O.T. Important things (to some folks) but not to others
Not that you care, but we probably couldn't be friends.
1. No shoes allowed in my house. Do you have any idea what's on the bottom of shoes? I can't even imagine and don't want to know.
2. Hair = food goes back to the kitchen. And, yes, I know that it is possible that they simply pull out the hair and bring the same dish back to me.
3. I have a 13 year old son and an 11 year old daughter and I think that participation medals are ridiculous.
4. 90 degrees? Indoor activities, please.
I agree with all but #1, and I think it's crazy that this isn't common among everyone. Shoes are absolutely filthy. And I'm not a germophobe at all. I've eaten bread cooked in a cow dung fire. I want to eat food I drop on the floor, but I wouldn't eat food off a sidewalk. Perhaps even more importantly, don't you wanna take off your shoes when you get home?! It'd be so awful to get home from work to relax and keep my damn shoes on. And if I took them off, my feet would be filthy from the floor.
Sticking with the, um... eating out theme
My wife insists that I make a thorough, half-assed attempt to pick up the check when we're out to dinner with her parents. I think its a Mexican thing, but they always refuse to let us pay yet she gets super pissed if I don't convincingly act like I want the check even though we all know there's no way I'm paying it...
Apparently also a Dutch thing, same thing with my grandparents.
since anytime a Dutchman finds a nickel he will huddle in the corner to protect it.
I think it's just good manners. I do the same thing with my inlaws. And we fucking hate each other.
I get the good manners part, but I don't think you fully appreciate the extent and intensity of these standoffs.
One time - like a ninja - I got my hands on the bill and holy fuck me I thought her dad was going to choke me. Literally swore he would never visit or eat with us again if I didn't give him the check.
Yet the charade persists...
I one time snuck my credit card to the waitress and FIL jupmed up and almost accosted the poor lady to get the check.
I know how that one ends, lol
All of these similar stories actually make me feel a lot better about the situation.
My in-laws neither offer nor flinch when the check hits the table. I'm like "WTF?!?"
On the other hand, the only way to be able to pay when we're out with my parents is to do the before-the-meal credit card thing with the server.
it's a Catholic thing? I remember a similar scene on the Soprano's.
We're all Jewish. (and please refrain from any cheap Jew jokes)
I thought the Dutch always split the check.
They also always fart and pull the covers over your head.
fart in airlocks too.
I'll assume you're from west michigan, in which case your grandparents are obviously taking you to Russ'. And at Russ' (where you can feed a family of 5 for $20) everyone is willing to pick up the tab.
I'm dutch, from Holland (MI), and Russ' sucks.
Yep, GR. Russ's is garbage.
After reading "um...eating out theme" and "half-assed attempt," I was 99% certain that this post was going to be about something else.
I'm STILL trying to figure out if it's all just innuendo.
In my house, it's conservation. My husband will put a nearly empty ketchup bottle upside down on top of another nearly empty ketchup bottle in order to save half a squirt of ketchup. His medicine cabinet is an ode to conservation - tiny travel size bottles on top of other tiny bottles in order to save literally drops of shampoo. Shards of bar soap added to other shards, Frankenstein-like, in order to get one hand-washing out of it. If a full-size bar of soap doesn't live up to my exacting standards, I toss it. No problem.
the bar of soap thing. Good to know I'm not the only one.
I also save prescription medication. Why, I have no idea. But when the zombies come, I'll have plenty of antibiotics.
I don't use soap. My fur reacts to it weird.
The trick is just to stick the old sliver on your brand new fresh bar. Voila.
His parents were very frugal. And in high school, he had to pay for everything himself, including his clothes. His father was a corporate attorney, but that's just how they rolled. He just texted me to tell me he was throwing away a pair of shoes because they have a hole in the sole and his feet got wet from the rain. I think he feels guilty about doing it. Now that I think about it, this might be more than just a personality quirk.
We're definitely into conservation. It really is crazy, and kind of embarrassing. My wife is over the top. We save every drop and dribble of ketchup, oil, syrup, salad dressing, etc. To save on electricity and wear and tear, we dry almost all our clothes out on the line. The thermostat is programmed so we really need that comforter and a hat for bed in the winter. After kids TP'd our house (our son is a football player, and cheerleaders did this,) we gathered most of the TP and used it. We save the shreds of soap and make them into a new bar/cake of soap. Half of this is the whole principle of conservation, the other half is being frugal.
So here's where it drives me insane. My wife will not enjoy a meal out in a restaurant if it costs a chunk of change. But that doesn't mean she enjoys a meal that is low quality. This also goes with some dates. So, I have to find very creative ways to find things to do that she enjoys, that are high quality, but don't cost an arm and a leg. If I find the right deal, or discount, or something like that, it is a win - win situation. I guess I should count my blessings. I know others who have wives who want you to spend a ton of money that you can't really afford. Otherwise, they don't feel loved or valued. That will never be my problem.
I'm all for frugality, but when TP'd you gathered up the paper and used it? That'd be enough to push me over the edge. Like they* always say - "once strewn on a bush keep the stuff off your tush!".
*And by "they" I mean I just made it up.
If you used it to wipe up dog drool and cat barf, fine.
If you wiped your ass and other private parts with it, that's really over the top.
It's not even a squirt. It's like the ketchup residue that sticks to the inside of the bottle. So we keep a few of those bottles until the residue can be combined to get half a squirt.
lol wow. I was going to say I was frugal like your husband, but I definitely don't go that far.
Holiday cards
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Bud Light / Miller Lite = Beer is highly questionable to begin with.
Or people who question you when you order a Bud Light as opposed to a craft beer. News flash: everyone likes good beer, not everyone is willing to pay for it all the time
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I've never not finished a meal and it bothers me when other people don't finish their meal. Eat your food pussy.
Merica, bunch o pussies can't finish some food. 
A THOUSAND TIMES YES.
I have a friend who will ALWAYS eat only half of his meal when we're out together (and I'm 100% sure he does it when out to eat without me, too). Like, a chicken fingers meal from TGI Friday's, for example. Four tenders and a small amount of fries, right? That is a simple and satisfying meal that isn't too filling. He will only eat two tenders and half the fries. How is that satisfying?! I will borrow your last statement: "Eat your food, pussy."
I'd call that guy a pussy to his face while stuffing my face with his chicken tenders.
I was always taught to finish my meals (not that I needed teaching, unless the food was gross) and so was everyone I knew growing up. When I moved to America, almost everyone in school left something on their plates at lunch and I'd have an internal battle not to shove each and every one of their wasteful little faces in the food.
I was taught well also (American). My mom wouldn't let a gran of rice or noodle of mac and cheese go to waste, and I'm glad she didn't. I hate when people waste their food, and I used to eat what I had no matter how miserably full I was, but I've now backed off that a bit. A recurring joke with my mom is if I'm full she'll ask if I want some tomatoes because when I was I guess 10 or so and Up North at a restaurant with my parents one time I was really full, but there were some tomatoes I still hadn't eaten. She said I should eat them and I said no and she's like "come on", so I did and then immediately puked up all my food back on to my plate. We were done so my parents just covered it up with napkins and we left lol.
I do care about is the toilet paper roll. It goes over, the way God intended, not under.
Yes. Anyone who puts the flap under is a psychopath.
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One shouldn't own an animal that affects how you use your toilet paper. I also have cats . . .damn it.
The direction of the toilet paper. I don't even care if it's on the holder. Luckily my husband has stopped fighting me on this one and just "fixes" it.