Why do we care so much?

Submitted by 1464 on

On the drive home from the bar, I worked up many cutesie things to say about how bad I feel.  About how much suffering I have put myself through just by being a Michigan fan.  But the bottom line is, I just walked out of a bar filled with my friends (not Michigan fans).  They genuinely tried to console me like I had lost a loved one.  They were actually hurt by how much I was hurt.  

I have had time to mill it over.  I am an intelligent person with a good job, a loving family, and a lot of opportunities that have been provided to me.  I call myself intelligent because of the fact that I feel completely stupid being so dejected over something that I can't control.  I honestly feel like a Michigan football addict.

I walked out the front door of the bar without saying anything to anybody.  Why do I allow something that is (a) trivial and (b) completely out of my control dictate how my weekend goes?  How my fall goes?  

I can't continue to be so involved.  I can't continue to overanalyze every recruiting visit.  Every press conference.  Every tweet.  In a way, tonight served as a way for me to understand that I have gotten way too close to a concept.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am still glad that Harbaugh has come home.  I am still glad that Michigan has a future again.  But I've realized that I have to step back from this.  Get some perspective.   There are probably other people on here who feel the same way.

Is this the loss that actually forces me to grow up and treat Michigan football as the object that it is? - A fun three hour escape from reality that shouldn't cause me to drop off the face of the map when faced with a little turbulence?  I don't see very many well adjusted people that are older than I am that live and die by a box score.

I don't know what the point of this post is.  Am I being nihilistic?  Am I overreacting?  Or is it possible that nearly every one of us on this board is way too tied into something that they cannot change, for better or worse?

titanfan11

October 17th, 2015 at 10:00 PM ^

"If this is the pros, no way that happens."  But then, I thought, "If this is the pros, State kicks a 56 yard field goal on 4th and 19 to take a 24-23 lead, and we never even get to the punt situation."  So, do I want botched punts losing games?  Or kickers making 55 yard field goals routinely to win games?  

Pinky

October 17th, 2015 at 8:38 PM ^

On the whole, it probably isn't worth it.  So much time wasted watching a bunch of teenagers run and throw a ball, and they almost always disappoint us.  

AmayzNblue

October 17th, 2015 at 8:44 PM ^

This is a well thought out post. You're reflecting the way many of us feel after a loss. When we win, most of us can remain cool and refrain from gloating. I watched the UT-Florida game a few weeks ago with a good friend who is a massive Vols fan. I was doing great that day not talking about Michigan because we had blown BYU out. When his game came on, I watched and encouraged and remained silent as his team imploded at the end. He threw his hat on the ground and walked down to his garage and punched something hard. It was certainly awkward and I thought...I need to step back from this because when Michigan loses, that is probably how I look. I know I get worked up during the games and then realize....I have no control over this. Why open my personal boundaries to allow this football team determine my attitude on Saturdays in the fall? What's the point in the scheme of life? Why care about what Dantonio says in a presser or get angry with MSU fans? We are passive observers of the players and coaches who should be thoroughly invested in their team. I will join you, 1484, in returning to a place of perspective on my level of emotional investment and time involvement in this experience of being a UM fan. Thanks for the post




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swalburn

October 17th, 2015 at 8:45 PM ^

Oddly, I'm taking this better than most.  We beat Sparty, we just didn't beat Sparty.  The team stood up to the bully and had them beat.  The future is bright and we are way ahead of schedule.  In years past we were non-competetive.  This is so much better.  Neg me if you want but we are a QB and some skill position help from be a wrecking ball.  We just didn't have the pieces to exploit their weaknesses but had them beat anyway.

Qmatic

October 17th, 2015 at 8:47 PM ^

I'm taking a step back too. I love everything about the university I attended, but it's not healthy to let something I have no control of dictate my life so much

BlueMk1690

October 17th, 2015 at 8:48 PM ^

because this drama, this current feeling of the world coming to an end, as well as the feeling of the high after a win are replacements for the lack of emotional extremes we see in our fairly mundane lives.

Our bodies are basically massive hormone factories before, during and after these games. It has been suggested quite often that you can get addicted to those hormones. And it's not just happiness, the same applies to pain, aggression, fear. It's the whole damn human experience put together in a package which is all in all far more harmlessly consumed than most other ways of experiencing all that stuff.

6-7 hours ago this message board was drunk on our own hype. People said it's a great day to be alive and what not, victory was assumed. Well, it didn't turn out to be a great day, an OK day or even a mildly annoying day, it turned out to be one of the darkest days of Michigan football history. It's an emotional roller coast ride. You don't just get that anywhere else. You might wanna quit now, but I've said that to myself before, you'll be back. The safety of not caring is also incredibly dull. Let the anger turn into something else!

mdoc

October 17th, 2015 at 8:49 PM ^

I live in a rural area. I recently saw a rat in my garage and a couple in the barn. so I got some kittens last week to turn into rat maulers. they are too small to live outside quite yet so they are in an empty room in the farmhouse. I am sitting in the kitten room with a beer and there are kittens climbing all over me. it should be the greatest time of my life. but I find myself asking, what is life?

ndjames86

October 17th, 2015 at 8:50 PM ^

this is a loss that reminds me why i love college football. We've already won as many games this year as we did last year. Team looks SO much more poised (minus one play) and has so much upward potential. Jim Harbaugh did this in one year with an Iowa QB! Lots to be excited about. Just gives us one more reason to hate on MSU.

Wolverine Devotee

October 17th, 2015 at 8:53 PM ^

I'm gonna open up and share something that I really never had to.

I owe my life to Michigan Athletics.

I have depression. It was really severe at one point and I was inches away from committing suicide when I was 15.

It was the memories I had of going to games, the joy of wins and all the love I have for Michigan that kept me from giving up. 

Mock me all you want. This is my life and will always be. 

1464

October 17th, 2015 at 9:12 PM ^

Hey man.  Just a thought.  I want to make sure you're cool with that information getting out.  Your picture was posted a couple weeks ago and I'm 99.9% sure that you probably know another Michigan fan.  If they recognize you and know you, it'll get out.

Maybe you're fine with it, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

MSSchnepp

October 18th, 2015 at 1:51 AM ^

Well, I hope you won't ever forget or question--that outside of these hyped-up sporting events and all the ups and downs that come with it--that you have tremendous worth. Not just to the Michigan Sports community, but to humanity at large. We'd much rather have you with us than any sort of "win," or banner.

I can't rightly say that I hope that you double-down on Michigan because, I'd rather you double-down on life and all it's wonderment, and come to know only tremendous happiness throughout your years, outside of athletics.

Whenever life feels out of control, know that you can weather any storm my good fellow. Know you have great worth and tremendous value; owning zero to the outcome of sporting events.

Blessings.

maizenblue87

October 17th, 2015 at 8:51 PM ^

My problem is I grew up on Michigan's success and I didn't develop enough other interests. I don't care for most professional sports, I don't have hobbies (other than running, doing the Detroit Marathon tomorrow). I'm so invested in UM football that I can't simply focus on something else. Fortunately I have a wife and three kids who love me.




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Winchester Wolverine

October 17th, 2015 at 8:53 PM ^

No. This is why I love college football. Why I love Michigan. When you look outside the box, it looks crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. I don't care. Heartbreak is part of the game. Heartbreak is part of life. Accept it, move on, and keep on keepin' on. Our time is coming.

WichitanWolverine

October 17th, 2015 at 9:06 PM ^

I'm 30 years old. 5 minutes after the game I thought maybe I should discuss having kids with my wife because I should grow up and quit wasting my time on such pointless shit.

This is the only thing outside of friends and family that can make me feel this low. I was in a bar with 100 other Michigan fans and it was obvious that I was the only one in the room who thought the game was a matter of life and death. And for what?

I just don't know what to do with myself right now.

RobSk

October 17th, 2015 at 10:56 PM ^

Having  children, caring about them, loving them - It's the first thing that has come anywhere close to helping me put sports closer to in perspective.

I was out with them at AAGOC today, walking around collecting cans for scouting - It was awesome to see all these folks having fun, loving Michigan football and having a good time. I believed Michigan would win, and was looking forward to lovingly watching every minute on the DVR.

We were driving home after doing the can return, and my wife put the game on (without thinking about it). Michigan was lining up for the punt that wasn't..

After it happened, all the joy and fun of the day vanished in an instant. Just gone. I sat there in the drivers seat, trying desperately not to scream or yell or pound the steering wheel.

Over the next 10 minutes, hearing the kids react (or not react, with the 6 year old, who just kinda kept singing the Victors) in a reasonable way (Oh, Michigan lost! That's such a bummer! He messed up that kick? How awful. Hey, lets talk about Legos! :) ) brought me back to earth a bit.

 

15 years ago, I would have been a wreck for a week. Now I can think about it without wanting to punch the wall after only a matter of hours. It's not that I don't care. I care MORE now, since I know so much more about Michigan football from this blog. It's just that I care about other stuff too, in a way I didn't before. Even when they are annoying, they help - Maybe even moreso then..

 

   Rob

1464

October 17th, 2015 at 11:11 PM ^

So my wife and kids are out of town.  I called my wife when the... thing... happened.  She put my son on the phone.  And in his girly little 5 year old voice he yelled "I'm so MAD that Michigan lost!"

Keep in mind that we are in metro-Columbus and that everyone in his life except for me is trying to get him to be an OSU fan.

How do you process that?  Pride?  Shame?  Pride?  It made me sad to hear and I don't know specifically why.

RobSk

October 17th, 2015 at 11:28 PM ^

But I guess that whether they are acting well or annoying, or it's something frustrating about parenting them, my reaction to what they do is better than that awful, dark, abysmal, COMPLETELY out of proportion reaction. Nothing else seems to work the same for me.

  Rob

bluesparkhitsy…

October 17th, 2015 at 11:44 PM ^

It is unnerving when we realize we've burdened our kids with this sickness we all share.  After today's game, my five year old daughter immediately ran over to start consoling me and telling me it was going to be all right.  I was simultaneoustly marveling at her empathy and embarassed at myself for having reacted in such a way that she would feel a need to do that.

Maize and Luke

October 17th, 2015 at 9:05 PM ^

There's nothing wrong with casting this much, in my opinion anyway. Let your emotions pass and your head clear. When the next game chimes around you'll cared more about winning that game than the one lost today. Being passionate about something is never a bad thing, and it's something you can pass onto your (future) kids.




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umgoblue2008

October 17th, 2015 at 8:54 PM ^

The reason we care so much is for our love of the University (alum or otherwise). Like everything in life, sometimes you need to experience the lows to appreciate the highs. Cheer up, our program is going the right direction. The future is bright.

cGOBLUEm

October 17th, 2015 at 9:08 PM ^

I became a fan because the doctor that my mom work for was an alumn. He was a season ticket holder and would give me a set of tickets each year. I've loved Michigan for as long as I can remember, but have no affiliation to the University. 

Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much. I can's help it.

allintime23

October 17th, 2015 at 8:56 PM ^

That team won't ever win a national title again and this was their last stand. Most of their fans parents weren't even alive the last time they won anything that mattered. They were beaten and they got one last gift, they know it too. They are losing in recruiting one year in and were gifted a game today. Winning like losers again. Nobody cares outside of this state. Nobody ever will. Who did Oklahoma state beat in their bowl game four years ago? Get my drift? Nobody gives a fuck about the second best team in the third best conference.

Cope

October 17th, 2015 at 8:56 PM ^

This is exactly how I feel. I went through the same thoughts. If I've learned anything, maybe this'll be the last you see from me for a while.

nappa18

October 17th, 2015 at 9:09 PM ^

I m 67, comfortably retired, with 2 great kids and 4 great grandkids. My son, daughter, and son in law are all Mich grads. I was nervous all day and barely could eat. In the last 10 seconds, I was planning a celebration dinner, instead I choked down a slice of pizza and a bottle of water. Sitting here in a stupor, my wife was worried I was going to have a heart attack. I think I m ok now.

It is completely irrational to be so invested in any sports contest, true. I ve tried to be different but it's in my DNA. Why? Don't know.

Maybe because the intensity and frequency of the "highs" is nowhere near the intensity and frequency of the lows. The last second wins over ND, the 97 rose bowl, all the wins over Ohio State with Cooper, the 1969 Ohio upset. Yes, I watched. All great but...

The close losses on Hail Marys (Colorado), 2005 Rose Bowl against Texas, bad, but this, worse then a million Hail Marys, last second fgs , etc,
.
I ll be ok by Monday but maybe take a step back.

Hang in there fellow fanatics.

nappa18

October 17th, 2015 at 9:09 PM ^

I m 67, comfortably retired, with 2 great kids and 4 great grandkids. My son, daughter, and son in law are all Mich grads. I was nervous all day and barely could eat. In the last 10 seconds, I was planning a celebration dinner, instead I choked down a slice of pizza and a bottle of water. Sitting here in a stupor, my wife was worried I was going to have a heart attack. I think I m ok now.

It is completely irrational to be so invested in any sports contest, true. I ve tried to be different but it's in my DNA. Why? Don't know.

Maybe because the intensity and frequency of the "highs" is nowhere near the intensity and frequency of the lows. The last second wins over ND, the 97 rose bowl, all the wins over Ohio State with Cooper, the 1969 Ohio upset. Yes, I watched. All great but...

The close losses on Hail Marys (Colorado), 2005 Rose Bowl against Texas, bad, but this, worse then a million Hail Marys, last second fgs , etc,
.
I ll be ok by Monday but maybe take a step back.

Hang in there fellow fanatics.

nappa18

October 17th, 2015 at 9:10 PM ^

I m 67, comfortably retired, with 2 great kids and 4 great grandkids. My son, daughter, and son in law are all Mich grads. I was nervous all day and barely could eat. In the last 10 seconds, I was planning a celebration dinner, instead I choked down a slice of pizza and a bottle of water. Sitting here in a stupor, my wife was worried I was going to have a heart attack. I think I m ok now.

It is completely irrational to be so invested in any sports contest, true. I ve tried to be different but it's in my DNA. Why? Don't know.

Maybe because the intensity and frequency of the "highs" is nowhere near the intensity and frequency of the lows. The last second wins over ND, the 97 rose bowl, all the wins over Ohio State with Cooper, the 1969 Ohio upset. Yes, I watched. All great but...

The close losses on Hail Marys (Colorado), 2005 Rose Bowl against Texas, bad, but this, worse then a million Hail Marys, last second fgs , etc,
.
I ll be ok by Monday but maybe take a step back.

Hang in there fellow fanatics.

LSAClassOf2000

October 17th, 2015 at 8:59 PM ^

My thinking actually started to shift in the direction that the OP talks about after The Horror - I tend to credit that game and my overreaction to it back then as the game that started me down a more philosophical, introspective approach to fandom. I spent weeks trying to compartmentalize that particular loss, especially because all my years of being a Michigan fan before that didn't allow for such things to happen.

The Dennis Dixon show after that didn't help either. September 2007 was a long, painful month, and I began to find ways to keep one foot in the moment but one foot in the world, ways to frame games, win or loss, in better way. I took that step back and learned ways to be a highly engaged fan but to be able to not drain myself doing it - besides, I was starting a family by then and I didn't want my kids to see those histrionics. 

cGOBLUEm

October 17th, 2015 at 9:02 PM ^

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't so emotionally involved. The last 7 years have been quite painful. I was as much of a fan then as I am now. It sucks right now because, for the majority of our lives Michigan has been very good. They have not been so the last  7 years. Things will return to normal. 

This one really stings. But this SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WIN. None of us will see a game end like this again in our lifetime. As much as this one stings, things are looking up. 

go16blue

October 17th, 2015 at 9:08 PM ^

The last few years have tought me to be pretty zen about the whole thing, not too long ago I created a thread exactly like this one actually. Things like this happen in sports. You need to find a way to appreciate and enjoy the good while understanding that the bad doesn't need to ruin your week.

UMfan21

October 17th, 2015 at 9:15 PM ^

I hit that point years ago with Apps State and having my first child. not worth investing so much emotion after a loss. take a deep breath, move on.

ThirdVanGundy

October 17th, 2015 at 9:17 PM ^

You are right. I remember when we lost to App State and I just thought, "Why do I put myself through this". Now life sucks for 30 minutes to an hour and I'm fine. I used to beat myself up all weekend and in some cases, all week.