OT: Any other parents worried about young men struggling?

Submitted by chuck bass on

Noticed my son's honor section at school was overwhelmingly girls. Poked around on google and learned gender achievement gap is a modern phenom - gen Y and Z girls take tougher advanced courses, higher GPAs, majority of top 10% of their graduating class, complete undergrad on time (boys taking 5 and 6 years, if they finish), 60/40 girls to boys earning bachelors, masters, professional degrees, and young women are dominating a lot of industries.

Gen y and z boys seem to glorify immaturity and slacking, e.g. Barstool. Video game addiction has gone mainstream, even popular boys are obsessed, e.g. Fortnite. Don't read for leisure. Lots of apathy, disengagement, aren't as focused on academics and career – don't seem to be adapting to the demands to succeed in modern hyper-competitive economy.

What is going on?

MGoBoard

Robbie Moore

February 26th, 2018 at 4:56 PM ^

...was written 18 years ago. It has only grown worse. As the parent of two grown sons, I have watched as a society has devalued the concept of manhood. And I mean manhood in it's best sense, the responsibilities and obligations of it, to themselves, their families and community. Given this devaluation, what exactly is a boy to strive for? I could go on but its not what this board is for.

Joined: 12/01/2008

MGoPoints: 46266

Blue_Goose

February 26th, 2018 at 5:41 PM ^

The target has moved for men and what that even means. The question for many is do we lift up healthy manhood or do we teach/lead to the new/different target. Possibly a combo or more individualized outcomes that acknowledge the reality not all men are the same? My uneducated experience is that if you don’t define the target than you are really just letting the person define their own target. This is wrought with confusion and disengagement. I’m leaning towards defining the target but allowing the path to get there be more broad/diverse. This allows for personality difference but still guides the journey without demanding one specific definition for manhood/ womanhood. This comment seems less clear as I reread it, but hopefully makes sense outside my brain.

Joined: 08/27/2017

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We'll be Champions

February 26th, 2018 at 5:10 PM ^

Yeah Zero Tolerance Policies are a HUGE problem, like I’m in firm belief that there are hardly any mistakes a high schooler can make (you know besides big crimes) that are so poisonous that they cannot learn and become a better person from. Not to say they shouldn’t be punished. The boys are more likely to suffer they simply tend to make more mistakes in high school trying to be ‘jocks’ or ‘cool’ than girls tend to.

Joined: 02/26/2015

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Billy Seamonster

February 26th, 2018 at 4:37 PM ^

First off, I am not a father, so I am making no attempt to criticize or tell people how to raise their child.  Its my belief that parents in general are allowing their kids to be hooked on to phones/internet at all times, whether boy or girl. It enrages me to go to dinner and see a 10 year old or 16 year old on their phone or ipad while dining with their family. Or seeing a kid riding in the car with their parent and having headphones in. I think much of the problem lies with how the parents allow their kid just to do whatever so that the parents arent bugged by them and arent instilling certain values, i.e. concentrating on school work instead of playing a video game. There are many other things but...there are some kids on my lawn I have to go yell at now.

Joined: 10/19/2011

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MgoHillbilly

February 26th, 2018 at 5:28 PM ^

I'll let my toddler watch Ryan's toy review until his eyes bleed so it'll keep him well behaved while out for an extended period of time. My older kid has a cell phone for emergencies, but was grounded from it for letting a grade slip. No video games period unless he is on a school break, weekend, or summer and he has no projects or homework due. Also, we waited too long to get him treated for his adhd. What a godsend that has been. We tried counseling and various study techniques for years to get him to focus and he'd spend all night until 11 doing school work (at least trying to do it). It stressed everyone out. He's so much happier and more focused now, and he has time to spend with the family when he's done because of a pill.

Joined: 01/04/2017

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MgoHillbilly

February 26th, 2018 at 9:51 PM ^

Family psychiatric office. They asked quite a few questions regarding his behavior. He was present so the doc could observe his fidgeting. He was beginning to pull his eyelashes out too from anxiety and stress so we had to do something different. He's a smart kid too and goes to a top school here so the curriculum is advanced and causes him more stress than a normal school. We were just about to pull him out but gave meds a chance. Within a week he was a different kid (same personality which was a relief). Anxious behavior gone and no more complaints from teachers about him being a distraction in class. Every single person, including the teachers who don't like meds, were shocked in a good way. We should have done it sooner. Ymmv, but I wouldn't hesitate to take him to a doctor for testing. If you don't like the meds you can stop.

Joined: 01/04/2017

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Marvin

February 27th, 2018 at 1:54 AM ^

Thank you! This is really heartening. And congratulations on finding something that works for your boy. My own son has behaviors like yours did -- he fidgets constantly and has had teachers complain about how he distracts the other kids! I will make an appointment tomorrow and update you on what we find.

Joined: 08/17/2010

MGoPoints: 4214

lilpenny1316

February 26th, 2018 at 4:38 PM ^

I thought it went from Gen X to millennials.  Regardless of generation, it seems to be a widely held belief that girls mature faster than boys.  I know that was the case when I was in high school.  In my kids school, I always see more girls walking into school with instruments or large bags.  They could be quicker to take advantage of the advanced coursework because they understand the payoff when the complete their schooling.  

Joined: 11/19/2009

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