MGoRoast
Perhaps it is just the stress of the season or the inevitable pushback from some of the older guard against the influx of new members, but MGoBlog has become a noticeably snarkier and more irritable place the past few weeks. There have been heated arguments about Denard and his health, about Tate and whether or not he was "in for Michigan" and if he should transfer, how bad the defense is and how GERG needs to go, concerns about the future of the program with regards to recruiting, position battles and alignments, and the list just goes on and on. New posters have been criticized for providing nothing more than opinions and non-sequiters on the Board instead of useful insights, while established members have been framed as cranky old blue hairs who need to chill out a bit with the "new kids."
Now, this is no way for the best Michigan site (and arguably the best college sports site) on the Internet to function, especially during what should be the triumphant return of UM back to at least respectability, if not national prominence. So, in the immortal conflict-resolution style of Michael Scott, I bring you my MGoRoast for 2010.
- Brand New Posters, thanks for telling us that the defense sucks - that 20-point barrier must have been a hurdle for you...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Older Posters, way to realize you are obsessive about a sport you'll never ever play again before everyone else...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People who rail against the Freep, how's the weather back in 2009...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- iPhone posters, thanks for letting us know you posted your comment while pooping...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Conflict mediators, nobody likes Switzerland...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People who embed videos, youtube is awesome, especially when it takes up the whole screen...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Grammar sticklers, your rediculous and need too chill out even when their are obvious mistakes...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Point counters, I'll +1 once you stop posting crap...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- MS Paint knockoffs, shouldn't you be posting or 4chan with the rest of the meme-makers...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People with misleading titles, they do have vowels and prepositions where you come from...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Recruiting posters, how about you put down the Mike's Hard Lemonade and take a seat next to Pedobear ...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
And since I'm on fire like Eddie Murphy, I'm going to roast the team:
- Denard, your dreadlocks make you look like a hippie and use some of that dilithium to run out of bounds faster...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Tate, you are 5'2", weigh 95 pounds, and you look like a young Ron Howard...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Mike Martin, you might be strong, but Kelsey Grammer is far more believable as the Beast...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Death Roh, nice nickname, but shave those eyebrows before you suffocate a QB...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Taylor Lewan, everyone calls you Donkey, but with that finger mustache you sure look like an a$$...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Obi, I'd ask you to pick up lunch for me one day, but you'd stand in front of the counter for 10 minutes without ordering until a bus boy bumped into you...BOOM, MGoRasted!
- Jonas Mouton, my son would have hit the UMass QB harder, and he's not even conceived yet...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- FG kickers, you've missed so many FGs that you've created a whole new offensive philosophy designed to keep you off the field...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Hagerup, The Space Emperor's farts could move the ball farther than your punts...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Big Will, I couldn't decide between a fat joke and a semi-aquatic fish eating mammal joke...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Prison abs, how about less sit-ups and more playing on the two-deep...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Kouvacs, start eating more of the Grit everyone keeps throwing at you or else you're going to stay a Homunculus for the rest of your life...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Stonum, are they casting Stefan Urquelle in the movie version of Family Matters...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Cam Gordon, you must have been asleep when the coaches told everyone to keep TEs in front of you...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Fred Jackson, you probably think this roast is as good as any from Jeff Ross, only 1,000,000 better...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- GERG, how about a little less "Touch of Gray" and a little more "Touch of Play Action defense"...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Calvin Magee, you crush your wife when you have sex...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- RR, I do believe that Rome was built in less time than it took for you to turn UM's offense around...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
And finally
- People who don't post anything substantive but complain about content, stop copying bronxblue's style...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
September 28th, 2010 at 1:19 PM ^
Calvin Magee, you crush your wife when you have sex...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
September 28th, 2010 at 9:02 PM ^
Calvin Magee, you crush your wife when you have sex...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
I mean, great thread idea, but if you're not even gonna try to change one of the lines from The Office, then you probably shouldn't have bothered. BOOM, MGoRoasted!
September 28th, 2010 at 1:20 PM ^
tl;dr
September 28th, 2010 at 1:42 PM ^
tl;dr
I make fun of people with jokes that are a little long but could be followed by someone with an attention spa...look, boobies...BOOM, MGo Roasted!
September 28th, 2010 at 2:13 PM ^
Happily, I stand corrected. Another +1.
September 28th, 2010 at 2:39 PM ^
but what is tl;dr?
September 28th, 2010 at 2:40 PM ^
It stands for "too long; didn't read."
September 28th, 2010 at 2:41 PM ^
"Too Long; Didn't Read"
Although why people wont take the time to read articles, but will take the time to post THEIR thoughts that the original article wasn't worth their time is beyond me
September 28th, 2010 at 3:37 PM ^
On point, JeepInBen. On. Fucking. Point.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:23 PM ^
Grammar sticklers, you're ridiculous and need to chill out even when there are obvious mistakes
September 28th, 2010 at 1:25 PM ^
Really?
September 28th, 2010 at 1:30 PM ^
Absolutely.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:34 PM ^
It's called reading comprehension. I believe it's a 100level class. Check it out. It's an easy A.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:40 PM ^
No, I know which class you are talking about but it's called sarcasm detection.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:54 PM ^
"Oh a sarcasm detector, that's a REAL useful invention."
September 30th, 2010 at 9:38 AM ^
[twitch]
September 28th, 2010 at 1:25 PM ^
This needs to be a diary - absolutely hilarious. I'm shocked this all came from one person - you are comically gifted indeed!
September 28th, 2010 at 9:54 PM ^
great roast, a big ten version should be next.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:25 PM ^
there should be a 7000 point minimum to start new threads
I kid I kid, this was pretty funny
September 28th, 2010 at 1:28 PM ^
I LOVE this. Probably because that is my favorite scene ever from the office. "Stanley you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks...boom roasted!"
Thank you for an excellent post Bronx. This is diary worthy for sure.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:29 PM ^
Jonas Mouton, my son would have hit the UMass QB harder, and he's not even conceived yet...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
Are you implying that you could hit the UMass QB harder with your testicles than Mouton hit him? If so, you're right, BOOM, MGoRoasted!
September 28th, 2010 at 1:36 PM ^
Neg bang? Let's do this.
Hey n00bs, my dog can use Google better than you can! Boom, MGoRoasted.
Edit: I didn't mean the OP, I kind of want the board to let loose some serious frustration with a mass neg bang on everyone.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:39 PM ^
I'm all for the community relaxing a bit, so if I need to be neg banged, then just get me liquored up, tell me you love me, and go to town.
September 28th, 2010 at 2:09 PM ^
That may actually be funnier than your whole post, and that's really saying something.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:31 PM ^
Hahaha this was great. My favorite roast was this:
iPhone posters, thanks for letting us know you posted your comment while pooping...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
Bravo good sir for making my day.
September 28th, 2010 at 7:23 PM ^
September 28th, 2010 at 1:31 PM ^
I like Switzerland....
Sad face goes here
September 28th, 2010 at 1:33 PM ^
good work
September 28th, 2010 at 1:37 PM ^
I thought this post was going to be about the meat you had for dinner last night.
September 28th, 2010 at 2:49 PM ^
My first inclination was tailgait BBQing advice myself.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:38 PM ^
Aren't the two below "roasts" contradictory?
Grammar sticklers, your rediculous and need too chill out even when their are obvious mistakes...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
-versus-
People with misleading titles, they do have vowels and prepositions where you come from...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. Yours is a classic post!
September 28th, 2010 at 1:39 PM ^
You're fat, you're gay, I'm outta here!
September 28th, 2010 at 1:39 PM ^
"your rediculous"
<br>
<br>Should be you're and ridiculous ;)
September 28th, 2010 at 2:01 PM ^
Did you really not see what he did there?
September 28th, 2010 at 3:50 PM ^
joeyb = bouje, apparently.
September 28th, 2010 at 4:02 PM ^
I get jokes...
<br>
<br>
September 28th, 2010 at 5:36 PM ^
Not spelling.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:39 PM ^
and ended up blowing an awsome snot bubble - don't act like that never happened to you.
Job well done.
September 28th, 2010 at 2:01 PM ^
Did you pop it like on Little Giants?
September 29th, 2010 at 7:49 AM ^
I'll get the next one.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:40 PM ^
dagnammit.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:42 PM ^
Thank you for making my day that much better, this was hilarious.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:43 PM ^
It's just when people don't use a subject (I think).
<br>
<br>Also I was hoping that you'd do actual posters... Lame!
September 28th, 2010 at 1:44 PM ^
Brian - you work on the internet for a living, but these are the top images on a google image search for you? Boom, MGoRoasted:
(google image search for "Brian Cook MGoBlog")
September 28th, 2010 at 1:55 PM ^
I love that on the first page there are two gay references, a picture of Pryor standing next to a corvette, and a picture of Burt Reynolds (WTF).
September 28th, 2010 at 1:59 PM ^
"Brian Cook Alabama Death Threat" is the first suggestion.
September 28th, 2010 at 2:04 PM ^
Wow... it's true...
September 28th, 2010 at 1:55 PM ^
So I didn't believe these were the photos that came up in a google search of "Brian Cook Mgoblog." So I did it myself. Sure enough these are the top images. This made my day. I love the interwebz.