Anger Management Watching on TV

Submitted by will on January 3rd, 2023 at 9:57 PM

As Brian aptly stated, sometimes you take a day or 3 before posting content. I've waited my 3 days and would like the opinion/perspective of my fellow mgoboard posters:

While watching the TCU game, my OSU friend (longtime friend, was in my wedding, etc) unexpectedly began cheering for TCU. I was already at my patience limit watching the disaster the fiesta bowl was.

At some point in the second half, probably fourth quarter, I had seething frustration and rage. I ripped my visor from my head, threw it on the ground and reached into my pockets looking for something to throw. Finding only my wallet and cell, nothing was thrown. Watered down vulgarities were uttered (stupid mother truckers, etc) .

Knowing we had kids there, I stormed out of the room to cool off. Fast forward to the next day my friend told me I had been out of line, and his daughters asked if I was ok.

Tossing stuffed balls, ripping socks, punching the sofa have all occurred in the last decade,  none of which did I ever consider situationally inappropriate. 

I confered with 2 fellow Michigan fans living in columbus, who both considered my outburst acceptable. 

I now seek your collective opinions.

TLDR - how does your rage come out when watching games on tv? How much is too much? 

MGoBoard
Football

BornInAA

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:07 PM ^

Young man,

This is simply Michigan football returning to form.

Big 2 - little 8.

Little brother.

Beat OSU 50% of the time and win the conference.

Get whipped in a bowl game 3 out 4 times.

Welcome to the 70s, 80s, 90s.

Joined: 11/21/2009

MGoPoints: 14507

Dunder

January 4th, 2023 at 9:02 AM ^

Interesting you reference that game - I was stunned by it at the time because every pre-game analysis pointed to this being exactly what OSU would do and what Michigan should do to counter and Michigan didn't have any of those counters. Saturday's debacle felt much the same. 

 

Side note: I too broke a piece of furniture once over M football - Spartan Bob. 

Joined: 09/04/2010

MGoPoints: 8072

Harbaugh's Lef…

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:08 PM ^

Tossing stuffed balls, ripping socks, punching the sofa have all occurred in the last decade,  none of which did I ever consider situationally inappropriate. 

 

All of this is situationally inappropriate, especially if around others.

 

Calm Down Chill Out GIF by Justin

Joined: 08/22/2016

MGoPoints: 35839

BoFan

January 3rd, 2023 at 11:49 PM ^

Yes, Of course it is inappropriate.   

Anger is just your subconscious not being able to control the situation.

Or worse, when you are angry at someone it’s just your subconscious not being able to control them. Other people are always going to be who they are and not who you want them to be.

External events like football games are random.

Once you recognize anger comes from within you and not from the other person, you can recognize the false reaction as it comes up, that you are in complete control, and that you don’t ever have to be angry again.  

Joined: 03/09/2012

MGoPoints: 19943

RedRum

January 4th, 2023 at 7:15 AM ^

Well written and you are almost correct. I know how you described the subconscious is correct. I know that having the third glass of wine is unhealthy, I know spending time on a sports blog is a hobby to which I devote too much time, etc. 

that said, nothing gets my zapples (Ed Kemper reference) like CF. The anticipation, the investment into the personality of the players and coaches, the extension of Michigan Arrogance to Michigan sports. It’s all there. Rationality has no chance. Lizard brain wins. For me it’s shouting “common that is a shit call ref” in a once considered mild shout, and my imaginary or real kids make fun of me for days. I pace the floor a lot as well. The last time I couldn’t enjoy a meal before a UM game was 2017 ND opener. That one really hurt. (There might be a lie, I do shout “Holding” a lot). 
 

that said I didn’t agree with the late hit call on JJ and made that clear. That makes me objective. The refs FUCKED us. 

Joined: 08/20/2017

MGoPoints: 21518

trueblueintexas

January 4th, 2023 at 11:34 AM ^

You can't stop the feeling of anger, you can control your response. 

I told this to my son and he asked me to explain. I lightly kicked him in his leg. I then asked him if it hurt and if he was mad. He said yes. I then pointed out that he chose not to kick his Dad back because he knows what would happen. This was my proud parenting moment.  

Joined: 11/10/2008

MGoPoints: 36653

BleedThatBlue

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:13 PM ^

I messed up my arm in the Michigan St and Michigan game - The Punt from throwing my hat so hard and drinking a bit. All game these MSU fucks were quite the entire game and by the grace of BPONE gods, MSU got the punt and they started to talk shit. 

Joined: 03/17/2015

MGoPoints: 7946

Kevin13

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:42 PM ^

As you get older you realize the guy in the Dr Pepper commercial is right. I used to get passed like the OP stated and broke shit and yelled and sulked for days. Then as I got older I realized it really is just a game and really shouldn’t have such an effect on my life. More important things in life than football. I cheered during the TCU game and was frustrated as how some things went. But when it was over I turned it off and went on like nothing had really happened   Life goes on and I have a lot more important stuff I would rather worry about and deal with then a football game. The game has no real bearing on what is happening in my life 

Joined: 01/26/2016

MGoPoints: 16040

Buy Bushwood

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:16 PM ^

I’ve watched the games alone for most of the last 8 years.  But now that my 15 year old son has developed the winged-helmet itch, I watch with him and am passing on the generational trauma and rage. 

Joined: 10/24/2020

MGoPoints: 21653

The Mad Hatter

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:17 PM ^

You didn't even throw the phone? I couldn't count how many I've broken over the years. And you didn't actually swear?

Your "friend" sounds like a big girls blouse. Next time give him a smack, since he was asking so nicely for one.

Joined: 02/17/2015

MGoPoints: 112109

umfan83

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:19 PM ^

I have this plan when Michigan games frustrate me. If I get to the point where I’m yelling about things that happen, I stop watching on my TV go into my office and watch on my computer monitor. If things get worse and I can’t control my frustration, I excuse myself to my bedroom and watch the game on my phone until things get better. 
 

The only game I had to do this in this year before TCU was the Penn State game. The Clifford run brought me to the office, the pick 6 to my room. I came back to the TV at halftime and enjoyed the rest of the game. 
 

On Saturday I went into the office after the first pick 6, and my room after the fumble at the goal line. I remained there for the rest of the game. But at least I didn’t make a fool of myself in front of my kids lol. 
 

people have different ways of processing sporting event emotions. As long as you are not striking people in anger or damaging things, I think anything is fine if it helps cope

Joined: 03/10/2012

MGoPoints: 8466

Sam1863

January 4th, 2023 at 5:23 AM ^

As a fellow maniac, I learned long ago: during big games like this, I should not be allowed in the company of nice people.

New Year's Eve, 1997, we hosted a party for several couples, who were invited to spend the night and have the NYE festivities run into the next day. It was full of unhealthy delicious food, mimosas & other alcoholic beverages, and a great deal of merriment. A great time.

Then the Rose Bowl began, and we filed into the basement rumpus room to watch. And the tension and magnitude of the game began to erode the socially pleasant facade I was wearing, and reveal the maniac within. After my second blurted "fuck!!" I excused myself, climbed the stairs two floors to the bedroom, closed the door, and turned on the bedroom TV. If I was going to dissolve into a puddle of panic and profanity (and I was, that was a given), then I wanted privacy.

Except within 15 minutes, four of our guests came into the room to watch: not the game so much, but my conversion into a Maize & Blue Mr. Hyde. Three of them said that my meltdown was more entertaining than the game, while the fourth was afraid I was going to stroke out, and had his cell in hand, ready to call 911.

Of course, the game had a happy ending, and my smile and blood pressure returned to normal. But 25 years later, I still get reminded of that day by these people - especially the things I was screaming at Ryan Leaf, and my claim of his unnatural relationship with his mother.

Since then, the only company I have during games like this is the MGoGirlfriend. Her only rule is that I have a towel in my hand to scream into, to muffle my rage and keep the neighbors from thinking that murder in being committed. This usually works, except for moments of extreme stupidity - like being first-and-goal from the 1-foot-line and trying a quick handoff to a converted linebacker, instead of just running a push-the-pile QB sneak like you should have, you idiots.

At those Maize Rage-aholic moments, there isn't a towel big enough.

Joined: 04/27/2014

MGoPoints: 28893

Blueisgood

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:21 PM ^

Michigan football is the only thing I lose my shit over. Screaming at the TV and cursing loudly is about as far as it goes, but I've definitely wanted to throw shit through the TV. I'm not the only one in the family that gets that way, and I let people know I might flip the F out beforehand. After I give the heads-up, the decision to watch with me is on them. It's not healthy to hold that crap in.

Joined: 09/21/2009

MGoPoints: 2921

uminks

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:23 PM ^

My rage really came out during the playoff game. I was in a naughty bad word yelling mode almost the entire game. At the coaches for dumb plays, at JJ for 2 six picks and the fumbled handoff. I felt better during the 3rd quarter comeback only 2 go in another rage after the failed blitz long TD to about wrap up the game. But then I got mad again when Harbaugh failed in clock management. I was pissed we could not get 3 and out after we closed the gap to 5. And that last drive was pathetic. Then I went bat shit crazy when the refs turned down the obvious targeting call. And TCU OL did a lot of damn holding throughout the game that was never called. I think it was the most hostile I was during a game, because this was Michigan's best chance to reach the finals and they blew it. Oh well, wait til next year with a new coach I suppose.

Joined: 11/10/2009

MGoPoints: 32049

Colt Burgess

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:32 PM ^

I yell and scream at the tv, though not nearly as badly as I did as a teenager. I never watch a big game (OSU, bowl game) in the presence of others. That way I don't have to deal with anyone telling me to settle down or take it easy. I will act like a lunatic, and no one can tell me otherwise. 

Joined: 02/20/2021

MGoPoints: 12994

bluewave720

January 4th, 2023 at 9:45 AM ^

Good call. 
we had a trip planned to drive to Florida for this holiday. I was in the car riding shotgun and watching on the phone while my wife drove. I only yelled 3 times, and they were all just random noises. 
She still got frustrated and said I needed to chill out, it’s just a game. 
I’ve explained over 16 years of marriage, saying those things are literally the worst thing to say in that situation. 

Joined: 07/17/2009

MGoPoints: 6565

Rendezvous

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:26 PM ^

I was visiting my elderly parents for the game Saturday. They don't drink or swear, so I couldn't do those things either. I kept going to the kitchen to look for food to fix and/or eat. I may have gained three pounds in three hours. But I didn't embarass myself. 

Joined: 03/29/2019

MGoPoints: 3519

Bo Harbaugh

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:26 PM ^

Totally acceptable

On a scale of 100, I'd say keep your rage in a range of 23-45 and it's fine. 

If you want to raise the floor a bit and cap the ceiling, a range of 27-42 is fine as well.

Key is to give yourself a nice range in which to rage without going too far.  Don't even think about hanging 100 on your rage scale.

Joined: 08/03/2019

MGoPoints: 38619

mgobleu

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:26 PM ^

I threw open the front door and screamed my lungs out into the neighborhood after Blake O’Neill had “trouble with the snap”. I turned back in the house to see my kids looking at me. They had never seen an outburst like that from me. My wife didn’t say anything but I could tell she was quite thoroughly less-than-impressed. I was ashamed.

That was the moment I rethought my fandom. I had followed this blog since its infancy, read every post, hung on every new recruit, tracked flights of prospective coaches. I was at The Horror, Toledo. I was in the stands watching Bert’s badgers bludgeon our D line with the same play something like 11 times in a row as Gerg and his beaver looked on, helpless. I’ve had my fan heart ripped out by this team more times than I can count and it finally bubbled over that night. That’s when I decided I wasn’t going to let it hurt me anymore. 

I still follow the recruits, I celebrate the wins, the traditions. I buy the gear, I tease my wife’s buckeye friends. I just don’t let it affect me so negatively, and I think it’s made me appreciate it more.

I was still frustrated and disappointed Saturday night, but I watched the game with my son and we even shared a few laughs, despite the turnovers and missed tackles. Even in the loss and the end of the season, we enjoyed watching our team. 

I’m not trying to be high and mighty, but I suggest that if Michigan football fills you with rage, I’ll understand you, but I hope you’ll reconsider what it means to you. Very few things are worth a violent anger; a football team isn’t one of them. 

 

Joined: 07/02/2008

MGoPoints: 38428

BlockM

January 3rd, 2023 at 11:10 PM ^

"Touch grass" is a trite way to put it but it's actually pretty spot on. Going outside or doing something else makes all the difference for me. Take a walk, read a book, whatever.

Heading to the internet is probably the worst possible thing for me after a frustrating loss.

Joined: 07/03/2008

MGoPoints: 40727

mb121wl

January 3rd, 2023 at 11:24 PM ^

It's not a "switch" so much as it is a matter of getting yourself into the right frame of mind even before the game begins.  It's taken me years to get more "Zen" about the whole experience--from the days of letting a wall destroy my TV remote to "sitting with" my pain and anger.  Even now I will simply stop watching the game if it begins to bother me (I check the score occasionally and turn it back on if we've regained the lead).  I repeat the mantra that football was only one element in my college experience; that I didn't play at Michigan (and couldn't have); that I had little in common with the players when I was there and have less (owing to age, dstance, and experience) now; that everything else in my world remains unchanged and I don't need Michigan winning to make my life complete; that in a couple of days--at most, a week or two--a loss (like a win) will be just another (rapidly receding memory); and, above all, that it won't be long before I don't have to concern myself with Michigan football at all--or anything else, for that matter. 

So, turn off the TV;  allow yourself to feel the pain and disappointment, but merely "observe" your frustration and anger;  breathe in deeply, exhale and blow them away from you;  watch as they melt into nothingness.    

Joined: 11/29/2014

MGoPoints: 219

mgobleu

January 3rd, 2023 at 11:57 PM ^

I don’t know exactly how everyone does it; it sounds cliché, but for me it’s just kinda like opening up your hand and letting it go.

It’s a big part of a lot of people’s lives so it’s scary to let go of something you love, but eventually you realize it’s not going anywhere. It’s just your relationship with it changes.

The good’s still good, and the bad’s still kinda bad, but it’s going to be what it’s going to be no matter what you do. The only choice you have in the matter is how you react to it. So you can get enraged and throw things, but TCU still wins and now you have a hole in the wall and a busted whatever-it-was that you threw at it. 

My son did a little bit of the angry fan thing, and had a whole lot of excuses and arguments about why “We really won”, and “TCU doesn’t deserve it”, but he also watched his dad have a good time and stay human even though his team didn’t win, and maybe that’s more important than a win.

Joined: 07/02/2008

MGoPoints: 38428

S5R48S10

January 4th, 2023 at 7:23 AM ^

The night of the TCU game was an extreme example of me reigning in my fandom.  That was a super frustrating game with stakes as high as they can get... and I was watching it with friends at my sister's NYE party. My heart was pumping but kickoff was at 4, the game ended by 8...and I was supposed to party until 2 am.  How am I going to have fun for 6 more hours if I let the football team destroy my emotions?  You have to decide what you want from a game and manage yourself, and that starts before the game.

 

But you want a switch?  As others have said... embarrass your SO, or worse, scare your child.  That puts shit in perspective quickly.

Joined: 11/17/2011

MGoPoints: 1629

RobM_24

January 3rd, 2023 at 10:55 PM ^

I was in my hot tub watching the end of that game, and fireworks started going off in the subdivision as that kick sailed wide. My 11 year old nephew was like "holy crap, a lot of people wanted Ohio State to lose". I never told him that it was midnight on NYE. I'll let him believe that there are that many people in rural Indiana who hate the Buckeyes as much as us, lol. 

Joined: 01/27/2014

MGoPoints: 63637