nfl

A series of things worth your time in the absence of sports.

Paul Zimmerman's, AKA Dr. Z, New Thinking Man's Guide To Pro Football is not the best book in history. Neither is it the worst named. But this space is willing to wager that it would place top ten in a good book : bad name ratio competition. Throw in the cover, which is a football helmet/brain divided into areas labeled with a jumble of football phrases ("player to be named later", "skill positions"), inanities ("D (DEE-FENSE)"), and non sequiturs ("interest-free loan," "no-cut")…

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…and we are rapidly approaching a world record for most disservice done by a publisher to an author.

In any case, the NTMGTPF is a 1984 book that is a modernized version of the original 1971 edition that goes over football position-by-position, from the quarterbacks to the linebackers to the special teams lunatics to the officials and press. I do not read sports books I do not have to for the same reason dentists don't hop into bed and start poking at their spouse's teeth, but when I picked up NTMGTPF I quickly found out it was something different.

I got into reading about sports in the mid-to-late 1990s, and writing about them a decade after that. One of the great early kerfuffles in the now-defunct Newspaper-Blog War Of The Aughts (losers: everyone) was newspapermen and women rattling on about bloggers in their underwear typing from mom's basement, and how they could never know the vital heartbeat of sports reporting that came only from being in a locker room.

[After THE JUMP: Vince Lombardi asks a delicate question, undelicately]

Tom Brady Michigan
[Patrick Barron]

With Ty Law joining eight other Pro Football Hall of Famers from Michigan last week, and Tom Brady continuing to push the bar for greatest football player of all time past the outer reaches of the Virgo Cluster, I figured our next Michigan All-____ team should focus on who made the best pro players.

This one got long and took a lot of research so here's Part 1.

Previously:

Today's Rules: I'm creating a 53-man NFL roster with Michigan alumni based on their total contributions in pro football (mostly the NFL). It's not about the greatest Michigan players to go pro; in fact I'm going to include a few transfers best known for playing elsewhere. I'm judging based on things like years in the pros, years as a starter, Pro Bowl/All-Pro selections, a little bit on team success, and their impact on the game, all relative to when they played.

The goal is a bit different than normal because the idea here is to build a team, not reward the best players. A guy had to play a position in the pros to be be eligible for it, within reason: I expect a career left guard to be able to play right guard (but not necessarily center), and a 1950 flanker to not feel totally out of place as a modern slot receiver.

A * means he's in the Hall of Fame already.

Quarterback: Tom Brady (2000-present)

It doesn't seem to get old. I think we can skip the career rundown because you've no doubt been on this Earth the last few weeks. At this point Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are past trying and just making up challenges to keep things interesting.

Tom: Okay guys, don't even block Aaron Donald, Ndamukong Suh, and Dante Fowler for a quarter.

Bill: Betchya I can convince the whole league to go back to punting on 4th and short from the opponents' territory.

Tom: Oh yeah? Watch me make a short, bearded Jewish guy a Super Bowl MVP.

Bill: Ooh, that's a good one. Try this…I'm going to hold Jared Goff to the worst passing day of his career.

Tom: Yeah?

Bill: Using just zone defense!

Tom: That's good, but you know what would really be funny?

Bill: What?

Tom: Okay, here it is: Not only do you have to hold the Rams under 7 points, but you also have to get McVay to forget he has the highest paid running back in the league for a half…

Bill: …and?

Tom: And then you've got to bust out your own 1st round RB from Georgia and salt the game away using nothing but double ISO and counter-trey.

Anyway the nice thing about the All-Michigan NFL Team is it will beat any other college's all-NFL team. I mean, what other school gets to put out a tweet like this every year?

Backups: Benny Friedman* (1927-'34) and Jim Harbaugh (1987-'00). What's more incredible about the greatest quarterback of all time is he pushed down the Most Important. Without Benny the NFL would have taken much longer to get out of the college game's shadow. Benny also provides depth at RB, the secondary, and special teams. Former 1st round pick Jim Harbaugh was 49-22-1 as an NFL starter, mostly for the Bears, but had a long second career as a backup who doubled as a mentor and coach for young prospects.

Honorable Mention: Elvis Grbac (1994-'01), Brian Griese (1998-'08), Chad Henne (2008-present), Todd Collins (1995-2010), Larry Cipa (1974-'75), Jake Rudock (2017-present)

[After THE JUMP: a position that isn't as deep, and one that's deeper]

New Jersey's finest [Patrick Barron]

As expected since committing on Signing Day 2016, Rashan Gary will be playing in the NFL next year. The top overall recruit of his class helped establish Michigan as a premier destination after Harbaugh's first year. After a season backing up Chris Wormley, when not sidelined by/playing through a nagging shoulder injury, Gary was quietly dominant as Michigan's starting Anchor for two seasons.

Since Gary's draft stock is already well established, and given his injury history this year and last, it seems doubtful he will play in the bowl game. I'm sure the vast majority of Michigan fans will understand and wish him the best of luck in what will assuredly be a fantastic pro career.

In his time at Michigan Gary's work ethic and leadership were by all accounts on par with his ludicrous talent. Though it's sad the injuries meant we didn't get to see him Suh it up while in Ann Arbor, that season and many more good things will be coming his way. It was an honor to have him while we could.

Michigan awaits decisions from several other early-entry candidates, including Devin Bush, David Long, Lavert Hill, and Shea Patterson.