OT: Decision to have one more kid
Wife and I are approaching the age where statistics start playing a role in having a kid. We currently have two boys (6 and 4).
Have others on the board had this debate thinking they were done after x children? Then later think if we don’t now we won’t be able to later.
Prediction: Michigan wins the Big Ten without beating OSU. This allows UM to recruit at a slightly higher level closing the gap more.
Go Blue!
Never once heard anyone say "we had too many kids". Quite frequently hear, "wish we'd had more."
I have too many kids
So true...because life is infinitely better with children. The more the merrier.
I would never go past 2. I will not be outnumbered and overpopulation is a real problem.
We need to fend off the Chinese! Moar children!
We always wanted a larger family and ended up with twins after having a 2 year old toddler. Having 3 so close in age was really brutal. Especially because we were far from family. The twins are almost 4 now and it’s finally feeling like we can get our heads above water. Ultimately glad we had twins, because no way we would have gone for number three otherwise. The pregnancies and postpartum were really rough on my wife.
Having a strong support system in close proximity is a critical factor in family planning, almost as important as financial resources. Our second was born in CA while we were evacuated for wildfires, and it was super stressful until my sister was able to fly out from Detroit to help.
My wife and I have not decided yet about kids. We just got married. Travel is important to us for now. We’ll see if we get strong feelings in either direction
We had two boys (who were 8 and 5) and decided to try for one more (we were both approaching the big 4-0). We had another boy (figured we would) and he is wonderful and amazing (they are now 15, 12, and 6). We have no regrets. That said, it definitely did make our lives harder--expensive, more possible conflicts, and most of all a longer wait until we could do all the things you can't do when you have young kids. We are too old to run around chasing the littlest guy, so he is benefiting from that (benign neglect is actually a pretty good parenting strategy).
The most interesting thing to me is how different all of them are. Our first and second are almost polar opposites personality-wise, and we wondered where on that line the third would fall. Turns out he's on a whole other line altogether.
Totally off-topic, regarding my oldest. Some years ago, he wanted an iPhone. We said he had to buy it himself, so he got a used one online at a reasonable price from a guy who, it turned out, was Khalid Hill. At last year's homecoming game, who should walk down our aisle before the game but Khalid Hill. My son, being an outgoing sort, thought he'd go say hi and let his phone take a picture of its past and current owners. And Khalid Hill is a friendly guy.
(Edited: My son doesn't like having his picture posted, though.)
Your biology dictates that you have endless reproductive potential. So go out there and spread your DNA around the world in the name of evolution and survival of the fittest.
We gonna beat Ohio St. !!
I forgot your question.
I have a firm rule that once you're out of diapers, you dont go back into them. My wife and I decided we were having two kids, regardless of sex. My daughter is now six and my boy is 3...and my wife is three months pregnant. Apparently my rules are far more negotiable than I once thought.
How did you think you got the first two if you thought you were only having two regardless of sex? The sex part is kinda how it works...
Hey-yo! Love me so OT threads.
Don't care what you do but don't ask if you should bring the little crap machine to UM football game at 6months old!!!!
I have no kids so I’m completely useless in this Situation.
Conquering ponies would lead to colts, not kids.
Unless I marry that Sparty.
My advice is that there is never a convenient time to have a child, but you will never regret another child once they have come. I had my last daughter at age 44 -- she keeps me young! We have five children and cannot imagine life without them.
Spot on.
We have three and about six months after the third was born we had a moment of regret where we realized we could have been done with all of the baby stuff (kids are 20 months, and then 2 years apart) and started having family fun. Having a baby with a 6 and 4 y.o. would be a pain.
Three kids also costs a lot of money. I'm paying $300/month on martial arts alone not to mention socking away money for college for all three. I'm going to have to work until 70 because of the third kid when I could have probably retired early with only two.
That said, my three all get along most of the time and I love the dynamic of three kids. (I grew up with just a sister.) When we walk into a joint we're a crew to be reckoned with (did I mention my kids know mixed martial arts?)
Lastly, it is fun to have kids of both genders for a lot of reasons, but also just vanity. How do my and my wife's genetics work together as a girl? If you're looking to choose the sex of your next kid, I've given this book to 10 friends and it is 8 for 8 on the people who followed it. Plus it's fun to talk about at a party. You can describe doggy style without being a pervert.
I was a third child.
My wife and I stopped after two.
Make of that what you will.
I thought for sure after the first sentence that you were going to say your mother and father stopped two.
We have 4. I don't think we made specific decisions to have another after the first couple. It seemed that there was still room for one more so we let life happen (no pun intended) and here we are with 4.
We got our four, which was my goal. Have thought about five, but my wife doesn’t want to go through it with her body again, and the thought of spending enough valuable time with each of five scares me. So we plan to stop at four.
I like four because there’s lots of companions for play and hopefully less chance of one left out. But I have not done the earlier thread topic, so there’s always a chance.
My uncle has 4 girls. He told me once "we're always going to be poor, so we might as well have company."
Had two boys. Wife really wanted a girl but we didn't want to create a whole starting line-up trying. Went back and forth about whether to try for a girl for 5 years. Finally ended up adopting (100% method). Best decision we ever made (she is 18 now).
We have 3 sons ages 27, 25 and 21. None were planned. We're in our mid to late 50s. Just waiting on grandkids now.
We started late due to professional schedules and lazy sperm. Had a boy, a late miscarriage, then a girl. I got offered a job in Ohio, better that any other opportunity, and as my wife and I were discussing relocation I mentioned that our kids could end up as Buckeyes. We both looked at each other in a panic. We still moved to Ohio, and later our son got his engineering degrees from Michigan. My daughter had no interest in OSU, thank God, and is finishing up a masters at BGSU. My wife in respect would have liked a third spawn but we were getting old and had birthing issues for both children so two it was.
Stay at two for environmental considerations. There's no single other decision you can make that is better for the environment than not having a third kid (two to replace; three+ grows).
This totally discounts what a valuable member or society does for society, and that the deck is stacked against people performing outstanding help to the society unless they have total commitment from their family at an early age. Even adopting a child a few years old, just getting that kid to trust, and do reasonably well in school, is usually a feat. If you are just a human bean counter you missed the entire point. Hopefully you aren't too obvious in your displeasure at those people who sacrifice and put all the extra work in to have more children, in order to try to do some good.
My 3rd made life exponentially harder. I love her. I'd do it all again, but it wasn't easy.
No debate here. We stopped at two because we didn't want to be outnumbered.
Kids are the best part of life, but they can hurt you in places you didn't know you had.
Our country has sub-replacement fertility. Procreate for Uncle Sam!
I knew we were done when a trip to Walgreens for a pregnancy test went from excitement to absolute horrific anxiety/terror. Vasectomy to follow. Adoption/foster parenting is always an option down the road if we find we have more to give, but we are tapped out at 3. Going from 1-2 was the hardest though, but I think it really depends on the personality of the kid.
I always wondered about people who say “We will keep trying for a boy/girl and then stop.” So if takes two additional kids until you hit the right gender, those two will will figure out they only exist because the other one didn’t. Hmmm.
48 and childfree . Never ever saw the appeal of having kids .
Go on vacations instead.
People have kids older and older these days, especially in the medical field. Really depends on your support network because the first few months-1 year can be rough. We just had our 3rd (5 weeks old) and have a 2yo and almost 4yo-tiring, but wanted our kids closer together and then be done. I know a lot of people who stopped at 2 for logistics (car size, ability to monitor, etc) and desire to travel/be not pregnant/dealing w/ newborn phase. It all works out, except for the sleep component.
We had two kids as planned and then a third that was a miscarriage. Then had another who happens to be the coolest little boy ever. We have three great kids and were 100% content with that before deciding to get snipped. My advice would be to make the decision when you are 100% at peace with it. Then you will never look back or have ragrets as MgoHillbilly says.
When our kids were 7 and 4 we had this conversation. I was 38 at the time. Wife needed lots of fertility drugs for both that made her very sick, so pregnancies were extremely intentional. We decided to neither try nor prevent, just leave it up to date. Now the kids are 13 and 10 and there isn't a third child. At 44 we don't want to start over with an infant again, so I'm scheduling getting clipped, but we're glad we left it open in case it was meant to be. No regrets.
We just had our third 2.5 weeks ago. The others are 4 and 6. Our pre-kids plan was to have 2 and then a third if we didn't have both a boy and a girl. So of course they're all boys, although after the first one, I realized I want to have about 15. My wife said she was done after 1. Then she said she was done after 2. Now she says she's done after 3, but we'll see what actually happens.
Kids are awesome. Yeah, another one might be some work. But they'll be worth it.
Source: We have four. The last one was... not a shock, exactly, but not exactly planned either. And we we're delighted.
Whoa! Pump the brakes.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man whose quiver is full, he shall not be afraid but shall speak with the enemy at the gate.
we live in a society that applies for endless amounts of debt, a curse, yet does so much to prevent or avoid children, a blesssing. Maybe we'd be better off with a different perspective.
Well said, sir. Always enjoy your contributions to this blog.
Thank you.
I’m going to agree with this. An inspirational message in a direction I did not expect on a sports board.
Exactly....we view children as a burden but we don't stop to consider what a burden we may be on them if there is 1 or 2 when we age and possibly require a lot of care in our later years.
Wife and I had a plan to establish our careers, travel, and be selfish for a number of years before starting a family. We wanted 2-3 kids eventually. Sadly, we waited a bit too long and fertility issues kicked in. Through a couple years of struggle, tons of work, a gazillion dollars, and modern medical science, we were blessed with a miracle: a happy and healthy baby boy. Sadly, no more kids in our future.
I know this isn’t the question asked by the OP; but for the people on the board in a similar camp, I usually say that it’s fine to put off having kids a bit, but get tested to figure out if you have any issues. Had we done that, we maybe would have changed our minds and started sooner.
Proud father of five. Do not second guess it for a second. They all come with their own sandwich. Wife does not work, and I am nothing more than a low level manager, but the finances always seem to come together in the end.
It is a lot of work and sacrifice - have to be truthful there. But as they start to move out, we are grateful for the Blessing of a large family and maybe a bit of sadness that there are not more.
And now grandchildren on the horizon!
A general suggestion for making decisions like this, when you are having trouble deciding between two options: Flip a coin. Seriously.
One of two things will happen. Possibility #1 is that when the coin is in the air you will realize which way you want it to fall. Or it will come up tails and you'll think, "Hmm . . . Let's do best two out of three." In other words, in that moment your heart will speak up and you'll realize what it is that you really want.
Possibility #2 is that Possibility #1 doesn't happen because your heart really is split between the two options. In that case, you can't go wrong either way and you might as well let the coin decide.