July 16th, 2018 at 8:42 AM ^

Some farming dad jokes to cheer you up XM...

"Farmers; always outstanding in their field"

"Farming? I love it from my head...tomatoes"

"Was it easy growing up a scarecrow? No, but hay; it's in my jeans."

"Time to plow? Thistle keep me busy all morning"

"I lost my daggum hat. Don't worry, it'll turnip"




July 15th, 2018 at 10:34 PM ^

Not really a joke but a perfect dad moment for me.

My daughter told me she saw a possum that was 3 feet long.

I told her that was impossumable!

I will show myself out.....

King Tot

July 15th, 2018 at 11:20 PM ^

Did you hear about the Italian chef? he pasta way.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten Tickles.

Where does a woman with one leg work? IHOP, That's an easy waitress to tip.

-Person 1: what's a pirates favorite letter

-Person 2: Rrrrrrr

-Person 1: You think so but it be the Sea!


July 16th, 2018 at 4:42 AM ^

Last one reminds me:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out the front of his pants. He's got a frustrated scowl on his face.

The bartender says, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"

The pirate says, "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

I'm Batman

July 16th, 2018 at 12:26 AM ^

A guy frantically runs into a psychiatrists office screaming:


The Psychiatrist says:

"CALM DOWN! You're two tents."


July 16th, 2018 at 12:38 AM ^

Anybody want a hurts donut?


Anybody that says yes gets a noogie as I say “hurts don’t it.”  

The 6 year old doesn’t fall for it as much anymore.  Three year old keeps asking for the donut.  I laugh every time.


Blue since birthed

July 16th, 2018 at 12:53 AM ^

Not sure it’s my favorite, but the one I used earlier today...

You know how birds sometimes fly in a V formation?


You know why sometimes one side is longer than the other?


Because there are more birds on that side.