Martha Stewart officially destroys tailgating
[ED:BISB - Changed title to avoid gender war, which the women would win because they have better attention spans and the ability to turn any argument into a slightly different argument that they can win]
Edit: I suppose I should clarify, becuase we have some excellent women on this board. Women that read Martha Stewart Magazine and save Good Housekeeping's for years so that they don't forget that "cute christmas wrap idea" have officially ruined tailgating. The rest of you may go about your business.
Link taken from EDSBS. http://westport.patch.com/blog_posts/the-backyard-family-tailgater-throw-a-true-southern-tailgater-for-the-whole-family
No, dammit. No, no, no, no, no. A tailgate is not a time to go all Martha Stewart. It is not a time to plan a fall afternoon of "activities". There are three activities at a tailgate. Eat, Drink and watch/listen to football while waiting for the game to start.
DAMMIT, Women! This is why we can't have nice things!
This, this is what you are envisioning.
This is not a tailgate. It is a fall dinner party. Schedule it for any day but Saturday, and we men will happily attend, make polite chatter, and then recuse ourselves to the basement/den to wath baseball or preseason NBA games while you do your prattling.
This...
Beer, chips, meat, chairs and football. LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE, DAMN YOU!
Sincerely,
Guy who had his last football Saturday ruined by a group of women who complained he wasn't "participating". I had my beer and my eyes on the TV. That is how you participate in a damned tailgate! Not by doing the friggin christmas name-draw!
</ huffiness>
October 26th, 2012 at 12:37 PM ^
have you?
October 26th, 2012 at 12:38 PM ^
My wife might have a different opinion than I do.
I suppose I should specify that not ALL women officially ruin tailgates. Just some.
October 26th, 2012 at 1:04 PM ^
Opinion to which part of that statement? That you had sex or were with a woman? /s
October 26th, 2012 at 9:30 PM ^
a woman? Yikes
October 27th, 2012 at 2:56 AM ^
This thread has spawned my creation, thanks!
From now on, my creator will deploy this account to track posts and/or comments that make statements which are distasteful and/or alienate members of the MGoCommunity on the basis of race, sex, gender, orientation, nationality, veteran status and disability. Offending posts will be noted, suggestions to improve discourse will be offered, and points will be tallied by username in two categories: the Creeper Cone of Shame and the Upstanding Citizen's Cup. The Cone will be bestowed biannually to the poster with the most offenses, and the Cup will be given to the user with most positive contributions to making all feel welcome.
October 26th, 2012 at 5:05 PM ^
but SNL makes it too hard to find their clips to embed it.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:36 PM ^
You are so getting coal for Christmas.
October 26th, 2012 at 3:30 PM ^
Worst joke ever.
Edit: Apparently I needed to be a bit more clear. In context, the above statement was quite comical. It's just that "coal" jokes are all too prevalent in my life. If you are confused, please refer to my username. If confusion STILL arises, Cole... coal... ha.... Why am I posting this? I do not know. Joke = funny. Moving along.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:38 PM ^
do you feel better now?
October 26th, 2012 at 12:38 PM ^
You are justified in your frustration
October 26th, 2012 at 9:34 PM ^
is a real drag.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:45 PM ^
Someone should make an NHL version of this captioned "In Before the Lockout"
October 26th, 2012 at 12:40 PM ^
October 26th, 2012 at 12:47 PM ^
I logged in just to upvote this. I guarantee this is going to be the best post on this thread.
October 26th, 2012 at 9:36 PM ^
it is.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:42 PM ^
tailgating is a whole different game down south.
Second, as a woman, I am offended.
Third, I think with much work, we could find you a nice woman, Blazefire. Don't give up hope.
Also, as an English major, I commend your use of "prattling". Good one.
edit: I see you have a wife. We can set up a support group for her. at a tailgate. with fine china.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:44 PM ^
"Second, as a woman, I am offended."
But as a Michigan fan, you whole heartedly agree with meand will adopt the spirit of the season? Or... no?
Just to note, I am married to an awesome woman. Article made me laugh at how on point it was to my life, though.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:53 PM ^
a fancy tailgate with "activities" would creep me out. But I do enjoy a large supply of different appetizers (may or may not be from PInterest), a main dish (can be hot dogs) and some great desserts. No activities or fine China! And no warm beer! cold beer, whiskey sours, and maybe Bloody Mary's for a noon game. I pass on the Wine for a tailgate. Sangria is OK.
October 26th, 2012 at 1:05 PM ^
The bloody mary is the most criminally overlooked beverage in existence. Most people seem to love them, yet they rarely order them. Whenever I'm in Vegas I'm usually ordering them and I couldn't count the number of people near me who always say, "Wow, that sounds really good. I'll have one too!" It's a unisex drink too which improves its utility at a party.
+1 to you for realizing its usefulness at a tailgate.
October 26th, 2012 at 1:24 PM ^
try the Bloody Caeser's they serve poolside at the Bellagio.
Otherworldly.
October 26th, 2012 at 2:10 PM ^
I am currently in the area for work and am intrigued by this...but just for the sake of saying it wouldn't a Bloody Caesar be more of a Caesar's Palace kind of drink?
October 26th, 2012 at 3:40 PM ^
October 26th, 2012 at 9:37 PM ^
see our neighbors to the north get a plug
October 26th, 2012 at 5:46 PM ^
And i have a bloody mary recipe that I thought I'd share, passed down from my late stepfather, a UM B-School grad. This is a relatively mild spice load so you may add more to suit your taste, but follow the basic ingredients.
1 half-gallon jug of Clamato Juice
1 teaspoon tabasco
2 teaspoons lemon juice
3 teaspoons worcester
2 teaspoons horseradish (not the creamy kind)
After you mix the jug, you can pour some off and replace with vodka, so it's all ready to go.
Serve over ice of course, and top it off with a splash of beer. it adds a nice bit of effervescence and cuts the viscousness of the tomato juice.
October 27th, 2012 at 12:09 PM ^
Isn't that a Bloody Caesar to a T?
October 26th, 2012 at 1:52 PM ^
But now that you're married, you can just tell her to go to hell if she bothers you when you're trying to watch football.
October 26th, 2012 at 2:05 PM ^
RIght, because that wouldn't end up killing your changes to enjoy the rest of this football season and probably the next three as well . . .
October 26th, 2012 at 8:42 PM ^
I mean, are you married? It turns out that, by the time somebody likes you enough to marry you, she will put up with being told to go to hell during football games every once in a while. I was a little surprised, too, but it works. Just don't let anybody put anything about paying attention to anyone during fall Saturdays into your vows and you're good.
October 26th, 2012 at 9:05 PM ^
I must have forgotten to attach that rider to my marriage license. Or my wife didn't tell me about it. Likely the latter.
October 27th, 2012 at 9:34 AM ^
She's just being sneaky. It took 25 years for my wife to finally realize that no matter how hard she tries, she's never going to mold me into the imaginary man she wishes she'd married.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:46 PM ^
I'll bring the salmon rillettes and make some themed cocktails.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:49 PM ^
I was going to rant about "wtf is a rillette, GTFO" and then I googled:
"Rillettes is a preparation of meat similar to pâté. Originally made with pork, the
meat is cubed or chopped, salted heavily and cooked slowly in fat until it is tender "
and, YES PLEASE
October 26th, 2012 at 12:49 PM ^
I suppose I have only myself to blame.
October 26th, 2012 at 9:38 PM ^
you do. but I will give you a +1 anyway.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:50 PM ^
In what sense is tailgaiting a whole different bowl of boiled peanuts?
Haha, my GF is from Georgia, and I've been to many a southern tailgate. Food is awesome, but I'm curious what you're pointing to specifically.
I will say this, girls in the south can actually sit and watch a football game (thank God, my gf is so understanding of my CFB addiction.)
October 26th, 2012 at 12:59 PM ^
I will say this, girls in the south are just better generally.
/shots fired
//War of Northern Aggression Round 2
October 26th, 2012 at 12:58 PM ^
I hear Southern women dress up for tailgating? No? Although I did buy myself a cute pair of maize cords yesterday.........Oh, God, someone help me!!!!
October 26th, 2012 at 1:32 PM ^
ya! Sundresses for the games... pledges (and most guys) where suits. It's a big deal. Wearing Jerseys are frowned upon.
October 26th, 2012 at 1:49 PM ^
They have an unfair advantage over us and that is- weather! 90 degrees every Saturday down south....perfect for Sundresses. Sorry for the guys that have to wear suits, though.
October 26th, 2012 at 3:26 PM ^
October 26th, 2012 at 9:39 PM ^
to you
October 26th, 2012 at 2:55 PM ^
An oxford, a blazer, and a tie does not a suit make.
October 26th, 2012 at 4:17 PM ^
I know what 1 out of those 3 things is. I'm a bloody savage, aren't I?
October 26th, 2012 at 5:03 PM ^
Oxford - place in England
Blazer - Chevy 4 x 4
Tie - like kissing your sister
October 26th, 2012 at 9:40 PM ^
comment
October 26th, 2012 at 3:44 PM ^
Where?
October 26th, 2012 at 12:45 PM ^
I'd like to add "throwing a football" and "finding somewhere to pee between cars" to the list of acceptable tailgate activities.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:48 PM ^
I support this ammendment.
October 26th, 2012 at 12:48 PM ^
The latter is both acceptable and necessary in order to maximize one's enjoyment at a tailgate