Unverified Voracity Slowed By Prayer, Hats Comment Count

Brian October 25th, 2010 at 2:22 PM

The heat melts their brains. Miami fans are trolls:


You've got me there, Jim Martz.

(Via Jerry Hinnen.)

Further adventures in Remember When Smoking Was Cool And Pregnancy Drankin' jes' fine. Les Miles has done all manner of disqualifying things since the Kirk Herbstreit Miles Hiring Fiasco, before which I was highly in favor of Miles as Michigan's coach and after which I was very upset at Bill Martin. He derped the Ole Miss game and lied about it afterwards. He cut some kid who'd been on campus for a month. Whatever the hell that was at the end of the Tennessee game happened.

Miles is now in the radioactive bin of hypothetical Michigan coaching candidates next to Ron English, Mike DeBord, and Stan Parrish. I'd rather have Brady Hoke around. And yet somehow this is the worst thing he's done since that fateful day on a sailboat:


I'd rather see Simon Cowell as head coach around here.

Quarterback ding monitor. So you may have noticed that three Penn State quarterbacks wandered around the field asking for direction/pudding from the coaches in their win over Minnesota. This is because starter Robert Bolden left the game with "a cut hand" or "a cut hand and an eye poke" or "concussion-like symptoms" or, you know, a concussion. JoePa thought Bolden was questionable at best for next week; JayPa thought he was fine. JayPa's probably right since someone asked Joe about Kevin Newsome and he said "who?" I wouldn't put much stock in this "McGloin might start" headline from the Post-Gazette since it's generic walk-on fluff and the only mention of the injury is this:

Bolden was expected to undergo a series of medical tests Sunday, but Penn State spokesman Jeff Nelson said Bolden's status would not be updated until today at the earliest. If Bolden is unable to play Saturday night at home against Michigan on ESPN, McGloin could get his first career start.

I'm guessing Bolden starts.

Meanwhile at Purdue things just keep getting worse. Third-stringer Rob Henry acquired a "crushed index finger" against Ohio State and Boiled Sports believes that means true freshman Sean Robinson will end up starting when Purdue takes on Illinois next week.

Penn State confidence monitor. They didn't lose against Minnesota but they did get outgained by 70 yards and cough up 400 yards of offense to a team headed for 1-11, so reviews are negative:

-- Penn State made Gopher running back DeLeon Eskridge look like Barry Sanders out there. The Lions missed so many tackles I thought they must have brought the wrong shoes. … -- Lion defense just has no playmakers.  … -- In fact, until the fourth quarter, Penn State had precious little success running the ball against a defense ranked 102nd in the nation against the run. Unimaginable, really. … -- Minnesota's 75-yard TD drive to start the second half was so easy I thought I was watching the New Orleans Saints shred the Penn State defense. Very, very scary, folks.

This was a win, but no one was impressed. The line swung from M +2.5 to M –3 based on it, though it's gotten bet back down some since.

It's not that timeout, it's that you still had it. Back to the hat: many people are pointing at Kirk Ferentz going "Les Miles!" in the same manner you would scream "witch!" during a good hysterical mass hallucination after Iowa biffed its clock management good in their 31-30 loss to Wisconsin. Cue defense from Ferentz:

"We wanted to burn the timeout and just go from there," Ferentz said. "I guess we could have gone the other way. Might have saved us two seconds, something like that. I don't think that was exactly the turning point in the game."

Cue Hat reference:

Les Miles might agree.

Iowa fans probably won't.

Ferentz is right—taking the timeout there is not a major factor. But he's not off the hook because he made the most frustrating error coaches make these days now that they don't punt from the opponent's 34 (HINT, NORTHWESTERN): he didn't immediately start calling timeouts when Wisconsin made it first and goal. If Iowa has 40 seconds instead of 12 when the spike/timeout decision is made it's not nearly as big a deal. Always, always get rid of your timeouts on defense if given the opportunity—you will never save more time by holding them.

No, still a punk. In the weeks before the season Ohio State teammate Tyler Moeller said Terrelle Pryor was "kind of a punk" by way of explaining that he was no longer the kind of guy who puts "VICK 3:16" on his eyeblack or talks about how everybody steals from people, murders from people, whatever. Pryor should ban the word "everybody" from his vocabulary:

“Not to take anything away from Wisconsin at all – I really don’t want it to come off like this – but they weren’t better than us,” he said. “Everybody knows that if we play nine out of 10 times, we’d beat Wisconsin.”

Pryor stats: 14/28, 156 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 56 yards rushing on 18 carries. Final score: Wisconsin by 13. I'm sure Michigan would have been better off the last few years with Pryor behind center but right now I'm happy Michigan missed on an unlikeable guy who's not living up to his athletic potential.

The unabated stupidity. Richard Billingsley's computer rankings are even more off the chain than usual this week:

His ballot does not disappoint this week, ranking TCU at No. 1 (three spots higher than any other computer poll) and Missouri at No. 10 -- the Tigers' lowest spot in any computer poll by seven and two places below the less Mizzou-friendly humans. …

In fact, the rule that causes the high and low scores for each team to be thrown out might as well be called the Billingsley Rule -- counting ties, Billingsley ranks 17 of the 25 teams higher or lower than any other computer in the BCS, including being the only one to rank Virginia Tech at all.

At least the discard rule does effectively neuter Billingsley's poll. His poll is maybe 20% as impactful as the other four.

Etc.: You think we have problems? Boston College fired a good coach, hired a career assistant in his sixties named Spaz, is 0-4 in the ACC, and has scheduled Vanilla Ice to participate in something called "Ice Jam." Boston College has problems. EBay watch hits up 1976.



October 25th, 2010 at 2:28 PM ^

Les Miles.  He really is a tool.  Glad that we didn't get him.  I remember so many people on this and other boards trashing Lloyd because he was allegedly behind us not getting Les.  Dodged a bullet there.


October 25th, 2010 at 2:32 PM ^

Ferentz is right—taking the timeout there is not a major factor.

Perhaps Ferentz should have used his timeouts earlier when his team was on defense, but I'm not sure how you can say that using his last timeout when he did wasn't a major factor.  If Stanzi spikes the ball they have probably two plays to throw the ball in the middle of the field and stop the clock if they get tackled in bounds.  Instead, they have 12 seconds, get tackled in bounds, and the game ends there because they can't stop the clock.  Calling that timeout when he did was idiotic, and it cost them a chance at a FG.


October 25th, 2010 at 2:47 PM ^

Yeah, I have to disagree with Brian as well - taking the timeout there instead of a spike was a huge factor.  Spike it, and you can go anywhere with the ball to set up a field goal attempt - over the middle, sidelines - hell, you can run a draw if you're feeling crazy and/or playing by Madden "screw the distance, I just need to center it" rules.


October 25th, 2010 at 2:44 PM ^

Come on now.

We all know that the Kirk Ferentz Game Management Plan That He Really Stole From Lloyd Carr That Lloyd Might Have Actually Lent To Him On A Ski Trip After Too Many Jugs Of Hot Wine At An Apres Ski Party does not have a section on how to use timeouts on defense at the end of the game.

We learned that much over the years, didnt we?


October 25th, 2010 at 2:45 PM ^

I disagree that it wasn't a major factor.

They had a chance to spike the ball with the clock stopped at 12 seconds left b/c they had just gotten a 1st down.  Probably could have stopped it at 10 seconds.  Could have then ran any play and called an immediate TO with likely more than 2 seconds left in game for a FGattempt.

But they called the TO when they could've spiked it.  So after Robinson got tackled there were like 5-6 seconds left which wasnt enough time to get set.

The TO is more valuable if its not used there because it can save you more time in a situation where the ball isn't set and there wasn't a first down than in a situation where a 1st down was gained and everybody was ready to spike it.

Huge mistake


October 25th, 2010 at 2:54 PM ^

Regarless of whether or not he should've use the TOs when Wisco had the ball, blowing their final TO after a first down was still a huge factor.  

Running on the assumption that they had spiked the ball after the 1st down and had 10 seconds left on the clock, even running the same play would've at least given them the potential to kick a game winning FG.  Sure it would've be about 50 yards, but they would've had a shot.   but having the TO would've given them a chance to run other plays over the middle instead of hoping for a deep pass and then checking down to the RB.  A play over the middle might have had the potential to gain more yards and they still would've had time to call a TO and attempt the winning field goal.  

It is still amazing to me that Miles, Ferentz, Andy Reid, etc. can obviously and consistently blow this relatively simple aspect of the game so often.


October 25th, 2010 at 3:03 PM ^

The Iowa players knew what to do!  They were lined up and could have spiked the ball after only 1 or 2 seconds.  Then all of the sudden Stanzi starts looking over at the sideline (I'm assuming because some coach is yelling at him), and the seconds start to tick away. 

Captain Obvious

October 25th, 2010 at 2:52 PM ^

in keeping the TO there?  You don't even have to think in hypotheticals - look at what actually happened: A ball got thrown over the middle of the field, he got tackled inbounds and the clock expired while they frantically ran around.  If people are frantically running around while time expires, 99% of the time the coach screwed up.

Ferentz = Miles, at least for this game.

Other Andrew

October 25th, 2010 at 2:58 PM ^


Is there a contextual reason for Miles' clap being the "worst thing he's done?" Sorry, I live in Argentina and it's nearly impossible to see games and highlights here (internet is slooow). I'm assuming it's more than just a goofy clap, right?


October 25th, 2010 at 3:08 PM ^

BC firing it's coach for interviewing for another job when they told him the consequences was pretty awesome. I applauded the non-bluff and hoped it would become a trend. What they've become assures it's won't be. Turned out to be one of the biggest Letterman-awkward-neck-collar moves of the last decade.


October 25th, 2010 at 3:20 PM ^

...I attended the EMU - UVA game at Charlottesville this past Saturday and got a chance to observe Ron English's sideline manner. 

My assessment: the man seems to have lost it.  He is strangely disengaged on the sideline.  Whether on offense or defense, English rarely positioned himself at the line of scrimmage. During one offensive series, he stood 25 yds up field from the LOS.  On a defensive series, UVA had the ball on their own 25 and he was standing on the EMU 25 yd line - a full 50 yds from the LOS.

EMU actually played with UVA for most of the game. At the half, they were a pulled 28 yd FG from being tied 17-17.  They went down 2 scores, but climbed right back into it only to surrender a KO return TD on a designed short kick.  Then when they were within striking distance again, they gave up a TD on a fake punt. English went ballistic on the refs after the play for God knows what reason and was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct prior to the PAT.

I was quietly rooting for EMU since my brother played LB for the Hurons back in the early '80s and I have a soft spot for them.  Still, I couldn't deny my daughter her due as her Cavs pulled away from the Eagles in the 4th quarter.

We should all thank our lucky stars that English wasn't given the chance to move up the ladder at U-M.  Now that would have been an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions.


October 25th, 2010 at 4:04 PM ^

Agree that English wouldn't be a good HC at UM, but I have a related question for my fellow Wolverine fans:

IN RETROSPECT, would you have preferred Rodriguez kept English as coordinator if for no other reason but for the sake of continuity on defense? Would this have even been feasible? For instance, did English enjoy the same autonomy under Carr that GERG has under Rodriguez?


October 25th, 2010 at 3:29 PM ^

When Penn State Quarterbacks were dropping like flies....


AFTER the game??

If we had that defense this year, JoePa might be playing QB before the game was done with their complete lack of healthy depth right now.

Blue Blue Blue

October 25th, 2010 at 3:30 PM ^

.....as someone who knew him back in the day.    a real jerk.   the king of the mullett and pulled hamstrings     I remember thinking an unpaid volunteer coaching position was what his U-M degree was worth.........guess he's lauging now.


October 25th, 2010 at 3:34 PM ^

In rankings by humans, major ranking differences are most often attributed to bais on the part of a human observer. Each human observer lives in a single region of the country, only watches some of the games, may have attended, played for or against one or more of the teams being ranked. Computer models were added in an attempt to remove human bias from a part of the BCS formula.

I'm not uncomfortable with the fact that Billingsley's computer ranking is different than its peers; each ranking is different computational attempt to arrive at a solution with only part of the data. A more important comparison is how the in-season ranking compares to the final result in a season (barring unforeseeable events such as injury of a star player).


October 25th, 2010 at 3:54 PM ^

"It's not that timeout"

Yes, it was very much the timeout that killed them.

Ferentz could have had two shots and stopped the clock in case of a inbounds tackle (like...um...the one that ended the game).


October 25th, 2010 at 4:11 PM ^

The point is that Iowa shouldn't have even had that timeout because they should have used it on defense and then had 40 seconds there instead of 12. I agree that not spiking the ball there was an error but it's an error that takes your chances of winning from 5% to 4%; with 40 seconds there you're in a much better position.


October 25th, 2010 at 4:37 PM ^

much more. In one scenario, you have virtually a 0% chance of being able to attempt a FG and in another, you are assured of being able to get you FG unit on the field and having a shot. 

But the point you make about KF not even having that timeout by this time is sort of valid. It's not that cut and dry though. If you take a timeout on defense then that "theretically" gives the offense some more time to get better organized and maybe giving your defense less of a chance. 


October 25th, 2010 at 9:45 PM ^

 If you take a timeout on defense then that "theretically" gives the offense some more time to get better organized and maybe giving your defense less of a chance. 

It's not theoretical, it 100% saves more time than if you use it on offense, because on offense you can stop the clock when you want, Wisconsin was burning down the clock and Iowa would have saved nearly 30 seconds, maybe a touch more, by calling it on defense.


October 25th, 2010 at 9:47 PM ^

the ball.  And, if I am the coach and we are trailing by 3 points or less, I am going to do what ever I can to save the last time out to get the field goal kicking team on the field.  I have seen too many games lost with the trailing team in field goal kicking range, but not being able to get the field goal attemtped before time runs out.


October 25th, 2010 at 4:39 PM ^

That repeating Les Miles thing gave me a seizure.

Please let me know who to name in my upcoming lawsuit over this issue? Just an FYI, I prioritize an ability to pay a large settlement over actual responsibility.

Have a nice day.


October 25th, 2010 at 6:01 PM ^

...PSU QB situation.

ESPN_BigTen (Adam Rittenberg) No official update from Penn State on Rob Bolden today. JoePa to update us Tuesday. Possible clue: McGloin having teleconference Wednesday

This was tweeted Mon, 10/25 at about 5 pm ET.


October 25th, 2010 at 9:47 PM ^

Why the hard on for Billingsley?  Goto


Here Kenneth Massey (another BCS computer) compares over 100 polls, most of them computers, and TCU is the consensus #1.  As for no other BCS computers ranking Va Tech in the top 25, they are in the 30's with the other BCS computers, not exaclty a night and day difference.  For what its worth Sagarin has them at #31 for his BCS rank, and #20 for his predictor which is supposed to be more accurate.




October 27th, 2010 at 2:30 PM ^

I completely agree that the best way to save time is to take them on defense.  You have complete control of the clock when you're on offense, you have zero control on defense.  Any kids on an Xbox knows this.  The only problem is if they convert that first down when you're on defense, making the timeouts useless.  That's why coaches can't go run-run-run-punt to finish out the game, they have to keep their offense the same and convert that first down until they can knee-knee-knee-win game.

I say coaches should play more Xbox to refine their time management.