11/6/2021 – Michigan 29, Indiana 7 – 8-1, 5-1 Big Ten

One does not want to be too much of a mopey downer, so it was a relief when we were recording the podcast and Seth said that Saturday's game was boring. I had thought it was boring, too, but when I say things like that these days people are always like "oh man Brian is in a dark place." Okay but also he retains a shred of objective reality, right? Right? One can be bored and have that not be about other things but, oh, I don't know, a commercial break followed by zero plays before another commercial break? I thought maybe I was just being a mopey downer and other people were like "I found this pretty enjoyable."

Apparently not. I feel like this is reasonable.

But anyway, Seth was in the box, and I was in the stands. And Patrick was on the field:

Well, actually pic.twitter.com/HKEzZ8oND1

— Patrick Barron (@BlueBarronPhoto) November 8, 2021

In retrospect my fears that my opinion about the sporting event on Saturday night, November 6th were an outlier were ill-founded. In the cold light of morning a couple days on what's remarkable is how dead that stadium was for a Michigan Night Game(!!!). Michigan Night Games used to get fancy names and caused the normally placid Michigan fanbase to spontaneously combust. Aside from the steadily dropping temperatures, the atmosphere on Saturday was more "September MAC game" than "dismembering Notre Dame with bloodlust in your eyes."

It was hard not to be personally offended as the temperature dropped. Nor did I try. Saturday was a lovely, sunny fall day that would have been downright pleasant to experience a football game in. For reasons that remain unfathomable, FOX decided to move an obviously uncompetitive game between Michigan and the battered shell of a 2-6 Indiana to prime time. Then they proceeded to jam the FOX-usual number of commercials in. When they announced the final score of the hockey game, which started at the same time the football game did, there were nine minutes left in the third quarter. Vociferous booing of every announced FULL MEDIA TIMEOUT started shortly after.

It is for these reasons that I had a very hard time getting into the game. It was boring, and it was cold, and there were commercial breaks at almost literally every opportunity until even Flo said "lo, I am sated" like Vladimir Harkonnen pushing himself away from the table.

----------------------------------

I already wrote one of these columns a few years back, after Michigan played SMU in the opposite weather conditions:

The sequence that really, truly broke me was in the middle of the second quarter. For some reason, Sonny Dykes thought that if his team was prepared it could stop a Michigan fullback dive. So he called timeout. Then he saw Michigan had cannily lined up in the exact same way they had before the timeout. Sensing a trap, he called timeout again. This became the dreaded Full Media Timeout.

In the stands, I baked. Because Michigan has made no attempt to improve connectivity in the stadium I held up my phone as it told me it could not retrieve tweets. The clock ticked down.

Michigan took the field again and lined up in the exact same way, but Dykes could not respond—he'd used all his timeouts. Ben Mason scored from the one-inch line, extra point... Full Media Timeout.

I baked further. It sucked. It was hot and boring and also hot and also boring.

Nothing's changed since, unless it's gotten worse. (It has gotten worse.) This is in contrast to basketball, which has deleted some timeouts and is thinking about deleting more, and hockey, which shortened intermissions to 12 minutes and cut out a commercial break. Heck, I used to assume that any Michigan basketball game that was preceded by another game was going to be pre-empted, and now a game that doesn't end in the two-hour window is a surprise.

Those sports have the advantages of being 1) close to a neat and tidy length of time (in basketball's case) and 2) completely unable to sell existing ad inventory (in hockey's). Football faces none of these problems because games can go forever and there appears to be no national insurance company in the world that desires anything but to toss all of its marketing dollars on the pyre. So I don't think there's any sanity coming here.

I do worry about the long term, apparently unlike the people actually running the sport. We're already in a world where being on the Michigan mailing list is somewhere between "doing Duolingo once" and being Stacey's ex:

Michigan's ticket office going full Duolingo on everyone's inboxes https://t.co/Vjl49RZtrr

— mgoblog (@mgoblog) July 13, 2021

I can't imagine anyone who went to that game emerged from it thinking that it was an advertisement to go to more. People started emptying out of there early in the third quarter, when the score was 20-7. And they were the sane ones. What happens when people like me, chained to their seats more out of a sense of momentum than anything, either drift away or up and die?

Maybe we'll have been replaced by badly-functioning AI robots by then. Then you can have the game whenever, and you can make viral posts about the crazy chants they came up with.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Bryan Fuller]

you're the man now, dog

#1 Hassan Haskins. With Corum and Edwards largely sidelined, Haskins got true feature-back carries for the first time all year. With them he added another 168 yards to his total, hurdled another fool, and also picked up several blitzes with crunching authority. Truly a recruiting find.

#2 Aidan Hutchinson/David Ojabo. The inseparable duo of destruction. Hutchinson somehow came out of this game without getting a sack credited to him despite seeming to be in the quarterback's lap on any passing down; Ojabo got another sack-strip for a key turnover in the first half. Full points for both because why not?

#3 Cornelius Johnson. Displayed some route wizardry on his long catch, and probably would have added another 30 yards and a touchdown on another route where he turned his defender 360 degrees if JJ McCarthy didn't get lit up on the throw. As it was, 100 yards and six catches for him. Nice bounce-back after a couple of rough drops against MSU.

Honorable mention: Junior Colson flashed his sideline-to-sideline speed; Taylor Upshaw had a sack and another TFL; Cade McNamara had some misses but hit his deep ball and averaged 9.3 YPA.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

36: Aidan Hutchinson (HM WMU, #2 Wash, #1 Rutgers, #1 Wisc, HM Neb, #2 NW, T3 MSU, T2 IU)
25: Hassan Haskins (HM WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU, #2 Neb, T1 NW, #1 IU)
18: The OL (#1 Wash, #1 NIU, HM Neb, HM NW)
17: Blake Corum (#2 WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU, HM Neb, T1 NW)
13: David Ojabo (#2 Wisc, T3 MSU, T2 IU),
9: Cade McNamara (#1 MSU, HM IU)
8: Ronnie Bell (#1 WMU), Brad Hawkins (#1 Neb),Dax Hill (#3 WMU, HM NIU, HM Rutgers, HM Wisc, HM Neb, HM MSU)
6: Nikhai Hill-Green(HM NIU, #2 Rutgers), Jake Moody (HM Wash, HM Wisc, #3 Neb, HM MSU)
Brad Robbins (HM Wash, #3 Rutgers, HM Wisc), Josh Ross (HM Wash, HM NIU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM NW),
5: Cornelius Johnson(HM NIU, HM Wisc, #3 IU), Andrel Anthony (#2 MSU)
4: AJ Henning (HM WMU, #3 NIU)
3: Donovan Edwards(T2 NIU), Roman Wilson (#3 Wisc), DJ Turner (#3 NW)
2: Erick All (HM NW, HM MSU)
1: Andrew Vastardis (HM WMU),Mike Sainristil (HM WMU),  Mazi Smith (HM Wash), Gemon Green(HM NIU), Chris Hinton (HM Rutgers), Junior Colson (HM IU), Taylor Upshaw (HM IU)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Michigan responds to the IU TD drive to go up 17-7 and that's all she wrote.

Honorable mention: Uh, Haskins going for 60, Johnson going for 50, and Ojabo terrorizing McCulley.

​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Timeout, commercial, Michigan farts around on a fake fourth and one, timeout, commercial.

Honorable mention: IU's TD drive makes it 10-7 briefly and induces some Here We Go Again thoughts; JJ McCarthy runs around like he's in high school and chucks a bad idea throw; redzone breakdowns force another 3 short FG attempts.

[After THE JUMP: palpable routes]

OFFENSE

separation city [Fuller]

A development? Here are those routes courtesy of @JDue51 on the twitters:

Johnson is starting hone his craft. He gets the DBs shoulders turned with a quick juke, then uses a mini swim to get himself free. Good work. pic.twitter.com/Q4IdR8zBbN

— Due# (@JDue51) November 7, 2021

And you can't have one without the other:

This pass isn't complete, but THIS is how a receiver gets open. Excellent route that gets the DBs shoulders turned. pic.twitter.com/UhPw5Nr6r7

— Due# (@JDue51) November 7, 2021

This isn't entirely new—Johnson sold a nasty double move on his 87-yard touchdown earlier this year—but having two pop up in one game is is a new level. It's possible we've missed a number of these because Michigan QBs aren't pulling the trigger on open shots downfield, as Devin Gardner has repeatedly said in his WTKA segments.

Johnson's actually tracking pretty well as a potential #1 himself, with 27 catches and 449 yards so far. That's 16.6 a pop, and he's been missed a number of times while screamingly wide open. Given Michigan's low number of passing attempts that's solid production.

Next year's presumed WR corps of Johnson, Anthony, Bell, and Whoever looks like it could be one for the annals.

[Fuller]

In All's stead. Two redzone(!) TDs for Luke Schoonmaker, one on an old-timey waggle play, the other on a stick route in which Schoonmaker got into the body of Micah McFadden before turning outside, getting himself the necessary separation. Once All returns Schoonmaker's role is likely to return to the background, but Michigan seems to have good depth here as well.

Random McCarthy. Third and eighteen was not exactly the moment I expected to see JJ McCarthy saunter in from the sideline. The results were… uh… freshman-esque.

McCarthy got the whole second drive of the third quarter and led Michigan to a field goal; as mentioned that likely would have been a touchdown if McCarthy hadn't been hit just as he attempted to get the ball to that Johnson corner route. He had a squirrelly couple plays there, too.

Pressure: extant. Chalk up a W for Tom Allen's blitz schemes, as Indiana's three sacks matched what Michigan had given up in the first eight games. Indiana repeatedly got free rushers up the gut, an extreme rarity so far this season. His defense has been gutted by key injuries and despair about the other side of the ball but put up a reasonable fight despite being down Taiwan Mullen in this game.

Fourth and one hijinks. Michigan's fourth and one attempt-type substance was a zillion attempts to draw Indiana offsides and then McNamara snapping the ball with one second on the clock just as Jim Harbaugh called timeout. Baffling all around. Thought processes: McNamara must have authorization to snap the ball at some point and took that, but it's probably an option and not an outright plan to snap the ball so by the time the playclock got down to 1 Harbaugh needed to take the TO.

Short yardage is a problem. Rinse, repeat. Haskins got lit up by penetration on yet another short yardage zone play on which Michigan was suddenly asking a guy to block someone lined up inside of him and slanting away. My kingdom for a fullback named "Thonk Johnson" who's 5'9", 260.

DEFENSE

[Fuller]

Rampant. The numbers on David Ojabo:

In his last five games, Michigan edge defender David Ojabo has 15 tackles, 7.0 sacks, 3 pass deflections, 3 forced fumbles and 21 quarterback pressures (per PFF).

Incredible breakout season for him. He played just 26 combined snaps in 2019 and 2020.

— Zach Shaw (@_ZachShaw) November 7, 2021

The battered husk. So Indiana's down their top two quarterbacks and then Stephen Carr goes out almost immediately. This has to be up there in terms of crushingly disappointing seasons from teams that normally can't disappoint like that. IU was 17th in the preseason poll! Now they're 2-7 and all of their good players are out.

this did not count but was close to counting [Barron]

A complete philosophy shift. Michael Barrett was taken out of mothballs and started this game as a… well, as a viper. He was a LB/DB sort who lined up to the field slot most of the time. In the aftermath Harbaugh said that this was because he was more versatile and having him on the field allowed them to substitute a lot less, which is true and depressing and hilarious.

So Michigan dumps Don Brown, and then gets lit up by MSU, and then goes back to a Don Brown approach immediately after. This is not to say that they're all cover one man again—although in this game there was a ton of it because it's good when the opponent is overmatched. And it's possible Barrett goes back in mothballs when Michigan faces passing attacks they're more concerned about. But the irony of changing the defense entirely to have a better shot at OSU, then losing to MSU when your sub/tempo issues are a major problem, and then going back to a more flexible college-oriented D after… it's Michigan whack-a-mole.

Some combination of "runs a lot of tricky zone" and "understands college substitution rules" will be needed to succeed here. Maybe we'll look back on the MSU game as necessary growing pains.

Meanwhile, Barrett got to score a fake touchdown as all the officials kind of looked at each other quizzically and sheepishly signal touchdown before immediately sending the play up to the booth. All that runnin' for nothing.

not where a fade is supposed to go [Barron]

Shrug, ask again later about secondary. Another game against a team with a passing attack so badly outmatched before you even get to the whole "ball is in the air going to an actual receiver" bit that we gather close to no data on what Michigan's secondary looks like against good competition. This period comes to a screeching halt next weekend in Happy Valley, where Sean Clifford and Jahan Dotson will provide an acid test.

We did have a couple of encouraging PBUs from Gray and Turner; on Gray's he was step for step on a fade ball and knocked a badly-thrown attempt down. Some guy on Indiana trying to catch passes from a third-string QB who inspires so much confidence that third and medium is about 80% QB run is a few steps down from Dotson.

[Fuller]

Whomp. The above tackle from Dax Hill only briefly forestalled the Indiana touchdown but is nonetheless spectacular, and was more spectacular live as McCulley did a 180 before landing hard.

SPECIAL TEAMS

One for the yakety sax recordbooks. This was a new one for me: DJ Turner got hit by not one but two guys before he was able to field a punt, and then the ensuing Three Stooges routine enacted on the loose ball ended up pushing the ball out of bounds more than 15 yards upfield of where Turner got blown up. So the penalty was declined. I salute Indiana's punt coverage for a moment of levity.

Moody. Done Moodied.

Robbins. Done Robbins'd. Did leave one punt short, horror.

These guys are good. They are bad for content in this section because it's like "Jake Moody made 3 short field goals and nobody got a return opportunity on Brad Robbins, the end."

MISCELLANEOUS

Dennis Quaid drops from the sky. Adding to the bootleg "this should not be a night game" feel was the pregame festivities, which included a couple of retired paratroopers who go by "The Chuters" parachuting into the stadium:

[Barron]

These guys are fine and all but it was another moment when it felt like mom had gone to the store and returned with a Faygo knockoff's Night Game flavor. 

[Barron]

Injury fiesta. The injury to the above insult were literal injuries, for both teams. Blake Courm, Andrel Anthony, Gemon Green, and AJ Henning all left the game. Erick All and Donovan Edwards did not play. Harbaugh was vague but generally encouraging in the aftermath:

"Yeah, there were a couple guys that were out this game that I think we’ll get back, get healthier next week," Harbaugh said. "Just do a good job of putting good day on top of good day as we get ready for Penn State."

A moment later, Harbaugh added a quip that seemed to suggest that Green would bounce back as well: "If they can heal like the Green brothers do, Gemon and German Green. I’ve been with them for four years now, and nobody I’ve ever seen in football heals quicker than the Green brothers. It’s amazing.” …

"We’ll see," Harbaugh said. "After the game, talked to [Corum] for a little bit. I don’t know how ... I don’t think it’s serious, I don’t know if it’s mild. But it’s somewhere less than serious. We’ll see."

That doesn't sound great for Corum's availability against Penn State. Anthony left after a somewhat scary hit on a kick return and is likely being evaluated for a concussion; Green walked off just fine but was down for a long time and may have a shoulder issue; I have no idea what's up with Henning.

URGENT FOR STUDENT WHO VISITED HER DAD AT HALFTIME AND MADE DUCK FACES AT HER BOYFRIEND ON FACETIME. Who is your carrier? Please email me at [email protected] and describe the exact sequence of purchasing decisions that led you to the point where your superhuman phone powered through 110,000 other signals and allowed you to have a squishy-lips video conversation with a curly-haired dude I'm just going to assume is named "Jake" while I fruitlessly tried to connect to the media wifi since the idea of getting cell service in Michigan Stadium is so distant it could be a quasar. Sorry for inadvertently photobombing you.

Cake. Cake.

[Barron]

Got weirdly emotional about cake this year, since I hadn't seen it last year.

HERE

Best and Worst:

Worst:  Now a Word From Our Sponsors

I recognize we exist in a capitalist society and that college football is near the top of the list when it comes to “television shows people will watch and just deal with commercials”.  I work for a company that has ads plastered across sporting events, and I’m able to sleep on top of a pile of money with (one) beautiful lady because of these ads.  But good lord, this was the second week in a row where Fox just aired 4 hours of commercials with short outbursts of football sprinkled in.  At one point in the 3rd quarter there was an injury timeout (that led to a full media timeout), a play that was followed by another injury (and media timeout), then a timeout on the ensuing play (that led to a media timeout) to a punt that then led to, you guessed it, a media timeout.  I didn’t quite clock it but I believe less than 15 seconds of actual game time elapsed but a full 15 minutes melted off my life.  I guess the (small) benefit is that in the event the game is tight at the end there will be fewer long delays due to commercials, but at some point seeing Matt Damon tell me that “Fortune favors the brave” as he hocks some shitty crypto app for the 10th time in a hour feels like a personal threat by the executives at Fox, and college football has to be careful because at some point even dinosaurs like me who pay for cable and want to see their teams play live will…just stop watching.  These constant delays make the game unbearably long, undoubtedly affect the tempo for the teams involved, and do little to incentivize me to purchase whatever products they’re trying to hock in between underpaid college athletes limping off the field due to injuries incurred for my enjoyment.

State of our Open Threads:

The OOC schedule tends to be quiet, then there is a jump for the first conference game, then a slow build to MSU, then a lull until Ohio State. It hasn't always been so clean, of course, especially in years where we haven't done so well, but it is reasonably consistent. It's nothing you probably didn't surmise, but the fun in this is, of course, that the numbers actually bear it out.

It's a similar story with "fire" and "suck" as it is with "fuck" and "shit" too. Last night, there were only 29 instances of people calling for someone to be fired, mostly Harbaugh, and I think we're at the point where some people will only be appeased by his dismissal no matter the human cost.