12:16 AM ^

Chad is in the arms of the Great Comforter, and never to feel pain or loss again...but i join others in praying for mom, dad, brothers, grandparents, family and friends to be comforted in a way that our words cannot express and in a deep place that our thoughts cannot reach.  Thanks for reminding us what is real, Seth, and causing us to think and pray for others who are struggling with the greatest pain and loss imaginable. 

Jalm

November 24th, 2015 at 11:18 AM ^

Cherish the time you have with your children, you never know how long you have. Heartbreaking loss for the Carr's. Thoughts and prayers to the Carr's family, friends, and Chads doctors