Win will cause me to/Loss will cause me to

Win will cause me to watch one more football game than I expect to this year.

Loss will cause me to shrug my shoulders and continue decorating for the holidays.

The nice thing about this game is because we’ve lost like 15 of the last 16, if we lose another it’s not a big deal to me. If we win, however, hooo boy.

Win will cause my head to explode.

Anything else? Sorry, can't hear you, my fingers are in my ears. Lalalalalalalalala . . .

[One thing else: I'll save tons of time. Starting at Michigan, I read everything I can find about a win for days after, and I still do that. But for a not-win? I read little or nothing. I still haven't looked at much of anything about the Staee game. So here's hoping I'm busy reading Sunday.]

The win would make it impossible to wipe the smirk off my face around a couple dozen Spartan relatives, in-laws and outlaws for the rest of the holiday season.  Who am I kidding, the smirk will stay there until next October's MSU game.

A loss will cause me to review every play for a ref show or other evidence that Michigan could have or should have won while being a very strained person to be around until well after the Big10 championship game.

Loss: ?‍♂️ 

Win: ?

Win will cause me to: Dig deeply into Buckeye Twitter to savor one of the greatest, most histrionic and entitled fan meltdowns in the history of American sports

Loss will cause me to: Play video games for the next few hours

When we win I may just cry tears of joy... it's just been so long coming.  

If we lose, well then back to the drawing board.  I would like to win a bowl game for once and have something to look forward to going into next year.

Win: continue the 9 hour drive home from family thanksgiving party

Lose: continue the 9 hour drive home from family thanksgiving party

I won't know the outcome of the game until like 9pm Saturday night 

A win will cause me to lose my fucking shit!

A loss will be disappointing but manageable since I've felt is so many times before.

Win: Quickly tell the sports gods that I was just kidding when I said I wouldn't care if Michigan loses in the conference championship game.

Loss: Attempt to act my age.

Win or lose, I have become numb to this outcome as Michigan hasn't won since 2011

I remember the 70's - 80's - 90's and early 2000's where a victory was like an expensive cigar, you savored it and a loss was like eating pees. You spit it out and moved on prepping for the next course (which was next year)

Go Blue! Just win the DAMN game!!

A win and I will be the last one to leave the field in the post game celebration. Even if it is midnight.

A loss will give me time for about 15 sad beverages at Grizzly Peak before I trudge over to Yost for the hockey game.

A win will cause me to smile proudly like Mr. Miyagi at the end of The Karate Kid

A loss will cause me to look up the prices for tickets to the Rose Bowl 

Win = book lodging in Indianapolis.

Loss = book lodging near Pasadena.

A loss will make me shrug my shoulders and say, "of course.  Nice season, regardless."

A win will make me say "FUCK YEAH FUCK YOU OHIO STATE YOU AND EVERY ONE ELSE CAN JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS ABOUT US NOW!!!!!   GO BLUE!!!!!"

A win will reaffirm my belief in life. A loss will cause me to question my very existence.

Win - Drink

Loss - Drink

A win will cause me to lose my damned mind. A loss will cause me to continue on with my day.

Win will cause me to cry and pull out the Parkers Heritage. Loss will cause me to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and go play with my kids and watch The Wheel of Time. 

A win will cause me to do a back flip. A loss is what I expect will happen and will cause me to shrug my shoulders and say at least we are Rose Bowl bound.

Bro I live in Columbus they win this game I’m putting on my yellow tights and running around the neighborhood without my shirt on yellow Go Blue! 

Yes I have yellow tights handy.

On a more serious note, our family has deep ties to Michigans football program on my dads side. He died a few years ago and honestly it’s going to be emotional for me when ever they finally win this game. 

Win will cause me to act like a kid again. Live in the moment with my mom in the stadium. Text my Buckeye fans I have in my phone the score

Loss will cause me to shrug 

Loss will cause me to: I’d like to say just shrug my shoulders and move on with my day because this is what I’ve been expecting for the past year. If it’s a blowout then that would be the feeling. But if it’s close and Michigan gets its heart ripped out again, I will probably just go into full shut down mode for at least 24 hours and sulk that it’s not fair that Michigan just can’t catch a break against a rival that has had one down year in the last five decades. 

Win will cause me to: I honestly have no idea. I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Besides tell my wife she’s responsible for the one year old that night. Daddy’s going out drinking, and he’s coming back loaded. 

What would excite me about Michigan winning that game is that if they somehow do, pretty much every game beyond that point would be against an easier, more manageable opponent. Yes, even against Georgia if they got that far. 

A loss to Tarleton would make me a very sad man.

A win would cause me to have great victory sex with my wife.  

A loss will make me walk around depressed for the rest of the day.

A win - will cause me to root for the Golden Boat Rowers and worry about having to face the Badgers with a weaponized Braelon Allen.

A loss - will leave me explaining why a 64 yr old man is so cantankerous after a college football game and hope for an eight-team playoff next year.

Win will cause me to shove a turd down Paul Finebaum's throat...

/s

A win - cause me to hit submit on these big ten championship tickets. Probably a phone call with the ol man freaking out and about how we finally get to see our boys in Indy. 

A loss. Upset for the kids that worked their butts off this year. Realize they put in the work and want this just as much as we do . 

A win will cause me to look forward to the B1G Championship Game.

A loss will cause me to look forward to the Rose Bowl.

W: Sigh in relief.

L: Sigh in exasperation.

A win will cause me to wonder if unrealistic morons will expect a National Championship against, most likely, a superior (As Always) SEC opponent.

A loss will cause me to be concerned about the same morons who don't realize the second tier status of the program that's been clear for decades. And even some, the particularly moronic, who will voice "Coaching Change" for a 2 loss top ten program.

(Subject to unusual and unpredictable performance which makes the sport most appealing).

Sports parallel life.

Eschew expectations. Carpe Diem. And Go Blue.

And if we lose? Enjoy the firm embrace, smothering kisses, and inner reaches of your embodied other.

Like every fucking other Saturday Night.

I'm an ancient guy. Write it down. Get it right, kids.

Go Blue!

A win - celebrate with family, read MGoBlog, investigate a trip to Indy or college football playoff, be thankful for my attachment to Michigan and Michigan football.

A loss- grieve for rest of day, read MGoBlog a wee bit less, reflect on and be thankful for my attachment to Michigan and Michigan football and remind myself the best rivalry in college football is just a first world problem I have deal with from time to time. 

Win: I'll be watching every highlight and DVR Football in 60 minutes on BTN and re-watch for the next several months. 

Loss: Hope the Tigers are decent and root for Miggy's 3,000th hit.

Fuck ohio 

Go Freaking Blue!

Win: strip down and streak thru town like Frank the Tank.

Loss: drink a little too much and ponder when the curse will be broken.

Loss will cause me to shrug. They have lost to OSU so long now it doesn’t even make me upset anymore. It is just what always happens at the end of the season. 

Loss will cause me to: look up how much Rose Bowl tickets are (probably a lot)

Win will cause me to: Uhh….I haven’t thought this far ahead in 10 years

Win = Drink a lot

Loss = Drink a lot, only sadder.

Win: I'll make a Leopold Bros Small Batch Gin martini hours before 5 pm (and curse the day they decamped Main Street for Denver), and probably fly my Michigan car flag on my window all week.

Lose: Wait till a decent hour before drowning my sorrows in a succession of Manhattans. Two should be sufficient - I should be used to this the last two decades, but it will probably take three. Or four.  Maybe consume a gummie or two to take to the edge off wondering when will we ever beat these M*t*e* F*c*e*s.

Win will cause me to fret about playing Wisconsin again.

Loss will cause me to focus on basket… er, hockey…, er, give up on cable and sports streaming of anything. Puzzles!  I like puzzles!

As a passionate fan of this team and someone who loves Jim Harbaugh, I feel like the catharsis that would come from winning this game cannot be measured by a clever quip on the internet!! A win would be a euphoric experience that would make this one of the great holiday weekends of my life. A loss would be the same as usual, but it would make my wife sad, because I'll be in a shitty mood the rest of the weekend.

Win:  watch the game over and over and book some tix to the big ten championship.

Loss: Delete the game from the DVR and go about my life unaffected by the outcome as per the last 5 years.

W: This game will be on my DVR forever!!!

L: I erase it immediately!!