OT: Things you wish someone had told you before you had kids
The lull in Treadwell/The Opening/Tim and Trey @Lebron's camp/hoops freshmen(yeah, that Mad5 thing didn't really take) information has got me to thinking...
Man, there are a lot of things I wish someone would have told me before I had kids.(Yeah, for those of you who dont know/care, I'm the tired dad of a pair of 4 month olds). And I guess I was hoping to gleen some advice from the greater mgocommunity as well. (Yeah, I know the first piece of advice is going to be not to start an advice thread on an sports blog...bite me)
The first thing I'd want to tell babyless me: Good lord you lump of crap, get off your butt and go for a run. Go lift some weights. You cannot possibly grasp how much free time you have. Do you really need to watch Rocky/Star Wars/LOTR every time they show it on cable? Believe me, there'll be plenty of time for that later. If you knew how precious opportunities for actual physical activities were going to be...
Clean out your freaking basement. You've got junk down there that you haven't touched since you moved in. If you dont get to it now, it will never ever happen.
8 words: Little Tikes Snug a Bunny Cradle and Swing(AKA IRON DRAGON). You need one of these per infant on every floor of your house. We're talking 180degree swivel, mirror ball, oscillating mobile, soothing music...if they had one in my size I'd be sitting in it right now.
Get yourself to an ACO Hardware. Find the big rolls of trash bags labeled "Ironbuilt". 50/100/150 count, whichever is cheaper per unit. Buy them all. You dont know when you are going to make it to the store. And you cannot run out of trash bags. This is not an option.
While you are at it, run down to Kroger and fill your cart with 6dbl roll packs of Home Sense toilet paper. They go on sale for $2.50 No reason you shouldn't have 5 or 6 packs stashed in each bathroom. Again, running out is not an option.
Oh, and get the big tub of Similac. I dont know who you think you are kidding with that half-sized $15 can...Running out just isn't an option...And dont worry about running out of those $5 coupons, they'll send out another batch next week.
Why didn't anyone tell me about these Kroger Comforts diapers? I wasted all that money on a Sams Club membership, (and the giant packs of huggies) and you're telling me these freaking Kroger diapers hold up just as well to blowouts and cost 6 freaking dollars for 50? I thought you guys were my friends.
Finally...Dont try to talk to your wife when there is a screaming baby in your arms/ in the room. It just doesn't end well. Whatever it is...it can wait.
Edit: Anyone have any experience with 529's(college savings programs)?
I was looking at Michigan Educational Trust, and while the idea of locking in today's tuition seems great, the suggested payments/current tuition just dont seem to add up. I ended up starting Michigan Educational Savings Program accounts for them...hoping grandma/grampa might chip in too...Can you imagine what college is going to cost in 18 years?
Once you have kids you can forget about having much free time. I have a 20 month old who is in to everything and a mellow 5 year old. I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I get less sleep than I used to and good luck keeping anything clean. Also, no matter what discipline approach you take, they will reject and challenge it. I don't believe in spanking, but unless you have given up completely you will end up spanking your kids. Sometimes you will do a good job at parenting but most the time I settle at just getting by. Sometimes you just need that 15 minute nap while the kids shoot everything to hell. Even though this sounds jokingly bleak, I love my kids very much and live for the experiences we have had and will have. Just took my son to his first ball game at Comerica of all places and he loved it. I know I'm rambling, but to the OP: No matter what other advice you get from idiot parents, it does get better as they get older.
All the childless people I know my age are sad, self-centered to an unbelievable extent, whiny about their first-world problems, and more than a little pathetic. My late sister was a perfect example of this. Having children forces an adult to focus on something other than their own needs and desires. This is part of being mature.
As for your statement, "Fortunately, your happiness returns when the kids are out of the house," I feel sorry for you that your children are so distasteful to you. I blubbered like a baby after we dropped our daughter off at college, and every visit with her is fantastic. She and her fiance are arriving later today for a visit and I couldn't be happier.
Nevermind... not even worth it.
"All the childless people I know my age are sad, self-centered to an unbelievable extent, whiny about their first-world problems, and more than a little pathetic."
Luckily, not all people with children that I know are as pretentious, arrogant, and narcissistic as you. You know your comment, which suggests your life decision was the purely correct one and that anyone who makes a different choice is just innately wrong and somehow less than you, makes you look completely self-centered and more than a little pathetic, right? Talk about painting with a broad brush...my honest opinion is that, having had children/being married, you probably now socialize with approximately 1.5 couples without children, who you probably chose post-kid to hang out around specifically because they were pathetic and sad and ergo, made you feel better about yourself/your decision. But frankly, your opinion sucks, is misguided, and makes you look like a real douche nozzle. I'm sure you're otherwise a nice guy, though...
I want to reiterate that my comments are not a broad-based attack on those with children (unlike the statements I'm commenting on); they are rather a broad-based attack on apparent idiots who just so happen to have had children.
I agree that Don's language was over the top, I don't think having or not having kids deserves any kind of a value judgement, it's just a decision.
but about those "more emotions than you knew were possible" part is true.
You would have to travel the world for half a lifetime and have a hell of a lot of life experiences to compete with the depth/diversity of emotions that come with being a parent.
That doesn't mean that that depth & diversity is all positive however. I may look forward to the pride of my daughters school graduation or wedding, but what about the awful reality of one of my children dying in my arms? Nothing could compare to that emotion, but that doesn't mean putting yourself in a position to ever have to experience it is somehow more noble, it's just a different choice with different possible emotional consequences.
I can't claim it's better for everyone, but for most people, having kids does mean you're cooking with a greater variety of interpersonal ingredients.
You seem to need to rant a disproportionate amount to explain why it is fine that no one would consider bearing you offspring.
This thread was clearly to give parents a forum to share in their joys and struggles with parenting. Perhaps you should just GTFO since you have no grasp of what a parent goes through or feels emotionally.
I'd say an equal number of our friends with kids and without kids are happy. Honestly, I feel as though there are people that are just unhappy people. Having or not having kids doesn't change it too much. My wife and I loved our lives before having a kid, and love it now too. She is currently pregnant with kid 2 which will change our lives even more, but my guess is that we'll love that as well. We'll probably just sleep less.
People find joy in different things, that is was makes life so awesome.
... with all respect, since you're generally a classy (sorry ... using an MLive word) poster, you really need to get out more.
For every sad & pathetic childless 40-/50-something (and, yes, they surely exist), I've seen at least one person who probably shouldn't have bothered having children.
Only rarely have I seen you go "broadbrush" on this 'blog. Did this post hit a nerve?
Brace yourself for an avalanche of unsolicitied advice on all topics child-related.
Some people are just condescending tools and that behavior can be expected from them, but something about seeing other people with small children brings out annoying behavior even from reasonable people. Not sure what's at work there ...
My daughter is 9, and the drama started when she was 7. Pray for boys.
Nail on the head.
Not true in my experience. I'm an uncle to a boy and girl, and the girl was far more temperamental in her early childhood. I think it just depends on the kid.
Take vacations with your kids. I mean, take a vacation every year. It helps the whole family grow together and it's a nice reward for the hard work everyone puts into being a good family member.
Don't worry about money! If you have any kind of imagination and/or internal drive, you'll figure out a way to come up with the money.
Life is short and kids grow up fast. Enjoy the terrible two's...they are great times! Looking back, some of the best times of my life happened when things were the hardest!
Love is an investment that returns a lifetime full of happiness!
Go to sights like HomeAway.com and VRBO.com to find rental condos, houses, etc with full kitchens, laundry, etc. There are listings absolutely everywhere in the world.
Especially with the really little ones in tow, it can be both a money and embarassment saver to not have to go out for every meal, and you can jet-set with just carry ons with laundry facilities available.
I love this question. Things you wish people would have told you? Well, I think you may have been told some of them, but many of us don't really listen until we're in the middle of it.
- Kids will make you feel old. Having a 19 year old daughter makes me feel my age and then some. Having 11 year old twins makes me realize I run out of energy. (I am a 51 year old who is in decent shape but who could lose some weight.)
- Kids will make you feel young. There are so many things you get to do with kids which you would never do otherwise. Going to petting zoos and museums and skate parks and state parks and Legoland and Chuckie Cheese and swimming pools and field trips. Enjoy these experiences.
- Time goes fast. Treasure it. My wife and I looked at each other and realize that our home will be empty in maybe six or seven years. It races by so quickly. I love that my eleven year old son still hugs and wrestles. I love praying with my kids at night. I love having them read to me, and reading to them. We had an only child, and fostered/adopted twins who came to us at 10 months when our first was 9 yrs old. So the second time around, we appreciated things more.
- BTW, you have twins? God bless you. One is a lot easier to handle, I know from personal experience. People love the idea of twins but are clueless about the reality. Hang in there.
- IMHE, things are roughest somewhere around 8 mo through 2 yrs of age. They aren't sleeping as much, they are still high demand, they are starting to crawl and get into things.
- Every last kid is different. So a lot of advice you get is irrelevant at best and wrong at worst. You and your wife and your twins are unique, so you need to set your own course, to some degree.
- The only personal advice I'll give is to let your kids experience life, especially the great outdoors, without your micromanaging and being involved in everything. I think so many parents are paralyzed by fear of what could happen that they coddle and protect their kids too much. Sometimes, the best way to learn is to skin your knees and burn your fingers a bit. The trick is to protect your kids from things that could permanently hurt them, without overprotecting them to the degree they don't experience life. Like I said, that's the extent of my personal advice, and this may not be true for you.
making love with your wife , while the little ones are asleep or your older kids are out. The window for spontaneous moments will close over the years.
But then it will open again much later.
Do a yearly family vacation, some years its only 3 or 4 days then we add in 3 or 4 day trips a year (A2 INCLUDED). It builds memories while showing them there is more to America than their region.
When they get to be 8 you need to challange them more, I asked my 8 year old daughter what she would like to do as a summer project and she said "sell lemonade" so we started a local farmers market last summer, went back this last week and customers were looking for her, awesome feeling. Plus this morning she pulled 38.00. NICE. She's banking tuition money for Michigan. The 5 year old is pissed she can't go to sell Iced tea or moon pies or something.
I can no longer go to the bathroom or shower again without having one of the boys barge in. Even if I lock it, they know how to pop the lock open. When my oldest son had kindergarten "sex ed" (yes, in kindergarten) showing that boys and girls were different, he was amazed that some kids didn't know it.
2. You will enjoy a lot of their cartoons, even when they are done with them. I beg for Phineas and Feb and Kung Fu Panda - Legends of Awesomeness.
3. You will do lots of things that you never thought you would do - like coach t-ball. I am totally unathletic and haven't played t-ball, softball, etc, but there I am as the coach. I have learned more about cars, trucks, lizards, dinos, sharks, etc than I ever thought I would know.
4. You can try to make a good healthy lunch, but in the end snack bars, jello cups and nutella will win out. Go ahead and buy the fancy bento box lunch box, it will be full of the same stuff and not the designer healthy lunch of your dreams.
Take video. You'll have photos galore but you won't otherwise remember accurately how they move or their little voices. Take video with your family. It means so much to me that my son can see how much his late grandma loved playing with him as a toddler.
Think of your kids as little scientists. It's what they are.
You are the coolest guy in the world for 10 years or hopefully more. Treasure it; it's pretty awesome while it lasts.
Write down the amazing things they do & say. I can't believe what I've forgotten until I go back to a blog or email from 10 years ago.
Keep a diary about them so later your kids will know how much they meant to you in that moment, how much you valued being their parent. There may come a day when they need to read it. You may not be there to tell them, or they won't believe you. Put it in writing. Doesn't have to be every day, do it on their birthday if you're not a big writer.
And this is a problem?
I did this even before I had kids. Guess I am just a kid at heart ;~).
I do enforce "no TV" nights several times a week though. Books only (and MGoBlog for Dad the hypocrite).
Use protection
But seriously... take trips when the kids are in grade school. Once they get into high school you'll suddenly have another work schedule or two to coordinate.
We're about 3 weeks from our due date for our first kid. Yeah, I'm nervous but we've taken many classes, I did Daddy Boot Camp (which was very cool), I've read the books and we have solicited advice. Still though, this thread is MGoAwesome and helps my preparation. Thanks!
Question. I'm a competive cyclist and I train 10 hours a week, race on weekends. I'm expecting to scale it down quite a bit, but it sounds as if some of you are suggesting there is no time for personal endeavors, i.e. golf, etc. should I plan on giving it up or try to work in a few races this fall?
Thanks!
It's too early to just give it up. Smart to plan on scaling back, but be optimistic--you ought to still have hobbies! You might even luck out and get a kid who is a fantastic sleeper right out of the gate. That makes a HUGE difference. But even if not, try to hang on to the stuff you love to do, even if on a more limited basis.
The other thing is that babies are super portable, especially before they start crawling. Maybe not on a cycling racing route or a golf course, but they can go tons of other places.
They fit in your carry on.
