Incredibly OT - My roommate is hilariously trashed right now

THIS ONE TIME MY BROSEPH FUCKED A PLASTER CAST OF NEWT GINGRICH'S FEET

THEN THE TECHNOVIKING ATE HIM

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

first weekend of move in week, my roommate goes out and gets plastered. my other roommate woke up and found him standing on his chair and just didnt think much about it and rolled back on over and went back to bed. the next morning my roommate sits at his desk and sees water all over his chair, desk, and floor. Turns out he pissed all over the guys stuff. it was a great first impression

One of my buddies was visiting and he came in to get us at 3 in the morning to look outside. He stole one of those bobcat's at a construction site, drove it to our house, and parked in the front yard. AWESOME.

Freshman year my friend, who lived in Bursley, woke up after a night of partying to find himself lying naked in his bed...curious to figure out why he lost his clothes, he looked around the room, finding a pile of clothes lying soaked in the corner...his underwear was on the back of his roommate's computer, also soaking wet...

Yes, he had removed all of his clothes, peed on them, and apparently thrown his pee-soaked boxers across the room and onto his roommate's laptop...

My roomate and his buddy brought a dead, 15 foot tree into the living room for Christmas. Wasn't even a pine tree. Plus it was early November.

After that he watched a boat video.

in '99 in South Padre Island, TX, this guy got so drunk that he would run over to the foot rinse station for people coming from the beach and offer to rinse the sand off the feet of any girls unfortunate enough to be there at the time. If they refused, he would promptly moon them.

Wait, that was me.

At my orientation, some guy walked into my room (I was waiting a friend to come downstairs, so the door was open) and tried to do the "Michigan Hand Map" for the state of Maryland.

He is currently on his knees hunched over the arm of his recliner (the one he wanted to fight several times) with his head buried in the seat of the chair.

He hasn't moved for at least 5 minutes.

One of my college housemates was drunk about 75% of the time, but a particular football Saturday lived in our memory as "the night of the Mike Show." He had:

- observed, following a fumble and recovery by the other team, that it had been set up beforehand because "those black people, they're all friends with each other."

- spent fifteen minutes talking about nothing but how hot one of our other housemate's sister was and how he really, really wanted to have rough sex with her. With said housemate in the room on the same couch. And the sister. And about ten other family members (parents, mostly) in for the weekend.

- tried to make up for it (our other housemate was REALLY pissed) by saying his own sister was really hot too (she was) and he kinda wished she wasn't his sister.

- went around the room (porch, actually) asking everyone what they thought of the amateur porno he'd made of himself and some random chick and left playing on a continuous loop in an empty room at his frat's party the week prior.

- offered to fight various parents "just for fun."

your roommate doesn't have alcohol toxicity. A dead nurse to be is of no use to no one.

My buddy and I are at a bonfire. The hosts cousin is there and is plastered. The host has a truck parked about 30 ft. away from said bonfire. My friend and I are talking to this kid just fucking around with him and all the sudden he goes. "Shut the fuck up."and is looking at my buddy. So my friend says "Are you talking to me?" He says "No, that truck." and proceeds to get into the 3 point stance" mumbles something to the extent of "keep talking shit, I used to play football." Takes off like a bat out of hell runs the 10 yards straight at the truck, lowers his shoulder and leaves an enormous dent in the side of the truck right next to the back wheel well. Ive never seen the kid again but he was a living legend for 1 night.

Ah, forget it.

back in college ran into a bachellorette party at the bars. Brought all of them back to our house, and stripped down to speedo's for them before they proceeded to bang the bride to be. If that doesn't spell class I don't know what does.

you went to WVU...right?

Is he this drunk?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvj4Ud-RKrM&feature=player_embedded

Am I the only one feeling slightly relieved that I was able to read all the way to the bottom and not see something that I did while drunk?

Thank God no one had digital cameras back then.

My Sophomore year I go down to Columbus to watch The Game in the Horseshoe with my buddies! We got tix and stayed at a friends house who went to tOSU. Friday nite we all go out and get polluted. We stumble back to the house and pass out upstairs. In the middle of the night, I need to take a piss but don't know where the bathroom is. So I go downstairs and take care of nature outside. The next morning is Game Day and I'm awakened by all the housemates yelling at my buddies about something. I'm able to hear them say that there's puke up and down the stairs and on the wall in the staircase. So I go downstairs to find out who the culprit is. When I reach the kitchen everyone just stops and stares at me. On my face and around the collar of my Michigan sweatshirt is puke-of-the-same--variety that was on their stairs (damn Kamikaze shots). Fortunately, I got out of the house without being beaten senseless. Needless to say, I was not invited back my Senior year! (True Story)

this one time at band camp.........

I moved him into his room and onto his bed, at which point he proceeded to yell at me (complete jibberish) and then crawled off the bed onto the ground. He is currently hunched over again, this time with his head on the ground, resting in his arms.

I verified he's still breathing.

Me and my bud went to his sisters new housewarming party and got wasted so we stayed. We both slept in the living room. In the middle of the night I heard a girl scream and she was pissed. Evidently my bud opened the door to what he thought was his sisters new bathroom which was actually a spare bedroom and pissed all over the floor right next to where a girl was sleeping. What was funny was it was one of those pisses where he couldn't stop so she was bitchin and he just kept pissing saying he couldn't pinch it off. His sisters boyfriend and me just laughed our asses off!

Well Stu I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!"

EDIT-Meant as a response to MWW6T7.

I rode a horse after the game. And it didn't kick me off. And my friend/customer vomited outside a Denny's.

The rest is lost in a sea of Jim Beam.

Alice Lloyd 1978. Dorm kegger (legal then). Tried to take hinges off my roomates closet so I could put on his band uniform and return to the party. He got a single (room) shortly thereafter. Ah the pure innocence of the act though... and I ended up chasing off both my roomates and making a triple a single...

I play lacrosse at BGSU and we always have a "rookie night". My freshman year we had to do a bunch of drinking stuff (won't get into detail, mostly cuz i don't remember). Anyways, i had to walk back to my girlfriend's dorm at two in the morning almost passed out drunk. Well when i got there i decided to strip all my clothes off and pass out on her roommates bed. Well this part i have no memory of but, i woke up in the early morning, naked still, and only put my shoes on. I claim, "I have to pee." My GF tells me i am naked and to put on my clothes which i respond that i can not find them(they were at my feet). She then tells me again that i have to put my clothes on to go to the bathroom, it was an all girls dorm. I proceed to say, "I know i am naked, it doesn't matter." Needless to so i woke up the next morning feeling like total shit.

Grain alcohol

My friend woke up in an I-94 ditch west of AA on a Saturday morning and hitchhiked back to town with a mother and her son on their way to the son's quizbowl match.