Brian - Need some TWIS ammo?
This may be the best internet rant I've seen, ever? It tackles virginity, weight lifting, money, stereotypes, caps lock, misspelling, and symboled out swear words... it's... perfect. Courtesy of the Illinois Rivals free board...
YOU HATERS OF ANOTHERS THOGHTS ARE BITCHES. I KNOW NONE OF YOU GET SEX. I KNOW NONE OF YOU LIFT WEIGHTS. I KNOW NONE OF GOT MONEY. I KNOW NONE OF YOU GOT A LIFE. WHAT KIND OF BITCH CRIES ABOUT CAPS? THIS FORUM IS FOR FOLLOWERS. B!TCHES WHO CO SIGNS ONEANOTHERS THOUGHTS. @#%$ SUCKERS IF YOU WILL. I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT YOU B!TCHES DOWN IN YOUR RED NECK ,COUNTRY, FARMING PART OF ILLINOIS. BUT YOU ARE YELLOW BACK COWARDS. I AM A REAL MAN WITH REAL THINGS TO SAY. YOU WHO HATED ON ME ARE ALL @#%$ SUCKING, DADDYFCKING,COWARD ASS,CAPS OFF BITCHES. YOU CANT KICK ME OFF THIS FORUM I CHOOSE TO LEAVE. GO SUCK NICK SMITHS @#$@ AND TELL HIM HE'S GOOD. YOUR IN LOVE WITH SKINNY ASS WHITE BOYS WHO GET BEAT DOWN. YOU MUST HATE BIG BLACK MEN DOWN LOW. YOU ALL ARE FAKE ASS FANS. THATS WHY YOUR ALL LIVING LIKE YOU DO. YOU LOSERS. DONT EVEN RESPOND B$TCHES. IM GONE. IM GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND @#%$ YOUR DREAM GIRLS YOU HILLBILLIES.
Also, while I pretend to have your attention, there is one stat I haven't seen about the game yesterday... was 65 the most points a team has ever scored in a losing effort? I've seen all the combined point total stats, but I'd have to go out on a limb and say that scoring 65 points and losing has to put you at the top of a list somewhere...
EDIT: I guess this actually isn't in reference to the Michigan game. This is the 5th most recent post on the Illinois board, but it came from April of this year... that's pretty pathetic.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:06 AM ^
Maybe somebody should start a new column -- TWIWTPIFD
This Week in Why This Planet is Freaking Doomed
November 7th, 2010 at 11:07 AM ^
It's called The Red Cedar Message Board
November 7th, 2010 at 2:55 PM ^
that would be "mGoPoints Per Word," and you come in at a mind blowing 4.04.4 for that post! funny thing is, i don't even know what the red cedar message board is.
EDIT: i googled it. +1.
November 7th, 2010 at 3:27 PM ^
We have group therapy every Thursday. Its BYOB,or Bring Your Own Bleach.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:26 AM ^
My favorite part is when he calls the rest of the board 'CAPS OFF BITCHES!' Haha it makes a damned fine case for the use of all caps. I don't wanna be a bitch...
November 7th, 2010 at 1:45 PM ^
CAPS OFF BITCHES!
Will be my screen name on the next message board I join!
November 7th, 2010 at 11:08 AM ^
No, but I don't know what is
November 7th, 2010 at 11:08 AM ^
November 7th, 2010 at 11:11 AM ^
YEAH.
WHAT HE SED.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:16 AM ^
Illinois: 65 points is 2 shy of FBS record for most by losing team
via http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/recap?gameId=303100130
EDIT: The game was Nevada @ Boise State on October 14, 2007: http://scores.espn.go.com/ncf/recap?gameId=272870068
November 7th, 2010 at 11:18 AM ^
TY. +1 for allowing me to stay lazy and still gain that tidbit of knowledge. +1 for the manly avatar as well, if I could...
November 7th, 2010 at 12:53 PM ^
I remember watching that game. IIRC, Kaepernick had a lane to the endzone when he was tripped up from behind on the 2-pt conversion.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:24 AM ^
scored 68 and lost to Weber State on October 27, 2007.
EDIT- Forgot link to boxscore http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/boxscore?gid=200710270257
November 7th, 2010 at 11:21 AM ^
November 7th, 2010 at 11:22 AM ^
Personally, I like this from A Lion Eye:
There is no catharsis. This one will hurt in 20 years. Just like the Missouri/Illinois basketball game in 1993 that went to three overtimes. There’s no escaping the kind of fan punch that a game like this can give you. You have to walk all the way to the edge of the cliff with the fans of the other team, knowing that one of you is going over and the other one gets a 5 day nothing-can-bring-me-down-off-this-high celebration. I just tumbled over the cliff. And it’s Michigan standing at the top celebrating. Michigan.
Michigan is bowl eligible. We’re not. The ramifications are hitting me in waves. The defensive stats I’ve been spouting to everyone who would listen are obliterated. 67 points and, I don’t know, 700 yards (?) tells me that I’ve been overestimating our defense. We hadn’t played the best offense on our schedule yet, meaning I started bragging about my pitcher’s ERA in the 6th inning. Back to reality.
Nom nom nom.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:33 AM ^
Can anyone guess which post came from the Illinois alum, and which came from the Wal-Mart Ilini?
November 7th, 2010 at 11:37 AM ^
That is yummy schadenfreude. However, it is very logical. I like this line:
You have to walk all the way to the edge of the cliff with the fans of the other team, knowing that one of you is going over and the other one gets a 5 day nothing-can-bring-me-down-off-this-high celebration. I just tumbled over the cliff.
So true. In a game like this, there is nothing you can do but cheer and hope and wait, and at the end it might be you tumbling off that cliff. It is so great to be standing atop that cliff this week.
November 7th, 2010 at 5:59 PM ^
This one will hurt in 20 years. Just like the Missouri/Illinois basketball game in 1993 that went to three overtimes.
Weird. I don't think I'd ever compare a regular-season basketball game to a football game - and I'm a pretty big basketball fan. NCAA tournament, I could see. But not some game that's played in December.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:24 AM ^
November 7th, 2010 at 11:48 AM ^
it needs more references to the game like
ZOOK CANT COVER RONDTREE'S %#^@ WITH HIS @$$or
DICKROD'S @#$@ $#%# BEAT YOURE LAZY @$$#$ WITH HIS #$%# WEST VIRGINIA %$#% #$&#$!!!11 I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN COMPLAIN WITH ALL YOU REDNECK $#%@^$%s!!11
November 7th, 2010 at 12:47 PM ^
and I thought he was talking about me when he said:
I KNOW NONE OF GOT MONEY. I KNOW NONE OF YOU GOT
A LIFE. WHAT KIND OF BITCH CRIES ABOUT CAPS?
November 7th, 2010 at 2:35 PM ^
Began playing it Monday and I have not been disappointed.
November 7th, 2010 at 2:48 PM ^
November 7th, 2010 at 3:47 PM ^
If Crime Reporter is anything like me in my heyday, you're probably not that far removed from the truth.