Welcome to our roundtable article, where the staff of MGoBlog talks about whatever's going on in the Michigan world. Today it's the destruction of civilization and everything in it worth keeping. It has swear words in it.

THIS FEATURE HAS A SPECIAL SPONSOR JUST FOR TODAY

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sits silently, occasionally forgetting to breathe

Alex: They better hire from outside the family.

Seth: Maybe we need to establish real quick what words are appropriate on MGoBlog.

BiSB: FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

Brian: We're PG-13 so this would be an appropriate...

Seth: Well FUCK.

Ace: The worst(?) part is the Cavs fucking suck. And they’re owned by Dan Gilbert! Collin Sexton is the living embodiment of every Beilein nightmare about a point guard!

Alex: Beilein must have just wanted to leave. The Pistons job was a better one.

Ace: I have to agree with Alex after reading the Woj article.

Brian: My wife just moaned "oh I'm so sorry" and seems physically hurt. She doesn't even care about sports.

Ace: The lottery is Tuesday night. As in tomorrow.

Beilein didn't want to move himself and his wife far from Michigan, and the Pistons' borderline playoff roster with little financial flexibility to make changes made staying in-state less appealing. Cleveland's rebuild status, with point guard Collin Sexton and a 14 percent chance -- along with New York and Phoenix -- to earn the No. 1 pick in Tuesday's NBA draft lottery appealed to Beilein.

One would think knowing whether that 14% chance at Zion pays off would be rather important!

Unless, as Alex mentioned, Beilein was ready to go.

Alex: It’s one of the worst jobs in the NBA.

Seth: AND HE HAS TO WORK FOR DAN GILBERT.

Ace: Who famously never holds onto anyone for a long time, even LeBron.

Seth: I live in Metro-Detroit. I don't know a single happy person working for Dan Gilbert.

Alex: There’s a strong, strong chance he gets fired without making the playoffs (although I guess you can get to the eight seed in the east with a buttcheeks team, as we’ve seen very recently).

Brian: They have Kevin Love until he's 86 and their main asset is the fact they have a bunch of contracts that are up in two years, so they can go... woo free agents to Cleveland?

Alex: It’s pretty close to a blank slate.

Brian: Which worked once in the very specific case of Lebron.

BiSB: (I'd like to also point out that the Pistons being Not-Terrible for the first time in a while actually HURT them, which... damn that's really Pistons).

Alex: They might have to attach assets to get rid of Love.

Ace: Barring Zion, and even with him, it’s an extremely tough path. The rest of the draft kinda sucks, too. Cavs can’t really take Ja Morant.

Alex: Zion is probably going to spend multiple years in the wilderness whether it’s Cleveland or somewhere else.

Seth: The only mindset I can possibly square this with is "I'm the greatest basketball coach alive and I can bring my coaching greatness to win with coaching in Cleveland and retire a god," which is a very sports coach mindset.

Brian: Maybe he just did this so he can draft Poole third overall.

Alex: The only mindset I can think of is “I want to leave Ann Arbor now.”

Ace: This probably doesn’t say great things about how he feels about next year’s team.

Seth: I like my Beilein as Daenerys theory better than Brian's Beilein as Michigan Basketball Twitter theory.

GoT apologists: "Beilein has been dropping hints that he'll leave on a Monday in May to coach Cleveland for 8 seasons!"

Ace: If he thinks he can win it all here, I have to think he takes another shot.

Brian: I don't even know man. Even if he doesn't love the outlook for 2019-20 if he wants a title over the next five years Michigan is 10000% more likely to do so than Cleveland

Alex: Well, next year’s team wasn’t going to win it all, but it was going to be a good team.

Seth: *extremely naïve young child voice* Maybe he just thinks Yaklich is ready?

Alex: That’s the thing: what’s the ceiling for him in Cleveland?

Ace: Sure but the NBA is a new challenge and he’s accomplished everything at the NCAA level except a national championship.

Alex: Working for a dipshit owner and drafting in the lottery every season until he gets fired in December after starting 5-22?

Brian: Kind of a big "except"

Ace: Fair, but he’s still staring down “greatest coach in program history” or “greatest coach in program history.”

Brian: I simply cannot fathom this decision and will never be able to. It is beyond me.

[After THE JUMP: There are crazier ideas]

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Okay, so... what now?

“Michigan’s John Beilein has agreed to a five-year deal to become coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers, league sources tell ESPN.” pic.twitter.com/IB9Y6svWNj

— Ace Anbender (@AceAnbender) May 13, 2019

Alex: I’d get it if he didn’t pick one of the worst jobs in the league.

BiSB: Get me Chris Beard on the line.

Ace: Yeah, while I like Yaklich a lot, I think you aim higher.

Alex: Hiring somebody who hasn’t been a college head coach would be a huge mistake. Maybe Warde will hit up his old buddy Kevin Ollie.

Ace: Dammit Alex.

BiSB: If we try, we can probably get Rick Barnes another raise at Tennessee. Which would be fun.

Brian: Ollie wasn't a decision Warde made. He won the national title as an interim. That makes the decision for you.

BiSB: Yep, you couldn't very well not hire Steve Fisher after '89.

Brian: If Beard says no is there anyone else out there who's a slam dunk?

Alex: As long as nobody suggests LaVall Jordan...

Seth: Wow am I the only one then who's on the Yaklich train? The current team is as much his as Beilein's, he's an A+ recruiter, he's on the very short list of people who'd run a program the way we expect, and Beard isn't saying yes.

Alex: Yes you are. Or should be. Maybe not!

Brian: I'd rather have Yaklich than some guy who popped up with one or two good years.

Seth: Jay Wright?

Brian: lol sure if he'll come

BiSB: Mark Few?

Brian: Like once we get into Porter Moser territory I'm taking Yak.

Ace: Oh, absolutely, but I think you even go at guys like Matt Painter first.

BiSB: Lorenzo Romar is out there somewhere.

Ace: Not ideal:

Texas Tech coach Chris Beard agreed Monday to a new contract that will make him one of the highest-paid coaches in college basketball.

BiSB: Here's one question, and I think it's an important one: bag?

Seth: I'd like to see where the FBI fallout goes.

Brian: It looks like "absolutely nowhere." If Wade and Miller still have jobs...

Seth: What an NCAA: where John Beilein is so sick of the naked cynicism he'd rather coach in Cleveland.

Ace: 100% in favor of the bag. Use that Jordan money.

Alex: Just to circle back here, what does “run the program the way we’d expect” mean?

Alex: Win games, not cheat? Not cheating is for rubes at this point.

Brian: Don't cover up multiple rapes. Don't commit academic fraud.

Seth: Yes, exactly. I see bag as a completely separate issue from the other low stuff that basketball teams do.

Brian: If Michigan wants to bag, whatever. Realistically, though, the culture of the institution is likely to keep bagging deep in the shadows if it exists at all.

BiSB: It's already mid-May. Any chance Michigan goes with an interim for this year?

Brian: No.

Ace: If they can’t hire a real coach then Jordan should dump them.

Brian: But so far we have a bunch of moonshot names: Beard/Few/Wright/Painter are all <10% shots IMO

Probably collectively.

Alex: So there’s a very short list of coaches who we can expect to, uh, not commit academic fraud or cover up rapes?

BiSB: And be good coaching basketball.

Seth: Yaklich: continuity, ceiling is Beilein 2.0, floor is you're right where we are now in three years.

Has never ruled a kingdom, let alone seven. [Marc-Grégor Campredon]

Ace: The floor is significantly lower than that.

Alex: LOL

Ace: We have zero idea what a Yaklich offense looks like.

Alex: No way man.

Brian: I think there are a bunch of coaches who are obviously off the table for Michigan like Bruce Pearl and Cuonzo Martin. Someone with a whiff of impropriety will not be hired. I might not agree with it but I think that is a fact.

Alex: Michigan just won 89 games in three seasons. If you think that an assistant who’s been at a high major for two seasons and last ran his own program in high school has a floor of that... man...

Seth: Michigan isn't winning 89 games right now. We're not getting Wagner anymore. We're not going to have John Beilien coaching here anymore. The "right now" is significantly worse than anything in recent memory unless you count injured Caris seasons.

Brian: Okay but then give me a name that's not a moonshot.

BiSB: Eric Musselman has only been at Nevada for 4 years, but he's done good work there

Brian: I have heard zero good, likely ideas.

Alex: Kelvin Sampson is probably on that blacklist but Michigan could do much worse than him (and probably will!) The timing of this just sucks. Nate Oats would have been a good guy to interview. He’s off the board. Cronin, off the board. Mack, off the board last year.

Brian: So what I'm hearing is that we should just hire Yak.

Alex: I wonder if Tom Crean would pick up the phone.

oblig. [Bryan Fuller]

Brian: lol what

BiSB: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR TOM CREAN JOKES.

Which is weird, because Tom Crean jokes are usually always appropriate.

Alex: I mean shit give Saddi the job, he’s been around longer and has more experience as a D-1 coach. Snatching Buzz Williams from VT would have been nice but he’s off the board too. Great timing, very cool!

Brian: Can we move on from guys who just got hired?

BiSB: So, at the risk of going full Jon Gruden Just Bought A House In South Bend...Brad Stevens?

Brian: JFC

Alex: Well I’d do a 180 on Warde if that happened.

BiSB: Look, I'm just trying to get through a day here.

Brian: Is Red Auerbach available?

Ace: Technically!

BiSB: Just steal whoever West Virginia has right now. Worked last time.

Seth: It most certainly did not.

Brian: Nobody can come up with a remotely plausible sitting D-I head coach

BiSB: (Huggins to Michigan would be hilarious and amazing and terrible)

Ace: We’re gonna hire Shaka and Brian is gonna lose it.

CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF THINGS BILL MARTIN WOULD TOTALLY DO HERE

BiSB: No, not someone we would all be happy with, and who can also be poached right now.

Alex: Kelvin Sampson.

BiSB: No? No.

Brian: Blacklist

Seth: Oregon's not an endpoint job but Dana Altman has an Izzo scandal.

Brian: Blacklist .

BiSB: A worse-than-Izzo scandal

Ace: Absolutely not on Altman.

Seth: That was my response to Sampson.

Alex: Wait are we equivocating Dana Altman and Kelvin Sampson?

Seth: No I was being hyperbolic.

Ace: I sure hope not.

Brian: They are both in the bin of guys Michigan won't hire, the end.

So we're in Porter Moser territory folks.

BiSB: NBA people: is there anyone in the NBA worth looking at?

Ace: See if Billy Donovan is tired of Oklahoma City? He’s been on the firing line for a couple years.

Brian: That is the first vaguely plausible good idea!

BiSB: So... is Jim Hackett available for a short-term engagement?

Alex: Might as well make Yaklich the interim if “we can’t hire anyone” is really the case.

Brian: Donovan's contract has just one more year on it apparently.

Alex: Or Saddi.

Brian: Saddi is not obviously one of the best defensive coaches in the country. Yak is the star coordinator.

Ace: That doesn’t necessarily make you a great head coach, though. Maybe you’re Defense Tex Winter.

Alex: He’s been a college coach for six years. He coached under one of the best in the country. He has no experience running his own program.

Brian: Yes and Michigan had the #2 and #3 defenses in the country after years in which Beilein did well to hit the top 50.

The Yaklich I see vs. the Yaklich they see

Ace: Remember how high we all were on LaVall Jordan as a coach-in-waiting candidate?

Alex: If we want to confine our search to six guys who coached under Beilein, okay.

Ace: Being the head guy is an entirely different beast. We’ve seen Beilein have to learn on the job about roster construction and the like.

Brian: I'm not saying this is an ideal situation, but unless it's Donovan I haven't heard a single idea that's better than Yak.

Alex: It will be a terrible search (that might work!) How about: someone who has been a college head coach.

Ace: I’ve seen several better ideas than Yak, you’re just dismissing the longshots when they’re all longshots. Yes, please, head coaching experience.

BiSB: David Cutcliffe has already said no. I have concerns.

Brian: I'm not saying don't take the longshots. Okay name a single poachable D-I coach then.

Ace: Lol, good faith question there. Throw money at guys and see what happens. If Michigan is willing to flex their financial muscle, there are many poachable D-I coaches.

Brian: We are in agreement that Michigan should call Wright/Beard/Donovan. What happens in the likely event that they strike out?

Alex: Hell someone like Jamie Dixon would be a better hire than Yaklich.

Seth: You've got a team built on defense, a couple more years of retained Beilein knowledge, and basically an OC position that pays like a WCC head coach to offer an assistant who knows how to run the offense. Take your swings but if they don't hit, promote Yak, get all the bishops and ealdormen of the kingdom to bless it, and pray. Alfred ain't stepping through that door.

Ace: Call Painter, call Buzz Williams, call Mike Young at Wofford, call a dang head coach.

Brian: Mike Young got hired already

Ace: Call him anyway.

Brian: See Mike Young is Porter Moser territory to me.

BiSB: Don't underestimate the sheer volume of money a basketball-revitalized and suddenly panicked Michigan Money Cannon can throw at someone.

Alex: Porter Moser would be a more inspiring hire than Yaklich.

Ace: Young has a significantly longer track record, though he’d still be underwhelming. Yaklich would be really underwhelming, though.

Brian: He absolutely would not be.

Seth: This is a job John friggin' Beilein just ditched for Cleveland. The perception around the league is you're not going to be allowed to bag, and you're still going to be second banana sport in one of the most competitive leagues. I'm not sure we're the job offer we think we are.

Alex: I don’t know how many more times I can point out Yaklich’s lack of experience.

Ace: This is a job that just produced an NBA head coach. There are two sides to that coin.

BiSB: and a bunch of NBA talent

Ace: The football school thing is a problem if Warde doesn’t throw money around.

Alex: Michigan should be a top job. Might not be, because of the aforementioned “football school” thing. If the best we can do is promote an assistant...

Ace: It’s a failure, full stop. Maybe you get Steve Fisher! But Steve Fisher was a massive outlier. Who peaked as an interim.

Brian: There are a lot of reasons people don't leave good situations, so even if Michigan's a top job they might end up with a shambolic coach search and few options. Happens all the time.

Ace: I’m with Alex, I think previous college head coaching experience is all but a requirement. Beilein’s kid has more head coaching experience than Yak.

Seth: I hate it when I'm on the opposite side from you guys, Ace and Alex, because it's your takes I go to when I want to educate myself on basketball takery. Here's the but...Luke Yaklich has been grooming. He's not "just an assistant." He's the guy who scrapped together an elite defense that was still 20% Duncan Robinson. Other than Beileins, what head coach was never an assistant?

Alex: I’m betting on a shambolic search. Should be fun!

BiSB: So, changing gears: can we assume this means that Michigan DOESN'T get Franz, and that Iggy stays in the draft?

Ace: I have no optimism in Franz or Iggy.

Alex: Yes Bryan, it means that.

Ace: It’s not “what head coach was never an assistant?” It’s “what successful head coach at a power program was never a head coach prior?”

Alex: The problem isn’t that he was ever an assistant, it’s that he’s never run a program!

Brian: Tom Izzo.

Had hair. via @dnainfo_breen

Ace: Was an assistant under Heathcoate for 13 freakin’ years. Yaklich… needs more years.

Brian: Billy Donovan.

BiSB: Greg Gard comes to mind.

Ace: Donovan was at Marshall for three years before Florida. Won conference coach of the year. Do we think Gard is good?

BiSB: I hope not. that was kinda my point.

Brian: I just don't think the "run a program" bit is more important than "clearly elite at some aspect of coaching" bit. Yak is the guy who almost all the recruits mention, too.

Ace: Saddi also gets a lot of recruiting mentions. There aren’t many coaches!

Seth: Yaklich has a story. He's not just a career assistant. He was a diamond who was using a lot of his time to teach history and exploded as soon as he got into college coaching.

Ace: Oh, let’s not do this.

Seth: I don't know where we move on to? Hard to talk 2019-'20 without a head coach.

Ace: Making for a nice Brendan Quinn feature does not make a good head coach.

Seth: I'm not...c'mon man. I mean there's a good reason he hasn't been coaching at St. John's by now.

Ace: That’s nice and all but I’d rather have a guy who was running a program than teaching history. I’m not saying Yaklich isn’t a good coach, it’d just be a massive gamble on a very thin resume.

Brian: ...like anyone else Michigan is likely to hire

Ace: I strongly disagree.

Alex: All I want right now is for someone to push me in front of a moving car. John Beilein please come to Grand Rapids and throw me off a building

Ace: If they can’t get someone with experience to at least interview, Warde should be thrown out of that moving car.

Brian: I think we're at an impasse. Let's move on.

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So, speaking of Warde... how much of this are we blaming on Warde?

What would it take for you to give up on Uncle Phil? [Campredon]

Ace: Quite a bit!

BiSB: A lot of these quotes sound like frustration with the college system, and Warde doesn't really control that.

Ace: The Billy Donlon departure, even though that worked out nicely in the short term, was a bit of foreshadowing, I think. There’s been a bit of uneasiness around the program and getting assistant pay at the right place has felt like pulling teeth.

Brian: I'm down on Warde mostly because I can't name a single thing he's done in his tenure.

Alex: This is a question that’s kind of impossible to answer without a lot of conjecture, in my opinion.

Ace: That is definitely true.

Brian: He seems like a replacement level AD and the farther we get away from Brandon the less impressive that seems.

Alex: Like maybe Beilein was just sick of getting outbagged and having all his players leave. Warde can’t control that.

Seth: Warde has had a year since Beilein's flirtation with the Pistons. That year should have been used to sell Beilein on what his statue would look like while we plan ways to Mike Ilitch him a championship. It feels like instead he kinda did...nothing?

Brian: College basketball is a shitty place for an honest man.

Ace: It just feels like things had to go a bit sour on this end for Beilein to end up taking the freakin’ Cleveland job.

Seth: For a Spartan.

BiSB: Out of nowhere, in the middle of May.

Ace: I’m not sure that matters as much as the particular Spartan.

Seth: It's still quite a knife.

Brian: I think the "bit sour" is more about Poole and Iggy bolting for the second round of the draft than AD internal stuff. There is a big obvious reason he'd get fed up that doesn't have anything to do with Warde.

Ace: That’s fair. He’s certainly had his frustrations with how difficult it is to plan out a roster at this level. I’ll dial it back: I don’t think Warde is the primary reason. I do think some internal frustrations made it easier to leave.

Seth: I think neutral here is bad. Part of your job as an AD with a Hall of Fame basketball coach is to make that guy feel like you would rather sell your children to the Cavaliers than lose him.

Ace: I agree with that. I don’t think Beilein ever felt like Michigan would go to war for him, so to speak, like MSU would for Izzo. I probably could’ve chosen a less messy example but hopefully the point stands.

He shouldn’t have had to fight for assistant pay to match half the league’s.

Brian: I dunno, it seemed like Yak and Haynes got big bumps after their first year when they established themselves. Hopefully that wasn't a fight. Because if it was a fight it's the dumbest possible fight

Ace: I’ll just say I heard that was a fight. It was dumb. That was a bump up from well below market rate, even for new assistants.

Seth: So back to the question: given that AD at Michigan is a job you literally have to be the kind of guy who can save Ford Motor Company to be good at, does this move the needle for you on Warde?

Brian: Warde is either going to hit a longshot hire or the fanbase is going to be furious at him for the foreseeable future.

BiSB: This is his chance, I suppose. Hackett landed Harbaugh. Fair or unfair, that's the bar.

Brian: Hackett was handed an entirely different set of circumstances. This is likely to be a scramble because of the timing.

BiSB: True. But Hackett was also dropped in the middle of it. Warde has had a few years to prep for this kind of event.

Brian: FWIW.

Text from Nate Oats: “I love it in Alabama. Completely focused on my job there and getting my family moved down there. I hope my former assistant at Romulus, Saddi Washington, who’s been with Beilein the longest at Michigan gets a shot at the job. Roll Tide.” #Michigan

— Jon Scott (@JonScottTV) May 13, 2019

Ace: He should at least have an initial list of candidates after last year.

Alex: Also worth noting that Saddi was the interim coach when Beilein was recovering and after he got ejected at Penn State.

BiSB: Not sure that translate into "who would you choose to run the program for the next ten years."

Seth: It's weird that there's a public job that demands a human of this caliber that doesn't involve healthcare for millions. Warde has probably been doing some spectacular work on things that aren't public facing, I've heard from trustable people that on moral/ethics grounds, the best Michigan could do is match him, and given things that have gone on across the country I value that a lot. I think he's got an opportunity with this to finally go do a thing that the public can associate with him.

Brian: No pressure!

did a gif pic.twitter.com/LIoJnHMr8f

— Ace Anbender (@AceAnbender) March 1, 2019