OT - 2022 College Football All-Name Team
Jim Weber (@JimMWeber), who is a good Twitter follow if you're a Michigan fan, just dropped his 2022 College Football All-Name Team on the "deadest day of the sports calendar." This is, of course, part of a tradition started by Key & Peele with their East/West College Bowl introductions.
There are some real gems in here.
https://twitter.com/JimMWeber/status/1549753556600852480?s=20&t=vkgJhKDFLlGPCdm3LmZjIQ
QB: General Booty - Oklahoma
RB: Kavosiey Smoke - Kentucky
WR: Decoldest Crawford - Nebraska
WR: Boogie Knight - UL Monroe
WR: Ajou Ajou - USF
TE: Jaeger Bull - Wake Forest
OL: Dodge Sauser - Iowa State
OL: Dylan Deatherage - Western Michigan
OL: Smart Chibuzo - Texas A&M (and he has glasses!)
OL: Panda Askew - Charlotte (Khalid Hill's distant cousin)
OL: Snoop Leota-Amaama - Virginia
DL: Octavius Oxendine - Kentucky
DL: Fish McWilliams - UAB
DL: Demon Clowney - Ole Miss
DL: Shitta Sillah - Boston College
LB: Bumper Pool - Arkansas
LB: Steele Chambers - THE
LB: Chief Borders - Florida
DB: Kool-Aid McKinstry - Alabama
DB: Buck Coors - Wyoming
DB: Storm Duck - North Carolina
DB: Pig Cage - UTSA
K: Casey Legg - West Virginia
P: Maximilian Von Marburg - Syracuse
Overall a very solid lineup of names, with an especially impressive secondary led by Pig Cage and Storm Duck.
Chief, Jaeger, and Decoldest Toevadoit are my favorites
There's some good ones on Michigan and could prob make a list:
DJ Turner - kinda redundant unless he's spinnin the person spinnin the tunes
Alex Orji - heard these are legendary, who's in?
Jake Moody - only talk to him if he's smiling
Jesse Madden - that name makes any football list
Jake Thaw - already, you've been by the fire for 3hrs
Christian Bartholomew - no way that fits on most Gov. forms. Must suck to sign things
Will Rolapp - your tent. $20
Isiah Gash - solid name for a RB
TJ Guy - look out Tijuana. Avoid the Policia bro
Paul Jokish - some land, others fall flat
Greg Tarr - new product for roofing
Olusegun Oluwatimi - announcers gonna have fun with that one
Reece Atteberry - just 1?
Hunter Neff - what his uncle calls him during deer season
Carter Selzer - human trafficker. Not a good look Michigan
Julius Welschof - not off me ya mooch
No doubt. Bumper Pool. Best one.
I'd be going by 9-ball.
Ajou Ajou
Gesundheit!
From Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace (University of Miami) ... to the perfect punchline: Dan Smith (BYU)
Davoin Shower-Handel still gets me.
Are you kidding me? People name their kids this way or are these nick names?
These are NIL gold Jerry...
Seriously, I expecting some recruit's parents to change his name to Nike, Google,.or Amazon Prime-Time 🙂
According to my cousin Toysrus Myspace, that's a great idea and can't possibly backfire.
Shitta? I’m sure there’s a cultural significance or something I don’t understand but that seems…don’t say shitty don’t say shitty….harsh… to do to a kid in the US
He's definitely a transfer candidate.. to THE
Wow. Just...wow. And here my biggest worry was making sure my kid's initials didn't spell something that they could get teased for when they got into school.
When I was a kid, way back in the mid-70s, I remember my parents having dinner guests, someone they went to school with or something like that. The guy called his wife Beaver, like it was the most natural thing in the world. I remember hearing an explanation but my 8-year old brain didn't file it away where my 50s brain can find it. I do remember it didn't have anything to do with her anatomy, like buck teeth or a big, bushy - well, you get the picture.
I do remember it didn't have anything to do with her anatomy, like buck teeth or a big, bushy - well, you get the picture.
Well the teeth are visible, but how do you know it wasn't about the other thing?
He was obviously playing around under the table
I think everyone is probably too blinded by the various creative names to notice that there is a kicker with the last name Legg.
Has to be an instance of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
God damn, those are all winners. It's hard to top General Booty for sheer enjoyment. Bumper Pool is up there. Demon Clowney is just beautiful, as is Storm Duck. You could probably order a Jaeger Bull from your bartender, though I wouldn't. I've gotta believe that "Boogie" is a nickname, but I still love Boogie Knight because "Boogie Nights" is an awesome song by the sadly forgotten 70's funk band, Heatwave. Special shout out to Octavius Oxendine because that's just badass.
Boogie Nights is also a good movie. It might be PT Anderson's best movie.
Demon Clowney still haunts De'Veon's dreams.
Edit: Shit. I knew it sounded off. Vincent. Thinking back, that hit was maybe the defining Bpone/The world is OUt to Crush our Hopes moment.
That be Vincent. And it still haunts my dreams.
Whatever happened to naming kids Bob, Steve, Tom, Henry and George?
Those are all terrible names.
“You done messed up, A-A-Ron!”
Hmm.... Don't know if those names will be considered by the parents based on cultural context of some of these kids. Football players are quite diverse. Just saying.
Seeing the name Decoldest reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me. He was HS teaching in Indy, and had a student name Decoldest. Kid came in late one day and when the teacher was asking why he was late, kid walked up to the teacher's desk and knocked everything off of it.
My friend said Decoldest, more like Derudest. Kid stormed out and never came back, unfortunately.
Maximilian Von Marburg just speaks to me somehow. I like it.
Some of these admittedly make me think about the old Python line - "It's spelt Raymond Luxury-Yacht, but it's pronounced Throatwobbler Mangrove."
I think this is the Hello picture for Max that Syracuse put out:
I don't want to disregard the very likely possibility that some of these names have cultural significance or a meaningful interpretation if the kid was born in another country, but otherwise, some of these names are just flat out WOOF.
Some of them may be nicknames, but I know I'd give my parents hell if they ever tried to name me effing General Booty.
Unless your parents don't name you for 5 or 6 years, you have no say in that subject Major Booty. :)
Peak-a-boo Street picked her own name! Her parents mis-spelled it Picabo...
Or maybe fight them in a bar
Yeah that name is straight ass...
(Or maybe not.....)
I recognized two of these names from the 2019 Deadspin Name of the Year contest, and while I think a lot of them are great, I'd note that General Booty lost to eventual runner-up Jizyah Shorts, while Storm Duck (my favorite, and should someday be a Pokemon character) lost to eventual champion Pope Thrower.
Names like Bumper Pool and Boogie Knight sound like they ought to be on a list of fake names, along with Dick Hertz and Heywood Jablome.
Dick Armey says hello...then gets back to the pressing business of overthrowing our democracy.
Thanks OP. Only complaint is this shouldn't be OT. It's required reading on the season!
There are some gems here for sure. But I was making the list, I would try to find a Dan Smith somewhere in college football to end it with every year.
re: "deadest day of the sports calendar" the women's euros quarterfinal knockouts start today at 3pm with death star and hosts England facing Spain. Engerland has scored 14 goals in its first 3 games with 3 clean sheets. The Athletic is covering the competition pretty well if you're interested.
There are also some men's clubs on this side of the atlantic playing some friendlies tonight against MLS and Mexican teams - Arsenal, Bayern Munich, Everton, Chelsea, Man City
You just added more death to the deadest day in sports.
the fact that Storm Duck isn't at Oregon and Pig Cage isn't at Arkansas is just disappointing
The player formerly known as mousecop.
This is great
Is Storm Duck any relation to our Alex Drain?
Octavius is an awesome name!
Conversely, who names their kid Kool-Aid?!?!
Ken Kesey?