OT: Cool Story Bro!

So a cool story for you is getting your ass beat?



Nope. Don't have any.

Cool story bro!

This is boring. Here's a Daschund on Stilts.

cool story bro

Suffice it to say: they sort of story only gets more common. Typically you're a glorified tackling dummy. You have to be a pretty mean cuss to take that kind of punishment.

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.

first one that comes to mind: 

When I was like 11 or 12 I went to Ted Nugent's Kamp for Kidz in Caseville. It was a week long bow hunting camp (amongst other things). The last day we had a 'buck shoot" where groups of kids lined up with Uncle Ted and we all shot at a dollar bill taped to a target. The object was to hit the dollar as close to George Washington's nose as possible. I was two people to the left of Uncle Ted. I hit George about half an inch from the tip of his nose and won the "Buck shoot" for my group. CS,B

I'm a pretty big deal.  In college I played an intramural softball game against Matt Schaub (our teams tied) and had classes with Roger Mason, Jr.  You might say... cooler story, bro.

boliver46 - I have just one question. Does your avatar ever get a rest? Everytime I see him he's beating that cow bell.

In high school I was friends with Jon Polczak. He went to Toledo on a football scholorship and may have also turfed you.

/CSB

Boliver?  More like Bolivia!

Sorry, that was a terrible joke.  Reminds me of the time I met a young Jerry Seinfeld, and he told some joke about airline peanuts.  It was terrible, lacking any proper lead-in from his previous jokes.  I told him, "Jerry, you need a better introduction for these little tidbits of observational humor.  Why don't you try something like 'what's up with airline peanuts,' or even 'what's the deal with airline peanuts'?  That'll grab the audience's attention."

Anyway, I heard he did well for himself.  Don't really know, I don't watch TV, spend more time writing my novel.  Which reminds me of the time I explained to Philip Roth that he really needed to add an accent to the punchline for Portnoy's Complaint.  But that's another story . . .

but of all my stories this might be the cool story broiest of them all. 

I don't remember what year it was now but it was at least a decade ago now and my wife and I were vacationing in Italy. We were on a beach one afternoon and as we walk through a section that was fairly sparce in terms of beach goers I saw a woman laying on the beach reading a book topless.

She had her sunglasses on and no top yet still I recognized her right away (I have a bit of a knack for facial recognition). Anyway, my wife didn't believe me and we debated it as we walked past her (within earshot). I saw her smirk at the discussion and that gave me the confidence to stop and verify for my wife that it was her.

I was a little nervous as she was topless and I was a stranger, but she conversed with us as if it was nothing. In fact, she and my wife got on so well that she asked us to stay for a drink (she had wine and glasses in a picnic basket under her lounger) and they chatted as if friends for a couple of hours...all while some pervert sat inconspicuously staring at her breasts....

I met Alice Cooper on Monday and got to go backstage after the show. I'm on my phone so I can't upload my 'cool story' pic at the moment though

I played softball against Vada Murray a few times in the early 90's.. I remember him hitting routine shots to me in the outfield (Leftcenter or Rightcenter) and he'd be standing on second base before I could get the ball back into the infield.  The guy was fast......and clearly (and rightfully) didn't respect my arm.  It happened more than once.

The other story was in the spring of '94.  I was hanging out at the bar in Fraser's and sitting right next to me was Bo himself.  I think that hit was the  25th reunion of the 1969 team (his first).  Most of the team was in a tent outside the door but Bo came inside and hung out for awhile.  I didn't speak to him but he was clearly in a pretty good mood.  He liked having all of his boys back in town.

I am Batman

I used to work with Steve Hutchinson, Jeff Backus, Josh Williams, Matt Lentz, B.J. Askew, Leon Hall, Willis Barringer, Matt Gutierrez, Pierre Woods, Larry Stevens, Jake Long, Dave Petruziello, and many others in my days at the lumber yard.

I went to Bud Middaugh's baseball camps when I was a kid. Met Barry Larkin and got to see Jim Abbott throw, Mike Gillett was there. Pro's had clinics like Alan Trammell and former Tigers Jim Northrup. We stayed in the dorms and also played flag football at Michigan Stadium, on astroturf. One of the UM players gave a few of us chewing tobacco and I threw up, I never tried it again. These camps were by far the coolest things about my childhood.

Cool story, bro?

I was part of the Thronson house broomball champions. 

I even scored an overtime goal in the shootout in the southern goal of yost.

That is more important than winning a rose bowl if you ask me.

SQ what!

jdon

I won this contest once to sing the National Anthem at Busch Stadium for a Cards game. I was 7 years old so it was a pretty big deal. I got to meet John Mabry. Got my picture taken and my mit signed.  I was bummed out becase it was supposed to be a "surprise" player who we got to meet, and it was Ozzie Smith day at the ball park, so I was pretty sure we were gonna meet Ozzie Smith. No dice though. John Mabry is a loser. 

On my senior trip we went on a Black college tour by bus through Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia and Florida. After touring FAMU we had the option of going to Disneyworld or Universal Studios. We chose Universal and while there I met Warren Sapp and got his autograph. He had a GORGEOUS lady on his arm.

I was in Chicago for a Cubs/Cardinals game. Well the game was rained out, so we went over to Harry Carey's for dinner and drinks. About two minutes after we ordered our food, the manager comes by our table and asks us if we could move downstairs. We were seated in the VIP section on the 2nd floor as it was the only open area of the resturant after the rainout. The next thing we know the entire Cardinals pitching staff comes up. We ended up getting free drinks after they kicked us out. 

So yeah Cool Story

I had the pleasure of playing against OLSM in 2000. Their team was completely stacked and had several future college/pro players: Anthony Sherrell, Charles Davis, Grant Mason, and Morgan Trent.

During the game, in which we were of course getting curb stomped, the future Michigan DB Morgan Trent picked off my QB. Since I was abused most of the game by the 6-6 280lb future Stanford Cardinal DE in front of me, I was pretty happy to see a little guy intercept the ball, thus giving me a shot at a blindside tackle on someone. Yeah, well that dude is fast, and it turns out strong. I dove at him and he stiff-armed me into the turf on the way to an easy TD return.

When a freshman DB can do that to a senior OL, you know you're pretty much not gonna make it in college football lol.

I was at the Cowboy Classic with my friend and his family (Dad was QB @ UM in the 70's), and on the elevator to the welcome dinner what looks to be a body builder gets on and starts talking to my friend and I. Asked us if we played any sports at UM (more out of courtesy, the answer is obvious looking at us), but we could tell he obviously had. After we got off the elevator I informed my friend that he was Jarrett Irons. Afterwards at the Welcome Dinner I talked with my friend's Dad's teammates from the 70's and just missed talking to Dave Brandon (also on friend's Dad's team).

My good friend Scott Hanson (host of NFL Red Zone and big UM fan) and I went to the Sugar Bowl last year together and got into a barroom brawl within my first 2 hours on Bourbon Street because Scotty's way of giving me a tour was having me sample 3 Grenades, 1 Hurricane, and some other insane, stable Bourbon Street drink.  I was so plowed I ended up with an eye sealed shut, but made the game the next night anyway.  Would’ve been a cooler bro story had Scotty took one to the noggin and been unable to anchor Red Zone that week, but he just ended up with scuffed  knuckles.

Senior year I lived in an apartment that Barry Larkin lived in the previous year. I'd get his bank statements in the mail.

After the 2008 Illinois game at the Big House, I hung around outside the tunnel and got to meet some of the players.  Got to talk to Brandon Graham, get an autograph, etc.  Nice guy . . . happy kid in a monster's body.

The interesting part is that I got to talking with his mom who was also with him.  Brandon moved on, but I talked with her a good long while about the life of a big-time college football player.  Everyone had been speculating about whether he was going to come back to Michigan the next year, but she assured me that he was not going to leave for the NFL and he was going to come back.  

We talked about the risk ot him getting hurt.  She informed me that they had a $2 Million insurance policy on him in case of career-ending injury.  The family had to pay the premiums themselves.  The NCAA does not pay them.  We both agreed that if the NCAA wanted kids to stay in school, they should provide the insurance policy. 

It was interesting to hear this kind of discussion from an insider's perspective.

I was in Palo Alto maybe 10 years ago for a friend's wedding and before the ceremony we toured the jaw-droppingly gorgeous Stanford campus. I was in some kind of administration building that looked like a Spanish Versailles when a comely young lass approached me and asked if I knew where the restroom was. I had just visited said loo, and so I was prepared to say "down that hallway on the left."

But when I realized it was Natalie Portman I instead said "schloaksdjfberflaffenhaffenfarvergnugen," wet myself (hard to do when you've just gone to the restroom) and ran away simultaneously giggling and sobbing.

#CSB

If we're talking about talking a pounding in football, I'll share mine:

I played football from 5th grade to my senior year in high school, finally reaching an anti-climatic ending with some interest from non-power DII teams and a request from Northern Illinois to try out on d-line.

My junior year of high school in the fall of '02, I got switched to left guard since my natural position, center, had decent depth there already, but we had a complete lack of lineman who could pull.  One of the games that season was an away game against Saginaw, which featured a well known man among boys named Lamar Woodley.  Since our running game was heavily reliant on pulling guards, and Lamar often played up on the edge, a meeting between the two of us was inevitable.

I was no small and meek pulling guard, standing at 6'2", 265 with a decent 40 for a 17 year old OL.  The first time my name was called to pull to his side, I shot out of my cannon, and dropped my shoulder as I braced for the hit.  I ran into an immovable Woodley, who was waiting for me, and fortunately was able to (only) distract him enough for the tailback to slip through.  What I say now doesn't consist of an ounce of exagerration: Lamar picked up all 265 punds of me, turned a little bit with me in his hands and then gently tossed me to the side out of his way.  He then proceeded to chase down the tailback who made it a few yards farther than he would have if Lamar hadn't been mildly distracted by me.

I was still down on the ground in complete shock at being manhandled for the first time in my football career when Woodley came back over to me, lifted me straight up off the ground and back on to my feet, and said "good block."  I don't think what I did that play can really be considered a block, but to this day, getting politely put in my place and then complimented by someone who ended up being a Wolverine great and a Super Bowl champ is the highlight of my career.

By the way, we were absolutely destroyed in that game and I even got to talk to Lamar about it a couple years later when I ran into him while I was visiting a friend in West Quad. (I know, cool story bro).

Got to know him a little bit as he use to come in to the lounge I managed at in Chicago.  He was always fun to talk to and had a lot of interesting stories.  Prior to Rich Rod's last season he told me he had played golf with Dave Brandon and Brandon personally told him Rich was done after the season and Harbaugh is a done deal.  He also had a few good Tom Brady stories, one of which involved him banging Jenna Jamison. 

story bro.

with Glen Rice and company (dating myself a little), and on a fast break threw a pass to Glen that I thought was way over his head and out of bounds. He went up and snagged it and jammed it for a picture perfect alley-oop.  He high fived me down the court and I won't ever forget the pass I thought was five feet over his head.

My roommate plays basketball in a pretty competitive local rec league.  He guarded Walter McCarty the other day.  Said he was bombing 3's and going probably about 60%.

On my way home from Atlanta and the final four this year, Denard was on my flight two rows ahead of me in first class going to Dayton. There was only 20 minutes left in my flight before I finally realized it was him. It was the am flight to Dayton so it was quite humorous to me to watch Denard's dreadlocked head bob back and forth while he was trying to sleep on the plane..... this is totally worth a "cool story bro" response, I know.

Either '92 or '93 I was sitting at the bar waiting for a buddy at Rick's for dollar pitchers and Steve sat next to me in a happy mood. (He is obviously monstrous and I am 5'11" 170). I had no idea it was him, but I was done with my first pitcher and he said hi, and I responded with this, "If you want to go outside and practice falling down, I will be out in a minute." He chuckled, so I kept on it. "I will hit you with so many lefts that you will be begging me for a right." At this point he is still amused by me. So I confidently say, " I used to fuck guys like you in prison!" He laughs. The bartender comes over and says, "Steve, is this guy bothering you?" No he says and laughs and walks off. The bartender asks if I knew him, and I said "was that Steve Everitt?" I laughed, thanked God and drank more beer.
Also played pool with some of the Fab Five Freshman year there. They were nothing in the summer of 92.
Yeah yeah, CSB

...respected by both Chuck Norris and Bill Brasky.



And I have a picture of Harry Houdini locking his keys in his car.

Journey! They ate my pizza! NBD

I was in Denver for World Youth day 1993 I believe. Pope John Paul II came to the old Mile High Stadium and he did a mass for a packed stadium. Also he did another mass in some state park outside Denver a couple days later. Hundreds of thousands of people were there. Like a Woodstock atmosphere without the fires. Only thing I got

I did pretty much the same thing as the OP, but in summer camp before my freshman HS year. I was big for a freshman so I got lined up against the other 'big' guy who happened to be going into his senior year, and happened to commit to staee as a LB under Saban just a few months later. I remember getting hit, then I remember feeling very tall, then I remember laying on the ground. That was my only experience going up against a D1 athlete as I broke my shoulder in an accident a few weeks later. CS,B.

Danny Glover once gave me a high five at a party because I told him I thought he was great in Predator 2. Every time he saw me for the rest of the night he pointed at me and said, "My man!"

with Derek Jeter... He was always a solid player even in little league but he turned monster good after his freshman year.

I'm in the rapture guy .gif 

Why don't you tell it to the one-legged man, so he can go bump it off down the road.

I was the 2,000,000th customer of 1993 at the Meijer Thrifty Acres on Tittabawassee Road in Saginaw. I won a $100 gift certificate and a basket of Bob Evans pork products, as well as a commemorative 9x12 plaque.