11/14/2020 – Michigan 11, Wisconsin 49 – 1-3 Big Ten

I'm at the point where literally everything that happens with Michigan football is shoveled into my confirmation bias. No matter the specific configuration of any failure, it's Jim Harbaugh's responsibility because he presides over a hellish, roiling chaos.

The cornerbacks have 5.5 limbs between them? Well, Michigan's recruiting operation is infamously disorganized. Try to block a punt and give Wisconsin the equivalent of a turnover? Chris Partridge left Michigan so he could work under Lane Kiffin and DJ Durkin. DJ Durkin! (Who Jim Harbaugh hired before his incompetence got a kid killed; instead his incompetence only led to one of three complete ass-beatings Harbaugh has suffered at OSU's hands.) Starting quarterback has turned into a pumpkin? Dylan McCaffrey is still at Michigan. Instead of staying on a football team and having a very good chance to get significant playing time before a transfer he decided to leave the team but not the school.

This culminated in what I admit is a silly fury indeed. What is the Harbaugh equivalent of the camera cutting to Brady Hoke clapping uselessly after several ogres have dismembered our one true prince? Well, it's above: mask boner. I have reached the point where any shot of a Michigan coach engenders eyerolling because not one of them is ever wearing a mask correctly.

It goes over your nose! And if you put a headset mic under it you may as well not wear one at all!

The head coach of the team that just missed two games because of COVID understands that sound will pass through fabric. He's also addressed the fogging issue:

To me, everything must be brought back to the point that this program is failed and will not recover and we must start over again, so the mask is a symbol, man, of why Wisconsin methodically atomized Michigan on Saturday.

You could pick many other symbols, like Michigan going to the shotgun from the half-yard line and getting stuffed, immediately followed by Wisconsin getting off their one-yard-line with a four-yard QB sneak. That would also be a good symbol of why Michigan is bad at football and all the coaches must be put on a mission to Alpha Centauri. (Warde: it's not a firing! It's a promotion.)

You could pick a flailing cornerback trying to play man coverage he could not. You could pick a run game that is coming off consecutive rushing rutgers. You could pick the five offsides against Indiana, or losing to an MSU team that's headed for 1-7, or the various damning records starting with 0 and ending with a number between 6 and 12. These are all good.

I'm sticking with the masks. This is my symbol. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

[After THE JUMP: no points are awarded]

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

you aren't the man now, dog

#1: Nobody. This isn't a stunt to express dissatisfaction. This was a football game in which Michigan was immediately down 14-0 and never looked even vaguely competitive. No one is statistically notable in a good way except maybe Ronnie Bell, and four catches for 56 yards showing up as the #1 in this category is sadder than awarding no points at all.

KFaTAotW Standings. (Scoring: 8 points for first, 5 for second, 3 for third, 1 for HM. Points from ties adjudicated by an ankylosaur named Sharon.)

14: Joe Milton (#1 Minnesota, #3 MSU, #3 Indiana)
10: Dax Hill (#2 MSU, #2 Indiana)
9: Ronnie Bell (HM Minnesota, #1 Indiana)
8: Giles Jackson(#1 MSU)
5: Kwity Paye(T2 Minnesota, HM MSU, HM Indiana)
3: Aidan Hutchinson(T2 Minnesota), Michael Barrett(#3 Minnesota)
2: Hassan Haskins(HM Minnesota, HM MSU)
1: Ben Mason (HM Minnesota), Jaylen Mayfield (HM Minnesota), Roman Wilson (HM MSU), Brad Robbins(HM Indiana), Cornelius Johnson(HM Indiana)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Nothing.

Honorable mention: No.

​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Michigan's first offensive play was a ball into Nick Eubanks's face mask that ended up being intercepted, and that rather set the tone.

Honorable mention: The rest of the game.

OFFENSE

There goes that. Joe Milton imploded, with the assistance of his OL and WR, sure. But his second throw was directly into a linebacker's chest. He averaged 5 yards an attempt before being replaced by Cade McNamara. Whatever flickers of hope existed for the rest of the season depended on steady improvement from a guy with a high ceiling.

I'm not saying that's totally out the window since young players oscillate wildly, but it looks a lot further away today. And there's clearly no help coming from anyone else. As mentioned above, it looks incredibly bad that your #2 QB isn't playing football anywhere this fall because he doesn't want to be on your team.

At least they tried it. Running Joe Milton didn't help, because Michigan OL were getting dumped in the backfield. Evening numbers up in the box is only effective if you can actually block the numbers. Michigan got sat on. Nothing helps when your OL is getting whipped.

I don't think running Milton if and only if Ben Mason was in the backfield helped much.

You've seen this, right? Gun from the half yard line. FFS.

4th & goal. Why not shove the quarterback with full force? pic.twitter.com/q1vj3h8P5x

— Hustle Belt (@HustleBelt) November 12, 2020

We've got an offense that doesn't do sensible manball things at sensible manball times and also is completely ineffective at getting to the perimeter.

404 takes not found. What else is there to say?

DEFENSE

Nobody knows what to do. Here is a veteran linebacker taking on a block and not funneling to his help:

And pic.twitter.com/0qGXjMOOgP

— Due# (@JDue51) November 15, 2020

Ross stops entirely so he can take on a block, and then gets sealed inside. This is a violation of Linebacker 101 from a guy with a season's worth of snaps under his belt, a week after he came in with a –5.5 in UFR. Ross and McGrone should be amongst your steadiest players. Instead they're running out of gaps and vacating zones on the regular.

Add it to the pile of evidence that this team is a holistically disorganized mess.

No, we shan't set an edge. Another game against a good running outfit, and another blizzard of easy yards off tackle when Michigan does not bother to contain the ball. This happened last year against Wisconsin—remember Jonathan Taylor zipping 75 yards untouched—and then against Ohio State; Mo Ibrahim did it in the Minnesota game.

This no doubt would have been better with Michigan's starting defensive ends, but those guys were around last year and trying to make up for interior issues. Michigan's original sin remains recruiting at DT and CB, all of which is entirely the staff's fault. They've failed to recruit sufficient numbers of DTs of any ranking.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Mmm. I suppose trying to block a punt was Michigan's best bet to make the score look respectable. It naturally ended with a penalty that extended Wisconsin's drive.

ELSEWHERE

Spencer Hall has written some items. One is a similar mask riff, proving that I am not alone in my insanity.

That is Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh’s mask protocol on Saturday night. Harbaugh has put on his headset first, then attempted to stretch the mask over the mouthpiece of that headset. The internet roundly agreed that Harbaugh’s approach made it look like his mask had a boner, and that putting the headset mic under the mask was incredibly dumb, given how other coaches have managed to communicate through masks. Harbaugh’s team had just 47 yards rushing on the night.

Across the field, Paul Chryst TAPED HIS MASK TO HIS FREAKING FACE.

He also talks about the whole Harbaugh thing later:

Harbaugh had done his job everywhere he’d been. He made Stanford great. He got the 49ers to a Super Bowl with a first-year starter at QB before he and San Francisco’s owners bickered into a separation. Harbaugh came to Michigan as nothing less than a guaranteed savior.

Then ... none of the good things happened. Michigan failed to appear in the Big Ten Championship, let alone the Playoff. They pulled good-to-great recruiting classes, but failed to capitalize. Michigan is 3-3 against Michigan State in Harbaugh’s tenure. They are 10-14 against ranked teams. Worst of all, they are 0-5 against Ohio State, and barring a miracle, will hit 0-6 with a thunderous noise of wailing and breaking glass.