Nebraska's Big Ten Primer

That is a severely truncated list of the things we've invented.

I don't care about Illinois, but I must point out that a big part of the reason that they averaged below 66,000 at each game last year is because their stadium capacity is 60,000.

"MICHIGAN STATE If you want to get under their skin, just go up to Michigan State fans wearing Spartans jerseys and say, "Oh, couldn't get into Michigan, huh?" Then duck."

I saw "Rick Reilly", then clicked away as quickly as possible.

His shtick has been old since he was writing in SI.

 

Perhaps, but it is still a funny little piece. Seems vaugely familiar somehow. Hm....http://mgoblog.com/diaries/nebraska-fans-who-youll-hate-big-10-and-why-0 

His style lends himself to short nice columns. The problem is he wrote every one that existed while at SI. So now he tries to be cheeky and intellectual - and it falls flat.

Reily writes of Nebraska:

Wisconsin has even bigger and stronger linemen than you do. Do you realize that the last lineman you had taken in the first round of the NFL draft was 27 years ago? Dean Steinkuhler? 

What about Ndamukong Suh?  Wasn't he the second pick in the draft...and a lineman?

The MGoBlog version that tomer linked is much better IMO and original. 

I give Rick Reilly the same treatment I give Bill Simmons and Dan Shaugnessy; I pretty much ignore everything he has to say. I don't know why I actually clicked and took a look at this one. He's sort of a broken record now because he has no versatility. I remember they had him on the All Star Game or Home Run Derby a few years ago when Josh Hamilton was in it. All Reilly could talk about was how he was a drug addict. Over and over again. We get it, it's a great story. Stop beating the dead horse. 

You will be in the Legends division, along with Michigan and Iowa and a bunch of Twinkies.

...and books.

"Buckeyes fans are usually very nice people."  He forget to add, "if you are a fellow Buckeye."  I can't think of any fan base who has any "like" for Buckeye fans.

Funny

Welcome messages to Nebraska from all of the Big Ten schools, in no particular order:

Michigan: "For the convenience of your fan base, I've removed all of the big words from our media guides, particularly in the part about our 3,241 wins during the 1800's and our 1997 National Championship."

Michigan State: "No offense, but I don't like corn because it don't burn too good. Now couches, them suckers can burn, brah!"

Indiana: "Do me a favor: send me a reminder the Thursday before our game so I remember not to get drunk the night before."

Northwestern: "When will you be requiring my lunch money? I need to know soon because I have a microbiology midterm coming up."

Iowa: "I went ahead and cleared a path in the 300 miles of corn that separates our stadiums. You're welcome."

Minnesota: "I'm glad we finally added a school from a tropical climate."

Ohio State: "Hey, Fuck you! Why? Because you're all red and shit, that's why! Go Bucks, bitches!" *smashes beer can against forehead*

Penn State: "Son, I have two pieces of advice for you: 1) these people are all assholes, and 2) stay off my lawn."

Purdue: "No, we are not located in Illinois, Goddammit."

Illinois: "No, we are not located in Chicago, Goddammit."

Wisconsin: "Make sure your fans know that there's a five beer minimum at Camp Randall. Actually, that pretty much applies to all of Madison."

My friend wrote a column for an Indiana newspaper back on June 29 that was pretty much the same format that Reilly stole...er...used.