Unverified Voracity Swings A Toothpick

Submitted by Brian on July 12th, 2011 at 2:38 PM

Winner. I put out the call for someone affiliated with the program to cackle evilly about what's going down in Columbus, and Larry Foote stepped to the plate:

Foote said he expects the NCAA to come down hard on the Buckeyes, who will go before the committee on infractions in August, giving them, he said, "what they deserve."

And what would that be?

"Ten-year ban, take all the victories away, lose 100 scholarships," Foote said, clearly exaggerating. "Give that (bowl money) back and donate it to the rest of the Big Ten teams."

Helpful note on the exaggeration there. Jalen Rose is also unsurprisingly straightforward about his glee (yes, irony); Jimmy King and Brandon Graham fall into the Serious Face About Serious Issue camp.

Also Graham says he really wants see Denard develop into a drop-back passer. Who wants another 3500 words about the shotgun? I'm warning you, people who can be quoted in newspapers about Denard Robinson: I will do this.

Speaking of. Al Borges isn't exactly wrong here…

"Well, the thing we gotta do is play efficiently, Borges told Matt Shepard on WDFN-AM 1130 Detroit, "and by that I mean take care of the ball, number one, because you don't want to put your defense in bad positions, because that will get you beat faster than anything – when your opponent is playing on a short field. "That's first and foremost."

…but I have not missed the "controlling turnovers is job one" meme the last three years. I have missed non-brain-melting turnover margins, though, so maybe I should just shut up and feel the soothing coachspeak flow through me.

Not Willingham, so we've got that going for us. Brady Hoke does not look like a natural with a golf club in his hands. He looks like a bear waving a toothpick:


This is more reassuring than it should be. Also at that link: massive donor Al Glick hanging out with Carr and Hoke. He is very old and tiny.

Yes, there were two separate Michigan golfing events—the Foote quotes come from another Rose Leadership Academy fundraiser—in one weekend. Out of control.

Just a dude. This quote from Mike Martin…

"I'm a really humble guy," Martin said. "I was talking to someone and said, 'I don't look at myself as a big-time senior football player at Michigan. I look at myself as a dude playing a game.' They're like, 'You're awesome.' "

…is awesome. Get your head around that.

I hear tell that varmint convinced Kyle Kalis to commit. You're aware that Kyle Kalis committed to Michigan over the weekend*. You'll be shocked and appalled at what went down to make that happen:

I'm told that Kyle Kalis' stepdad just called into WKNR and said that Kyle is being manipulated by Hoke and his dad.

The head coach of the university of Michigan and one of Kalis's parents conspired to have him accept a scholarship offer from a school that knows who its head coach will be next year and how many scholarships it will have, whereupon his stepfather called a radio station to complain. It's going to be awkward to ask for the mashed potatoes for a while.

Kalis, meanwhile, declared it to be open season in Ohio:

"He is the type of guy I want to play for," Kalis said. "(Hoke) has an incredible amount of passion. I believe the Michigan-Ohio border is now open. I think you're going to see eight or nine guys from the state of Ohio going over to Michigan this year."

They've already got seven nine, so that's not a huge stretch (or any at all). Five-star RB Bri'onte Dunn may or may not be next; he is either 100% committed to Ohio State or sort of committed to Ohio State or technically committed to Ohio State but actually encouraging Kalis to defect, which was a wild rumor I thought I saw somewhere but I can't track down and therefore probably isn't true.

*[Something that was on the verge of happening for a couple weeks now. That was why Tom posted the "buckle up" tweet that riled up the board. #nowitcanbetold]

Which is it? Even I think Brooks has been a little unhinged about this Ohio State stuff but he does do a service by pointing out the ever-shifting story behind Tressel's firing/resignation/retirement. May 30th:

“Jim Tressel decided to resign.”

June 12th:

Tressel was not told he would be fired if he didn’t quit, Gee said.

“He was not given an ultimatum.”

That's directly contradicted by OSU's response, which pats itself on the back over and over again for "seeking and accepting" Tressel's resignation, as well as planning to ban Tressel from recruiting for a year—but not bothering to announce or, you know, actually do it.

The school also praises itself for self-reporting when the legal department found the Tressel emails as they responded to a FOIA—without someone else asking for information they never would have found the violation.

Etc.: Touch The Banner interviews Jack Miller. Some complicated calculations about Brady Hoke's record being more than meets the eye. Five stars appear next to Greg Mattison's name. NEEDS MOAR STARS. WVU linebacker Branko Busick charged with armed robbery. The weapon: his name. Also his dad had a short career as a WWF heel with an epic mustache in the mid-90s. (HT: DocSat)



July 12th, 2011 at 2:57 PM ^

I count 9 recruits in the 2012 class from Ohio.  Am I wrong?


Akron, OHBuchtel
4 stars
Cincinnati, OHColerain
4 stars
Cincinnati, OHOak Hills
3 stars
Cincinnati, OHSycamore
3 stars
Clayton, OHNorthmont
3 stars
Lakewood, OHSt. Edward
4 stars
Lyndhurst, OHBrush
4 stars
Mentor, OHMentor
4 stars
Sylvania, OHSylvania Southview
3 stars



July 12th, 2011 at 2:58 PM ^

Hoke looks a lot better at golf than Jalen Rose, or most ex-players, football or basketball.  Most of ex-players who end up being really good at golf are QB's and kickers, so I am quite surprised when an ex-position player (except, of course, QB) even hits it reasonably well.  

Hoke has the face in a nice position, if maybe a tad closed, and with the exception of a flippy left wrist, his follow-through looks really good for an ex-football player.  He even rotated his body.  Best of all, notice that he actually got the ball in the air.  Contrast that to the pic of Jalen taking sod a foot behind the ball and whiffing on A2 dot com today.  

Section 1

July 12th, 2011 at 10:52 PM ^

I have something negative to say, about Coach Rich Rodriguez.  Yes, it is really me.  No, no one has hacked my account.

There's something that needs to be said about Coach Rodriguez, and it is troubling.  It's his golf game.  Which is quite good.  And which naturally doomed him as a head football coach at Michigan.

My grandfather, who roomed with Old Man Yost, told me that Yost hated golf.  Yost was of course absolutely determined, in the 1930's, to build the finest University golf course in the world, and he came very close, having hired Dr. Mackenzie.  But Yost didn't play golf, and didn't much care about it otherwise.

Bo Schembechler said (and I am paraphrasing); 'Show me a football coach who is a good golfer, and I'll show you a lousy football coach.'  Bo was a joke as a golfer.  Lloyd Carr is borderline incompetent as a golfer.  Gary Moeller likes to golf.  He just plays golf like a good football coach. 

I don't know about Kipke or Crisler or Oosterbaan.  Bump Elliott was a pretty good player, simply because there wasn't anything athletically that he couldn't do; his brother Pete walked on to the Michgan golf team and earned a few of his 12(!) varsity letters.  And then he went to coach Illinois, to prove the rule about coaches and golf.

Rich Rodriguez was the only one who was a competent, interested golfer.

Brady Hoke plays golf like he is going to be a truly great football coach.


July 12th, 2011 at 8:11 PM ^

I haven't commented in a while about this mess in Columbus. However, it seems there is some new stage every week or so that affirms what we have learned periodically for months now; OSU is an incompetent administration. Yeah, I know Gee is a big fundraiser, but the three stooges- Gee Smith Tressel- almost seem to be begging for a major spanking. I'm patiently awaiting the NCAA's response. Sort of sad there is so much doubt that they will give OSU what they deserve. What an arrogant, incompetent, silly bunch they are. 


July 12th, 2011 at 3:01 PM ^

I can see it now: "O, No, not the 3500 word analysis of the worthiness of the shotgun formation!" Funny.

Also, douche move by the stepdad. Really, it was that big of an issue to you. It is tough for me to be credible in critiquing dads because I am not one, but if somehow my passion and respect for UofM didn't shine through to my kid, and he wanted to attend TSIO, I would eat my tongue and let him make his own decision. No matter how misguided. To go on the radio and say that is...huh...wow. No wonder Kalis wanted to get his mom up to see everything that he fell in love with at UofM.

Everyone Murders

July 12th, 2011 at 3:20 PM ^

"The school also praises itself for self-reporting when the legal department found the Tressel emails as they responded to a FOIA—without someone else asking for information they never would have found the violation."

As much as OSU has comically botched most of the Tatts-For-Toys® drama, I suppose it deserves a modicum of credit for self-disclosing. Praising yourself for eventually doing the right thing (by disclosing Tressel's e-mails and recognizing what they evidence) may be a bit much, but OSU in-house legal staff gets some credit for doing the right thing. 

Also, "giving the devil his due" seems especially apt, given that it's OSU we're talking about here.

EDIT:  I "get" that the disclosure was in response to a FOIA, so it's not like OSU legal happened upon the e-mails by chance.  But if OSU legal was not involved, the odds that the incriminating e-mails ever get disclosed seem very small indeed.


July 12th, 2011 at 3:05 PM ^

the good/bad behind major programs is conspiring to send his son to a particular college after spending considerable time vetting that school. He is also trying to send his son to a particular college that is in high academic standing, particularly in the area of architecture which his son listed as an interest. I am sure this will probably get a place on Maury since this definitely seems like abuse. Color me shocked on this one Mr. Kalis.


July 12th, 2011 at 3:25 PM ^

John Oliver on last night's Daily Show used the term "Schadenfreudegasm". I propose somebody make an OSU-themed schadenfreudegasm .jpg for times like these.



July 12th, 2011 at 3:27 PM ^

Hmm... Someone tell me if I'm wrong but if when a kid is being recruited their parents have a lot of weight in their desicion, (see Jarron Jones) so Kalis' stepdad just sounds butthurt to me...

Also, about that "self-report"  had Ed Rife not been being investigated with the FBI digging all that memorabilia raise your hand anyone who believes that their compliance department would've blown the whistle

Everyone Murders

July 12th, 2011 at 3:56 PM ^

I think your core point is spot-in - i.e., there's not much chance that OSU's compliance department would have self-reported.  But if I'm not mistaken, the disclosure came in conjunction with a general review OSU's office of general counsel conducted in response to an Associated Press FOIA request.  It was only when OSU's office of general counsel became involved that the Tressel e-mails got disclosed. 

So to the extent there's a scintilla of credit due to OSU, it goes to their OGC instead of their athletic department.



July 12th, 2011 at 3:27 PM ^

I love reading the SbB.  The guy obviously has a nose for detail.  I just wish he would make those  checks (checks?) from Talbott to TPeezy materialize.  

Zone Left

July 12th, 2011 at 3:27 PM ^

Isn't a D-1 head football coach supposed to convince (manipulate the mind of if you prefer) football players to come play at his school? Ideally, don't the parents put there two cents in? What am I missing here?

If my daughter really wanted to attend some school and I thought it was wrong for her, I'd speak up and I'd expect the school's tour guide to try to sell us on the place.


July 12th, 2011 at 4:00 PM ^

They think differently in Ohio.  What the rest of the country calls "raising your son" in Ohio they call "manipulation."  What the rest of the world calls "brainwashing your kid to be a slobbering Bucknut zombie that thinks Jim Tressel is God and would burn down Ann Arbor given enough matches or at least talk tough about doing so on the internets", in Ohio they call "raising your son."


July 12th, 2011 at 3:41 PM ^

That coaching by the numbers site is curiously opaque for a seemingly statistics based site, especially in regard to evaluation of talent. This statement, in particular, stands out...


Neither Carr or Rodriguez coached a game at Michigan with inferior talent.

The 2008 season would like a word...

lexus larry

July 12th, 2011 at 3:56 PM ^

As would the previous 6 seasons games against OSU.

On a different day, I'm thinking of a board topic regarding the last 40 years against OSU, and how Michigan fares when playing them with superior talent, equal talent and inferior talent.  I'm willing to wager/argue that Michigan needs superior talent to beat OSU with relative frequency, and equal talent probably played out to a .500 result.  Inferior talent, 11-on-11, probably gives us the last 6 years.  Maybe not always on O, but definitely on D.  Many times, there were several glaring holes on D that got exploited.  Of course, the right side of the OL also seemed to be more pizza than power, frequently needing Mike Hart to come over and support the blocking on who-knows-how-many-passing plays.

+1 to you, Sir, where you can most use it!


July 12th, 2011 at 4:57 PM ^

I'll gladly go out on a limb and say that any team with more talent wins most of their games, teams with equal talent pretty much split, and teams with less talent lose most of their games. Shocking hypothesis, I know.

lexus larry

July 13th, 2011 at 8:03 AM ^

Actually, my big point about Michigan vs. OSU is the caterwauling about M returning to its rightful place, with results for OSU being Cooper-esque.  Not going to happen if we don't field similar or better than talent.  And I'm arguing Michigan's talent throughout the 90's was either equal to, or better than, OSU's.  Not that Michigan's record going INTO the game was reflective of that talent, but that, when properly motivated, with a fairly aggressive gameplan, Michigan could take on almost any Top 10 team and come out competitive, and win most.  Maybe not the stacked Emtman Washington teams, but most others.

Unless you were coaching not to lose against Illinois.

Or placing mediocre ND teams on pedestals and, again, playing not to lose.


July 13th, 2011 at 11:37 AM ^

With an added dose of unnecessary snark.  I understand what you mean a bit better now. And completely agree. Everyone wants it all, but give me a pretty good game coach with LOTS of talent over a genius with mediocre players. Players win games, and we haven't had the overall talent we've needed (while acknowledging that schools like OSU have stepped it up on their end over time too.)


July 12th, 2011 at 4:51 PM ^

In 2007 and '08, our starting QBs were more experienced than theirs (Boeckmann, Pryor).  But this was effectively negated by the fact that Henne was badly injured in '07 (and was replaced for a spell by a true freshman), and that Sheridan was, well, Sheridan.


July 12th, 2011 at 4:20 PM ^

I should troll the board with MANBALL, under center passer and other terms like that on Thursday night.  Then come Friday we can get 3500 words on shotgun, general awesomeness against Wisconsin and everything.  That way Friday is spent having a comment war instead of working.  Who is in?