Unverified Voracity's Hourglass Runs Out
A man who knew how to live.
RIP Terry Pratchett. British author Terry Pratchett died on Thursday at 66, eight years after being diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's.
Occasionally, people ask me about how to be a successful writer. This is kind of like asking a football player about his rad interception after the game—I don't really know, it just happened. But no one likes that answer. So my second-best guess is that I read many different things over a long period of time, and written various things for public consumption all along. Eventually I'd cribbed my style from so many different people that the pastiche seems like something its own. Voila: writer with Voice.
Pratchett was the first and most painfully obvious theft of the Big Four. (The others: Bloom County author Berke Breathed, David Foster Wallace, and SI's Paul Zimmerman.) He had not yet made a successful transition to this side of the Atlantic, but I had a friend in high school whose aunt was in British publishing. She passed Pratchett along to him, and he doled the books out to me one at a time. I lost one once and was terrified that I would not be entrusted with additional precious objects. But my friend kept giving them to me. For a time afterwards my prose was littered with jaunty footnotes and anthropomorphizations of natural forces. A pale imitation of the real thing.
I kept some of that, toning it down, and as I was reading the internet's obituary of the man I found this, in his own words:
There is a term that readers have been known to apply to fantasy that is sometimes an unquestioning echo of better work gone before, with a static society, conveniently ugly “bad” races, magic that works like electricity, and horses that work like cars. It’s EFP, or Extruded Fantasy Product. It can be recognized by the fact that you can’t tell it apart from all the other EFP.
Do not write it, and try not to read it. Read widely outside the genre. Read about the Old West (a fantasy in itself) or Georgian London or how Nelson’s navy was victualled or the history of alchemy or clock making or the mail coach system. Read with the mind-set of a carpenter looking at trees.
This is what I've done. I barely read sports books. I get a lot of them in the mail, or at least I used to before people cottoned onto the fact that a review was not likely to be forthcoming. I read fiction, right now mostly science fiction, and I think it serves the site well.
Pratchett was endlessly creative and subversive, often taking hallowed but trope-laden fantasy novels apart then reassembling them into a half-parodic, half-genuine whole far better than the source material. He found a platform, then found that he'd rather make his own characters than repackage the frustrating ones he found elsewhere. He was excellent at this as well. He always maintained a healthy fear of hollow marketing—Pratchett elves are twisted creatures who live in a neighboring dimension that project an aura of glamour that iron disrupts. His most prominent and probably favorite character was DEATH, yes with the bones and the scythe and everything. He was simultaneously very weird and very kind and very upset, and I'll miss him.
If you're interested in trying him out, I recommend Good Omens, a book he wrote with Neil Gaiman, Guards! Guards!, and Small Gods.
YES OKAY. I did think to myself "by dang, Dave Brandon was selling Extruded Michigan Product" when I read that.
Leach + Ufer. Via Dr. Sap:
Enter the 30 second shot clock. The NIT is experimenting with that and an NBA-size restricted circle, both of which are changes I can get behind as a COLLEGE BASKETBALL CRISIS skeptic. Kenpom notes that the Vegas over/unders for opening-round NIT games differ from his numbers by…
Predicted total score of Tuesday’s NIT games
Me Market Ala/Ill 126 136 GW/Pitt 125 136 NCC/Miami 117 129 UTEP/Murray 144 151 Mont/TAMU 125 134 UCD/Stan 140 148 Iona/URI 144 152The difference here is an average of seven percent. Apply that to the average scoring this season of 66.85 points per game and you’d get 71.5. That’s over a point higher than last season when the scoring average was propped up by an increase in free throws early in the season. And it’s higher than any season since 1996.
…seven percent, which in fact precisely offsets the drop in possessions from 2002 (the first year for which Kenpom has data) to 2015. Kenpom also points out that the drop from 45 seconds to 35 resulted in just a two percent increase in pace.
If this year's NIT doesn't show a large negative impact on efficiency, I would expect the 30 second clock to become standard in the near future.
Miller says adios. Already covered by Ace when it happened; Miller releases his own reasoning on twitter. It sounds like he was just done with football. This kind of thing happens when you have a transition, and if Miller didn't have much of an NFL career in the wings (he didn't) it makes sense to just go be in the world… if the alternative you most closely associate with continuing is the last two years of Michigan football followed by a jarring change.
I don't think this is a major issue since Michigan finally has a lot of depth that is not any variety of freshman. It is an indication that the team spirit was worn down extensively over the past couple years. It's one thing to walk away from an NFL job—it's a job. It's another, or at least should be another, to do so when you could be a senior at Michigan. Hopefully Harbaugh can restore that difference.
But it could be a problem because… Graham Glasgow violated the terms of his probation and is suspended as a result. The nature of his violation is worrying:
Michigan offensive lineman Graham Glasgow has been suspended from the program, according to a UM spokesman, after testing .086 on a Breathalyzer given on Sunday and violating his probation.
Testing barely over the legal limit to drive is not a big deal if you are not driving… except this test was done at ten in the morning. That is a red flag.
If Glasgow comes through this okay and gets a handle on things, the OL can sustain Miller's departure by sliding him back to center and inserting Erik Magnuson with little loss of efficacy. If Glasgow flames out, then things start to look a bit thin.
Harbaugh is hands on. Knuckle placement.
Hearing about it is one thing.
But seeing your head coach lying on the ground during practice to demonstrate the proper center-quarterback exchange technique?
Well, things get real at that point.
"He's really hands on with everything," the Michigan junior running back said with a smile Thursday. "When I first saw him (on the ground like that), I was like 'why is he doing this?' But I asked the centers the next day if that helped them and they said it did, they said that was the first time anyone had showed them something like that.
"So, I enjoyed it."
"…and barely avoided bursting into laughter like Derrick. RIP Derrick."
More people. Erik Campbell returns to staff as a… guy… who does… things. Probably works with film, breaks down opponent tendencies, that sort of thing. Michigan also added Cleveland St. Ed's head coach Jim Finotti as their Ops guy.
Obligatory. John Oliver on the NCAA:
It's a racket. Related: here's Andy Schwarz on Purdue's "internal services" sleight of hand. Long story short, Purdue takes profit from the athletic department and pretends it's an expense they are paying for. In this way it appears like the Boilermakers are not in the black, helping the NCAA cry poverty.
Finally. Bill Raftery, at 73, gets to call the Final Four. Raftery manages to bring the enthusiasm Dick Vitale does without being a braying nonsense merchant; he is one of the chosen few media people who can be utterly himself without getting in trouble for it and still be awesome. (Another: Scott Van Pelt.)
On long practices. Joe Bolden:
“I would say it’s probably the longest I’ve ever been on the football field, other than a game with a rain delay like Utah last year,” said senior linebacker Joe Bolden. “To me it flies by. If you tell a high school or college kid that they’re going to have a four-hour practice in pads they’ll think you’re a bit crazy. But at the same time, you don’t think about it when you’re out there. Your body can take a lot more than you think it can. If he wants to practice six hours, and it’s (within the practice time cap), then we’ll practice six hours.”
This man was not one of the Big Four influences. A nation realizes that those rabid anti-Rosenberg Michigan fans were probably right all along.
The prosecutor owes @Rosenberg_Mike a big thanks for establishing motive pic.twitter.com/GVDYqg8KHi
— cuppycup (@cuppycup) March 17, 2015
Etc.: Engineering your bracket. MGoGirl basketball post mortem. Jordan Morgan has a foundation now. John Harbaugh talking to the team. Enter another Glasgow. A comprehensive look at when to foul late in basketball games.
Bacon on Harbaugh's "weapons-grade intensity." Related: Pretty much.
is a fucking idiot.
Thank you for mentioning Dr. Z. I have spent numerous hours reading his columns on everything and football during my graduate years. Miss his writing.
of Michigan not making the NCAA tournament, I guess -- I won't be watching as much, and won't have to hear as much from Bill Raftery. I could agree that he's better than some (or maybe even most), but that would still be damning with faint praise. A friend once pointed out his vocal tics (the worst being a different voice he breaks out to tell you something exciting has happened -- which would be more effective if he didn't use this voice 50 times a game), and now I can't listen to him without these mannerisms driving me crazy. Maybe CBS is giving him this year's Final Four as a retirement gift -- I can dream, can't I . . . .
March 18th, 2015 at 12:12 AM ^
So who do you like?
I'm convinced that most people hate every commentator. If that's the case, stop talking about it and hit mute.
Somebody suggested Terry Pratchett to me over on TTB not too long ago, and I added a couple of his books to my wish list. I had no idea that he was in the throes of Alzheimer's. I picked those at random, so now I'll probably put "Guards! Guards!" or "Small Gods" at the top of my list, since I'm not much of a fan of Neil Gaiman.
The bad thing about Miller and Glasgow both potentially being gone is that we had lots of experience returning at center, and now we're down to zilch. Kugler came with a lot of hype, but I have heard few good things about him in practice. Blake Bars is a guy who I thought might pass through in four or five years without ever really getting on the field. Now those two might be battling it out for perhaps the most important job on the offensive line.
Moving Pictures is a fairly simple standalone as well, as is Monstrous Regiment. Unseen Academicals is relatively standalone but IMO ties so much into his latter series of books that deal with prejudice -- Fifth Elephant, Thud, Snuff, even Raising Steam -- that it benefits from being read together with them.
I don't think that he was necessarily driving when tested, if that was confirmed either way I haven't heard.
That said, 0.08 is around 4 drinks* in an hour for a 180lb man. Glasgow's about 300lbs. Whatever the reason/circumstances/etc, it's not like he had one beer at dinner and then got tested by his probation officer. While he hopefully wasn't driving, he had to have probably at least 6 drinks in an hour on Sunday morning - while on probation. You'd at least worry about his decision making after that.
*drinks are 1 shot of 80 proof liquor, a glass of wine, or a beer. You remember how to "stay in the BLUE" right?
Glasgow was NOT driving.
Yes. That too. when I started reading his columns he would incessantly talk about the line play. He was also not a fan of Brian Urlacher when everyone else was praising him to high heaven.
I wonder how he would have rated JJ Watt.
Pratchett is a staple in my family - more great places, great ideas, and wonderful characters than just about any other author. Around our house Nightwatch takes first place, followed by most of the Vimes novels, anything with Death in it, and Guards Guards.
Good night Sir Terry, I'm glad to know that your inspiration and memory will live on here at mgoblog.
How could Rosenberg be so flat out Obtuse?
If there were more veteran stars in 1997, it wasn't for long. KG went pro straight out of high school in 1995 and Kobe/Jermaine O'Neal did likewise the next year. Going to college was becoming optional and staying more than a year was as well.
Hope Bill's not retiring. He's one of my favorites.
NY Times! Here's my application:
"How did scrappy Albany make a shocking last-second comeback against Stony Brook? One only needs to look to Ted Bundy to find out how they did it."
I'm available to start Monday
If this year's NIT doesn't show a large negative impact on efficiency, I would expect the 30 second clock to become standard in the near future.
But, a great deal of the push for a 30-second shot clock is coming from people like Seth Davis who want it for the most utterly un-thought-out reasons. We're talking about folks who think two extra possessions per game makes all the difference in the world, because they haven't really considered that it's only two possessions per game. Do we really expect them to care about or even notice efficiency?
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That is so Harbaugh.
Great video.
It's a strained analogy Rosenberg makes to Hernandez, for sure, but Rosenberg is absolutely correct about the long-term health risks of playing NFL football. The recent settlement with brain-damaged former players means the League can pretty much continue to crank out tens of millions of dollars in profit for billionaire owners, with only the puniest of compensation to the men who ravaged themselves so that others may be enriched and entertained.
Brian,
Jack Miller decides to leave the football program. ONE player leaves and you declare it as an indication that the team spirit has been warn down over the last 2 years.
Come on!
If there were a mass exodus, MAYBE I'd cede your point, but...
is a great one. Bloom County still sits among the top of my loved comic reads
Another fan of Pratchett here, MHRIP. Been reading him since The Colour of Magic. Read pretty much all of the novels, save the YA ones, which I'll probably get around to at some point. Who wouldn't want a sentient Luggage to save their butt? (Except for the times when it has a mind of its own.) Who doesn't admire the mighty 87-or-so-years-young Cohen the Barbarian, who, when faced with two opponents, says, "I outnumber you one to two," and proceeds to thrash them?
Lots of good satire to be found, like Soul Music & Moving Pictures about the music & movie industries, respectively. Many fantasy clichés get turned on their heads.
Found this Discworld Reading Order Guide 2.0, which shows how the novels are linked.
There are two people from whom I received an email in my life that made me feel truly special. The first was Vint Cerf, which was like getting a phone call from Alexander Graham Bell.
The other was Terry Pratchett -- he was an early USENET aficionado and I'd sent him an email after I discovered his books, he responded very kindly. (I do remember one line from it -- I'd apologized for not knowing whether it was good manners to email him, he responded in part with "It's OK, I don't have manners. I have mannerisms.")
His death opens the "Greatest living writer in the English language" race up for meaningful competition again.
March 17th, 2015 at 10:35 PM ^
March 17th, 2015 at 11:56 PM ^
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March 17th, 2015 at 10:36 PM ^
Sorry, just wanted to mention Harbaugh. I still haven't gotten over the fact that Jim Motherfucking Harbaugh is the Head Football Coach at the University of Michigan. Just today I was thinking about how Harbaugh was our coach and it was only until someone asked me why I was smiling that I realized I'd been standing there for 5-10 minutes like a damn fool just smiling because Harbaugh is our coach. God, I love it.
March 17th, 2015 at 11:13 PM ^
March 17th, 2015 at 11:55 PM ^
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Well, he writes. For a living. So I think that would classify him as a "writer" even though he doesn't write 300-page novels.
Even so, lots of people model their writing (or music or baseball swing) after others, and it's not necessarily self-aggrandizing. Growing up I modeled my hitting stance after Frank Thomas. Does that mean I thought I was as good as him? Did all the bands who emulated the sound of Nirvana think they were as good as Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, etc.?
March 17th, 2015 at 11:44 PM ^
March 18th, 2015 at 12:20 AM ^
Anything that causes college basketball to more closely resemble the NBA game is a bad thing, [btw, I like the NBA, but I like the differences between college and the pros]. But I think that the shorter the shot clock, the less time there is for the current variety in college ofenses.
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