OT: Quarantine with little kids
Anybody else in this situation? We’ve got a 4yo and a 2yo, and somedays (today) I feel like hanging myself. Trying to be productive during the day is almost a non-starter, and we’re both so exhausted by the time we get them down at night we can hardly do anything!
I’ve read a few “How to be productive/healthy/sane/at peace while in quarantine” articles, and they all seem to have one line in passing that says something like “Oh, unless you have little kids, in which case LULZ you’re f***ed.”
Anyway, I should end this cry for help. I can only hide in the bathroom for so long.
3 year old and a 1 year old here at my house. I’m a professor and my semester just ended though so I’m pretty lucky. I get to focus on the kids now for the summer without trying to continue working.
Same boat. 2.5 yo, and 5.5 yo. Luckily we have a decent play set/swing set in out back yard. I also spent $200 and bought a bounce house for them for Xmas to get a little more exercise in the basement while the weather was cold. Incredible investment.
Second this sentiment. We have a bounce house for the basement. When they get bored bouncing, we pull it outside and it's a completely new "toy" outdoors. Also, it gives me a chance to beat my 5 yr old at wrestling - feeling pretty good about my win streak.
I'll also 2nd the bounce house. My kids are a little too old now but we went through 2 bounce houses. They each lasted 1.5 - 2 years before getting too many holes. Bonus: when they're new they are strong enough to support mom and dad "wrestling".
Lol! What is wrong with me?! Thanks for the pro-tip. Gonna work on getting Mrs. Blues in for some "bounce" time.
AMEN...I was fortunate our fire department would rent the full-size bounce houses for Christmas and Easter parties. I remember when they started selling the small personal sized ones, our twins spent more time in their own bounce house than just about anything. That was the best Christmas money we ever spent.
I am right there with you. I have 3 and 5 yo's at home and my wife is an essential worker at a local hospital. Working from home is expected for my job but it just isn't happening while watching the kids. I typically work from 6-11pm but that isn't enough time and my productivity is shit at that time. I am falling so far behind at work that it will take me months to catch back up.
I have no tips or words of wisdom but I can tell you that you are not alone.
co-signed
Admittedly, I live in a warmer climate. But as the weeks go on, you'll find that a modest investment in a $30 slip-n-slide will bring you salvation.
My wife’s job is just a job, but other than that difference, I’m smellin’ what yer steppin’ in.
Getting harder, not easier with each passing day. Hang in there!
I have older kids, my 5 and 8yo nieces, part time and at the end of the 3 days I feel like I've been concussed. I can't imagine younger and full time. Good luck, I wish there was something I could do to help.
I have 4 (7,5,3,9mo) and it is a challenge. We both work full time (me from home and her at hospital), which makes us very lucky compared to most, but we are making compromises. We daily have to choose between work progress, schooling progress, kids getting energy out, and getting chores done in and around house.
It's a cycle, where sometimes we have great schooling days with lower work output and where nothing gets cleaned or yard work done. Other days (weekends) it's all outside with kids playing and getting some yardwork done. Sometimes, I'm on calls all day and wife's away, and an embarrising amount of computer and tv time is done.
Sucks to make compromises, but this is all new, and is hopefully not for a long time. Mainly feel bad that the kids are missing their friends from school, hockey, and soccer.
Good luck to the parents. Know that you are not alone, and many are struggling. And also to single people alone. I am lucky to have a house full of people to interact with. Being by yourself is no easy task either.
And I thought one 2.5 year old was bad. Crikey...FOUR kids 7 and under? Yikes.
Yeah little ones can be intense. Sorry it’s wearing on you and if it’s really wearing on you and this isn’t hyperbole consider talking to someone in the mental health sector.
Assuming it’s mostly hyperbole, I’ll throw out some stuff we are doing on the off chance it helps:
- early AM. Get up early. Use whatever minutes you have to either be productive or improve your mental health (exercise, meditation,etc) sometimes you may get 30 minutes but sometimes you may get hours.
- take shifts if you can. Co-parenting drains you both equally all the time. Map out shifts of 90-120 min where one parent hides to do work, etc...I work in the car sometimes just to get peace and quiet. Flip back and forth all day.
- im not a big screens person for little kids but if you both need a break bust out a video or have the grandparents read them a book over zoom
- Take a power nap of no more than 20 min on one of your off shifts
- don’t stay up late every night. Two nights a week go to sleep when they do. Pass the hell out. Will make staying up late to do things the rest of the week easier
Hope it feels better. Everything will pass and what is hard today isn’t a permanent condition. Be easy on yourself and your spouse and your kids. We are all doing the best we can
^^^ Some A+ advice there from NeverPunt.
Damn, I live alone and can tell this is a great advice post.
Wow, thank you very much for this post! I was being hyperbolic, but there are bad days, for sure. Today, I've just had a really short fuse and wound up really yelling at my oldest, which I feel terrible about.
Most days are OK. Some are iffy. Some days, though, are really depressing. My wife and I are both still working from home. Her job is pretty inflexible. I have my own business, which means it is flexible, which unfortunately gets translated into "optional" sometimes. My whole goal is just to tread water during this time. I've been doing that, but some days it sure feels like sinking.
I sometimes think about the childless people in my industry and get crazy jealous about just how far they could get ahead during this time period. I know everybody has their own problems, but if you're in position to really just lay into your work and not have to worry about kids, you could really put some distance between yourself and guys like me right now.
Glad to share. A couple things to invite you to consider given what you've shared here:
- Question your assumptions. You're assuming you are falling behind. Are you? There's plenty of single people losing their minds because they don't have anyone to interact with and it's killing their productivity. Your wife's company in inflexible but is she assuming she has to do things because of how they are? Being remote there's pressure to perform or overperform that sometimes isn't real and easy to manufacture. At the end of the day if you're running each other into the ground and no one is being productive nobody's getting what they need. What does your business and her employer need? Probably product/output, not hours and "working" - I have obviously no idea about your situations so again, please don't take offense, just inviting you to think about assumptions here and what is real vs is what is fear.
- There was a great post on here when this all started about dealing with anger and frustration with the kids and tons of good tips in there. if you missed that one, go back and check it out. Not sure if anybody has the link there. (edit: found it https://mgoblog.com/mgoboard/psa-dealing-temper-during-time-home-rule)
- I think that the hardest part with kids is remembering to put your oxygen mask on first, take care of your mental and physical health and get yourself what you need. Chances are you're a good parent and spouse and you feel like you need to self sacrifice here to support them first. But if you're lost in stress, fear, anxiety, etc you're not giving yourself a chance and you won't be able to perform like the happy, fun, loving person you want to be and usually are. Before you go be the strong dad/husband, make sure you're getting yourself to a place of strength.
yeah! you were great in that thread too!
(man seems like forever ago...)
Not sure if anybody wants to but I set up a gmail address that fwds to my personal email and if anybody just needs somebody to talk to about this crap, please feel free to email me - not like there's a lot else to do right now, and while i'm by no means an expert I'm somebody in the weeds in this with you right now and struggling and doing well at times too.
We have 4. 8,6,4,2. Our 2 year old naps but the rest have about 1.5hr of "quiet/resting time" after lunch. They play by themselves in separate rooms during our youngest kids nap.
I think this has the single most important thing for us--and it doesn't seem to have been mentioned thus far?
SCHEDULE. I think it's very possible to tell ourselves that the children in our care are either too young or uninterested or incapable--but children thrive knowing their parameters. Set a basic schedule for the day...here's ours in the interest of example (for the 7, 5, & 2 y/o; the 2 m/o is on her own!):
- wake-up: on own; can play or read until
- 8 AM morning chores (get dressed, make bed, tidy bedroom)
- 830 breakfast
- 9 music lessons
- 930 school
- 1030 break
- 11 school
- 12 lunch, then free time until
- 1 pm NAP for the 2 middles; oldest at her leisure unless hasn't finished school
- 330 tea-time (seriously the best, esp. for middles to wake up to)
- 4 pm play outside as weather permits
- 530 dinner
- 630 family walk
- 730 prayer
- 8 prep for bedtime
- 830 bed
Now does it always end up so prettily? No, but you'd be surprised how well it does, and how much of an improvement it has been over our "let's just wing it" previous.
NeverPunt with some awesome advice. My boys are 10,9 and 7 now and we survived those young years and are on to a new set of challenges.
We did a family vacation to the Smoky Mountains when they 5, 4 and 2; after that I second the idea of going to sleep when they did.
The most quiet is early am; utilize that time and take care of you.
Most of all, enjoy the journey! It goes quickly and those years are so precious.
5yo, 6yo and a six month old puppy. I can't get anything done. Somedays I get to the end of the day and realize I haven't even showered yet. It's crazy. and no end in sight. aaand their behavior is getting worse by the week.
Your story is identical to what a couple did while their kids were in a similar age bracket. They couldn't get anything done till 8 pm. They were lucky that the kids went to bed at that time.
My kids are slightly older and they can remain engaged by themselves and also play together.
I would suggest using an iPad or Netflix/PBS Kids/Discovery Channel as a babysitter if you want to get anything done during the day. I know some people abhor them, but they are also a sanity-saver.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
I put this in a post a little lower, but if you have young kids and Disney +, you need to check out Bluey. It is a quality program.
I hear ya, my wife is a physician so she has been working a ton and today marks week 9 of our “lock-down”. Only so much you can do for 9 weeks without being to go anywhere public.
I have 12, 10, 8, 4 and 2 in my house. I think it was easier before we had to juggle all the school work and virtual classes. A lot of what we do is covered in NeverPunt's post. Here's a few things that may help.
1. Get the next day's snacks ready the night before. We put snacks in ziplock bags and it speeds up the transition from enrichment time to snack time. No one wants to try and put snacks together while kids are tugging at their legs and crying because they're hungry.
2. Make sure the kids have a specific nap time each day. My wife has a sleepytime video that she plays and the little ones climb in the bed and take their nap. It's actually something they look forward to.
3. Get a slow cooker. My wife prepares oatmeal in a slow cooker the night before. That way, the kids have breakfast ready first thing in the AM. Throw in some raisins or other tasty treats when you wake up, and the first meal of the day is prepared in less than five minutes. We use slow cookers for other meals to lessen the food prep burden.
Godspeed to all of you in this situation.
Thankfully, mine are 12 and 15.
I couldn't even imagine how those of you living in an apartment are dealing.
As crazy as it sounds put em to work! Basic yard work especially. Have them dig, pick up sticks, do bark, rake or anything outside even if it doesn't need to be done. It'll give them something to occupy their time and tucker them out so they sleep longer and go to bed earlier. We stripped and reset hunting blinds yesterday with my 3 and 5 year old and it worked like a champ!
I'm sorry for those of you struggling with this right now, but I'm hoping people having less kids is one of the indirect benefits of COVID-19. Maybe you were considering having a 3rd and will reconsider now. Or a newlywed couple that was thinking of starting to try will read the horror stories of people with kids on social media right now and get a dog instead...
Not having kids is the best thing you can do to prevent climate change, water/food shortage, etc. If I wasn't selfish, I wouldn't have kids in the future. My wife and I have always planned on having 2, but maybe this will open us up to the idea of only having 1.
Hopefully this at least evens itself out with the quarantine baby spike we'll see in 9 months.
Self admittedly selfish people shouldn't preach to others about what they should and shouldn't do. Be about it, don't talk about it.
Where did I preach saying people shouldn't have kids? I said it would be beneficial to the planet if some people reconsidered or had less. That's a fact. It's a selfish decision, it benefits you, it hurts everyone else.
Personally, if/when we do make that choice, I will feel a guilt about doing so. I personally don't think I'm financially ready to do so until I can afford to go solar, have electric/hybrid cars, have all electric lawn equipment, etc. and will probably commit to going vegan at that time. I'll try to reduce my families environmental impact from an average 4 person to a 2 person if I can to help offset that guilt.
The 70s called. They want their overpopulation arguments back.
I get this in theory, but society needs people to have kids. Unless you're planning to go totally off the grid in old age and be ok with dying from a potentially treatable illness, you are going to need doctors, police officers, farmers, gas station workers, grocery store employers... the list goes on and on. If no one has kids, it's going to be a real bitch being 75 years old with no younger people on Earth to help you out.
I'm not saying nobody should have kids. If our birth and death rates were even we would maintain our current population and have an even age distribution for people to have every type of job...
But if this causes even 1/100 people to not have kids, or have less kids, it would be beneficial.
You should probably go ahead and take your own advice. Don't reproduce.
"Horror stories" on social media ... generally posted by super-selfish people who are more interested in the wah-wah-wah-look-at-me of their social media profile than (gasp) taking those very same minutes to do what has been true for all of ever: the hard (but deeply meaningful and rewarding) work of parenting.
And those same selfish people would be the ones that might consider not having another kid, while the parents that get the rewarding experience out of parenting would.
I don't see the problem with that...
Wow. I cannot believe I just read that.
OP, your struggle is real. Two things, find an open State or County Park and hit the trails. More so for the older one. Search for aliens, be mystery solvers, climb "mountains." And do things with him or her that would have seemed excessive a bit ago. Get a super hero costume and put in on with them and just hang out. Squirt gun wars any time it is above 68 degrees. Remember, they cannot stop developing. It isn't a choice they can make to "stop," nor should it be the desired outcome.
And for fellow parents of kids in the 4-5 year old range, this is a really important developmental time. Public sentiment, at least here locally, makes it very unlikely they are going to Kindergarten next year. They are going to lose one full year of schooling, but they are still "play based" at this point anyway so you have time. While it is tempting to roll out the flash cards and "do letters" it really is not important right now, IMO. Keeps the kids smiling. Keep the kids laughing. Keep the kids living.
You sound like you're one step away from saying, "Hopefully, the quarantine baby spike will be evened out by the COVID-19 death toll."
I know that's not your sentiment, but if you're concerned about climate change, food shortage, etc, there are better ways to communicate that, like encouraging people to grow their own crops.
I think poor people should stop having children, en masse. Like anyone with a household income below 75k.
I prefer world wars with a draft to thin out there population.
May be kid will be the next Einstein! Who knows. Your thought about climate change is commendable. The best thing every one of us can do is to reduce, reuse, recycle. Reduce your carbon footprint.
Good luck in your endeavor.
The next best thing is talking about it on the internet.
The world has largely come to a halt, and emissions are only down 5%. Your personal choices are a drop in the bucket compared to the environmental costs of electricity, heating, and certain manufacturing processes. Saving the environment is going to take a combination of regulation and ingenuity. Merely lowering the birthrate in a developed country ain't gonna cut it. It's already below replacement in most rich countries.
I’ve got a 6 year old and twin 4 year olds. On the plus side, at this age, they are really bonding. For example, at 11pm I went into the boy’s room for my customary check on the kids before I retire for the night. One of his sisters is in there with him. They both fell asleep on the floor in the middle of a game of Memory. On the downside, I worry about the lack of structure they have right now. For example... they are up until almost 11 pm playing Memory.
Read Range by David Epstein. Unstructured play time is the best training for kids. I believe it. I practice it.
4 year and almost 7 year old. The fluctuation between extreme frustration and joy is only rivalved by how quickly either of them can go from playing well with each other to one of them having hair pulled out or bite marks. Fun stuff.
The wife has done an excellent job plotting out the day's schedule that provides structure for both them and us. She takes the morning shift and I take the afternoon. It works out well.
Exercise. Both for you and for the kids. When they have pent up energy the possibility of the day melting down into chaos is almost a sure thing. When the weather hasn't cooperated we've utilized YouTube videos for kid-centric workouts. They find it fun and it helps burn time and energy up.
One thing that is also super important for the wife and me is that we've been in constant communication w/ each other on how we're working together on this. I've continued to meet with my therapist (virtually) and good communication and good mental health helps a metric ton.
With all that being said, if the good Lord hadn't of already taken care of the need for a barber I'd have gone bald from this quarantine.
This too shall pass!
That’s why you don’t get married and have kids!